In 21 days...
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Posted:Jun 3, 2005 4:16 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 2595 Views
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In 21 days..
There are lot of occasions to attend to, but it seems that I am not the kind who would pleasurably attend all those, I am not in the mood to socialize this time... socializing is one of the thing I have almost forgotten but good thing at least I tried hard enough to commit myself in once in awhile chosen few occasions to see.
It's Ryan's Birthday on the 6th, I was suprised that he's now 32, oh boy I told him his way much older than Tyler, yet Tyler thought he's too old. And yet Ry thinks he's still young. Funny isn't it?
Good thing Ry called me up this morning, I had to stop doing this and talk to him for as long as we are permmited to, I was so depressed and on the edge and so is he? I guess I became the center of Ry's mood swing nowadays, never failed to call on me whenever he wanted to share some things that went busted.
And he commented on what was Peter's sexual orientation is, he think he's a Bi.. ahhh... I laughed harder this time, why would he think of it that way when in fact Peter caught my fancy... aaahh.. it's down here. kidding.
Where's you fancy Ry? I know a friend who's fancy is on the two parts of her body.. her nipples..lol Sorry Mitch! peace!
Thank's for the call Ry...
Since I am talking about Bday's... it's my turn..
In 21 days.. I wonder what could be the greatest gift to have? It couldn't be the material stuff, but Ry, I know you know how I wanted that rainforest shampoo right?....and oohh don't forget my chocolates when you get here.
Ok, as I was saying, it couldn't be that material stuff, I am not the materialistic kind, One thing I am really hoping to get this time :
It could be the peace of mind, heart and myself. or maybe, I can request a gift from God, I will ask Him to give that "someone" to me. Aahhh... it's like a toy that I've wanted to have after all this time, and He is the only way I could get it. But I guess things are not meant for me when it is really not meant for me? But I'm just trying, who knows God might get tired of me from pleading too much about him. And He could just go and " Ok. my ... he is yours, but you should give up things that you know will makes you happy too" .. If that happens, I would trade in anything. Even is He says "ok, he'll be yours but I will turn you into a dog"... that's fine, I'll be a and he'll that someone who will take care of me as his pet. I wouldn't mind, at least I'm with him... awww... Yes, you got it, I have loved him as deep as the ocean, as far from Earth outside the Universe, as high as the highest mountain, as loud as how loud is, it's unfathomable, no scientist nor mathematician could define it.
Poetic huh?
In 21 days, I'll be 20. 20, not yet a girl not yet a woman. Guess you know what I mean?
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Let's play the game called " I gotcha "
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Posted:Jun 3, 2005 4:42 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 2812 Views
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"You cannot please everyone"
I know it's true, there are people who will stand by you, who will believe you and will surely keep an eye on you.
Worst is, there are also, people who you cannot please, whom you should never even try being a friend with. it's a waste of time...
worst comes to worst... worst of all people are those who can't do anything about thier lives. So they'll look for something to do. Even if it means wrecking other people's neck.
I decided to ignore things after this.. Never let other people win over the battle of nothingness.. and never let myself be hooked to something that is not true.
I am not guilty and there's no burden within that I am feeling, Just purely the emotions that is helping me to fight, but I ain't gonna fight for nothing.
There is really nothing going on. Why bother to answer people who only wants to win things over. They have nothing to regain... but I have something I would love tell them " Your'e the weakest Link,Goodbye"
You read it... and I have no intentions of minding your comments Mr...? what is your name? Mr... ahh.. there are lot of names you uses here, so how can I identify you, nice and safe game. I shall play with it too.
Where should we begin? or is it the game that I am playing now?
Ok.. I am liking it, I like it more when people is after me,so the more you be aggressive on me the more I will I be to you... I feel like a leading character from one of those suspense movie, ahhhh... come on... run after me, and I'll hide... oh no, I'm the lead character why should I hide?
Ok. what should I keep on my hands? a knife? a gun?
...Shall I slash your throat? nor stab you? what do you think a lead character should do when her life is being taken my horryfying dude like you?
Enough... enough is enough...
No, don't waste your time commenting on this, you know well that it will be deleted nor maybe your'e banned already but then again, you can have another alias here.
Do that, and again... I am telling you, youv'e no space here.
and please... for goodness sake, leave me alone...and I SHALL LEAVE YOU IN PEACE. RIP.
Thank you...
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Ang aking liham...
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Posted:Jun 2, 2005 2:05 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 2634 Views
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Mama Ivy,
Kamusta ka na? Marahil nagulat ka at ako ay napasulat sa iyo.
Tumawag ako kanina mga bandang alas-2 y medya, ngunit ikaw daw ay lumiban sa iyong trabaho ayon sa babaeng nakasagot ng telepono.
Nag-alala ako ng husto, napa-isip, alam ko na kahit masama ang iyong pakiramdam, pumapasok ka, Marahil nga ay iba ang dahilan kung gayon na lamang at pagliban mo. Iniisip kong ibang sakit ang iyong nararamdaman, iyon bang tipong hindi ka makabangon at masamang -masama ang pakiramdam mo. Ngunit, maaring hindi rin ganoon ang rason, siguro nga ay may problema ka, parang naramdaman ko ng nakausap kita na may bumabagabag sa iyo. Na parang hindi ka masaya. Na para bang iiyak ka.
