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an email from Mama Ivee I was checking out my email and I got this email from Mama Ivee. Here's the email : baby girl, i just want to ask you something...why do people sometimes want to give up but they can't??? I know there are reasons behind it and we have a choice (do we?)..I guess so, you know you're right about your article that sometimes we're not aware that we are making choices. Sometimes we just find it out in the end if the choices we made was right or wrong. We just thought of it after we experience the consequences of the choices we made..Does choices really has a right or wrong..good or bad?? What if the choice we made was for the good of others but your hurting yourself..is that right/good? I answered her email but wasn't sure if I really thought of it so well, but it wasn't the whole thing yet as I am not yet done explaining it so yet but here's what has came out of my mind when I answered right away. Mama Ivee, It came out as the most difficult questions that I have to answer this time. Wasn't in a good mood though but I find it really challenging and interesting, but let me see, how well my brain/mind will work. The honest answer I can give so far. To your first question : "why do people sometimes want to give up but they can't??? " You know how well I can relate to this one right? absolutely you're aware of how many times I had to tell you "I can't bear it anymore, I want to give up, I am hurting" but then again.. for how many times I decided to give up, I just can't... why do we want to give up anyway? why do I want to give up? simply because I am hurting, I am thinking that I am worthless, I am senseless, I am not special. Reasons behind giving up. But then I'll go ahead and fight and never let go.... I just can't let go of someone who I always try to hate but I am loving more, I just can't let go of the only reason why I smile every single day, I just can't let go of that someone I know will make my life more interesting, challenging, complete, colorfull, and meaningful, I just can't let go of someone I know who is not perfect but I am absolutely treating as a perfect guy, I just can't let go of the someone I know I'd love/Id be happy to offer my life for/to, I just can't let go of someone I never thought I could love more than I love myself..... I just can't. Meaning, we can't let go because we have reasons, reasons that we can not easily analyze by just thinking of/about it or rationalizing it through minds but through our feelings, with how we feel, how we felt, how much emotions we exert on it. The fact the we are loving, we have the feelings, the intensity of what we call "so much love" is stopping me from giving up instead it gave me the courage, the faith, the beliefs of "Things will work" otherwise, we know that we are hurting, but then again we always hope and that is because we have the choices, ... on of the choices is opening our minds to the possibility of working things out, of maybe things will work... why not?, I should try?, maybe? ... I know I have not chosen a wrong guy to give out my heart for, but will things work? Do we really need to give up? Do I really need to give up? There are lots of answer I can give you but somehow, I am set for only one goal this time and I won't let just go and let my mind be diverted to some stuff which I am not pretty interested at. Every kind of situation has to come up with that question, for example, When a guy is looking for a job and all the he tried applying at, didn't accept him, will he need to give up? I'd say it is so certain of him if he says he will give up but then again he'll think do I really have to when he badly need it, when he badly wants it? Can I ask you, what is it that you think you want to give up? What are your'e reasons for giving up? for not giving up? Do you really "have" to give up? You have your own reasons, but in General our reasons was merely focus on one single thought. "We know how well we love" Should I tell you that in everything we do, there must be "no" reasons? Why? I'd like to tell you that, when we want something we should not focus on "because"... but instead "inspite of", "even if", "no matter what" ... anyhow, I won't give up "because... " I'd tell you again and again I must never give up "inspite of" the hurtful feelings it is causing me, I must never give "even if" I know it is too way impossible to keep him inlove with me. I must never give up "no matter what" he'll do that will hurt me nor how many times he'll ignore me... "Does choices really has a right or wrong..good or bad?? " a choice is a choice .... once you make it ... you accept the consequenses of that decision, choices and decisions are relative to the person making them. that's a self-negating question. That's up to the person making the decision ... as pertaining to his/her frame of mind and choices/decisions. I know it's quite short for an answer but think of it well and it's all that above answer. 'What if the choice we made was for the good of others but your hurting yourself..is that right/good?" - "bad for you ... good for them....' self-answering question." At the same time, I'd give a round of applause for choosing to do the right thing. For me what I always say " i'd rather get myself hurt for loving you"... -To be continued- |
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