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shygurl4uonly 41 F
7  Articles
Writing Home from College   2/5/2010

One woman was bragging to her next-door neighbor about her son, a college student at the University of Illinois. "Why, our son is so brilliant, every time we get a letter from him we have to go to the dictionary."

"You're lucky, " the neighbor said. "Every time we get a letter from our son in college, we have to go to the bank!"


0 Comments, 37 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
shygurl4uonly 41 F
7  Articles
The Church Plaque   2/5/2010

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed Little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The seven-year- old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, son."

"Good morning pastor" replied the young man, focused on the plaque.

"Sir, what is this?" Little Johnny ...


0 Comments, 20 Views, 2 Votes ,1.73 Score
shygurl4uonly 41 F
7  Articles
Spelling Difficulties   2/5/2010

The teacher says to her new class, "For our first lesson, each of you will stand up, tell us your name, what your father does, spell what your father does, and then explain it to us. All right, Billy. You go first."

Billy stands up and says, "My name's Billy. My father's a lawyer, l-a-w-y-e-r, and he defends people in court."

The teacher says, "Very good. All right, Benjamin." ...


0 Comments, 33 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
orchidlady47 52 F
34  Articles
An Expensive Funeral   11/18/2008

Everyone was dismayed that Peter had died.

A popular man, left his wife Moira a strict instructions in his will for his wake to be a jolly and happy affair: a celebration of his life.

To this end Peter had left 25, 000 pound in his will for the party.

As the guests caught their taxis at the end of the wake, Moira was asked by her closest friend name Alice, if she ...


0 Comments, 83 Views, 10 Votes ,2.99 Score
2447star 54 F
18  Articles
New Angel Holes   7/9/2008

An old lady dies and goes to heaven.

She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful, blood curdling screams.

'Don't worry about that, ' says St. Peter, 'It's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for the wings.'

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. ...


0 Comments, 53 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
ART_DIRECTOR 49 M
10  Articles
Painfull words   4/17/2008

Words can be the most painful thing to a person heart and soul. The more emotionally attached we are to that person, the more damage us, can do. Never tell children, they are bad, be careful, to tell them that what they are doing is wrong. Separate the action from the person. Same with adults, at work we are given, reports of every little thing, down to our breaks they do not like, at the ...


0 Comments, 38 Views, 5 Votes ,4.12 Score
orchidlady47 52 F
34  Articles
LOVE FAIRY   3/8/2008

1) Love is a beauty treatment Scientific test find that women make love, they produce amounts of estrogen hormones that can make her hair shines and smooth..

2) Gentle relax love making reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced, cleanses the pores and get your skin glow.

3) Love making can burnt off ...


0 Comments, 50 Views, 7 Votes ,4.06 Score
tresss 34 F
19  Articles
love vs relationship   2/19/2008

we ended our so called relationship 4 years both of us hurted each other reasons that till now left unspoken, ,, it was over is it??? then why you day by day checked my profiles then why you posts messages that belongs to us and why do i so, ,, im a liar to say i dont love you coz i do as much as those days your here with me, ,, why do i tremble each timeyou send a smile and why are you still ...


2 Comments, 43 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
Prescription   11/15/2007

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. ...


