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drunken_angel 33F
411 posts
5/3/2005 1:14 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:28 pm

How do you say goodbye?


Dear Tyler,

It's May 03, and today I am at the point of my life when I finally overcome the hurtful feelings. That time of my life when I have finally put an end to what are the reasons behind my lost soul. I am growing older, but I am still not old enough. Nothing's enough for a 19 year old, and do tell... You've been there before.

I know that what happened between us wasn't supposed to happen. But it did, and unfortunately, we're not really sure whether or not it's right to hold on or let go. Sometimes the temptation to leave you there was there, but I couldn't. I may be angry, to a certain degree, but I can't bring myself to hurt anybody other than myself.

I don't write this as someone who wants to win you back, because heaven help me I want to but now is not the time to target wounds while they're still fresh. I know... for the past three weeks I've been doing exactly that, and I brought myself the kind of pain I shouldn't be enduring for anyone, especially people who hurt me.

What hurts me even more is the fact that you just gone and never even said goodbye in a proper way. You just left without a single word, nor a short explanation of what's going on? what's on your mind? and how do you want "US" to be. But, like the wind that blown my hair and my tears, your'e gone.

You don't know what love is anymore, and you want to be naive from this point forward. I guess you don't know who you are anymore, I guess your'e still wondering and questioning yourself of what do you want to do with your life with a non sense relationship.

Let me remind you of who you are: you are the sweetest, and the best thing ever happened to me. The guy I fell in love with, madly inlove with, if I could choose to go back from the day when we met, I could have done things that won't let you go anywhere other than beside me, with me.... Let me remind you of what love is: love is an experience, it's not definable. And as far as being naive goes, naivete breeds hate. And when people hate, they hurt each other. And when you started to hate, I felt the pain... until I couldn't take it anymore and I just broke down. I couldn't take it anymore, but I held on.

Whatever happened is a thing of the past to me. In a Nietzschean sense, what does not kill you only makes you stronger. But then again, burning questions start to plague me from everywhere: do I deserve you? Can you look into my eyes after what you have done?

Probably, probably not. But could I still love you? That's the funny part: I can, I do, and I have. Love is unconditional. Even when the people around us told me that I was a pathetic idiot for having to remedy a situation I didn't have anything to do with, I was happy being that pathetic idiot. I loved: that's what's important. This is a test of the mettle of a person's character. And I like to think I passed. I didn't pass because of my strength, as you thought, but because I was. Just be, that's all.

The funny thing about love (as if it isn't funny in the first place) is that people hold on to the worst of reasons. Often, the worst of reasons are the best of reasons. I mean, I can only take so much, and I can only do so much, but what if I just did? Any other person would have just let you go. I didn't. I guess what they said says it all... that's love. That's all it is. No definition necessary.

My only wish for you is to be happy. Don't let other things wreck your life. Just remember that when it seems that nobody's there for you, I'm walking after you. I'm just behind you.

May

PS: Neverland never closes.

drunken_angel 33F
430 posts
5/3/2005 4:01 pm

blast219 - Twas' very touching, I know I should move on and stop crying, but how do you stop the tears from eyes? it will just flow non stop, and I can feel pain deep within and all I can do is nothing.... but I'll take your words for it... thank you!

peace out!