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MELANISMS 9/22/2004
Asked not so long ago what she had to say about "sex
and violence" in the
movies, a popular actress said, "Piano nga hindi
ako marunong tumugtog,
violins pa kaya?"
<br>
Hmmmmm. Witty? Yes - if she intended that "quotable"
to be so.
<br>
No, the actress "spokening" wasn't Melanie
Marquez who, like that one, is
a self-confessed Madame Malaprop.
<br>
...
0 Comments, 34 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
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PERFECT! 9/13/2004
PERFECT!
<br>
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After
a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their
life together was, of course, perfect.
<br>
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was
driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they
noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being
the perfect couple, they ...
0 Comments, 41 Views,
55 Votes
,4.58 Score
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Medical Orders 9/12/2004
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After his check-up, the doctor called the wife into his
office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering
from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do
the following, your husband will surely die. Each morning,
fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For
lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an ...
0 Comments, 42 Views,
19 Votes
,6.16 Score
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Religious Jokes 9/12/2004
(ADAPTED)
<br>
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first
one tells her friends, "My is a Priest. Whenever
he walks into a room, everyone calls him FATHER."
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My is a Bishop.
Whenever he walks into a room, people say YOUR GRACE."
The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My is a
Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room fellows ...
0 Comments, 38 Views,
27 Votes
,7.24 Score
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IRS Genie 9/12/2004
(ADAPTED JOKE)
<br>
<br>
A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert
without water. His has already died of thirst. He's
crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed
his last breath, when all of a sudden, he sees an object sticking
out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the
object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what ...
0 Comments, 39 Views,
11 Votes
,6.16 Score
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Harry and the Teacher 9/12/2004
A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her
students. The teacher asked, "Harry what is your
problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart
for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and
I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade
too!" The teacher had enough. She took Harry to the
principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer
office, the teacher ...
0 Comments, 110 Views,
20 Votes
,7.34 Score
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Si Dan, Ang Balikbayan 9/12/2004
Dumating si Dan sa Amerika galing Bicol sa tulong ng kanyang
kumpare na may kontak sa immigration sa Pilipinas. Medyo
tagilid ang papeles kaya masyado siyang maingat, samakatuwid
TNT muna siya pansamantala. Ayaw man lang niyang lumabas
ng bahay na hindi kasama ang kanyang kumpare.Minsan nagsawa
na ang kanyang kumpare sa kaaalalay sa kanya. "Pareng
Dan", sabi ni kumpareng tinatago ang inis, ...
0 Comments, 43 Views,
28 Votes
,7.45 Score
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GETTING OUT OF THE TICKET 9/10/2004
A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate
for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was
blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided
to open her up.
<br>
As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing
red and blue lights behind him.
<br>
"There's no way they can catch a BMW, "
he thought to himself and opened ...
0 Comments, 39 Views,
11 Votes
,5.22 Score
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MEN ARE LIKE 9/10/2004
...placemats
they only show up when there's food on the table.
...mascara
they usually run at the first sign of emotion.
...bike helmets
they're good in emergencies but usually just look
silly.
...government bonds
they take so long to mature.
...copiers
you need them in reproduction but that's about it.
...lava lamps
fun to look at it but not all that bright.
...bank ...
0 Comments, 36 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
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WHAT I WANT IN A MAN 9/10/2004
Original List (age 22):
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover.
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32):
1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has ...
0 Comments, 35 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
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THOSE WERE THE DAYS... 9/7/2004
THOSE WERE THE DAYS...
Body: Wala pang videoke kundi minus-one tape sing-along..
<br>
Wala pa ring catv, vcd o dvd.. betamax lang..
<br>
Ang preso lang ang may tattoo..
<br>
Akala mo'y magkakatuluyan sina Ate Shena at Kuya Bodjie
ng Batibot..
<br>
Na-tsismis na bulati ang beef patty ng Jollibee..
<br>
Kinilig ka nang malaman mong ikakasal na si ...
