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Steak Afficionado, Ya Right! 8/29/2005
Leaving in Las Vegas, I had a ton friends in the food business.
A friend of mine, a server at Ceasar's Palace told me
that this guy from school brought a date to the restaurant.
The show off purposely flaunted his date to my friend. Even
gave him a hard time, knowing that retaliation isn't
possible. He ordered steak and requested it to be cooked
"medium" (between medium rare and well ...
0 Comments, 94 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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Breaking the Ice... 8/29/2005
A couple of teenagers were at their earliest stage in their
relationship. One day, the guy visited, the sense of ackwardness
was in the air. Moments later, the young man felt the call
of nature in his stomach and gas wanted to let out. But no
one in their right mind wouldn't hold that. Then on
the other side of the table, the young lady kept sniffling
her runny nose up and down her ...
7 Comments, 207 Views,
3 Votes
,0.98 Score
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Coffee 8/20/2005
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should
brew the
coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do
it, because you get up first, and
then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are
in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because
that is your
job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you ...
0 Comments, 48 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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The Beast 8/20/2005
Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel,
and hubby was
losing his temper. "Be careful, " he said to
his wife. "You will bring out the
beast in me." "So what?" his wife shot
back. "Who's afraid of a mouse?"
0 Comments, 47 Views,
0 Votes
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Stupid And Beautiful 8/20/2005
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how
you can be so stupid and
so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded,
"Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God
made me stupid so I
would be attracted to you!"
0 Comments, 36 Views,
0 Votes
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Words 8/20/2005
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words
women use a
day... 30, 000 to a man's 15, 000. The wife replied,
"The reason has to be because
we have to repeat everything to men. The husband then turned
to his wife and
asked, "What?"
0 Comments, 45 Views,
0 Votes
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Understanding Women (A Man's Perspective) 8/20/2005
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll
never understand how you
can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh,
rip the hair out by the
root, and still be afraid of a spider.
0 Comments, 34 Views,
0 Votes
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Women Are Smarter Than Men 8/20/2005
Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father
died, Charles
decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles'
bar, he spotted a
woman whose beauty took his breath away. "I'm
just an ordinary man, " he said,
walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father
will die and I'll inherit
20 million dollars." The woman went home with Charles,
and the next ...
0 Comments, 31 Views,
0 Votes
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Never try to outsmart a woman! 8/20/2005
There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all
of his money,
and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before
he died, he said to
his wife, "When I die. I want you to take all my money
and put it in the
casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with
me." And so he got his
wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died,
she would ...
0 Comments, 35 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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Compatibility Made Easy 8/12/2005
One of the main aspects to finding someone and remaining
in a relationship is the matter of compatibility. Now there
are obvious matches that are going nowhere, like a woman
who is a corporate executive and has four cats trying to
date a biker guy who parks his motorcycle in his living room.
These two will not make it past the initial visit to each
other's home. But what about the more ...
0 Comments, 80 Views,
0 Votes
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The Intoxicated Relationship Guide 8/12/2005
As American as apple pie, the ritual of social drinking
has come to encompass several recipies and outcomes. A
variety of activities include the process of loosening
up a bit with a drink or two. The following guide represents
a few examples of drinking and social mixtures and what
to expect as an outcome.
<br>
AFTER-WORK DRINK: Most often delivered from the closest
bar or lounge ...
0 Comments, 63 Views,
0 Votes
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Brain Alertness! 8/12/2005
Dear relatives and friends !
> > As we grow older, it's important that we keep ourselves
mentally alert.
> > Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of
the muscles. The
> saying; "If you don't use it, you will lose
it" also applies to the
brain.
> > So below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss
of
> intelligence. So, scroll ...
0 Comments, 44 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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The Pregnant Lady 7/26/2005
Subject: The Pregnant Lady
<br>
AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 - CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY.
<br>
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the
man
opposite her was smiling at her.
<br>
She Immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile
turned into a
grin, so she moved again.
<br>
The man seemed more amused. When on the ...
0 Comments, 148 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
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youlll love the ending 7/18/2005
A FATHER'S PRIDE AND JOY...(you'll love the ending)
<br>
Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years. After a
few
laughs and drinks, one of them had to go to the
rest room. The ones who stayed behind began to talk about
their and their successes.
<br>
The first guy says: I am very proud of my , he is my
pride and joy. He started working at a very successful ...
0 Comments, 90 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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12 pack 7/14/2005
A father and his 10 year old walk into a pharmacy to get
the mother's medicine while she is home in bed sick.
As they walk to the pharmacy, they walk through the aisle
that has condoms in it, and the boy picks up a box, looks at
his dad, and asks "Dad, what are these?"
<br>
The father looks at his , and says, "Well, ,
if you are old enough to ask, you are old enough to know. ...
0 Comments, 95 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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explaination of life 7/8/2005
On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit
all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes
in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The said, "That's too long to be barking.
Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten."
So God agreed.
On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain
people, do monkey tricks, ...
1 Comments, 147 Views,
10 Votes
,2.99 Score
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something touch your heart 7/8/2005
Sally jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of
the operating
room. She said: "How is my little boy? Is he going to
be all right? When
can I see him?"
<br>
The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all we could,
but your boy didn't make
it."
<br>
Sally said, "Why do little get cancer? Doesn't
God care any more?
Where were you, God, when my needed ...
0 Comments, 100 Views,
7 Votes
,5.08 Score
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THE BAPTIST BRA 7/5/2005
A man walked into the Women's Department of Macy's
in New York city.
