Jaz 4 Laff "Pinoy Grinjuk"
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Posted:Feb 29, 2008 8:03 pm
Last Updated:Nov 21, 2010 11:35 pm 2997 Views
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IBANG POSISYON:
Husband: Shall we try a different position tonight?
Wife: That's a good idea dear!... doon ka sa may plantsahan at ako naman ang uupo sa sofa at manoood ng tv.
PINOY INGENUITY?
A Filipino doctor has introduced the use of a device that enlarges a man's sex organ by up to 5 times with no side effects. It is called a magnifying glass.
VIBRATING CELLPHONE:
Mrs: Bilis! Nahulog cellphone ko sa loob ng panty ko, "nagbavibrate."
Mr: E, anong gagawin ko? Dudukutin ko ba sa loob ng panty mo?
Mrs: Gago! Kunin mo yung charger, baka ma-low batt!
REGALO:
Mare: Di yata nagustuhan ni Pare ang birthday gift mo, ah...
Mrs: Oo nga, 7 months na, di pa rin ginagamit.
Mare: Bakit, ano ba regalo mo sa kanya?
Mrs: Memorial Plan.
KRIMINAL:
KRIMINAL 1: "Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yung papatayin natin?"
KRIMINAL 2: "Oo, nagtataka nga ako, 1 oras na tayo dito, wala parin siya! Sana naman walang nangyaring masama sa kanya...
SI GINO:
LOLO: Gino, paabot nga ng kape ko.
APO: 'lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Gino, paabot nga ng kutchara.
APO: 'lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Punyeta ka, Gino! Tigil-tigilan mo yang kabaklaan mo!
TUTPIK:
Kustomer: Ano ba naman itong tutpik nyo, iisa na nga lang, ang dali pang mabali!
Waiter (inis): Alam nyo, sir, ang dami nang gumamit nyan, pero kayo lang nakabali!
CONFIDENT VS CONFIDENTIAL:
Anak: Itay, ano ang kaibahan ng confident sa confidential?
Itay: Anak kita, CONFIDENT ako dyan. Yung bespren mong si Tikboy, anak ko rin, CONFIDENTIAL yan.
FIRST LOVE NEVER DIES:
Anak: Inay, totoo ba na "First love never dies"?
Nanay: Aba, oo. Tignan mo yang tatay mo, hangga ngayon, buhay pa ang animal!
SUKO SA MISTER:
Mrs 1: Suko na ako sa mister ko, lagi na lang ako binubugbog bago niroromansa...
Mrs 2: Mas grabe yung mister ko. Binubugbog ako tapos si Inday ang niroromansa.
PAGOD DAW.....
Mrs: Ano ba? Two days na tayong kasal, 'la pa rin.
Mr: Kasi pagod ako.
Mrs: Sige ka, pag ayaw mo, maghahanap ako ng lalaki.
Mr: Sige, gawin mong dalawa, tig isa tayo!
PARI AT MADRE:
Pari: Sister, ikaw ba ang nasa CR? Kukunin ko lang toothbrush ko...
Sister: Sandali, naka-panty lang ako.
Pari: Ok, antay ako.
Sister: Pasok na, wala na akong panty!
ESTUDYANTE:
Bugaw: Sir, Chicks P1,500, estudiante!
Man: Ganun ba? Hanapan mo ako ng mga P1,000 lang pero mas magaling pa sa estudiante.
Bugaw: Meron din, sir. Ang PRINCIPAL, okey yun!
AFTER THE WEDDING:
Husband: Sinungaling ka, sabi mo virgin ka! Bakit kagabi maluwag na!
Wife: Ulol ka! Dahil lasing ka, katabi mo kagabi si mama!
PAMBOBOSO:
Anak: Inay, sinisilip ng kaklase ko 'yung panty ko!
Inay: Bastos 'yun ah! Ano'ng ginawa mo?
Anak: Hinubad ko at itinago ko 'yung panty, para 'di nya makita!
PROMOTION:
Judge: Ikaw na naman! Sampung taon ka nang humaharap sa korte ko ah!
Swindler: Your Honor, di ko kasalanan kung hindi po kayo ma-promote.
AMPON:
Anak: 'Nay, tinutukso po ako ng kalaro ko na anak ako sa labas!
Nanay: Hindi totoo 'yan, anak. Ang sabihin mo sa kanila, ampon ka!
ANG SULAT:
Patient: Dok, malungkot dito sa mental kaya naisipan kong sulatan ang sarili ko...
Doc: E ano naman ang laman ng sulat mo?
Patient: Di ko pa po alam kasi next wik ko pa ata matatangap...
LIIT NAMAN:
Wife: Honey... bili mo naman ako ng bra...
Husband: Hon.. wag ka nang magbra...liit naman dede mo e..
Wife: E ba't ikaw, naka-brief!?
