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they walk amongst us!!!! 4/3/2007
I walked into a Quizno's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free". They're already buy-one-get-one-free", she
said, "so I guess they're both free". She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door.
They walk among us, and many work retail.
0 Comments, 16 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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DONT BREAK THE ELASTIC!!! Wise words..... 4/2/2007
In April, of last year, Maya Angelou was interviewed by
Oprah on her 74th birthday. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older. And,
there on television, she said it was "exciting."
Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring
every day... like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will
reach her waist, first. The audience laughed so hard they cried. She is ...
0 Comments, 13 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Desire of a Woman... 4/2/2007
Desire of a woman........In this life I'm a woman......
In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear. When
you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing
but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before
you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid.
I could deal with that, too.
When you're a girl bear, you give birth your
(who are the size of walnuts) while ...
0 Comments, 13 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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BALLERINA... 4/2/2007
A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into
a bar in London. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge,
hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at
the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But
down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his
hand down on the counter and bellowed, ...
0 Comments, 82 Views,
7 Votes
,5.08 Score
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Satan's Meeting. 4/2/2007
SATAN'S MEETING: (Read even if you're busy. Very
well written.)
Satan called a worldwide convention of demons.
In his opening address he said,
"We can't keep people from going to pray."
"We can't keep them from reading their holy books
and knowing the truth."
"We can't even keep them from forming an intimate
relationship with their GOD."
"Once they gain that ...
0 Comments, 15 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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"what every kiss means" 4/1/2007
Kiss on the stomach = Im ready
~Kiss on the Forehead ="i hope we're together forever"
~Kiss on the Ear = Your my everything
~Kiss on the Cheek = "We're friends"
~Kiss on the Hand = "I adore you"
~Kiss on the Neck = "we belong together"
~Kiss on the Shoulder = "I want you"
~Kiss on the Lips = I love you"
What the gesture means...
~Holding Hands = ...
2 Comments, 66 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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Golf Balls 3/31/2007
I never like golf, so I don't know what kind or which
kind of golf ball to use.My friend invited me to go w/ her
to choose the rght ball to use..
She and I were in the golf store comparing different kinds
of golf balls...
She was unhappy w/ the woman's type she have been using...
After browsing for several minutes, we were approached
by one of the good looking gentleman who works ...
0 Comments, 53 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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LOVE 3/29/2007
IF I COULD FIND MY WAY BACK TO WHERE MY HEART WANTS TO BE OR WILL MY HEART CRACK BECAUSE I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO SEE YOU AGAIN OR WILL I FIND THE COURAGE I LACK TO FIND THE PERSON THAT I
LOVE
THOUGH IN MY HEART THERE AN EMPTY FEELING FOR MY HEART YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY LIFE HAS LOST SIGHT OF ALL MEANING OF A LOVE I CAN STILL SEE THE ONLY MISTAKE I MADE WAS THAT I WAS UNCARING FOR A LOVE
THAT ...
0 Comments, 16 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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God and The Biker 3/26/2007
A biker was riding on a highway along a California beach
when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming
voice, the Lord said: "Because you have tried to be
faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you ONE wish."
The biker pulled over and said: "Build a bridge to
Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think
of ...
0 Comments, 23 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
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IN love 3/24/2007
I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything
other than real, unconditional love. You can find it in
a simple act of kindness toward someone who needs help.
There is no mistaking love. You feel it in your heart. It
is the common fiber of life, the flame of that heats our soul,
energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives.
It is our connection to God and to each other.Among ...
1 Comments, 17 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Only in Italy 3/23/2007
Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.
An Italian police officer stops them and says:
"Itsa illegala to putta five-a people in a Quattro!"
"Vot do you mean, it's illegal?" the German
driver asks.
"Quattro means four!" the policeman answers.
"Quattro iz just ze name of ze fokken automobile"
the German shouts..."Look at ze dam paperz: ...
0 Comments, 16 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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It's Started! 3/23/2007
Santa Singh comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops
down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his
wife, 'Get me a beer before it starts.'
The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later,
he says, 'Get me another beer before it starts.'
She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down
next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later ...
0 Comments, 12 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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A young married couple 3/22/2007
A young married couple
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, mama, " she replied, "the honeymoon
was wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon
as we returned Sam started using the most horrible ...
0 Comments, 36 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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What is Physics? 3/22/2007
Physics....is the scientific study of matter and energy
and how they interact with each other. This energy can take
the form of motion, light, electricity, radiation, gravity
. . . just about anything, honestly. Physics deals with
matter on scales ranging from sub-atomic particles (i.e.
the particles that make up the atom and the particles that
make up those particles) to stars and even entire ...
0 Comments, 13 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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You are my dream 3/19/2007
Everytime I think of you, wondering if when Im I able to hold
you, touch you, feeling your sweet kisses into my lips.
I wished I can fly and take you along with me in the sky so that
I can give you a tour into my world to show you how beautiful
and colorful it is since that I found you....