>
>He told the saleslady, "I would like a Baptist
bra for my wife, size
36B."
>
>With a quizzical look, the saleslady asked, "What
kind of bra?" He
>repeated, "A Baptist bra. She said to tell you
that she wanted a
Baptist
>bra and that you would know what she wanted."
>
>"Ah, ...
0 Comments, 127 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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untiring love 7/3/2005
Untiring Love
<br>
This is a true story that happened in Japan.
<br>
In order to renovate the house, someone in Japan tore open
the wall. Japanese houses normally have a hollow space
between the wooden walls. When tearing down the walls,
he found that there was a lizard stuck there because a nail
from outside was hammered into one of its feet. He saw this,
felt ...
0 Comments, 184 Views,
15 Votes
,4.66 Score
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Goat for Dinner? 6/30/2005
The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday
dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal,
the minister asked their what they were having
<br>
"Goat, " the little boy replied.
"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth.
"Are you sure about that?" "Yep, " said the youngster. "I heard
Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just as good as any to have the
old goat ...
0 Comments, 116 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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im too good to be your man..... 6/29/2005
i had this relationship with a special person. i do consider
her special because everytime that we are together i just
feel so good and satisfied, but it makes me feel that something
is so good can be wrong..
<br>
she told me that everytime that we are together i really
make her laugh, so i think its ok but after a long time i realized
that what she wants from me is my sense of ...
0 Comments, 115 Views,
5 Votes
,1.51 Score
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The three words 6/20/2005
The wife was in the romantic mood as she came home form work
one day...
So she put on a see-through lingerie, and walks into the
livingroom where her husband sits, watching Football.
She walks betwen him and the TV, puts up an enticing figure,
and says:
" tell me the three words that will make me fly"
<br>
.. whereas the husband mutters
" TAKE AN AIRPLANE !!" ----
<br> ...
1 Comments, 205 Views,
10 Votes
,2.19 Score
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Milking Machine 6/8/2005
A farmer went to the farm show and a slick salesman talked
him into buying a milking machine.The farmer took the machine
home with him.The next day the farmer was back his front
teeth were missing and his right eye was swolen shut. He
threw the machine down in front of the salesman and said
take this damn thing back. The salesman looked at the farmer
and said what the hell happened to you? ...
0 Comments, 312 Views,
8 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Wedding night 5/29/2005
The much anticipated wedding night had finally arrived.
When they got to the bed room they started to undress. The
groom took off his socks and the bride let out a little yell
and said honey what happened to your toes?
He looked at her and said, baby when I was a little boy I had
toemonia.
She said don't you mean pneumonia?
He said no, toemonia. It is a rare desease that affects the ...
0 Comments, 316 Views,
14 Votes
,3.30 Score
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My Girl 5/27/2005
I don't know what you're doing to me but I like it,
you make me feel so happy like a drunk so giddy with happiness,
a with a new toy, an angel who earned her wings, a love
finding the right love. Oh, my love, my sweet, love, sweet,
sweet love, I love you so much! I don't know what I'm
doing but, I'll take the plunge, I'll go through
hell and back for you, you are my girl, my sweet, swwet ...
0 Comments, 152 Views,
7 Votes
,1.77 Score
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Blind Date Descriptions 5/20/2005
Most all bachelors have been the victims of a blind date.
Numerous well meaning friends and relatives are always
willing to "fix up" unsuspecting bachelors
with girls whom they describe as "perfect for you."
However, from the description given, it is difficult to
imagine what these girls may be like. After considerable
research, as a public service, here is an attempted to translate
some ...
0 Comments, 607 Views,
56 Votes
,4.62 Score
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Mother in law 5/16/2005
I met a friend I had not seen in years and we started talking
and catching up on events in our lives and I told him that
I had resently married. He said "realy, what is your
mother in law like?" I said "she's an angel"
He looked at me and said "You're lucky, mine is
still alive!"
0 Comments, 218 Views,
9 Votes
,2.14 Score
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funny stories in hospital setting.... 5/16/2005
Psychiatric ward ‒ patient has depression: as a new prescriber,
the nurse tried to educate her patients that some of the
antidepressants can cause delayed ejaculation. A young
construction worker came with this problem. She told him,
as they talked about the drug, to "hold it " for
a week to see if things improved. He returned a week later
telling her that holding his penis ...
0 Comments, 125 Views,
6 Votes
,2.23 Score
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MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY FOR THE LAYMAN 5/16/2005
ARTERY -- THE STUDY OF FINE PAINTING
BARIUM -- WHAT YOU DO WHEN A PATIENT DIES
<br>
BENIGN -- WHAT YOU ARE AFTER YOU ARE
EIGHT
<br>
CESAREAN SECTION-- A DISTRICT IN ROME
COLIC -- A SHEEP DOG
CONGENITAL-- FRIENDLY
DILATE -- TO LIVE LONG
FESTER -- QUICKER
G. I. SERIES -- BASEBALL GAME BETWEEN SOLDIERS
<br>
HANGNAIL -- COAT HOOK
MEDICAL STAFF -- ...
0 Comments, 87 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
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spaghetti... spaghetti... spaghetti...spaghetti... 5/16/2005
An employer was having an affair with his employee. Shortly
afterward,
she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife
to know, he gave his mistress a sum of money and asked her
to go
to Italy and have the baby there.
<br>
"But how will I let you know the baby is born?"
she asked.
<br>
"Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti'
on the ...
0 Comments, 116 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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