IT MIGHT BE STRANGE BUT I AM SERIOUS
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Posted:Jun 17, 2009 11:10 pm
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2009 11:16 pm 11550 Views
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I am not aware that Father's Day is coming if not for my student who asked me about how Father's Day is celebrated in the Philippines.
I have to admit that my answer was based on the general description of what I had seen from other families and my friend's families. Personally, I can not give a very lively account of this occassion because I have never taken this celebration seriously.
I may have my biases on how I regard my parents but it doesnt mean that I dont love my dad. However, I got accustomed to how the way things are between the two of us.
When I was a young girl, I was my dad's pet. Until now, I treasure in my heart those moments that I spent with him, the times when he spoke highly of me towards his friends and our weekly trips to the ice cream parlor. I had also witnessed how my dad reacted when I got hurt by one of his workers bicycle. I was his princess.
Eventually, things had changed when I started to go against his will and refuted his ideals. His treats were realized that I ended working by myself in order to achieve my dreams. My dad is firm with his stands towards me. My mom can not do something to break it. I am branded as the black sheep and the brat in the whole clan.I have failed my dad's expectations for nth times already.I have trampled down his pride and smashed it into pieces. I dont know what really hurts my dad...
...maybe its the fact that of all his , I am a woman who never scared to go against his words. Thing that none of my brothers and sisters have done...
...maybe, I have never stayed long in our home. I live like a gypsy who will only find the way home if I got problems and I need a temporary place for free board and lodging.
...maybe it is because of my Dad's wounded pride and my stubborn nature that clashes regularly that have made things complicated.
All I know is----I just want to be who I am and in doing so, I have to pay the price of going against the tradition of my Patriarchal Family.
I might not be very close to my dad but I always acknowledge that in my veins run his blood and most of all I am bringing his family name.
As I look back to the things I have done and the accomplishments I have made, I can say that I have done better . I guess I have never deviated from my dad's expectations only I have choosen to perform in a different way.
I might be crazy sometimes but I also knew that...my childhood memories of dad's love will always entitle me to the strongest claim that 'MY DAD LOVES ME DEARLY" and I LOVE HIM TOO.
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO ALL FATHERS.
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I AM ENGAGED
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Posted:Jun 15, 2009 11:14 pm
Last Updated:Jun 17, 2009 4:12 pm 11989 Views
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....TO MY WORK....
GOOD THING, I STILL HAVE ONE
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"WALKING" TOWARDS LIFE FULFILLMENT
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Posted:Jun 10, 2009 6:42 pm
Last Updated:Jun 15, 2009 11:04 pm 11774 Views
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Walking is the skill that I mastered most. In my quest to achieve my goals in life, I literally become determined through walking. I did not own a car when I was in college until the earlier years of my budding teaching and business careers.While struggling to make both ends meet, I did not see car as my necessity especially that I was saving every single penny I earned. Keeping good health in order to walk was and is my priority, my way of saving and getting fit.
Eventually, I got a car (one of my friends who moved to NZ sold his car to me). The rising price of gas did not make me excited to own one. I bought it because I got a good deal from my friend and I knew how he took care of his running machine. I continued to walk and kept the car for emergency purposes. It was way back in the Philippines.
Here in US car is a necessity. I got an old f250 truck which is in a very good condition. It is a hand-me-down truck from my former American neighbor who moved to the Philippines in order to give justice to his retirement pension. My truck is very functional specially to my Filipino friends who need to haul their balikbayan boxes to Tucson. Whenever somebody moves to a new apartment, I transport their things through my truck.During furniture shoppings, I deliver every pieces to respective owners. Literally, I end up as our truck driver here near the border.
I live 1.5 mile away from my work place. In going to work, I seldom use my truck. I walk. I leave 1 hour before the time in and often I arrive at work with enough time to rest.In my daily walking routine, I meet regular people who become very familiar faces to me and I too with them. We exchange smiles and greetings.I also see the three squirrels near the riverbank everytime I cross the bridge. I enjoy the wonderful kisses of the morning and afternoon breeze. I take delight with the passing train along the railroad before I cross. I feel that I am not a stranger in this place anymore. I walk like one of the locals. My Filipino friends were surprised when they learned that I walk daily. My co-workers were even amazed when they saw me walking because they were borned and raised here but they never experienced walking along the streets ( No wonder majority are obese). Those are all initial reactions I got. Now, I am a regular walking vision to everybody.No one stops to offers me a ride anymore.