DOWNY:
GIRL: Ang puti naman ng bird mo...
BOY: Aba, syempre ah! Likas papaya ata gamit ko diyan!
GIRL: Ginagamitan mo rin ba ng Downy?
BOY: Baket? Bango ba?
GIRL: Lambot eh!!!
HIDE AND SEEK:
GIRL: Hide and seek tayo. If you find me, papayag akong makipag-sex sa 'yo...
BOY: Eh, kung di kita makita?
GIRL: Nasa likod lang ako ng piano...
MADRE:
dalawang madre nirereyp ng goons....
Madre 1: Jusko, patawarin mo po sila...hindi nila nalalaman ang kanilang ginagawa!
Madre2: Ay, yung sa akin marunong!!!!
SUSPEK:
ATTY: Inday, pwede mo bang idiskrayb dito sa korte ang taong nangreype sa 'yo?
INDAY: Maitim, panot, tagyawatin, pango ilong, at bungal...
SUSPEK: Sige...mang-asar ka pa!!!!
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Jaz 4 Laff "Have fun"
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Posted:Feb 29, 2008 7:35 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2024 8:17 am 2772 Views
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 ubject: FW: joke time!
(kung nasa internet cafe ka)
Pigilan ang sarili sa paghalakhal...baka anong isipin nila !
Babae: Doc, kumusta na ang asawa ko?
Doc: Sorry ma'am. Mula ngayon, ikaw na ang magpapakain at
magpapaligo sa kanya, kasi, putol na ang kanyang mga kamay at paa.
Babae: Hah?! Hindi nga?!
Doc: Hehehe! Ninerbyos ka ano? Joke lang! Patay na sya!
**********************************************************************
Amo: Inday, titira dito ang biyenan ko ng 3 buwan. Ito ang listahan
ng mga favorite nyang pagkain.
Maid: Opo, sir.
Amo: Kapag may niluto ka dyan, lagot ka sa akin!
**********************************************************************
Mrs: Naniniwala ka ba na ang babae habang tumatanda ay gumaganda?
Mr: Oo naman.
Mrs: Sa tingin mo, gumaganda ba ako?
Mr: Sa tingin ko, hindi ka tumatanda.
*************************************************************************
Juan: Inay, si Pedro, hindi ako pinagkape sa burol ng tatay nya.
Nanay: Hayaan mo anak, kapag namatay ang tatay mo, hindi rin natin
sya pagkakapehin.
***********************************************************************
: Itay, pinagalitan ako ng titser ko!
Dad: Bakit?
: Hinalikan ko po ang seatmate ko.
Dad: Tong anak ko, manang mana. Hehehe. Eh, masarap ba?
: Opo, pogi po sya eh.
*************************************************************************
Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you
control your anger?
Wife: I clean the toilet bowl.
Husband: How does that help?
Wife: I use your toothbrush.
***********************************************************************
Tatay: Asensado na talaga ang anak natin sa US . Ito, nagpadala ng
picture, nakasandal sa kotse. Basahin mo nga ang nakasulat sa likod.
Nanay: Inay, nagpapasalamat ako, kasi, kung hindi dahil sa kotse na
ito, natumba na ako sa sobrang gutom.
***********************************************************************
Reporter: Sir, do you watch CNN?
Pinoy: Walang oras.
R: Do you read books?
P: Walang oras.
R: Do you play golf?
P: Walang oras.
R: Do you drink wine or liquor?
P: Walong oras!
************************************************************
Husband: Hindi ako makatulog, lagi kong naiisip ang utang ko kay
pare na dalawang milyong piso.
Wife: Tawagan mo si pare, sabihin mo, hindi ka makakabayad para sya
naman ang hindi makatulog.
*****************************************************************************
GMA: Ano bang hinahanap mo dyan sa 3 in 1 coffee mo at kanina ka pa
silip nang silip dyan?
Erap: Hinahanap ko yung libreng asukal! May nakasulat kasi na
"Sugarfree."
GMA: Bobo! Banda yun!
******************************************************************************
Bitoy: Dagul, bakit ang pandak mo?
Dagul: Kasi, bata pa lang ako, ulila na ako.
Bitoy: Anong kaugnayan nun sa pagiging pandak mo?
Dagul: Sira pala ulo mo! Wala ngang nagpalaki sa akin!
****************************************************************************
An alcoholic wrote a letter...
Beer dad, Gin na ako iinom ulit, Whisky kelan.
Tanduay mo yan, tiTequilan ko na talaga, pRhumis po!
Your San, Miguel.
********************************************************************************
Nakatakas si Erap, FVR at GMA sa mga terorista at nagtago sa mga
sako sa isang farm.
Terorista1: Anong nakita mo dyan?
Terorista2: Mga sako lang.
