I CAN'T BE MY EX's FRIEND
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Posted:May 25, 2009 3:27 pm
Last Updated:May 30, 2009 1:35 pm 11543 Views
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Hopeless.
Nonsense.
Waste of time.
Too much of negative descriptions. Funny but while reading a blog about making an ex as friend, I kept on laughing. If not because of what I experienced few hours ago my answer might be a big "YES". Now, i would like to agree with Manny a.k.a pinoylover that not all could be friends after the break-up.I dont want to dig deeper into any rationalization of this belief-- unless a person will learn to accept other's uniqueness and differences, understanding will never be achieved.
I do not know now how to continue this blog and how will i put together the pieces of this event. Time had moved swiftly that all i can recall is I left Phil. with a rosy environment believing that I have the love and dedication of my boyfriend or fiance (i dont know which is which). It was like, wow!!! after almost 6 years of on and off relation at least things had already defined clearly (that was my belief).Later last year, i was seeing the same pattern of events that warned me that another cooling off was about to come. I was right!!!
My boyfriend (ex-boyfriend), decided to go back to his former work with United Nation which brought him to his assignment in Dominican Republic.He got his access to enter US without any problems but I dont know again what happened that he ended pissed off because I can not accommodate his demands and gave an eternal silence for a certain period. Based on previous experiences with him, this means BYE (hayyy!!!!). So I am free now ( but this happened for nth time already).... Fastforward------> May 24, 2009, 9:00 pm.
I received a call, he is in Tucson, AZ. He will be around for a couple of days with some "friends". Since I was scheduled to come to the city on the Memorial Day to pick up some books, I agreed to meet him for a lunch. I never felt any excitement, I was just curious to see how he was doing after few months.
The meeting happened.
He is still handsome which projects the aura of a metro male. The persona which is extremely different than mine. In his casual clothes he looks so clean and neat. The typical him. In contrast, I looked like a typical county worker in my denim shorts, cotton shirt,slip ons while driving an '89 f250 truck.I already knew his reaction which I dont care to mind anymore.
He uttered the same line, reminding me when was the last time I had seen myself on the mirror (rude!!). It did not make any sense at all, coz I came to return his engagement ring which he had given 2 years ago.
I can not keep it. I can never be the display woman he wanted me to be. I can not spend 2 hours in front of the mirror painting my face. My hours are just too preciuos to be wasted.I have my vanities but I call them as proper way of taking care of myself specially my skin and hair. Sadly, it does not include all the superficial and artificial ingredients. Instead,I do it according to what I learn is right---proper diet, rest, exercise and lots of smile.I wear clothes based on what I call comfort and style not fashion.I have to excuse myself with all the tiring demands. I can not live with this kind of life forever.
Well, thats it...I was smiling while driving back home. It is impossible to believe that with all the differences we got I was able to stand him within 6 years. I also congratulate myself for maintaining a good record of honesty and loyalty within that period. I paid high respect to the relationship and it helped me a lot. It does'nt matter if he did otherwise.
Hopeless.
Nonsense.
Waste of Time.
Maybe....and I can never be his friend anymore. He is part of history that I will share with my in the future.
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HOMESICK
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Posted:May 24, 2009 9:52 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2009 11:03 pm 11711 Views
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My unexpected exodus here in US had left me no time to think about missing home and minding into some of my personal concerns. I was abruptly placed into responsibilities and my time was fully given to coping with my work scheds. My mind was busy thinking and learning the rules, systems and ways of US education. I did not even paid attention to the adjustment of the time zone---everything just slipped out of my mind due to my hectic work schedules.
NOW---it seems that I am paying the price.
Out of the blue, I felt the unexplainable HOMESICKNESS. I felt so lonely that I can not help myself anymore. I ended up crying and starting to pack my luggage. There is only one thing I wanted---to go home.I terribly miss my mom and my little boy. Things got worse when I heard my boy over the phone asking me an innocent question, who will bring him on the first day of school?
The world collapsed and I ended crying unconsolably.
I terribly missed home and it is very hard to live alone without anybody to talk with. Whew!!!