Personally, I merit a lot from walking. I easily adapt to my new place because I immediately get acquainted with the place and the people.This become possible because while walking I got a chance to observe intently the things that sorround me. I can climb the hills towards my apartment without catching breath ( I can even run up to the hill). I constantly increase my speed too. I get a free exercise and I am able to maintain my physical structure. I never gain weight and I got a good savings from gas.
Lately, one of my students walks with me. We meet every morning in front of the Circle K gasoline station and together we start our journey to school. Additional to my health benefit, I have develop a good rapport with my walking partner and we enjoy each others company. I do not terribly miss home because through my walkings, I eventually have a brother who walks with me daily.
Indeed, happiness and fulfillment are always kept behind the capacity to enjoy simple things in daily events of life.It only requires to walk an extra few miles beyond our daily routine to see what lies ahead. With proper time management and planning everything will be very easy and very possible.
Grab that shoes, take a deep breath and start to walk.
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MY MOST HUMILIATING ACT
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Posted:Jun 8, 2009 10:14 pm
Last Updated:Jun 15, 2009 11:02 pm 11883 Views
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I first known him in early 90's as an arrogant terminal "barker" for jeepneys bound to my hometown. My afternoon encounters with him led me to keep a deeply rooted hate that I vowed revenge when the right time comes. I was a naive high school girl who needed to commute everyday because my dad exiled me to another town to attend the laboratory high school of a certain state university. Transportation was then very difficult, and since I was a HS student, Mr. Jeepney Barker would always asked me to wait for a vancant in an extension ( its a piece of wood placed in between the iron bars @ the entrance of the jeep) because I was not paying the same fare as the adult passengers. Often, I had to wait for the last trip (6:00 pm) in order to ride because during rush hours passengers were too many. During rainy days, I soaked to death before I can get in to the jeep. I had to grit my teeth and considered My Jeepney Barker as Hitler who joined with my dad to punish me with faults that I had never committed.
I graduated high school, packed my bags and moved to Miagao, Iloilo to continue my college.After four years, I graduated,moved to Cebu City, worked in a marketing company for 2 years and went back again to my hometown as a struggling public school teacher.My routine of commuting in a public jeepney had reunited me with Mr. Jeepney Barker. This time, he was promoted into a Jeepney Driver and he was not young anymore.
Almost everyday, I had to take into his jeep in going to the same town where the school I was serving was located. I did not know if it was really my luck that whenever I came out to the jeepney stop, it was his turn to pick passengers. During those years, I had never given him a smile. I gave him the strictest look that I could project. I noticed that he was also hesitant towards me. I knew based on his familiar stares that he remembered me. The only difference was, I was not wearing my high school uniform anymore, instead,I was already wearing the dignified uniform of a public school teacher.
One mid day, I went home because I forgot my reports which were due to be submitted. I was cramming and jittering for I needed to beat the time. The "luck" had winked to me again. I had to take his jeep which was scheduled during that time. I was the only passenger in that unholy hour. Often, it will take several minutes or even hours before the jeep will be filled.I was really annoyed but I kept my composure. Suddenly, he started the engine and off we went to the highway. It was a relief and I did not care to ask why we left without waiting for more passengers. When we were near our place, I pulled a bigger bill from my wallet and gave it to him. I did not wait for a change because I was considering his lost on having me as his lone passenger. He stopped right in front of our house and when I was running out, he waved the bill to me.
I was irritated and I asked him how much more he wanted. My voice was a little bit high and rude. I was very sarcastic.
He looked at me and he answered humbly, "ma'am, I was waving the money because I wanted to return it and I wanted to ask you if you want me to wait for you so that you can come back to school immediately?".....
Oh, my Gracious God!!! I was so embarrased and I felt a ton of ice was poured upon me. I was so humiliated....When I looked at him again, I saw a tired, poor old man whose arrogance had been erased by the traces of life's difficulties. I forgot my reports and I forgot that I was in a hurry. I apologized and asked him to get into our house to eat his lunch.
He did not refuse and he admitted that he was really starving. My tears kept on coming down while I was gathering my reports from our study room.I did not even know what to say while I was requesting our helper to serve him his lunch.I was so ashamed with myself.
Until now, I can not forget that moment. Manong Carlos had taught me a very good lesson of humility and forgiveness. I am always thankful and I owe him a lot.
He is still driving and despite his retiring age, his expertise with the stirring wheel is beyond questions. He is very dedicated to his work. He is very patient and happy in doing his job. My confidence and trust to him is too much because everyday, he is making it sure that his little passenger comes and leaves school safely.