0 Comments, 73 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
rhia01031976 43 F
22  Articles
~~~ WAYS TO TURN DOWN UNWANTED MEN ~~~   9/27/2007

WAYS TO TURN DOWN UNWANTED MEN !!!!



HE : Can I buy you a drink? SHE : Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours. SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice? SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice. ...


2 Comments, 53 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
orchidlady47 52 F
34  Articles
Silent Treatment   7/15/2007

A man and his wife were having some problems at home...

And were giving each other the silent treatment...

Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife....

To wake him up at 5:00am for an early flight for a business meeting...

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and lose),

He wrote on a piece of paper.... "Please ...


0 Comments, 56 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
prettychubby26 38 F
2  Articles
LOVE HEARING AID   7/12/2007

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid

. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

Here's what you do, " said ...



0 Comments, 30 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
orchidlady47 52 F
34  Articles
JOYS OF MARRIAGE   6/12/2007

Marriage Part Four

A man has 6 children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, " Mother of Six, " in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decide that it is time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother ...


3 Comments, 104 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
orchidlady47 52 F
34  Articles
Joys Of Marriage   6/12/2007

Marriage Part Three

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband get up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either"

and he storm out of the house.After some time he realizes that he was nasty to his wife and decided to make ammends and rings her up. She answer the phone after so many rings, and the irritated husband ...


0 Comments, 132 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
orchidlady47 52 F
34  Articles
Joys Of Marriage   6/12/2007

Marriage Part Two

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of there 40th wedding anniversary..

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone, that reads " Here Lies My Wife Cold As Ever, "

Yeah! she replies.." When you die, I am getting you a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Husband-- Stiff At Last!"

(HE ASKED FOR IT)


1 Comments, 91 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
orchidlady47 52 F
34  Articles
Joys Of Marriage   6/12/2007

Marriage Part One

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady.. And after the wedding, the macho man laid down the following rules. He told his wife:

I'll be home when I want, if I want and what time I want..and I don't expect any hassle from you... I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.... I will go hunting, ...


1 Comments, 57 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
JOKE........   5/30/2007

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. "Well, " said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand, " said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because ...


0 Comments, 29 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
You Gotta Love This Lady!   5/30/2007

You gotta love this lady Written by a housewife from New Jersey and sounds like it!





"Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't we? Was it or was it

not started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on

September 11, 2001 ? Were people from all over the world, mostly

Americans, not brutally murdered that day, in downtown Manhattan, ...


0 Comments, 20 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Broke Back Deer Camp   5/29/2007

Hahaha ......



Four guys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room.

No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. The ...


1 Comments, 26 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Genie   5/29/2007

husband takes his wife to play her first game of > golf. > > The wife promptly hacked her first shot right > through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. > > The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! > Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, > apologies, And see how much your lousy drive is going to cost > us." > > So the couple walked up to the house and knocked ...


0 Comments, 14 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Never Tick off a Nurse   5/29/2007

A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.

The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him, but finally even she had had enough. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your ...


1 Comments, 70 Views, 4 Votes ,4.80 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Cut,,,Cut...   5/28/2007

"Doc, " says Steve, "I want to be castrated." "What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement. "It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve. "But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!" "I'm aware of that and you're ...


0 Comments, 17 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
BILL   5/28/2007

It was opening night at the Orpheum Theater and Amazin' Eileen was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do her stuff.

As Amazin' Eileen took to the stage, she announced, ''Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.''

The ...


0 Comments, 10 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
This Will Make You Cry...   5/28/2007

This Will Make You Cry...



Jenny was so happy about the house they had found.

For once in her life it was on the right side of town.

She unpacked her things with such great ease.

At she watched her new curtains blow in the breeze.

How wonderful it was to have her own room.

School would be starting; she'd have friends over soon. ...


0 Comments, 22 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Technically Correct   5/28/2007

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical Malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and Communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Mid Life Crisis...   5/25/2007

After I'd been married 50 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said "Honey, 50 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 22 year old brunette. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 70 year old grandma. It seems to me that you ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Screen Cleaner   5/17/2007

OPEN WITH CARE.....



This is the newer and up graded version



You probably don't realize it, but your computer's Screen must be cleaned each day. The cleaning should be on the inside of the glass as well as the outside. This is difficult to do. So I am sending a cleaning device Which should do the trick. Move the mouse around the Screen to clean. Let me know how ...


0 Comments, 12 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Professionals???   5/17/2007

A father walks into a bookstore with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. ...


0 Comments, 17 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Jokes Of Mr. Bean   5/17/2007

1) BRAIN TUMOR:

Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.

Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)

Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?

Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?

Doctor: Then why are you so happy?

Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!

2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL:

...


0 Comments, 20 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
A Woman of Strength   5/17/2007

A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape ...

but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape...



A strong woman isn't afraid of anything ...

but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear...



A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her ...

but a woman of strength gives the ...


0 Comments, 7 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
orchidlady47 52 F
34  Articles
Somalian Immigrant   5/12/2007

A somalian arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States..

He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says..

" Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, , giving me housing, ,, food stamps, free medical care and free education", ,

But the passer by says "You are mistaken, I am Mexican !"..

The Somalian goes on ...


0 Comments, 52 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
mrs_groovemaster 33 F
4  Articles
MEMORIES   4/25/2007

U CAN NEVER REGAIN SOMETHING U LEFT IN THE PAST.. CHANGE UR FOCUS 2 THE PRESENT INSTEAD OF CLINGING OF 2 SOME MEMORY OF WHAT U ONCE HAD.. MEMORIES ARE NICE, BUT THATS ALL THEY ARE.... ...


2 Comments, 55 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
2447star 54 F
18  Articles
School Answering Machine   4/21/2007

I don't know if this is true or not but it's cute. Although funny, it might not be able to pass "muster" in today's political correct environment. But the last one is one that I wish every business in AMERICA would do.

SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE (This is hilarious - no wonder some people were offended!)





This is the message that the Pacific ...



0 Comments, 17 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Why I Text You?   4/20/2007

Five person's why I text you, you make me feel welcome (I assume) I make you smile ( I suppose) You appreciate my thoughts (I happy) you spend time reading my messages (I guess) you think I'm cute (I'm sure).


0 Comments, 11 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
One Flaw In Women   4/18/2007

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men.

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,

but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up to ...


0 Comments, 6 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
GREAT WATCH   4/18/2007

For lovers of the latest Gizmos....

There was a gentleman walking with two heavy suitcases in an airport terminal. Someone approached and asked him what time it was. The gentleman bends down to park the two heavy suitcases and stares at his watch. But this was no ordinary watch! He touches a tiny button and his administrative assistant's face appears. He asks her, "Mary, what time is ...


0 Comments, 10 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
A Fishy Tale   4/18/2007

The Japanese have always loved fresh fish. But the waters close to Japan have not held many fish for decades. So to feed the Japanese population, Fishing boats got bigger and went farther than ever.

The farther the fishermen went, the longer it took to bring in the fish. If the return trip took more than a few days, the fish were not fresh. The Japanese did not like the taste .

...


0 Comments, 15 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
LegallyRomantic 47 M
33  Articles
The Frugal Husband   4/12/2007

A penny-pinching husband regularly imposes his budgetary goals with his wife. It seems that it may, he could never be satisfied. One day on the way home from work, the wife decided not to take the bus so she can impress her hubby by saving a few bucks. She even chased the bus so she can prove that it would take the same time and distance to get home. Surely enough, as soon she arrived at their ...


2 Comments, 70 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
LegallyRomantic 47 M
33  Articles
Be Carefull What You Wish For (Including What Others May)   4/9/2007

Three men were stranded on an island. While the other two men seemed responsible family men, the other was just enjoying the company of his new friends. The first two men were beginning to get tiref of the other, cognizant he is just plain stupid. One day, one of them stumbled upon Aladdin's magic lamp. So they rubbed it and the gennie appeared. POOF! Each of them were granted a wish. The ...


2 Comments, 54 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
WE ARE SPIRITUAL BEINGS GOING THROUGH A TEMPORARY   4/8/2007

A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the bedside.
"Your son is here, " she said to the old man.
She had to repeat the words several times before the patient's eyes opened.
Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly saw the young uniformed Marine standing outside the oxygen tent. He reached outhis hand. The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers around ...


0 Comments, 12 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Old Age Problems   4/8/2007

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch; then starts putting on his coat. His wife, seeing the unexpected behavior, asks, "Where are you going?" He replies, "I'm going to the doctor. "She says, "Why, are you sick?" He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff." Immediately the wife starts working and positioning herself to get out of her rocker and ...


0 Comments, 13 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Inner strenght!!!   4/8/2007

Inner Strength
If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can overlook when ...


0 Comments, 8 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Eight Words...   4/8/2007

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female...... Any part under a car's hood. Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male.... Playing cricket without a box.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male... Leaving a note ...


0 Comments, 14 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Lady and Frog.   4/5/2007