Unfortunately, I can not leave now, I have my commitment to work this summer. Hopefully, my days will be occupied again and I will temporarily forget my predicament. I am looking forward to live one day at a time because if I start to look at the years, I always found myself in the deep abyss of loneliness.
Tomorrow will be another day and eventually, I will be on my way home.
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Gracias-Adios
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Posted:May 24, 2009 12:18 am
Last Updated:May 24, 2009 9:58 pm 11494 Views
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My first academic year here in US had ended last Friday. The closing was highlighted with a ceremony for the 8th grade class transition to high school. During the ceremony, I can hardly open my eyes due to too much fatigue and stress. I was sooo tired. However, I kept myself alert as I listened to the speeches of our top 8th graders. My thoughts had also flown back to the issues and concerns I had faced within the last two weeks.
The budget cut had placed me to hold two positions---middle school and special education coordinator.I got challenges such as:
-facing the wrath of the board president for the retention of her to the middle school.
-coordinating with the high schools where my special education students will enter next school year.
-planning and preparing the grades, reports, book inventories, portfolio presentations of the 6th and 7th grades, moving out to the new classroom and proposed summer class program
Tough but little by little I was able to complete everything on time. I sincerely thought that I can not make it and I was even prepared to be terminated . I made it.
Anyway, I have some good consolations:
- one of my students was qualified for double promotion (7th to 9th grade).
- my three chillis(only God knows ) who refused to work on their portfolio last year had made it to the best work and academic excellence award this year.
- the city mayor had approved the accommodation of my students to various offices in the city hall as part of their volunteering program.
- my three boys had ended their probations with a very good record given by their probation officers.
-my students filed a protest when I requested to be tranferred to the 2nd grade.Decision: I have to stay in the Middle School next year and maybe for the years to come
My work is extremely tiring but as I look and count the joys over miseries, its the joys that I got the most. With a smile and gracias-adios to my students I closed my classroom and stepped out with a very light heart. I knew I had done my best this year. I need to catch with my sleep and be prepared for the opening of the summer school next week.
I will be standing in front of the incoming 6th graders with a smile and a greetings of Como esta and que paso? And on and on another dwindling and crazy days will happen. Good Luck to me.
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SOME TRUTH ABOUT MANNY "PACMAN" PACQUIAO
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Posted:May 10, 2009 7:07 pm
Last Updated:May 24, 2009 12:28 am 11547 Views
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Manny Pacquiao had once again proven his prowess in boxing last week. Its another pride for Filipinos ( with the exemptiion of Martin's ballad like rendention of Lupang Hinirang).Since I am a Filipina working here in the border and the fact that Manny had smacked several Mexican boxers, I always end up answering several questions about him. Majority of my students and some coteachers admire him so much to the point that they are asking me to bring some shirt or any memorabilias of Manny. I had given out 5 Pacman key chains which I kept from his unsuccesful election campaign, 4 shirts which I asked my bestfriend to be autographed and sent through my Filipino friends when they went home last December.Manny's stardom is unbeatable and somehow I have a pride everytime I hear people talk highly of him.
Yesterday, I was privileged to join a party in Tubac where there were some Filipinos present. The party was highlighted with the airing of Manny's recorded fight against Dela Joya and Hatton. Several white guests gave their impressions about the fight the the conversation had blown fully into topics about Manny's life and how he started his way into the limelight. There was one bisaya who hails from somewhere in Davao who acted as the major resource person of the conversation not only about Manny but about Gen. Santos City in general. I was just listening to his updates. Some were bit accurate specially about Manny's record as a professional boxers. However, when he started to talk about Manny's life as an ordinary "pan-de-sal" peddler of Rolee Bakeshop in Gensan, I knew that his accounts were all based on lies and intrigues that he might had read from the papers. He was very fascinated while enumerating the gossips of Manny's life and how worse Gensan city is.