He had also solved the mystery of my commuting activities that he wanted to ask before.He takes care of the car and the house very well. Manong Carlos is already my family whom I entrusted not only the material possessions I gained but my most precious one--- MY .
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LUCKY DAY...
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Posted:Jun 6, 2009 11:51 pm
Last Updated:Jun 8, 2009 7:20 am 11572 Views
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is mine. Today, four strangers told me that I am "BEAUTIFUL".
Yeheyy!!!
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AN IRONY IS...
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Posted:Jun 3, 2009 2:47 pm
Last Updated:Jun 6, 2009 11:46 pm 11761 Views
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the once known tutor and teacher who worked hard in order to keep other people's climb to the top rank of honor list and pushed the about to fail to pass is now in biggest crisis of finding someone to do the work with her OWN .
Now that my is starting his formal school, I am not around to give him the dedication of the teacher that I used to give to my students and before.
I HOPE I CAN FIND THAT SOMEONE FOR MY 
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CAGED BIRD SINGS---DEDICATED TO ALL WOMEN
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Posted:May 30, 2009 2:07 pm
Last Updated:May 31, 2009 8:56 pm 11517 Views
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"This post is inspired by my former blog, I Can't be my Ex's Friend, and the responses I got from some women who dared to let go from chaotic set-up of unhappy relationships".
There are instances in life where you will meet a person who will paint another hues and contrasts of colors. The new experience will often give excitement and thrill simply because it had broken the routine that is used to be done daily. The world will eventually full of colors and the clouds will come down underneath the feet and walking through it is heavenly.This time is "the you mean the world to me" stage and I bet most relations have underwent this, that's why a more serious commitment happened next.
For some, this serious commitment serves as a binding contract or a virtual tie that sets the boundaries of does and don'ts. The does and dont's are plainly the "what I want and what you want" in order to have compatibility in the act of co-existence. Afetr defining the boundaries based on personal desires and caprices,the clouds and the colors started to be lifted and faded. Troubles of keeping the balance comes in. The uplifting relationship will turn to be punishing and choking. Oppression, demand and manipulation will then be part of vocabulary. Some will try to endure the condition hoping that one day things will be backed to normal. Some will abruptly pack their things and pretend that this chapter did not exist. Some will be left without any choice and be bounded in these conditions forever.
Sad, but it happens. Most of the time, it is the women who are prone to be drown and be binded in the deep abyss of a choking and unhappy relationship. There are several women who are left without a choice because of several reasons--, unable to stand alone, legal separation is way too expensive,over rated "LOVE", etc. etc.They became prisoners of an imaginary cage that little by little degrading their self-esteem and identity. Then, the cycle of this story goes on and on. It will affect the decision making, rearing and the over all conception of things.
I have meet several women who dared and succeeded in letting go and moving on. However,If we look into the ratio of daring women against those who end up drowning, the proportion is way too far. I am wondering, how many of our women remain in the cage and continue to sing their songs of griefs and lamentations.
Now, "I know why the caged bird sings", she wants to be free and fly again.
To all the women who are still inside the cage, the courage to dare always starts from deep within yourself.The process maybe hard and painful but the rewards are always lasting. In the end, you will surely win, simply, because, YOU ARE A WOMAN.
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IN DEEP CONTEMPLATION
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Posted:May 26, 2009 10:57 pm
Last Updated:May 31, 2009 8:52 pm 11488 Views
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Coming to US is a dream come true. It is infact a dream that I never expect to happen very soon. It strenghthened my faith that things will happen if they are meant to be. Kumbaga sa Filipino, "kung uukol, bubukol". Masarap sa pakiramdam.
I thought(and so my friends and parents are), I will stop my wanderings because I finally got myself here. However, I am once again hearing this tiny voice that prompts me to continue my wanderings.....it directs me again to move to other part of the world. Seems that the prompting is being intensified by the new opportunity that have been opened to me....The offer is good and worth considering.
Now, I am still thinking. I am looking for reasons. I am trying to answer the question. Do I have one big reason to stay here?
My answer will be determined soon. Meantime, I have to complete my commitment to my job this summer. Then I will see.
In moments like this, I have seen the advantage of being single and available. With no personal commitment and worries, moving is just a simple thing to do.
Well, this is me....A free wandering gypsy. Anyway, not all who wanders are lost. Like me, I am just seeking for reason---a reason that will tell me to stay.
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