An older lady was somewhat lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her company. So, off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. None of the pets seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog. As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her.


0 Comments, 18 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
they walk amongst us!!!!   4/3/2007

I walked into a Quizno's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free". They're already buy-one-get-one-free", she said, "so I guess they're both free". She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door. They walk among us, and many work retail.


0 Comments, 16 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
DONT BREAK THE ELASTIC!!! Wise words.....   4/2/2007

In April, of last year, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 74th birthday. Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older. And, there on television, she said it was "exciting." Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occurring every day... like her breasts. They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first. The audience laughed so hard they cried. She is ...


0 Comments, 13 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Desire of a Woman...   4/2/2007

Desire of a woman........In this life I'm a woman......
In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear. When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.
When you're a girl bear, you give birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) ...


0 Comments, 13 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
BALLERINA...   4/2/2007

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in London. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, ...


0 Comments, 82 Views, 7 Votes ,5.08 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Satan's Meeting.   4/2/2007

SATAN'S MEETING: (Read even if you're busy. Very well written.)
Satan called a worldwide convention of demons.
In his opening address he said,
"We can't keep people from going to pray."
"We can't keep them from reading their holy books and knowing the truth."
"We can't even keep them from forming an intimate relationship with their GOD."
"Once they gain that ...


0 Comments, 15 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
"what every kiss means"   4/1/2007

Kiss on the stomach = Im ready
~Kiss on the Forehead ="i hope we're together forever"
~Kiss on the Ear = Your my everything
~Kiss on the Cheek = "We're friends"
~Kiss on the Hand = "I adore you"
~Kiss on the Neck = "we belong together"
~Kiss on the Shoulder = "I want you"
~Kiss on the Lips = I love you"

What the gesture means...
~Holding Hands = ...


0 Comments, 66 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
orchidlady47 52 F
34  Articles
Golf Balls   3/31/2007

I never like golf, so I don't know what kind or which kind of golf ball to use.My friend invited me to go w/ her to choose the rght ball to use..
She and I were in the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls...
She was unhappy w/ the woman's type she have been using...
After browsing for several minutes, we were approached by one of the good looking gentleman who works ...


0 Comments, 53 Views, 3 Votes ,2.94 Score
milo_4242 66 M
17  Articles
LOVE   3/29/2007

IF I COULD FIND MY WAY BACK TO WHERE MY HEART WANTS TO BE OR WILL MY HEART CRACK BECAUSE I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO SEE YOU AGAIN OR WILL I FIND THE COURAGE I LACK TO FIND THE PERSON THAT I LOVE
THOUGH IN MY HEART THERE AN EMPTY FEELING FOR MY HEART YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY LIFE HAS LOST SIGHT OF ALL MEANING OF A LOVE I CAN STILL SEE THE ONLY MISTAKE I MADE WAS THAT I WAS UNCARING FOR A LOVE THAT ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
God and The Biker   3/26/2007

A biker was riding on a highway along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said: "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you ONE wish."

The biker pulled over and said: "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of ...


0 Comments, 23 Views, 4 Votes ,5.19 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Only in Italy   3/23/2007

Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border. An Italian police officer stops them and says:

"Itsa illegala to putta five-a people in a Quattro!"

"Vot do you mean, it's illegal?" the German driver asks.

"Quattro means four!" the policeman answers.

"Quattro iz just ze name of ze fokken automobile" the German shouts..."Look at ze dam paperz: ...


0 Comments, 16 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
It's Started!   3/23/2007

Santa Singh comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, 'Get me a beer before it starts.'
The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says, 'Get me another beer before it starts.'
She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him. He finishes that beer and a few minutes later ...


0 Comments, 12 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
What is Physics?   3/22/2007

Physics....is the scientific study of matter and energy and how they interact with each other. This energy can take the form of motion, light, electricity, radiation, gravity . . . just about anything, honestly. Physics deals with matter on scales ranging from sub-atomic particles (i.e. the particles that make up the atom and the particles that make up those particles) to stars and even entire ...


0 Comments, 13 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
Cylhemtherns 38 F
4  Articles
You are my dream   3/19/2007

Everytime I think of you, wondering if when Im I able to hold you, touch you, feeling your sweet kisses into my lips. I wished I can fly and take you along with me in the sky so that I can give you a tour into my world to show you how beautiful and colorful it is since that I found you....


0 Comments, 34 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Taegum   3/17/2007

The taegum with chunggum (medium "three bamboos of Shilla, " as they were believed to have been first made during the Three Kingdoms period 57B.C.-668A.D.) Also known as the chottdae, this instrument is played both in court music and in the folk instrumental improvisational form known as sanjo. The bamboo used in the construction of the instrument is of two types : hwang-chuk (yellow bamboo), and ...


0 Comments, 19 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
orchidlady47 52 F
34  Articles
rednecks are good at that sensitive stuff   3/10/2007

three rednecks were working on the bell south tower.
there name are steve , bruce and jed..
steve falls off and is killed instantly.
as the ambulance takes the body away, bruce says "someone should go and tell his wife."
jed said, "OK, i'm pretty good at that sensetive stuff, i'll do it.."
two hours later, he came back carrying a case of budweiser..
bruce says, ...


0 Comments, 51 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
orchidlady47 52 F
34  Articles
candy and nuts   3/10/2007

my friend and i were walking at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.. as we were looking at the dispaly case, the boy behind the counter asked, if we needed help.. I replied, "no i'm just looking at ur nuts", my friend started to laughed hyterically, and the boy grinned and i was turned beet red and walk away... never forget the look of the boy's face while ...


3 Comments, 366 Views, 14 Votes ,1.86 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
VOTED Best Short Joke   3/10/2007

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle.

His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280, 000, and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

Little Patrick told ...


1 Comments, 44 Views, 4 Votes ,4.02 Score
orchidlady47 52 F
34  Articles
small head   3/3/2007

man who have a small head get in the bar and the waitress asked... what happen to you? why you have such a small head? man relpied, " you wont believe it if i tell you".. waitress said "try me " man replied, "i help a mermaid who washed up the shore, back in the water.then she granted me a 3 wishes". waitress asked, " what are your wishes?" man replied, " first i wish to be a masculine man and ...


0 Comments, 76 Views, 5 Votes ,3.14 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Three fascinating but true stories   2/28/2007

Here are three stories from history for us to dwell upon. The first one is the story of one of the most powerful nations that arose from ashes to become a super power; the story of Japan. When Nagasaki and Hiroshima were rocked by bombs, Japan got together and brainstormed! All the key industrialists, government officers, politicians and businessmen came together to think collectively and ...


0 Comments, 33 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
THE WILL   2/28/2007

A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art.
They had everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art.
When the Vietnam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son. ...


0 Comments, 19 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
HOW TO KEEP WARM.   2/27/2007

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold, blustery January day.
The daughter said to the mother, "My hands are freezing cold."
The mother replied, "Put your hands between your legs. The body heat will warm them up."
So the daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
The next day, the daughter was riding with her boyfriend, and he said, "My hands are ...


0 Comments, 30 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Teacher teach 8th Standard Students.   2/27/2007

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day,
she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.
She said, "Let's start with the boys first."
Boys start giving their intro...
First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."
Teacher was confused to listen but said, ...


0 Comments, 25 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Great mail to receive on a Friday - HAVE FUN   2/26/2007

You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female.

Here are some examples:

FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.


PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again.

They are an effective reproductive ...


0 Comments, 27 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
3 ACCOUNTANTS...   2/26/2007

Three accountants were standing at the urinals.

The first accountant finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used paper towel and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried. Turning to the other two bankers, he said, "At Price Waterhouse Coopers", we are tra ined to be extremely thorough."
...


0 Comments, 24 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
GOOD ONE...   2/26/2007

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door. Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.
"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s...!" ...


0 Comments, 17 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Know When to Quit.   2/26/2007

guy with a 25-inch prick went to a doctor and said, "I can't live with this anymore! It's too long."
The doctor replied, "I can't do anything for you, but if you see the witch doctor in the bayou, she can help you."
So, he went to the bayou and saw the witch doctor.
The witch doctor said, "Go into the swamp and you will find a female frog there. Ask her to marry you..she'll say ...


0 Comments, 17 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
The Top Ten Reasons   2/25/2007

The Top Ten Reasons
Men Prefer Guns Over Women




#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
#6. Your ...


1 Comments, 44 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
An ADULT "Whale of a tale"   2/25/2007

A whale of a tale Two whales, a male and a female, were swimming side by side in the ocean. Suddenly, the male whale spots a ship in the distance. He recognizes it as the whaling ship that killed his father. Filled with anger, he says to his female companion, "That's the ship that killed my father! Let's swim closer!" When they were close enough, the male said, "Why don¢t we swim under the ...


0 Comments, 30 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
HAVE A LAUGH...   2/25/2007

A college student needed a small two-hour course to fill his schedule and the only one available was wildlife Zoology.

After one week, a test was held.The professor passed out a sheet of paper divided into four squares. In each square was a carefully drawn picture of a bird's legs. No bodies, no feet, just legs. The test asked each student to identify the birds from their legs. The ...


0 Comments, 19 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
SF Chronicle-The Whale   2/25/2007

The Whale

If you read the front page story of the SF Chronicle,
you would have read about a female humpback whale
who had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps
and lines.
She was weighted down by hundreds of pounds of traps that caused
her to struggle to stay afloat. She also had hundreds of yards of
line rope wrapped around her body, her tail, her ...


0 Comments, 9 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
WHO AM I?   2/22/2007

Guess who I am??
One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway.
His walk was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer
and liquor bottles. "Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one heck of a party last night." the mailman comments.
Bob, in ...


0 Comments, 29 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
CONFESSION...   2/22/2007

ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?" "Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the woman you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now.
"Was ...


