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Rant day! I was suppose to post it last monday then again, I forgot that I have written this blog... rant day! Bad monday. Let me vent it out. There is always pride in being first. There’s a distinct tilt of the head, a certain strut, a recognizable smile that can be observed, even envied. I absolutely love being first, the thrill of the chase and then the adrenaline rush moments before triumph. After awhile, I figured I like staying on top better. Up until the last quarter of 2004, I have been single, content, happy and have been in that state for 9 months or so. I do not claim to have led a monastic life. It was hella good. At one point you can call me commitmentphobic. Somewhat. Call me cocky, but I believed that if whoever I was seeing goes away, then, there will be another. I can only be who I am. I have sins. I may not go to Church, or believe in everything they preach but it doesn’t mean that those who do are less sinful. Call me selfish. You get what you give. You give what you get. Either or, I never really took without giving. And then I met him. Someone so different from me, yet I could not stay away. The party lights dimmed, somewhat.My glamorous single life was slowly losing its appeal. Suddenly, it had to be him. Not some charming ultragorgeous older guy, not one of the dangerously safe men. Yes, it must be love. It is. I am so damn happy. We go through hard times, admittedly, mainly because of our disparities as individuals, but the love between us has always been in questions. We have talked about our firsts, lasts, present, future and yes, the past. There are things and places that I do not wish to step on, which is precisely why I pushed the stop button when he was giving me the 101 about old flames. I know he would have given me more information, but I saw no need to. All I really needed was the basics, which I got. Now, why didn’t I pounce on some juicy details? They had something. And it is theirs. I do not wish to intrude on it.I want them to have it. I am secure enough not to want to be in his every memory. I respect their past and what they shared. I have been someone else’s former, and I wish I am given the respect I have accorded them and what we used to have. I always try to put myself in others' shoes. The thing is, I’m not throwing any stones. I do not see the need to. Why should I bother when I’m busy trying to conceal my the-cat-who-ate-the-canary grin? I’m not bluffing when I say I have a royal flush in my hands. I am being as considerate and just as I can be. But if barbs are sent my way, well, dare me.  Who knows? I just might oblige. Call me a b.i.a.t.c.h.... But do not make the mistake of calling me a s.l.u.t. There is pride in being first,let us remember,however, that in love, in true love, firsts do not really matter, whether one is the first or the 7 billionth, for it is everyone’s goal, everyone’s fervent wish to be the significant other’s last. I hope it doesn’t get to be a bad week.. 
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