Terorista1: Tingnan mo ang laman! Sinipa ng terorista ang unang
sako, "Meow", sabi ni FVR!
Terorista2: Pusa! Sinipa ang pangalawang sako, "Aw aw!" sabi ni GMA!
Terorista2: Aso! Sinipa ang ikatlong sako... Walang tunog kaya
sinipa uli ito nang sinipa ng terorista. Dahil sa sakit ng sipa, napasigaw
na si Erap. "Patatas!"
************************************************************************************
Tindero: Hoy, bili ka gatas ng baka? P10 piso lang isang baso.
Manong: Ang mahal naman, may tig piso lang nyan?
indero: Meron po, pero kayo na po ang dumede sa baka.
***********************************************************************************
Pasyente: Dok, bakit po ganito ang operasyon sa ulo ko? Halos kita
na utak ko.
Doctor: Ok lang yan, yan ang tinatawag na open minded.
**********************************************************************************
A naked girl rode on a taxi:
"Bakit" asked the girl at the driver na nakatitig sa katawan nya
"Ngayonka lang ba nakakita ng hubad?"
Driver: "Hindi po miss, iniisip ko lang kung saan nakatago pamasahe
mo".
***********************************************************************************
Wife shouting.... . "Honey magimpake ka na, nanalo ako sa lotto".
Husband: "Wow, anong dadalhin ko?"
Wife: "Wala akong pakialam basta lumayas ka na".
***********************************************************************************
Beauty contest.....
Emcee: What's the big problem facing the country today?
Contestant: Drugs.
Emcee: Very good, why do you say that?
Contestant: Ang mahal kasi eh!
***********************************************************************************
Amo: Bakit ka umiiyak?
Katulong: Sabi po ni dok tatanggalan po ako ng butlig
Amo: Butlig lang iiyak ka na...
Katulong: Kasi ok lang kung right lig or left lig lang po pero bakit
naman butligs pa.....wah wah wah
*********************************************************************************
Doc: For your health take only a cup of rice, lean meat and a saucer
of kangkong. Fruits for dessert and lots of juice.
Fat guy: Doc, shall I take them before or after meals?
*********************************************************************************
Guro: Sino si Jose Rizal?
Juan: 'Di ko po kilala.
Ikaw, Pepe, sino si Jose Rizal?
Pepe: Di ko rin po kilala.
Guro: Di niyo kilala si Jose Rizal?!
Pedro: Ma'm, baka po sa kabilang section siya!
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Jaz 4 Laff "Famouz Linez"
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Posted:Feb 29, 2008 7:29 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2024 8:17 am 2787 Views
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Famous Lines
"pinapaikot mo lang ako, nagsasawa na ako. Mabuti pang patayin mo nalang ako"
-electric fan
"hindi lahat ng walang salawal ay bastos"
-winnie d' pooh
"Alam mo ba wala akong ibang hinangad kundi ang mapalapit sa yo. pero patuloy ang pag-iwas mo"
-ipis
"Hala! sige magpakasasa ka! Alam ko namang katawan ko lang ang habol mo."
-hipon
"Ayoko na! pag nagmamahal ako lagi na lang maraming tao ang nagagalit! Wala ba akong karapatang magmahal?!?"
-gasolina
"Hindi lahat ng green ay masustansya. "
-plema
"Hindi ko hinahangad na ipagmalaki mo na ako'y sayo ayoko ko lang naman na sa harap ng maraming tao ganun mo na lang ako itanggi.."
-utot
"Ginawa ko naman lahat para sumaya ka mahirap ba talagang makontento sa isa? bakit palipat-lipat ka?
-TV
"hindi lahat ng maasim may vitamin c"
-kili kili
Sige, batihin mo ako.... Sigeee.....BATEEEEE E!!!!!!!!
-omelette
pilitin mo man na alisin ako sa buhay mo, babalik at babalik ako!
-libag
"wag mo na akong bilugin.."
-kulangot
Paano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sa iyo?
-Lego
"hindi lahat ng dugo puedeng idonate"
-regla
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I.Q. TEST
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Posted:Jan 20, 2008 9:31 pm
Last Updated:Nov 21, 2010 11:36 pm 3203 Views
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THE SEARCH FOR THE MISSING PESO:
May nakita kang T-shirt worth P97.00. Dahil wala kang cash nanghiram ka sa Mom mo ng P50 at P50 din sa Dad mo. So may P100 ka na.. Since P97 lang yung shirt, may change ka pang P3.
Binalik mo yung P1 sa Mom mo at P1 sa Dad mo tapos yung P1 sayo. Edi may utang ka na lang na P49 sa Mom mo at P49 sa Dad mo.
Here's the I.Q. test :
P49 + P49 = P98 + P1 na nasayo = P99.
'di ba dapat P100? Nasaan ang P1?
Think About iT!...?