0 Comments, 25 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Enjoy the Chinese Way.   2/22/2007

A Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he - a waiter - is not all that experienced either.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring. "My darring, "he says, "I know dis you first time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss ...


0 Comments, 49 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Ole blue -- funneee!!   2/22/2007

A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money his parents gave him.
Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad, " he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here at college that will teach our dog Ole Blue how to talk!" ...


0 Comments, 12 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
Sunday Humour..   2/22/2007

Maria a beautiful Latino fell in love with Jose. She planned to marry very soon. She was so happy about her wedding plans, she decided to tell her papa. Papa told her, "Maria, you'll have to find another boyfriend.
Your Mother does not know this, but Jose is your half-brother" .
So Maria forgot about her Jose, and soon planned to marry Ricardo. But after telling papa again, he said, ...


0 Comments, 11 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
twinkle23_2007 54 F
225  Articles
SECRET...   2/22/2007

The secret of contentment is knowing how to enjoy what you have and to be able to lose all desire for things beyond your reach. Let's not be materialistics, we good in looking....


0 Comments, 20 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
orchidlady47 52 F
34  Articles
smart toddler   2/20/2007

while i was in line at the bank one afternoon a toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.
finally the mother was able to grab hold of her after receiving look of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
mother told the toddler that if she did not start behaving herself rght away she would be punished..
the toddler look at her mother's eyes and said in a voice ...


0 Comments, 42 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
orchidlady47 52 F
34  Articles
snow prediction   2/20/2007

a very embarrassed female news anchor who will in the future , likely think before she speak. what happen when u predict snow but dont get any! a female news anchor, that the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turn to the weather man and asked, " so Bob, where is that 8 inches you promised me last night?" not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too , they ...


0 Comments, 36 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
orchidlady47 52 F
34  Articles
not tonight honey   2/19/2007

One night a man rolls over in bed, giving his wife a big grin.
She says "NOt tonight honey, I have a gynecologist's appointment tomorrow,
I want to stay fresh and clean"
The man, feeling rejected, rolls over and tries to go to sleep.
A few minutes later, he rolls over again and ask his wife
"Do you have a dentist's appointment tomorrow?"


1 Comments, 118 Views, 11 Votes ,5.22 Score
lucky_gal11 28 F
1  Article
Sexy Guy (NOT!!!) :) :)   2/9/2007

You are sooooo SEXY! Your not sexy not to say. i'd have anyone else anyway.



your so fat like everyone else. i'd rather go out with my friend chels.

You getting as big as santa claus. you cant even fit thru the doors.



[COLOR ...


1 Comments, 81 Views, 6 Votes ,3.37 Score
mrs_groovemaster 33 F
4  Articles
RETURN   1/29/2007

GO FOR THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU NOT ONLY FOR THE ONE YOU LOVE ITS NEVER WRONG TO LOVE A PERSON WHO BELONGS TO SOMEONE ELSE BUT IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO LOVE SOMEONE WHO COULD LOVE YOU IN RETURN......


2 Comments, 68 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
aninongmalaya 41 M
2  Articles
When Things Work Out Between a Man and a Woman   12/15/2006

For engineers:
- Aerospace engineers fly you to the moon and back. - Chemical engineers work with heat transfer and can make explosive reactions. - Civil engineers build mighty erections. - Communications engineers stay connected. - Computer engineers work with random access. - Design engineers do it in simulation. - Electrical engineers work with raw power. - ...


0 Comments, 29 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
loy312 47 F
12  Articles
SPELL IT OUT!   11/14/2006

In the spirit of love that is true and baduy, here are some L.O.V.E. lines which you should NEVER use....Enjoy!
H.O.L.L.A.N.D. - Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies.
I.T.A.L.Y. - I Trust And Love You.
L.I.B.Y.A. - Love Is Beautiful; You Also.
F.R.A.N.C.E. - Friendships Remain And Never Can End.
C.H.I.N.A. - Come Here.. I Need Affection.
...


0 Comments, 133 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
pinay_magiting 47 F
40  Articles
Impossible to Please   9/26/2006

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's ...



1 Comments, 118 Views, 10 Votes ,3.58 Score
Ice_500 51 F
4  Articles
Jokes for BisDaks! (Bisaya ispiking bah)   9/23/2006

Pakatawa sa ta gamay!
APO UG LOLO
APO : Lo, ngano nag kaang2x man kag lakaw? LOLO: aw, ayaw nagud ni pansina apo oi APO : ngano lagi na lo? LOLO: ingon mn gud sa akong doktor na likayan ang itlog kay taas ug kolesterol --------
MOTHER: Anak! nagdugo imong tudlo! ari diri be kay ato supsupon! tsup..tsup.. O wala na. Asa man ka nasamad anak? ANAK: Wala ...


0 Comments, 12 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
pinay_magiting 47 F
40  Articles
$5,000.00   8/27/2006

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5, 000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5, ...



0 Comments, 120 Views, 20 Votes ,4.78 Score
pinay_magiting 47 F
40  Articles
Breakfast in Paris   8/27/2006

An American is having breakfast, in Paris, one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
Frenchman: "You American folk eat the whole bread??"
American (in a bad mood): "Of course."
Frenchman: ...



4 Comments, 118 Views, 19 Votes ,4.71 Score
pinay_magiting 47 F
40  Articles
The Test   8/25/2006

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten ...



0 Comments, 63 Views, 12 Votes ,4.39 Score
pinay_magiting 47 F
40  Articles
You know you're living in 2006 when...   8/25/2006

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
...


2 Comments, 75 Views, 11 Votes ,3.92 Score
pinay_magiting 47 F
40  Articles
It's a Boy, 6 ft. Tall, and 190 Pounds   8/4/2006

An unmarried girl who worked in a busy office arrived one morning and began passing out big cigars and candy, both tied with blue ribbons. When asked what the occasion was, she proudly displayed a new diamond solitaire ring on her third finger, left hand, and announced, "It's a boy, six feet tall and 190 pounds!"
My question is: "When do we know it is the ...


0 Comments, 167 Views, 12 Votes ,2.45 Score
sweet0327 43 F
17  Articles
Married Life is Full of Excitement   5/27/2006

MARRIED LIFE IS FULL OF EXCITEMENT 1st Year of Marriage The Man speaks and the Woman listens 2nd Year of Marriage The Woman speaks and the Man listens
In the 3rd Year They both speaks And the neighbours listens.

...


1 Comments, 152 Views, 10 Votes ,3.39 Score
sweet0327 43 F
17  Articles
7 Ways to Multiply Happiness   5/27/2006

1. Share appreciation Tell someone how much you appreciate the faith they've shown in you. Thank them sincerely for being part of your life. Tell them how much they are needed. Feeling appreciated is one of the most important needs that people have. When you share with someone your appreciation and gratitude, they will not forget you. ...


0 Comments, 105 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
DEALING WITH A LAWYER   4/2/2006

A new York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?" The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street." Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true. Saint Peter said, "Well , ...


0 Comments, 130 Views, 0 Votes
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
TRY TO EXPALIN WOMEN   4/2/2006

A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions."Sure, " GOD says, "Go right ahead". "OK, " the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?"GOD says, "So you would like them." "OK, " the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?" "So you would LOVE them", GOD replies. The man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make ...


0 Comments, 195 Views, 12 Votes ,4.21 Score
Ice_500 51 F
4  Articles
The Irony of it all   3/30/2006

Oh, the Irony!
Two men are waiting at the gates of heaven and strike up a conversation.
"How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.
"I froze to death, " says the second.
"That's awful, " says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"
"It's very uncomfortable at first, " says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you ...


0 Comments, 267 Views, 10 Votes ,5.77 Score
Ice_500 51 F
4  Articles
If you Love Someone set her/him free and other versions   3/25/2006

Variations : If you love him, set him free, if he doesn't come back, HE'S PROBABLY WITH ME! Pessimist: If you love someone, Set her free ... If she ever comes back, she's yours, If she doesn't, as expected, she never was Optimist: If you love someone, Set her free ... Don't worry, she will come back. Suspicious: If you love someone, Set her free ... If ...


0 Comments, 109 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
ml01973swife 55 F
2  Articles
MEN & WOMEN : THE DIFFERENCES   2/9/2006

NICKNAMES: If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless. <br> DINING OUT: And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even ...


0 Comments, 98 Views, 6 Votes ,2.51 Score
ml01973swife 55 F
2  Articles
FACTS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MEN   2/9/2006

1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved. <br> 2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. <br> 3. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle. <br> 4. Men are very confident people. My husband is so ...


0 Comments, 95 Views, 7 Votes ,3.80 Score
Take her to paradise with your kiss!!!   1/10/2006

Take her to paradise with your kiss!!! <br> At the end of a first date comes that awkward moment when you must decide if you want to kiss her or not. Also, if you do kiss her it had better be good to make a favorable impression. It may not be fair, but some single women will judge you on your first kiss as to whether she would be attracted to you want to date you again. ...


0 Comments, 69 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
ricardo8in 46 M
1  Article
Make up your Mind   11/10/2005

Tell me, what is it with people these days? Breaking up is a thing of the past, at least a clean break is! I don't see what the hesitation is to depart from the jaws of life(excuse the analagy I used, but come on)get real. Why do people both male and female, I'll be sure to implament both sex, because I don't want to come off as byass. Some people have a problem with separation, I ...


1 Comments, 113 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
INSCRIPTION PROBLEM   11/8/2005

According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated, "Wash. Biol. Surv." until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper: "Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of ...


0 Comments, 110 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
WELFARE APPLICATIONS   11/8/2005

For those unfamiliar, Welfare payments are made in the US to individuals and families with income below a level. The following quotations are taken from actual letters received by the Welfare Department in applications for support of receiving payments. 1. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper. 2. I ...


0 Comments, 185 Views, 10 Votes ,4.38 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
EVALUATING THIS PAINTING   11/8/2005

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their reserve, their calm, " muses the Brit. "They must be British." "Nonsense, " the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No clothes, no shelter, " the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being ...


0 Comments, 148 Views, 7 Votes ,5.59 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
NEW YORKERS ARRIVED   11/8/2005

One day at the entrance to heaven, St. Peter saw a New York street gang. walk up to the Pearly Gates. This being a first, St. Peter ran to God and said, "God, there are some evil, thieving New Yorkers at the Pearly Gates. What do I do?". God replied, "Just do what you normally do with that type. Re-direct them down to hell." St. Peter went back to carry out the order and all of a sudden ...


0 Comments, 113 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
INDIANS AND POLISH   11/3/2005

There were two Indians and a Polish fellow walking along together in the desert, when, all of a sudden, one of the Indians took off and ran up a hill to the mouth of a cave. He stopped and hollered into the cave... "Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" and then listened very closely until he heard the answer..."Woooooo! Woooooo! Woooooo!" He then tore off his clothes and ran in to the cave. The ...


0 Comments, 160 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
LEADER OF HMO   11/3/2005

Three people die, a Doctor a school teacher and the head of a large Healt Manage Organization (HM, when met at the pearly gates by St. Peter he asks the Doctor 'what did you do on Earth?' The Dotor replied, I healed the sick and if they could not pay I would do it for free. St. Peter told the Doctor, 'you may go in.' St. Peter then asked the teacher what she did, she replied, I ...


0 Comments, 118 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
STUPID PEOPLE STORY   11/3/2005