0 Comments, 34 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Taegum 3/17/2007
The taegum with chunggum (medium "three bamboos
of Shilla, " as they were believed to have been first made during the Three Kingdoms period 57B.C.-668A.D.)
Also known as the chottdae, this instrument is played both
in court music and in the folk instrumental improvisational
form known as sanjo. The bamboo used in the construction
of the instrument is of two types : hwang-chuk (yellow bamboo),
and ...
0 Comments, 19 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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rednecks are good at that sensitive stuff 3/10/2007
three rednecks were working on the bell south tower.
there name are steve , bruce and jed..
steve falls off and is killed instantly.
as the ambulance takes the body away, bruce says "someone
should go and tell his wife."
jed said, "OK, i'm pretty good at that sensetive
stuff, i'll do it.."
two hours later, he came back carrying a case of budweiser..
bruce says, ...
0 Comments, 51 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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candy and nuts 3/10/2007
my friend and i were walking at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.. as we were looking at the dispaly case, the boy behind the counter asked, if we needed help.. I replied,
"no i'm just looking at ur nuts", my friend
started to laughed hyterically, and the boy grinned and i was turned beet red and walk away... never forget the look of the boy's face while ...
3 Comments, 366 Views,
14 Votes
,1.86 Score
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VOTED Best Short Joke 3/10/2007
For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
His father said, ", we'd give you one, but
the mortgage on this house is $280, 000, and your mother
just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the
front door with a suitcase. So he asked, ", where
are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I ...
1 Comments, 44 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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small head 3/3/2007
man who have a small head get in the bar and the waitress asked...
what happen to you? why you have such a small head? man relpied, " you wont believe it if i tell you"..
waitress said "try me " man replied, "i help a mermaid who washed up the shore, back
in the water.then she granted me a 3 wishes". waitress asked, " what are your wishes?" man replied, " first i wish to be a masculine man and ...
0 Comments, 76 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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Three fascinating but true stories 2/28/2007
Here are three stories from history for us to dwell upon.
The first one is the story of one of the most powerful nations that
arose from ashes to become a super power; the story of Japan. When Nagasaki
and Hiroshima were rocked by bombs, Japan got together
and brainstormed! All the key industrialists, government
officers, politicians and businessmen came together
to think collectively and ...
0 Comments, 33 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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THE WILL 2/28/2007
A wealthy man and his loved to collect rare works of art.
They had everything in their collection, from Picasso
to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works
of art.
When the Vietnam conflict broke out, the went to war.
He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing
another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only
.
About a ...
0 Comments, 19 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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HOW TO KEEP WARM. 2/27/2007
An Amish woman and her were riding in an old buggy
one cold, blustery January day.
The said to the mother, "My hands are freezing
cold."
The mother replied, "Put your hands between your
legs. The body heat will warm them up."
So the did, and her hands warmed up.
The next day, the was riding with her boyfriend,
and he said, "My hands are freezing cold."
The replied, ...
0 Comments, 30 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Teacher teach 8th Standard Students. 2/27/2007
A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day,
she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.
She said, "Let's start with the boys first."
Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."
Teacher was confused to listen but said, ...
0 Comments, 25 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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Great mail to receive on a Friday - HAVE FUN 2/26/2007
You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects
are actually either male or female.
Here are some examples:
FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything
in, but you can see right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off,
it takes a while to warm them up again.
They are an effective reproductive ...
0 Comments, 27 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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3 ACCOUNTANTS... 2/26/2007
Three accountants were standing at the urinals.
The first accountant finished and walked over to the sink
to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used paper towel and ensured that every single spot of
water on his hands was dried. Turning to the other two bankers, he said, "At Price
Waterhouse Coopers", we are tra ined to be extremely
thorough."
...
0 Comments, 24 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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GOOD ONE... 2/26/2007
A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the
first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.
Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged
into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and
poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.
"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of
this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s...!" ...
0 Comments, 17 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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Know When to Quit. 2/26/2007
guy with a 25-inch prick went to a doctor and said, "I
can't live with this anymore! It's too long."
The doctor replied, "I can't do anything for
you, but if you see the witch doctor in the bayou, she can
help you."
So, he went to the bayou and saw the witch doctor.
The witch doctor said, "Go into the swamp and you will
find a female frog there. Ask her to marry you..she'll
say ...
0 Comments, 17 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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The Top Ten Reasons 2/25/2007
The Top Ten Reasons
Men Prefer Guns Over Women
#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when
you're on the road.
#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will
probably let you try it out a few times.
#7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another
gun for a backup.
#6. Your ...
2 Comments, 44 Views,
7 Votes
,4.82 Score
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An ADULT "Whale of a tale" 2/25/2007
A whale of a tale Two whales, a male and a female, were swimming side by side
in the ocean. Suddenly, the male whale spots a ship in the
distance. He recognizes it as the whaling ship that killed
his father. Filled with anger, he says to his female companion, "That's
the ship that killed my father! Let's swim closer!"
When they were close enough, the male said, "Why don¢t
we swim under the ...
0 Comments, 30 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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