Things that I did not take as a joke which I disagreed with. He looked at me and attempted to argue.Unluckily, I had known Manny since he was just a 13 year old boy who played boxing in the city boxing court every afternoon, who worked as bakery boy in Rolees Bakeshop after and his Nanay Dionisia who sold banana que in the streets of Labangal. I witnessed how Manny worked hard on his way to where he is now. I had heard how his coaches praised him for being submissive and obedient to all the instructions during his trainings. I was part of the program committee when he sought university admission in NDDU where I used to teach. There might be some flaws in his ways now but those are just tidbits compared to who the real Pacman is.
I am not a fan of boxing and to be specific of Manny but I admired him as real man who once dreamed and eventually turned his dreams into a reality. I am happy that with Manny our city became known and been recognized around the world. As an ordinary citizen of our city, I can not forego the instances when another Filipino will give out another information founded on intrigues and lies. If in case there is truth on it, its none of our business to speak something bad about the person who is not present.
I felt sorry for the man. I hope, he learned a lesson that next time before he opens his mouth to speak he should get a very good background of the people around him. Unluckily, I am from Gen. Santos City, a small city where accurate information can be obtained easily.
I also hope that next time wfilipinos will praise their kababayans who are doing great in their lines of interest and count it as pride too. No giving of side comments about the person's personal life as an indication of clear jealousy and envy.
Lastly, I hope that more Filipinos will learn to separate professional and personal aspects of life when giving impressions.
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MY ODYSSEY
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Posted:May 4, 2009 10:58 pm
Last Updated:May 10, 2009 6:23 pm 11565 Views
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I was first introduced to the book "Odyssey" by Homer when I was in 4th grade. I had seen an old tattered copy on my dad's desk and I was fascinated by the illustration of the cover page. I found myself reading the book despite the fact that I did not understand the majority of its vocabulary and I grasped very little of its plot.
I kept it and I reread the pages whenever I got time.I always go back to the travel of Odysseus and the highlights of winning the Trojan war. My ignorance of Greek mythology had ignited my fascination and considered this story as magical. When I graduated from elementary, I reread the whole book but this time, I had a broader understanding of the story because my vocabulary had widened too. I begun to love the book more. I still kept the old tattered version until I reached high school. Then my understanding of the story had deepen when I encountered the discussion in my world literature class during my sophomore year.
I dont know but this book had casted me a spell that every summer of each year I make it as a habit to reread the whole novel. Everytime I read, I got new understanding and I am more relaxed.
I am thankful that my mom had also given me a gift of a new copy on my 30th birthday. I lost an account if how many times I read the book but every time I do I am still captured and mesmerized by its magic.I am a restless traveller whose goals are to explore places and to learn from the experiences that come along the way. I am a dreamer who is aware that dreams must be transformed into reality. I am a fighter who knew that in every battle fought the wisdom I got makes me a winner. I am a teacher whose code of teaching is founded in the principle of love and care. I am who I am and that makes me daring and different.
Lately, I got these lines which I found very inspiring.
"Dreams surely are difficult, confusing, and not everything in them is brought to pass for mankind. For fleeting dreams have two gates: one is fashioned of horn and one of ivory. Those which pass through the one of sawn ivory are deceptive, bringing tidings which come to nought, but those which issue from the one of polished horn bring true results when a mortal sees them."
Something worth pondering.
In my personal odyssey I have a very good companion who had proven that with will and determination every journey will always end great and in every journey there are thorny and rough roads.
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SWINE FLU BLESSING
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Posted:May 4, 2009 6:48 pm
Last Updated:May 9, 2009 8:37 pm 11036 Views
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The swine flu paranoia has given one greatest benefit to me and to other workers in our little border city.
SCHOOLS ARE CLOSED FOR ONE WHOLE WEEK--- WE HAVE ONE WEEK BREAK.
REJOICE
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MY PROFILE
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Posted:May 1, 2009 5:21 am
Last Updated:May 4, 2009 11:38 pm 11100 Views
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One thing that I enjoy here in fff is the chance to meet various kinds of people and if luck will wink, to see some spectacular dramas. For personal and emotional growth and assessment, the nonsense mails and provoking comments from some unique individuals will test the tolerance of the situation. Very enriching.
I have been receiving mails questioning the specifity of my profile most particularly to the qualities I am looking and my expectations. In short, questions to probe my standards.I often smile as I take note that I am a standard member therefore, it follows that I need to state my standards too ( jaz kiddin' ).