AHH, THAT'S BETTER! A judge in Louisville decided a jury went "a little bit too far" in recommending a sentence of 5, 005 years for a man who was convicted of five robberies and a kidnapping. The judge reduced the sentence to 1, 001 years.


0 Comments, 128 Views, 4 Votes ,2.47 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
SMART BLONDE?   11/3/2005

Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.


0 Comments, 125 Views, 3 Votes ,2.45 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
THE WIFE IS NOT SPEAKING TO ME   11/3/2005

One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried. "What's the matter?" the bartender asks. "My wife and I got into a fight, " explained the guy "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days." The bartender thought about this for a while. "But, isn't it a good thing that she ...


0 Comments, 240 Views, 20 Votes ,3.00 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
CANT FIND THE CAUSE OF PAIN   11/3/2005

As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking." "In that case, " said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober"


0 Comments, 130 Views, 5 Votes ,2.16 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
FILLING IN FOR ST. PETER   11/3/2005

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate he was asked by the gatekeeper: 'Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?' 'Yes, ' the professor ansvered. 'When I was a young candidate at the hospital of Saint Luke, we played soccer against at team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not see it so, and ...


0 Comments, 167 Views, 5 Votes ,1.84 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
TEXAS BUILDS IT LARGER   11/3/2005

A Texan, while visiting Toronto, found himself in the back seat of a taxi cab on the way to his hotel. Passing by the Royal York the Texan asked the cab driver "What's that building there?" "That's the Royal York Hotel" replied the cabbie. "The Royal York? How long did it take to build that?" asked the Texan. "About 12 years" replied the cabbie. <br> "12 years? We build 'em twice ...


1 Comments, 819 Views, 51 Votes ,6.19 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
SIGN AND NOTICES   11/3/2005

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations across the United States and rest of the world. Sign in a Rhodes tailor shop: "Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation." Sign from the Soviet Weekly: "There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15, 000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed ...


0 Comments, 109 Views, 1 Votes
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
THIS DOG IS ACTING BAD   11/3/2005

While waiting for a bus, the blind man's dog decided to go to the bathroom all over the blind man's legs. A passerby commented to the blind man, "What! That dog just went to the bathroom all over your legs, and you are petting him?! Are you crazy?" To which the blind man replied, "Madam, I am not petting him, I am feeling for his bottom, so I can kick him."


0 Comments, 118 Views, 3 Votes ,4.41 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
FINDING A CHINESE JEW   11/3/2005

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid, " asked Al, "are there any Jews in China?" "I don't know, " Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?" When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?" "I don't know sir, let me ask, " the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No, Chinese Jews." "Are you ...


0 Comments, 156 Views, 7 Votes ,5.59 Score
LegallyRomantic 47 M
33  Articles
A Man's Guide to PMS   9/26/2005

Folks, <br> I couldn't help not sharing this from my female best friend (thank you cdl107!). As a wine connoisseur, she loved this one... <br> ======================================= <br> A Man's Guide to PMS The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands! ...


2 Comments, 298 Views, 11 Votes ,1.67 Score
LegallyRomantic 47 M
33  Articles
Online Dating   9/23/2005

Son and Dad were having quality time as both were admiring how wonderful Mom is. The compliments came to an unexpected question... Son asks: "Daddy, where did I come from?" Dad says: "Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!" and ponders how to put it in words the lad can understand. "Well, " he finally says, "you see your Mom and I first ...


0 Comments, 222 Views, 8 Votes ,4.17 Score
LegallyRomantic 47 M
33  Articles
Battle of the Sexes   9/22/2005

Never try to outsmart a woman! There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died he said to his wife, "When I die. I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." <br> <br> And so he got his wife to promise him ...


1 Comments, 126 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
LegallyRomantic 47 M
33  Articles
A Virgin Tale   9/22/2005

Why you shouldn't die a virgin...... <br> A Virgin Tale In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone: "Born as a ...


0 Comments, 132 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
LegallyRomantic 47 M
33  Articles
Words with Two Meanings (Not the way the Webster's Dictionary would define)   9/20/2005

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female = Any part under a car's hood. Male = The fastener on a woman's bra. <br> 2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female = Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male = Playing football without a cup. <br> 3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female = The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. ...


0 Comments, 85 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
FINDING A HOUSE   9/17/2005

Two police officers saw this old woman staggering down the street, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decided to just drive her home. They loaded her into the police car and one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the woman where she lived, all she would say ...


0 Comments, 69 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
TRAVEL TO HEAVEN   9/17/2005

This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked ...


0 Comments, 88 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
WILL YOU MARRY ME?   9/17/2005

An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said "yes". The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny..." After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail, he got on the telephone and gave her a call. Embarrassed, he ...


0 Comments, 71 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
GETTING OLD WHEN...   9/17/2005

You know you're getting older when... Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work. You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere. Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D. Your children are beginning to look middle-aged. Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep. You look forward to a dull evening. Your knees buckle ...


0 Comments, 60 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
GURANTEED VISIT   9/17/2005

An elderly woman from Makati City decided to prepare her living will and make her final requests. She told her lawyers she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Mega Mall ShoeMart and some to clubs in Manila. "Shoe Mart! Mega Mall! Club!" the lawyer exclaimed. "Why to these places?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters and my ...


0 Comments, 54 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
I HAVE BAD NEWS   9/17/2005

The doctor tells his patient: "Well I have good news and bad news..." The patient says, "Lay it on me Doc. What's the bad news?" "You have Alzheimer's disease." "Good heavens! What's the good news?" "You can go home and forget about it!"


0 Comments, 51 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
NEW HEARING AID   9/17/2005

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." To which the ...


0 Comments, 49 Views, 0 Votes
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
MOVIES CHANGE   9/17/2005

For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents." "Well, sir, " the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to ...


0 Comments, 55 Views, 0 Votes
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
HARD OF HEARING   9/17/2005

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain't it?" "No, " the second man replied, "It's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a coke."


0 Comments, 61 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
GOOD AND BAD NEWS   9/17/2005

An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?" Patient: "Well, give me the bad news first." Doctor: "You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left." Patient: "OH NO! That's awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, ...


0 Comments, 54 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
WOMAN'S INSTRUCTIONS   9/17/2005

THE WOMAN'S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK: Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them. If they can put a man ...


0 Comments, 56 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
COMPUTER TERMINOLOGY   9/17/2005

Backup - What you do when you sight a skunk in the woods. Bar code - Them's the fight'n rules down da local tavern. Bug - The reason you is a giv'n for calling in sick. Byte - What yer pit bull dun to cusin Jethro. Cache - Needed when you go to da store. Chip - Yer cusin's uncle's mother's boyfriend's name. Terminal - Time to call da undertaker. Crash - When you go to Junior's party ...


0 Comments, 49 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY   9/17/2005

Artery -- Study of paintings Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U Caesarean section -- District in Rome Cat scan -- Searching for kitty Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her Colic -- Sheep dog Coma -- A punctuation mark Congenital -- Friendly D&C -- Where Washington is Diarrhea -- Journal of daily ...


0 Comments, 55 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
MY BOYFRIEND DID THIS TO ME   9/17/2005

A pretty girl went to church to make a confession to a priest, and the priest asked her what is the matter. She then said, "My boyfriend did something bad to me". The pastor kissed the pretty girl and said, "Did he do this to you"? and she said "no". The pastor hugged her and said, "Did he do this to you"? and she said, "no". The priest now pulled off her clothes and said, "Did he do this ...


0 Comments, 100 Views, 5 Votes ,5.43 Score
LegallyRomantic 47 M
33  Articles
What Bugs You?   9/16/2005

Out of boredom, a man who was in prison for so many years decided to train a cockroach to do tricks, sometimes errands for him. He trained it to do circles and flips with just hand gestures. He even trained it to get cigarettes from nearby prison cells. All of this took so many years of patience and trial and error skills. <br> Finally, the day came that he got paroled. As soon as ...


1 Comments, 104 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
DAUGHTER IS THE REWARD   9/15/2005

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this ...


0 Comments, 66 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
THE JEALOUS WIFE   9/15/2005

There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!" The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!"


0 Comments, 74 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
WIFE WENT SHOPPING   9/15/2005

"Cash, check or charge?" The store manager asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, the manager of the store notices a remote control for a television set in her purse. "Do you always carry your TV remote?" The manager asked. "No, " she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I ...


0 Comments, 65 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
CROWDED STORE   9/15/2005

It was the day of the big sale.Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30 AM which is the store's opening time. Long line of people in front of the crowded store are waiting for it to open. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's ...


0 Comments, 53 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
WIFE IS MISSING   9/15/2005

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."


0 Comments, 56 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
LegallyRomantic 47 M
33  Articles
Love is Like Gambling   9/4/2005

Hi folks, <br> I hardly ever gamble, even if Las Vegas is my old stomping ground, but i reckon I sure share this: <br> "Love is like Texas Hold'em Poker. Chip leader or not, before you push all your chips forward and say, {I'm all in!}, make sure you have the winning hand. Unlike money, no one should go bankrupt in love. It will really take time to earn it all back. ...


3 Comments, 185 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
TRUTH BEFORE DYING   9/3/2005

A man is almost about to die. As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, "I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them." His wife looked at him calmly and said, "Why do you think I gave ...


1 Comments, 106 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
CHANGE OF MIND   9/3/2005

My Ever-dearest Susan, <br> Sweetie of my heart. I've been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won't you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won't you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so. <br> ...


1 Comments, 104 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
BENEFITS OF ALZHEIMER'S   9/3/2005

Benefits of having Alzheimer's disease 5. You never have to watch reruns on television. 4. You are always meeting new people. 3. You don't have to remember the whines and complaints of your spouse. 2. You can hide your own Easter eggs. 1. Mysteries are always interesting.


0 Comments, 61 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
