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drunken_angel 38F
455 posts
6/9/2005 4:24 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:28 pm

Time heal all wounds

Last weekend I got a text message from my ex Joey, accusing me of being apathetic and not seeming to care anymore. I did not reply.

One of the lessons I've learned throughout the two years and four months I've had with my ex, is the value of prudence and tact. And choosing ignore the accusation has indeed proven to be the right choice.

I've had enough of being hurt and feeling sorry for myself. During those two years and four months, there'd been a lot of fighting, disloyalty, broken trusts, and infdelity. All taking a great toll on me. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Socially.

I've placed my ex on a pedestal way above my other priorities in life including school, my parents and myself. There were a lot of signs that the relationship wasn't working anymore but I chose to ignore those signs. A lot of hurt came my way but I just thought that things will become better and that my ex would soon realize what was happening and eventually would change or do something. But I guess I was hoping a pot of gold a the end of the rainbow. What hurt even more was that I was always there to make work things out. But everytime that we would decide to fix the relationship, it would always end up with me doing the fixing alone.

I've grown tired it. I realized how much I've neglected my other priorities because of my ex. I was ashamed of myself for taking my parents for granted, for taking my nephew and niece's future for granted, for taking my own life for granted. I've given so much. I never wanted anything in return. My love had always been, is always, will always be unconditional. But in return for that love, I got pain. I never asked for anything in return, but I never wanted to get hurt either.

No, I do not regret having gone through that experience. I learned a lot from it. I fell and I 've risen. I was blinded by love. I was betrayed.

It may be that my ex has changed. But it I cannot risk getting hurt once again. I'm not saying that our paths will never cross again. Maybe in the future they will. But for now, my priorities are clear. My family above all. And then myself.

I just realized how could I ever bring happiness to anyone when I myself could not be happy. How could I love anyone when I could not even begin to love myself? No, it has nothing to do with selfishness. It's just a realization that love and happiness come from within. That in order for us to share this love and happiness, we should feel them first and share love and happiness with our own selves.

I may have closed my doors for my ex. But they remain unlocked. My ex could always knock again. But don't be disappointed if I couldn't answer for now.

Julia Fordham said that "time heals all wounds." True. And Mariah said "love takes time to heal when you're hurting so much."

It may take some time before I start falling in love again after Joey and Tyler. I'm not in a hurry this time. For now, I have my family beside me.


drunken_angel 38F
430 posts
6/10/2005 1:32 am

Thank you Jen....I miss you too.. I will response to you private message later on ha.. have to go, coz I have a date pa eh.. ahahahha...


drunken_angel 38F
430 posts
6/10/2005 1:33 am

Mike.. don't worry.. I have nothing against with your comment here...


drunken_angel 38F
430 posts
6/11/2005 3:04 pm

who's next?


drunken_angel 38F
430 posts
6/11/2005 3:04 pm

why it took two years and 4 mos? I am monogamist