Seriously, I never have any specific standards in my profile because of the following reasons:
1. Blogging is the main reason why I am here and I realized that I am meeting more sensible people in my blog page rather than in exchanging mails and chatting.
2. Standards will just tire and burn me up. I can not expect to find a person according to my perfect desire because I am pretty sure that no one is perfectly molded according to what I wanted.
My decision: Leave things the way they are. Let others keep their identity. Expect nothing.INSTEAD; Provide accommodations and make the most out of difference.
It's always great to enjoy a life which is free from hassles and imaginary fence of expectations.Conditional regards are things of the past and they dont make sense to me. Wisdom knows no limits and no boundaries.I explore, dare, experience and learn.Afterwards, I decide. My life is what I make it and I want to share the same philosphy with anybody around me. In work, I always move based on the standards because thats how things are defined. I just want to make a difference in my personal life. Most of all, I just want myself to be happy. This is my concrete definition of happiness that I would like to share with somebody whom I allowed and will allow to join my world.
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JUST BACK FROM MEXICO
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Posted:Apr 28, 2009 4:38 pm
Last Updated:May 1, 2009 4:56 am 11160 Views
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After one week of explorations with my middle schoolers am back. After one week of sleeping in various camping grounds am back to sleep on a real bed. This is the most exciting experience for my middle schoolers but the worst for me and my assistant.Very tiring that I can hardly step my legs when I got back to our school.
The first trip was with my 8th graders. It was very educational for me and my students because we had a very good opportunity to enjoy the beauty of Kartcher Caverns and the damaged ecosystem of Bissbee. The side tours to Sierra Vista and Thombstone were highlighted with the biggest Rosebush visit. This three-day tour was extremely amazing.
After three days, I went back to bring a bigger bag for another 4 days integration of my 6th and 7th graders in Magdalena, Mexico where we had stayed in a ranch that advocates organic farming and biodiversified techniques. This one was not funny. Reasons:
a) I brought 20 squirming and squiggling middle schoolers with only one assistant(the ranch staff helped me still,most responsibilities were mine).
b) Swine flu outbreak scared me really.
c)The towering responsibilities were overwhelming too.
However, I cant make a choice I am a teacher. My assistant and I had tried to figure out how to handle things and I had seen from my principal and director that they were so hesistant when they left us in the campsite. To cut this tory short, things went well, I talked to my seriously to explain to them our objectives and expectations. They did take everything seriously and we went back to US energized and filled with great experience about living in a very remote and opposite environment.
It was a very challenging experience and a whole lot of work for me and my assistant. Keeping the safe while sleeping in the midst of camp ground us to take turn waking up and watch the sorroundings.
My class learned how things were done in Mexico and I did learn too. We went to visit the burial ground of Fr. Kino, the catholic missionary who is very significant in our county seal. The issue of swine flu outbreak was part of group discussion and a new perspective on how loosely the Mexican government deals with the condition was part of observation.Closing the establishments and giving the sense of holiday to many families is just turning things worst because they are carrying the virus all throughout the country. This also heightened my hesitation. I just keep my fingers crossed that we never got a single virus.
Well, I got back to my home and trying to recuperate and preparing myself for the next two major activities on the 1st and 5th of May where I will be bringing again my bunch of middle schoolers to Tucson to observe the events as part of their social awareness program.
Being a teacher is really a challenge but am glad my assistant and I are doing better.I am also thankful to my restless "gang" for being very cooperative and responsible because we had proven that the the impression of several people in our school is not true at all.
The greatest thing I learned is, the genuine TRUST that I had and have been giving to my students made them achieve the feeling of belongingness where they have been seeing their worth in all our activities. I stayed behind the scence as I gave them the freedom to accomplish things based on our objectives and rules and regulations.
In our way home, they were still squirming and squiggling and even terrorizong each other but their laughters and singings serve as the sweetest music to me and my assistant's ears.I was very tired and as I glanced to my assistant who was on the stirring wheel, we ended smiling as we gave our thumbs up.
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