THE PRISON HOSPITAL   9/3/2005

Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place! Doctor: I am, bit by bit.


0 Comments, 71 Views, 4 Votes ,4.41 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
MICROSOFT VS. GM   9/3/2005

At a recent computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles/gal." Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement, "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?" ...


0 Comments, 62 Views, 1 Votes ,3.70 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
POSSIBLE IBM ACRONYMS   9/3/2005

IBM: It's Being Mended IBM: Inmense Ball of Muck IBM: I Believe in Memorex IBM: It's Better than Macintosh! IBM: Idiots Built Me IBM: Intense Bowel Movement IBM: Inferior But Marketable? IBM: I've Been Mislead IBM: It's Better Manually IBM: Infinitly Better Macintosh IBM: Indefinitly Boggled Machine IBM: I Bought a Mac IBM: I Blame Microsoft. IBM: I Bought Macintosh ...


0 Comments, 61 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
CONFUSION ABOUT Y2K   9/3/2005

Dear Boss, I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, boss, none of this Y to K dates problem makes any sense to me. At any rate I have finished converting all the months on all the company calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the following improved months: Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk. In addition, I have changed the days of the week, and ...


0 Comments, 59 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
GREAT NEWS FOR BILL GATES   9/3/2005

George Bush, Gloria M. Arroyo, and Bill Gates were called in by God. God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. Since things were so bad, he told the three that he was destroying the Earth in 3 days. They were all allowed to return to their homes and businesses and tell their friends and colleagues what was happening. God did tell them though, that no ...


0 Comments, 75 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
CAR BREAK TROUBLE   9/3/2005

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a ...


0 Comments, 73 Views, 2 Votes ,4.50 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
BILL GATES PICKS PUNISHMENT   9/3/2005

Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever. <br> Satan takes Bill Gates to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls ...


0 Comments, 81 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
LegallyRomantic 47 M
33  Articles
Steak Afficionado, Ya Right!   8/29/2005

Leaving in Las Vegas, I had a ton friends in the food business. A friend of mine, a server at Ceasar's Palace told me that this guy from school brought a date to the restaurant. The show off purposely flaunted his date to my friend. Even gave him a hard time, knowing that retaliation isn't possible. He ordered steak and requested it to be cooked "medium" (between medium rare and well ...


0 Comments, 94 Views, 2 Votes ,3.12 Score
LegallyRomantic 47 M
33  Articles
Breaking the Ice...   8/29/2005

A couple of teenagers were at their earliest stage in their relationship. One day, the guy visited, the sense of ackwardness was in the air. Moments later, the young man felt the call of nature in his stomach and gas wanted to let out. But no one in their right mind wouldn't hold that. Then on the other side of the table, the young lady kept sniffling her runny nose up and down her ...


6 Comments, 207 Views, 3 Votes ,0.98 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
BLIND MAN VISITS TEXAS   8/27/2005

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered "Everything is big in Texas." When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The ...


0 Comments, 114 Views, 8 Votes ,5.80 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
BLIND MAN TO SEE YOU   8/27/2005

A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. "There is a blind man to see you, " she says. "Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in." The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 ...


0 Comments, 92 Views, 7 Votes ,5.84 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
LOUD, MAD, OR SAD   8/27/2005

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"


0 Comments, 88 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
LOW SELF-ESTEEM   8/27/2005

A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist. He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better. <br> The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. Suddenly, ...


0 Comments, 87 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
SCARED SLEEPING   8/27/2005

Michael went to a psychiatrist. "Doc, " he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. "you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for two years, " said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do ...


0 Comments, 98 Views, 3 Votes ,4.90 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
QUALIFYING FOR HEAVEN   8/27/2005

Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. <br> St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it." <br> The teacher answered quickly, ...


0 Comments, 94 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
SUE OVER THE PROPERTY   8/27/2005

Did you know that heaven and hell are actually right next to each other? They are seperated by a big chain-link fence. Well, one day hell was having a big party and it got a little out of hand. God heard the ruckus and arrived to find his fence completely smashed by the wild partiers. He called the devil over and said "Look, Satan, you have to rebuild this fence." Satan agreed. The next day ...


0 Comments, 88 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
REWARDS OF GOODNESS   8/27/2005

Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, "I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie....Hell is waiting for you. <br> To the first man the Lord asked, "How many times did you cheat on your wife?" The first man replied, "Lord, I was a good husband. ...


0 Comments, 67 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
ENTERING INTO HEAVEN   8/27/2005

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?" "Baptist." "Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8." A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?" "Jewish." "Go to room 11, but be ...


0 Comments, 69 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
MYSTERIOUS DEATH   8/24/2005

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care Unit (ICU) where patients always died in the same bed, every Sunday morning at 11 a.m., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. Why the death? So the doctors decide to go down to the ICU ward to investigate the cause of the incidents. So on ...


0 Comments, 162 Views, 12 Votes ,5.63 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
SCHOOL DAYS   8/24/2005

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?" "Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters." "Get out of my classroom, " she yells, "I don't want to see you for ...


0 Comments, 64 Views, 6 Votes ,5.64 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING   8/24/2005

S.H.I.T. Special High Intensity Training -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained, through our program of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else. If you feel that you ...


0 Comments, 55 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
FRUIT CAKE RECIPE   8/24/2005

One cup water One cup sugar Four large eggs Two cups of dried fruit One teaspoon baking soda One teaspoon salt One cup brown sugar Lemon juice Nuts One bottle whisky <br> Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.Turn on the electric mixer, beat one ...


0 Comments, 47 Views, 2 Votes ,5.20 Score
leazl28 46 F
36  Articles
Coffee   8/20/2005

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you ...


0 Comments, 48 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
leazl28 46 F
36  Articles
The Beast   8/20/2005

Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby was losing his temper. "Be careful, " he said to his wife. "You will bring out the beast in me." "So what?" his wife shot back. "Who's afraid of a mouse?"


0 Comments, 47 Views, 0 Votes
leazl28 46 F
36  Articles
Stupid And Beautiful   8/20/2005

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"


0 Comments, 36 Views, 0 Votes
leazl28 46 F
36  Articles
Words   8/20/2005

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30, 000 to a man's 15, 000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men. The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


0 Comments, 45 Views, 0 Votes
leazl28 46 F
36  Articles
Understanding Women (A Man's Perspective)   8/20/2005

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.


0 Comments, 34 Views, 0 Votes
leazl28 46 F
36  Articles
Women Are Smarter Than Men   8/20/2005

Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary man, " he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman went home with Charles, and the next ...


0 Comments, 31 Views, 0 Votes
leazl28 46 F
36  Articles
Never try to outsmart a woman!   8/20/2005

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die. I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would ...


0 Comments, 35 Views, 1 Votes ,2.40 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
AIRLINE SAFETY   8/14/2005

A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time he tried, it was occupied. The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendant's ladies room, but cautioned him not to press any of the buttons. <br> There next to the paper roll were four buttons marked: WW WA PP ATR. Making the mistake soooo many men make of not ...


0 Comments, 74 Views, 5 Votes ,5.75 Score
_d_O_h_h_N_n_A_ 29 F
46  Articles
Compatibility Made Easy   8/12/2005

One of the main aspects to finding someone and remaining in a relationship is the matter of compatibility. Now there are obvious matches that are going nowhere, like a woman who is a corporate executive and has four cats trying to date a biker guy who parks his motorcycle in his living room. These two will not make it past the initial visit to each other's home. But what about the more ...


0 Comments, 80 Views, 0 Votes
_d_O_h_h_N_n_A_ 29 F
46  Articles
The Intoxicated Relationship Guide   8/12/2005

As American as apple pie, the ritual of social drinking has come to encompass several recipies and outcomes. A variety of activities include the process of loosening up a bit with a drink or two. The following guide represents a few examples of drinking and social mixtures and what to expect as an outcome. <br> AFTER-WORK DRINK: Most often delivered from the closest bar or lounge ...


0 Comments, 63 Views, 0 Votes
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
THE MOST FUN TO OPERATE ON   8/12/2005

Four surgeons were sitting around discussing who they like to operate on. <br> The first surgeon said, "I like operating on librarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order". <br> The second surgeon said, "I like operating on accountants. When you open them up everything is in numerical order". <br> The third surgeon said, "I like operating on ...


0 Comments, 171 Views, 10 Votes ,5.38 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
FUTURE HANDICAP   8/12/2005

George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted. <br> The first kid said, "I want to go to Disneyland." <br> George ...


0 Comments, 30 Views, 3 Votes ,5.39 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
AN ATHEIST AND A BEAR   8/12/2005

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the casue was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He ...


2 Comments, 175 Views, 8 Votes ,6.03 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
SUMO KAMIKAZE   8/12/2005

Three men, an Scot, an English man and a Sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building. The Scot jumped off and shouted ''God save Scotland!'' The English man jumped off and shouted ''God Save England!'' The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted ''God save the person who I land on!''


0 Comments, 82 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
BLONDE IN PAIN   8/12/2005

A blonde told her doctor that she was really worried because every part of her body hurt.The doctor looked concerned and said, "Show me where." <br> The blonde touched her own arm and screamed, "Ouch!" <br> Then she touched her leg and screamed, "Ouch!" <br> She touched her nose and cried, "Ouch!" <br> She looked at her doctor and said, "See? It hurts ...


0 Comments, 96 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
BAD FOOD   8/12/2005

A Doctor was addressing to a large audience:He said: "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG(Ajinomoto). High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long- term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is ...


0 Comments, 170 Views, 26 Votes ,5.94 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
NEVER SAY TO A COP   8/12/2005

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas) <br> 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. <br> 3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People? <br> 4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job! <br> 5. Are You Andy or Barney? <br> 6. I thought you had to be in ...


0 Comments, 58 Views, 5 Votes ,5.43 Score
leazl28 46 F
36  Articles
Brain Alertness!   8/12/2005

Dear relatives and friends ! > > As we grow older, it's important that we keep ourselves mentally alert. > > Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. The > saying; "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain. > > So below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of > intelligence. So, scroll ...


0 Comments, 44 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