0 Comments, 52 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Princess Diana: Globalization 9/6/2004
Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana's death. Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashed in a French tunnel while driving a German car with
a Dutch engine, the driver was a Belgian who was drunk on
Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the
spelling) followed closely by Italian Paparazzi on ...
0 Comments, 33 Views,
54 Votes
,7.75 Score
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~~~Secret Love...R~~~ 9/3/2004
* * * Secret Lover * * *
(kamasutrachic)
<br>
Secret Love….r?
Are you going to be my secret lover?
That will fulfill my thirst and hunger….
For lust, for affection, for whatever,
That will leave me breathlessly satisfied
Every time we’re together?
<br>
Can you satisfy me?
Can you do aerobics without the DVD?
Can you ...
1 Comments, 51 Views,
7 Votes
,2.28 Score
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WRONG FUNERAL 7/27/2004
Wrong Funeral
- Author Unknown
<br>
Consumed by my loss, I didn't notice the hardness of
the pew where I sat. I was at the funeral of my dearest friend
- my mother. She finally had lost her long battle with cancer.
The hurt was so intense, I found it hard to breathe at times.
Always supportive, Mother clapped loudest at my
school plays, held a box of tissues while listening to ...
0 Comments, 98 Views,
30 Votes
,6.87 Score
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Your favorite fruit and what it reveals about u 7/21/2004
Choose your favorite fruit
<br>
Apple
Banana
Black Grapes
Cherry
Coconut
Custard Apple
Mango
Orange
Papaya
Peach
Pear
Pineapple
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
see what it reveals about u.....
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
...
1 Comments, 99 Views,
41 Votes
,4.65 Score
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ZODIAC CONDOMS 7/18/2004
ZODIAC CONDOMS
<br>
So which condom is your choice ?? Now you can pick the condom
just right for your sign!
<br>
Scorpio condoms outsell all others. That's probably
because people try to impress each other with their sexual
prowess by pretending that they're a Scorpio. The
truth is that no right thinking Scorpio would get caught
dead wearing a condom. But then death ...
0 Comments, 98 Views,
22 Votes
,5.89 Score
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ESCAPED PRISONER 7/15/2004
A man escapes from prison after serving time for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds
a young couple in bed. He ordered the guy out of bed and ties
him to a chair. while tieing the girl to the bed he gets on
top of her, kisses her necck, then gets up and goes into the
bathroom.
<br>
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife "Listen,
this ...
0 Comments, 123 Views,
42 Votes
,7.32 Score
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Reply to What ‘FINE’_really_means… 7/8/2004
i'm not humored…
0 Comments, 117 Views,
12 Votes
,5.63 Score
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The Seven Dwarfs 6/29/2004
The seven dwarfs went to the Vatican - and because they are
the seven dwarfs they are ushered in tosee the Pope. Dopey
leads the pack. "Dopey, my , says the Pope, "What
can I do for you?". Dopey asks, "Excuse me your
Excellency", but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?".
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for
a moment, and answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf
nuns in ...
0 Comments, 389 Views,
22 Votes
,4.45 Score
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NICE HOUSE! 6/29/2004
Hung Chow calls in to works and says, "Hey boss, I cannot
come work today, really sick. I got headache, stomach ache
and my legs hurt. Im not coming to work."
<br>
The boss says, "You know Hung, I really need you today.
When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me
sex. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should
try that."
<br>
Two ...
0 Comments, 161 Views,
38 Votes
,7.39 Score
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The Ten Commandments of Marriage 6/28/2004
The Ten Commandments of Marriage
1.Marriage are made in heaven, so are thunder and lighting.
<br>
2.If u want your wife to listen and pay strict attention
to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
3.Marriage is grand ‒ and divorce is at least 100 grand.
<br>
4.Married is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage,
the ...
1 Comments, 1376 Views,
232 Votes
,7.78 Score
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How To Make Love With A PC 6/26/2004
Cyber...cyber...cyber!