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BirthMonths and Meanings
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Posted:Jan 20, 2008 8:53 pm
Last Updated:Nov 21, 2010 11:37 pm 2952 Views
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January :Seloso;Habulin ng Girl/Boy;Mahirap Iwan
February: Mahirap Mahalin;Moody; Katok
March : Sweet;May konting arte;
April : Pasaway;Makutli; Yabang
May : Honest;Minsan nangangaliwa
June : Lover; User
July : Stick to One; Sextrip
August : Mahilig sa Sex pero Loyal
September:Takot Magmahal at Masaktan;Simpleng
Malibog
October :Hindi kontento sa Isa;Bolero
November :Serious;Bossy; Mainit sa kama
December :Mapagmahal; Two timer;Malibog
Batubato sa langit, tamaan hwag magalit. Tama ba yung sa iyo? 
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Wanna See Ur HOROSCOPE???
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Posted:Jan 9, 2008 3:38 pm
Last Updated:Nov 21, 2010 11:38 pm 2670 Views
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Once you have opened this POST, there's no turning back. Below are true
> descriptions of zodiac signs. Read your sign, then forward it on, with your
> zodiac sign and label on the subject line. This is the real deal, try
> ignoring or changing it, and the first thing you'll notice is having a
> horrible day starting tomorrow morning - and it only gets worse from there.
>
>
>
> VIRGO - The Perfectionist
> Dominant in relationships. Conservative. Always wants the last word.
> Argumentative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager.
> Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to. Hard to please. Harsh.
> Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic.
> 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
>
>
> SCORPIO - The Intense One
> Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive. Hardworking.
> Great kisser. Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges. Attractive.
> Determined. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Can be
> self-centered at times. Passionate and Emotional.
> 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
>
>
> LIBRA - The Harmonizer
> Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique
> appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful,
> generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily.
> Procrastinators. Very gullible.
> 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
>
>
> ARIES - TheDaredevil
> Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic. Fun.
> Loves a challenge. EXTREMELY impatient. Sometimes selfish. Short fuse.
> (easily angered.) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit. Outgoing. Lose
> interest quickly - easily bored. Egotistical. Courageous and assertive.
> Tends to be physical and athletic.
> 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
>
>
> AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart
> Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and
> intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit
> rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique. Attractive on the
> inside and out. Eccentric personality.
> 11 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
>
>
> GEMINI - The Chatterbox
> Smart and witty. Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable but
> needs to express themselves. Argumentative and outspoken. Likes change.
> Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May seem superficial
> or inconsistent, But is only changeable. Beautiful physically and mentally.
> 5 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
>
>
> LEO - The Boss
> Very organized. Need order in their lives - like being in control. Like
> boundaries. Tend to take over everything. Bossy. Like to help others.
> Social and outgoing. Extroverted. Generous, warm-hearted. Sensitive.
> Creative energy. Full of themselves. Loving. D oing the right thing is
> important to Leos. Attractive.
> 13 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
>
>
> CANCER - The Protector
> Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring. Pretty/handsome.
> Excellent partners for life. Protective. Inventive and imaginative.
> Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from others. Easily hurt,
> but sympathetic.
> 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
>
>
> PISCES - The Dreamer
> Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative. May become
> secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don't like details. Dreamy and unrealistic.
> Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish. Good kisser. Beautiful.
> 8 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
>
>
> CAPRICORN - The Go-Getter
> Patient and wise. Practical and rigid. Ambitious. Tends to be good-looking.
> Humorous and funny. Can be a bit shy and reserved. Often pessimists.
> Capricorns tend to act before they think and can be unfriendl y at times.
> Hold grudges. Like competition. Get what they want.
> 20 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
>
>
> TAURUS - The Enduring One
> Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard
> workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings who are stable
> and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their
> beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice.
> Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally.
> Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often.
> Very generous.
> 12 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
>
>
> SAGITTARIUS - The Happy-Go-Lucky One
> Good-natured optimist. Doesn't want to grow up (Peter Pan Syndrome).
> Indulges self. Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling. Social and outgoing.
> Doesn't like responsibilities. Often fantasizes. Impatient. Fun to be
> around. Having lots of friends. Flirtatious. Doesn't like rules. Sometimes
> hypocritical. Dislikes being confined - tight spaces or even tight clothes.
> Doesn't like being doubted. Beautiful inside and out.
> 14 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
>
>
> ~Send away!!~ ready ........ set......... ... GO!
> 1-3 people= 1 minute of luck
> 4-7 people= 1 hour of luck
> 8-12 people = 1day of luck
> 13-17 people = 1 week of luck
> 18-22 people = 1month of luck
> 23-27 people = 3 months of luck
> 28-32 people = 7months of luck
> 33-37 people = 1year of luck
> 38 and more = a very lucky life!
>
>  
>  
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