AFTER THE MASS   8/11/2005

Dad: Walang kabuhay-buhay ang homily. Mom: Mali-Mali ang Organist! Sister: Sintunado ang choir. Bunso: Ano ba kayo, ano expect nyo...PISO lang naman offering nyo!


0 Comments, 57 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
CONFESSION   8/11/2005

Inside the Church while a man is confessing: Priest: What is your sin Son? Man: I am depressed Father. My son is a drug addict. My daughter is a prostitute, and my wife is a gambler. Priest: Disastrous! Is there anything positive in your life? Man: Yes! my AIDS test!


0 Comments, 85 Views, 8 Votes ,5.56 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
BEER STUDY   8/11/2005

Female Hormones Discovered In Beer! <br> Yesterday scientists suggested that in consideration of the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, men should take a look cutting back their beer consumption. <br> Scientists discovered the female hormones while conducting a study in which 100 men were fed a case of beer within a one ...


1 Comments, 110 Views, 7 Votes ,5.84 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
ONLY IN PHILIPPINES   8/11/2005

In Pamplona, Las Pinas: "TRUCKS FOR SELLS" Along a highway in Pampanga: "WE MAKE MODERN ANTIQUE FURNITURE" On a self-service restaurant in Cebu: "PLEASE HELP OUR COMFORT ROOM CLEAN" In a Baguio grocery: "FRESH FROZEN CHICKEN SOLD HERE" Club in Cubao: "NONE ID NOTHING ENTRY" Along Luneta Boulevard: "BAWAL TUMAE SA BULEVARD" On Jeepney and Bus signs: "BEFORE PAY, TELL ...


1 Comments, 82 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
A SHAVE AND A SHINE   8/11/2005

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight edge while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel ...


0 Comments, 65 Views, 9 Votes ,5.99 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
ALL I WANT IS A BEER   8/11/2005

A man was out of town on business. While sitting around his hotel he became bored.So he thought to himself, "Hmm, a beer would be really nice right now." So he began to wander the streets of the unfamiliar city, looking for a bar. And, after a few minutes he came across one.He casually went inside and took a seat at thebar. The bartender walks up and asks the man what he is drinking. ...


0 Comments, 84 Views, 7 Votes ,6.10 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
ART GALLERY NUDES   8/11/2005

A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the huband keeps looking. The wife asks, "What are you waiting for?" The husband replies, "Autumn"


0 Comments, 82 Views, 7 Votes ,5.59 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
MEN VS. WOMEN   8/10/2005

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend anda wife? A: 45 lbs. Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes. Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman? A: Sexual harassment. Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man? A: $3.99 a minute. Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead? A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up. ...


0 Comments, 56 Views, 9 Votes ,5.56 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
ONLY IN AMERICA   8/10/2005

...Do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. <br> ...Do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. <br> ...Do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. <br> ...Do we leave cars worth thousands of ...


0 Comments, 45 Views, 5 Votes ,4.77 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
EVER WONDER   8/10/2005

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests ...


0 Comments, 87 Views, 7 Votes ,5.33 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
2 ELEMENTS ADDED TO THE PERIODIC TABLE   8/10/2005

Two new elements added to the Periodic Table of the Elements: <br> 1. Element Name: WOMANIUM Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (Don't even go there) <br> Physical Properties:Generally soft and round in form.Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts when treated properly. Very Bitter if not used well. <br> Chemical Properties: Very active. Highly ...


1 Comments, 99 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
MODERN TIMES   8/10/2005

You know you're living in the modern age when... 1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3. 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have ...


0 Comments, 46 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
SAVING MONEY   8/9/2005

A couple, both age 78, went to a sex therapist`s office. The doctor asked "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There`s nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse, "and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an ...


1 Comments, 94 Views, 8 Votes ,6.26 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
LETTER FROM A CONCERNED SENIOR CITIZEN   8/9/2005

To Whom It May Concern; I am a senior citizen.During the Clinton Administration I had an extremely good and wellpaying job.I took numerous vacations and had several vacations homes.Since President Bush took office, I have watched my entire life change for the worse: I lost my job. I lost my two sons in that terrible Iraqi War. I lost my home. I lost my health insurance. As a matter of ...


0 Comments, 59 Views, 8 Votes ,5.80 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
THE BOSS   8/6/2005

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge. "I should be in charge, " said the brain, "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen". "I should be in charge, " said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away." "I should be in charge, " said the stomach, " because I ...


2 Comments, 190 Views, 7 Votes ,5.59 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
NEVER LOSE YOUR PHONE   8/6/2005

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a local golf club after a round, showering and getting ready for the 19th hole. Suddenly, a mobile phone on one of the benches rings.One of the men picks it up and the following conversation ensues: H: Hello W: Honey, it's me. Are you at the club? H: Yes. W: Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just ...


0 Comments, 86 Views, 8 Votes ,5.56 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
MALE SEX TEST   8/2/2005

Gentlemen Please Take the Following TEST 1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as: a) lovemaking b) screwing c) the pigskin bus pulling into tuna town 2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared: a) your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship b) your blood-test results c) five tequila ...


0 Comments, 129 Views, 10 Votes ,5.18 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
BILL GATE'S HARD DRIVE   8/2/2005

Did you hear that Bill Gates bought the world-wide rights to Viagra? He's renaming it MICROHARD


0 Comments, 76 Views, 7 Votes ,4.82 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
THE BEAR AND THE RABBIT   8/2/2005

There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other.One day, they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each three wishes.The bear went first and he said, "I wish to be the only male bear inthis forrest." Andhe got his wish. The rabbit said, "I want a motercycle helmet."And he got his wish. <br> The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in ...


0 Comments, 75 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
DR. LOVE   8/2/2005

A woman visiting her doctor’s office suddenly blurts out, “Doctor, kiss me!” The doctor looks at her and says that it would be against his code of ethics to kiss her. About 20 minutes later the woman shouts again, “Doctor, please, kiss me just once!” Again he refuses apologetically but says that as a doctor he simply cannot kiss her. Finally another ...


0 Comments, 71 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
MAGNUM PI   8/2/2005

A blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if the store carries extra-large condoms. “Yes we do, ” he says. “Would you like to buy some?” “No, ” she replies.“But do you mind if I wait around until someone does?”


0 Comments, 65 Views, 5 Votes ,5.10 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
THE LOOSE WOMAN   8/2/2005

A young lady in the maternity wardjust prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth. "I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies, OK do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife."No, no boyfriend either." "Do you have a partner then?" "No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own."After the birth the midwife again speaks to the ...


0 Comments, 83 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
60 THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A NAKED GUY   7/31/2005

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahh, it's cute. 3. Who circumcised you? 4. Why don't we just cuddle? 5. You know they have surgery to fix that. 6. It's more fun to look at. 7. Make it dance. 8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that. 9. Can I paint a smiley face on that? 10. It looks like a night crawler. 11. Wow, and your feet are so big. 12. My ...


0 Comments, 77 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
THE JEWISH VOTE   7/31/2005

I asked a Jew who he was going to vote for as president. He said, "Well, the last time Jews listened to a bush, they wandered in the desert for 40 years."


0 Comments, 83 Views, 6 Votes ,5.07 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
CHRISTMAS COP   7/31/2005

On Christmas morning, a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light, and next to him was a kid on his shiny new bike.The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"The kid said, "Yeah." The cop said, "Well, next year, tell Santa to put a taillight on that bike." The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a $20 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid ...


0 Comments, 75 Views, 6 Votes ,5.36 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
ADAM AND EVE   7/28/2005

Adam and Eve were standing opposite to each other when Adam got his first erection. The two watched, astonished, until Adam suddenly exclaimed, “Move aside -- I don't know how far its gonna go.”


0 Comments, 30 Views, 1 Votes ,5.00 Score
leazl28 46 F
36  Articles
The Pregnant Lady   7/26/2005

Subject: The Pregnant Lady <br> AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 - CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY. <br> A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. <br> She Immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. <br> The man seemed more amused. When on the ...


0 Comments, 148 Views, 7 Votes ,4.31 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
SHARING A MEAL   7/21/2005

The little old couple walked slowly into McDonalds that cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking. "Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!" <br> The little old ...


0 Comments, 80 Views, 9 Votes ,5.56 Score
Godiva23 36 F
5  Articles
youlll love the ending   7/18/2005

A FATHER'S PRIDE AND JOY...(you'll love the ending) <br> Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go to the rest room. The ones who stayed behind began to talk about their kids and their successes. <br> The first guy says: I am very proud of my son, he is my pride and joy. He started working at a very ...


0 Comments, 90 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Godiva23 36 F
5  Articles
explaination of life   7/8/2005

On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten." So God agreed. On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey ...


0 Comments, 147 Views, 10 Votes ,2.99 Score
innocent22 36 F
11  Articles
something touch your heart   7/8/2005

Sally jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: "How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?" <br> The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it." <br> Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my ...


0 Comments, 100 Views, 7 Votes ,5.08 Score
leazl28 46 F
36  Articles
THE BAPTIST BRA   7/5/2005

A man walked into the Women's Department of Macy's in New York city. > >He told the saleslady, "I would like a Baptist bra for my wife, size 36B." > >With a quizzical look, the saleslady asked, "What kind of bra?" He >repeated, "A Baptist bra. She said to tell you that she wanted a Baptist >bra and that you would know what she wanted." > >"Ah, ...


0 Comments, 127 Views, 4 Votes ,3.63 Score
Godiva23 36 F
5  Articles
untiring love   7/3/2005

Untiring Love <br> This is a true story that happened in Japan. <br> In order to renovate the house, someone in Japan tore open the wall. Japanese houses normally have a hollow space between the wooden walls. When tearing down the walls, he found that there was a lizard stuck there because a nail from outside was hammered into one of its feet. He saw this, felt ...


0 Comments, 184 Views, 15 Votes ,4.66 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
BURGER RESTAURANT   7/2/2005

A rather attractive woman goes up to the register in an upscale hamburger establishment. She gestures alluringly to a large man who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress is cheek, which is slowly turning a crimson red. "Are you theowner?" she asks, now softly stroking ...


0 Comments, 170 Views, 14 Votes ,5.22 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
SMART PILLS   7/2/2005

One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit shit. One of the boys said, ''What is that?''They're smart pills, '' said the other boy. ''Eat them and they'll make you smarter. So he ate them and said, ''These taste like shit.'' See, '' said the other boy, ''you're already getting smarter.''


0 Comments, 115 Views, 6 Votes ,4.79 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