<br>
On a CDROM, place your lady on your DESKTOP
Shove your HARD DRIVE into her SOFTWARE
Input...output...input...output...consistent in
speed
Now...DOWNLOADING
You now have a FLOPPY DICK!!!
0 Comments, 93 Views,
31 Votes
,3.91 Score
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"Miracle Bra", make up= False Advertising 6/9/2004
Why do women get to "cheat"? When they package
themselves with makeup, push-up bras, plastic surgery,
and other false advertising techniques, shouldn't
there be a disclaimer? I think that if I take a date out that's
used these techniques to purposely deceive me, VISA should
cover the tab... I didn't get what was advertised!
0 Comments, 29 Views,
27 Votes
,3.24 Score
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An open relationship 6/9/2004
"What's wrong with being single, man?"
Bottomfeeder asked me, as I drowned some blues in whiskey
at the Some Young Moon. "I mean, you're good at
it. Really good at it. I think it's the one thing that
separates you from ordinary people."
<br>
He had a point ... and that certainly didn't make me
feel any better about the situation. It's one thing
to be lonely in the world, it's ...
0 Comments, 36 Views,
21 Votes
,3.99 Score
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boys vs. girls 6/2/2004
Message:
<br>
Tungkol sa pagiging patas sa ngalan ng pag-
ibig,
kami naman ang laging talo a, hindi kayo.
Kami ang laging lugi, kami ang laging nawawalan
at iniiwan.
Kapag ngumiti ka na ng konti, nag-ayos ng konti,
pagkakamalan ka nang malandi.
Hindi pangseryosohang relasyon.
Marinig lang nila na malakas kang magsalita,
palengkera ka na.
T.O. kagad sa ...
0 Comments, 37 Views,
35 Votes
,7.20 Score
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pano ba talaga ang magmahal? 5/27/2004
never tlgang naging enuf na mahal mo lang ung
isang tao
na alam nya na mahal mo sya
at alam mong mahal ka nya
dadating at dadating tlaga sa puntong..
magtatanong ka
nyetang buhay to.. pucha ano ba tlga gusto mo?
pero wala naman tlgang sagot
nde naman masasagot
o ayaw naman sumagot
mapapaisip ka nalang ..
bka wala nga talgang sagot
ikaw lang ang ngpupumilit..
khit ...
0 Comments, 27 Views,
28 Votes
,5.40 Score
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Pinoy's Food Trip--from a British point of view :) 4/27/2004
The article below is from a British journalist stationed
in the Philippines. His observations are so hilarious!!!!
This was written in 1999.
<br>
MATTER OF TASTE
by Matthew Sutherland
<br>
I have now been in this country for over six years, and consider
myself in most respects well-assimilated. However, there
is one key step on the road to full assimilation which I ...
0 Comments, 63 Views,
163 Votes
,7.77 Score
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Am I cursed or is just my imagination when it comes to relationships? 11/3/2003
It’s been years since I was involved relationship
‒ as strange as that may sound the first relationship
happened when I was a (actually at the brink of
being one ‒ age 12 to be exact.) Any psychologist
would catagorize this event as the ‘puppy love’
syndrome, many of you have gone thru this. Being on the brink
of being a made it more exciting! Well ...
0 Comments, 35 Views,
16 Votes
,2.69 Score
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Ngiti! ni Maeng 9/15/2003
Hatinggabi, malakas ang ulan… Habang hawak nya ang kamay
ko, napatingin ako sa kanya. Nagising sa katotohanang
kaibigan ko sya. Kaibigan ko lang sya! Ako mismo ang bumibitaw.
Pilit na pinapakawala ang aking palad ngunit sadyang mahigpit
ang kanyang pagkakahawak. Nagsasabing, “andito lang
ako, di kita iiwan dahil kaibigan kita…” oo tama! Kaibigan!
Isang parte ng ...
0 Comments, 28 Views,
23 Votes
,6.75 Score
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