DON'T LEAVE HIM HANGING   7/2/2005

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out. <br> When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna's heroic act she ...


0 Comments, 115 Views, 11 Votes ,5.22 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
RATHER HAVE A PUPPY   7/2/2005

A little boy and his dad were walking down the street whan they saw two dogs having sex. The little boy asks his father “Daddy, what are they doing?” The father says, “Making a puppy.” So they walk on and go home. A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, “Daddy, what are you doing?” The father ...


0 Comments, 126 Views, 8 Votes ,4.87 Score
yugituyk 39 M
10  Articles
Goat for Dinner?   6/30/2005

The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having <br> "Goat, " the little boy replied. "Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth. "Are you sure about that?" "Yep, " said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just as good as any to have the old ...


0 Comments, 116 Views, 5 Votes ,2.82 Score
wildwolf_ej69 37 M
9  Articles
im too good to be your man.....   6/29/2005

i had this relationship with a special person. i do consider her special because everytime that we are together i just feel so good and satisfied, but it makes me feel that something is so good can be wrong.. <br> she told me that everytime that we are together i really make her laugh, so i think its ok but after a long time i realized that what she wants from me is my sense of ...


0 Comments, 115 Views, 5 Votes ,1.51 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
GETTING OUT OF THE TICKET   6/29/2005

A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. <br> As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. <br> <br> "There's no way they can catch a BMW, " he thought to ...


0 Comments, 134 Views, 12 Votes ,4.39 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
WHOSE PROPERTY?   6/29/2005

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. <br> The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them. <br> The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification. After a long silence, the ...


0 Comments, 134 Views, 14 Votes ,4.58 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
PICTURE PERFECT   6/29/2005

A husband said to his wife, "I will take a photo of your breasts and frame it ." The wife said to her husband, "I will take a photo of your penis and enlarge it."


0 Comments, 149 Views, 11 Votes ,5.22 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
BLONDE'S BRAIN AT WORK   6/29/2005

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early. "Hey, girls, " says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know. <br> So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her ...


0 Comments, 119 Views, 7 Votes ,3.55 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
SMALL PROBLEM   6/29/2005

A woman keeps asking her husband if her boobs are so small. ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?'' she asks. The next day her husband buys her a mirror. Before bed, she always looks in the mirror and asks her husband, ''Does this shirt make them look bigger? Does this one make them look smaller?'' <br> Finally he gets so ...


0 Comments, 132 Views, 8 Votes ,3.94 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
A CHILD'S PRAYER   6/29/2005

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa." The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked. ...


0 Comments, 118 Views, 8 Votes ,4.17 Score
jinggoy143 36 M
113  Articles
THE FISH MARKET   6/29/2005

One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit. He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts. Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"


0 Comments, 179 Views, 11 Votes ,4.85 Score
adven2r_01 44 F
1  Article
distraught?!?   3/23/2005

When Ted was putting flowers on his Grandmother's grave he noticed a man, very distraught, in front of a tombstone several yards away. The man was on his knees, hands tightly clasped in front of him, rocking back and forth, head tilted upward to heaven, tears streaming down his cheeks, moaning softly, "Why did you die? Why did you die?" Over and over again. Ted was overcome with emotion ...


0 Comments, 121 Views, 5 Votes ,3.80 Score
ART_DIRECTOR 49 M
10  Articles
Love on the Street   2/20/2005

Such as walking hand to hand, kissing in the rain, dancing under street light....... <br> what reminds you "REAL LOVE" on the street ? A tree ? a leaf ? a stone ? .......... <br> or what is your best memory on street about love ? <br> or any fantasy ? imagination ? dream that you wanna live ? <br> Yes. i need your feelings about love at the ...


0 Comments, 261 Views, 11 Votes ,1.48 Score
soul_language08 44 F
38  Articles
(You Must Be A Good) Dentist   1/28/2005

A guy and a gal meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. <br> A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again. The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist." The guy, surprised, says "Yes....how did you figure that out?" "Easy, " she ...


0 Comments, 398 Views, 21 Votes ,5.11 Score
soul_language08 44 F
38  Articles
A Forwarded Joke   1/5/2005

There was this fellow who worked for the Post Office, whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day a letter came to his desk, addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought, "Oh boy, better open this one and see what it's all about." So, he opened it and it read: "Dear God, I am an 83- year-old widow living on a very small pension. Yesterday, someone ...


0 Comments, 252 Views, 26 Votes ,3.03 Score
soul_language08 44 F
38  Articles
Ano bang ginamit nyo?   1/5/2005

CENSUS: Misis, ilan ba ang anak nyo? <br> MISIS : walo po! <br> CENSUS: Ang dami naman! Hindi ba kayo gumamit ng pills, condom, withdrawal o kaya rhythm? <br> MRS. : Naku, hindi po! Bird lang po ng mister ko talaga! <br> <br> (Taken from Pinoy joke)


0 Comments, 268 Views, 22 Votes ,2.65 Score
soul_language08 44 F
38  Articles
Translations   12/31/2004

Ang English ng nagpakamatay, suicide. Namatay sa bahay, homicide. Namatay dahil sa daga, pesticide. Namatay na magkatabi, sidebyside. Namatay habang nakikipagtalik, insexticide.


0 Comments, 253 Views, 32 Votes ,3.33 Score
soul_language08 44 F
38  Articles
Headline News   12/31/2004

Sa ulo ng mga nagbabagang balita: isang babae ang sinaksak nang sinaksak ngayo'y patay na po sa sarap. Sa ulat pang-panahon isang bagyo ang papalapit ng papalapit pero ang nakakita'y papalayo ng papalayo...at sa balitang pampalakasan naman po: anak ng mayor nambugbog ng pulis nakulong ang pulis dahil sa palakasan.


0 Comments, 214 Views, 35 Votes ,4.12 Score
leazl28 46 F
36  Articles
Subject: So true > > >   12/29/2004

> While walking down the street one day a female head of state is > > tragically hit by a truck and dies. Her soul arrives in heaven and is > > met by St. Peter at the entrance. > > "Welcome to Heaven, " says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it > > seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these > > parts, you see, so we're not sure ...


0 Comments, 213 Views, 13 Votes ,5.16 Score
sexychickpinay 39 F
3  Articles
do you believe in love at first sight? or sex after sight?   12/14/2004

people who goes on seb... is it bad or what? some people if they want their ka eb or type they just throw in their selves AND bang in each others. damn is this what society is now? oh... ive heard lots of people doing the same thing and after seb they sometimes pregnant them. witout using any contraceptives... agre dis-agree? what ever. you should have not done it with someone you dont ...


1 Comments, 123 Views, 8 Votes ,2.32 Score
leazl28 46 F
36  Articles
ONE FLAW IN WOMEN   11/26/2004

By the time the Lord made woman, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?" <br> <br> And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a ...


0 Comments, 39 Views, 7 Votes ,5.08 Score
leazl28 46 F
36  Articles
SIGNS THAT WILL BRING A SMILE   11/26/2004

--- > > In a restroom: TOILET OUT OF ORDER, PLEASE USE FLOOR > BELOW. > > In a laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE > REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT. > > In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY > THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING > BOARD. > > Outside a secondhand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING, ...


0 Comments, 38 Views, 4 Votes ,5.57 Score
daveskyq 52 M
6  Articles
gloves,,,   10/24/2004

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his girlfriend's birthday and as they had not been dating for very long he decided after careful consideration that a pair of gloves would strike the right note, thoughtful but not too personal. <br> Accompanied by his girlfriend's sister he went to Harrods and bought a dainty pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for ...


0 Comments, 23 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
daveskyq 52 M
6  Articles
MEN   10/23/2004

Men are like ........Laxatives ....... They irritate the sh ! t; out of you. Men are like ......... Bananas ...... The older they get, the less firm they are. Men are like .......... Vacations ...... They never seem to be long enough. Men are like ......... Weather ...... Nothing can be done to change them. Men are like .......... Blenders ...... You need One, but you're not quite sure why. ...


0 Comments, 30 Views, 1 Votes ,1.10 Score
daveskyq 52 M
6  Articles
a dumb blonde,,,   10/23/2004

A blonde goes into a telegram office to send a message to her mother who is visiting relatives overseas. The man tells her it will be $300. She exclaims, "I don't have any money, but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother!" To that the man asks, "Anything?" And the blonde says, "Yes, anything!" With that, the man says, "Follow me." He takes her into the next room and ...


0 Comments, 30 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
daveskyq 52 M
6  Articles
always read the bible..   10/23/2004

A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, ...


0 Comments, 27 Views, 3 Votes ,3.92 Score
daveskyq 52 M
6  Articles
Men.....   10/23/2004

Men are like ........Laxatives ....... They irritate the sh ! t; out of you. Men are like ......... Bananas ...... The older they get, the less firm they are. Men are like .......... Vacations ...... They never seem to be long enough. Men are like ......... Weather ...... Nothing can be done to change them. Men are like .......... Blenders ...... You need One, but ...


0 Comments, 36 Views, 2 Votes ,3.81 Score
firstmonkey 43 M
1  Article
why   10/14/2004

bakit kapag nakakita ka ng dalawang babae naglalakad holding hands ok lang? bakit makakita ka ng dalawang lalaki naglalakad reaction mo eh eoyw!!!


0 Comments, 48 Views, 4 Votes ,3.25 Score
leazl28 46 F
36  Articles
Who wants to be a millionnaire?   10/10/2004

Host: What "N"(narra) is the Nat'l tree of the Phils? Contestant: niyog? Host: Mas matigas pa diyan Contestant: (in a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!!! <br> Host: Saang "B" (bagumbayan) binaril si Jose Rizal? Contestant: sa Back? Host: O sige, pwede rin na ang simula ay letter "L" (luneta) Contestant: Likod? Host: hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P." ang initials ng Modern name ...


0 Comments, 26 Views, 2 Votes ,2.42 Score
leazl28 46 F
36  Articles
If Noah Was A Filipino   10/5/2004

It is the year 2004 and Noah lives in the PHILIPPINES. The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In a flash of lightning, God delivered the ...


0 Comments, 45 Views, 3 Votes ,3.43 Score
chitsexify 58 F
21  Articles
How To Make Love With A PC   6/26/2004

Cyber...cyber...cyber! <br> On a CDROM, place your lady on your DESKTOP Shove your HARD DRIVE into her SOFTWARE Input...output...input...output...consistent in speed Now...DOWNLOADING You now have a FLOPPY DICK!!!


0 Comments, 93 Views, 31 Votes ,3.91 Score
timdog04 49 M
2  Articles
"Miracle Bra", make up= False Advertising   6/9/2004

Why do women get to "cheat"? When they package themselves with makeup, push-up bras, plastic surgery, and other false advertising techniques, shouldn't there be a disclaimer? I think that if I take a date out that's used these techniques to purposely deceive me, VISA should cover the tab... I didn't get what was advertised!


0 Comments, 29 Views, 27 Votes ,3.24 Score
boys vs. girls   6/2/2004

Message: <br> Tungkol sa pagiging patas sa ngalan ng pag- ibig, kami naman ang laging talo a, hindi kayo. Kami ang laging lugi, kami ang laging nawawalan at iniiwan. Kapag ngumiti ka na ng konti, nag-ayos ng konti, pagkakamalan ka nang malandi. Hindi pangseryosohang relasyon. Marinig lang nila na malakas kang magsalita, palengkera ka na. T.O. kagad sa ...


0 Comments, 37 Views, 35 Votes ,7.20 Score
simply_abbie 47 F
3  Articles
Pinoy's Food Trip--from a British point of view :)   4/27/2004

The article below is from a British journalist stationed in the Philippines. His observations are so hilarious!!!! This was written in 1999. <br> MATTER OF TASTE by Matthew Sutherland <br> I have now been in this country for over six years, and consider myself in most respects well-assimilated. However, there is one key step on the road to full assimilation which I ...


0 Comments, 63 Views, 163 Votes ,7.77 Score
maeng 30 F
4  Articles
Ngiti! ni Maeng   9/15/2003

Hatinggabi, malakas ang ulan… Habang hawak nya ang kamay ko, napatingin ako sa kanya. Nagising sa katotohanang kaibigan ko sya. Kaibigan ko lang sya! Ako mismo ang bumibitaw. Pilit na pinapakawala ang aking palad ngunit sadyang mahigpit ang kanyang pagkakahawak. Nagsasabing, “andito lang ako, di kita iiwan dahil kaibigan kita…” oo tama! Kaibigan! Isang parte ng ...


0 Comments, 28 Views, 23 Votes ,6.75 Score