Marahil nga ay masyado kong inisip ang sarili ko at hindi man lamang kita naisip, kung ano ba ang bumabagabag sa iyo. Kung ano ba ang mabigat sa iyong puso na hindi mo na makaya. Sana, naitanong ko man lamang sa iyo kung "ayos ka lang ba?"
Nag-alala talaga ako, sayang, di pa naman ako pumasok ngayon sa aking eskwelahan, mano naman kasi, umagang-umaga, bumuhos ang malakas na ulan. Mas masarap ata ang matulog kesa makinig sa klase na wala naman talagang patutunguhan, ano ba naman ang habol ng isang mag-aaral sa paaralan? di ba ang diploma? marahil, may matutunan ka, ngunit ang mga guro marahil, pera ang nasa mata habang nagtuturo, siguro habang nakatingin siya sa aming mga estudyante tingin niya sa mukha namin ay 500, o kaya 100, puedenng 50 lang, puede ring mukhang barya. Hahaha ( tawa pa, cge, tumawa ka ) Matinding pag-iisip ang katumbas nitong liham kong ito. Di pa nga ako sigurado kung tama ba, pero di bale na, ang mahalaga, naipahiwatig ko ang nais ko ipahiwatig sa simpleng paraan.
Minsan ang buhay kwela, may nakakabaliw na yugto, meron namang sobra na sa drama, mano bang ngayon ikaw ay tatawa, bukas naman parang kang sira at namugmugto na ang mata sa kaiiyak, pakiramdam ko ang buhay ay isang laruan, kung nais nito na ikaw ay paiyakin, pagaganahin ka nito at paiiyakin, pag bigla nitong gustong ikaw ay tumawa, bigla tatawa ka, lahat ata' ng tao baliw. Hindi na ako naniniwala na ang tao ay normal, nababaliw lang ito kung ito ay nakaranas ng matinding sakuna na nakaapekto ng kanyang pag-iisip. Ang alam ko lang, lahat ng tao simula ng ipinanganak ay baliw. Ahhh, ako ay baliw, baliw sa lahat ng bagay..
Baliw na umiibig, baliw na estudyante, baliw na kaibigan, baliw na mamayan ng bansang ito, baliw na sumasampalataya... oo, baliw ako. Eh ano naman? hindi naman masama maging baliw di bah? kailan ba naging mababang uri ng tao ang isang baliw? Hindi ba't pag ikaw ay baliw, ibig sabihin isa kang rason sa mundong ito, lahat ng gawin mo ay tama, dahil ikaw ay wala sa katinuan, kaya tama lang na baliw ako...
Ikaw, baliw ka rin ba?
Ito ay hindi isang sentimyento ng isang simpleng tao lang, espesyal ako, baliw ako eh. Pero di nga?
Ayos ka lang ba talaga? o baka nababaliw ka na rin?
Sabihin mo lang, maiintindihan ko, kasi normal tayo. Basta, ano man ang problema, di ako makikinig, ayokong makinig.. dahil lahat ng bagay na nangyayari sa buhay ng bawat isa ay isang laro. Laro ng baliw.
Ang Baliw. * bow*
May
P.S.
Mahal kita kaibigan.. ano man ang laro ng buhay, nandito ako para sa'yo. Handang magpakabaliw para lang may kasama ka.
Mahal mo rin ba ako? o baliw ka ring katulad ko?
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Haunted by You
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Posted:Jun 1, 2005 5:22 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 2846 Views
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It's not as what I am expecting of during a date.
How can I ever enjoy a date when I'm not focused on someone I am having a date with?
I'm always lost and my thoughts are preoccuppied of someone I thought I have finally forgot. I hate fooling myself.. I didn't ever forget. Never had a chance to have a peace of mind, it has always been him for quite sometime now. And is still hurting me.
Peter is such an amazing guy, filled with a lot of interesting knowledge and silly notions, but then again,
I don't think I appreciate him, It's not him whom I see just when he's right in front of me, it's someone else. It's not his voices that I am hearing when he speaks, it someone else's voice. It's not him whom I think of. It is definitely someone else.
Peter can be really responsible, he sweeps me off my feet, he makes me laugh, indeed I love his company, but I couldn't fnd my heart beating fast for him not unlike before when I was with that someone.
Somebody Help me, how can I move on when all I think of ... is HIM...
him who belongs in the past but existing today.
him who never fight with me but I fought hardly enough.
him who made me who I am now but gone somewhere.
him, I think is more than a soul that is haunting me.
I am being haunted by myself, being haunted by the beat of my heart, haunted by my own thoughts.
I wanted to forget... I wanted to move on...I want my life differently... but how and when?
Tell me.
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The privileges you might not get to enjoy
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Posted:May 30, 2005 4:26 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 2651 Views
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don't look at friends that were born rich and can afford to relax. you don't have that privilege.
don't look for true friends who will be there in your darkest hour. you don't have that privilege.
don't look for a partner who will fight side by side with you in your wars. you are a lone warrior. that's not your privilege.
don't look for a chance to receive an easier life on a golden platter. you are not privileged to have it.
your purpose is to fight everyday. even when you have no strength for it.
your purpose is to win wars for others. that is your ultimate joy.
your purpose is to eventually be empty, if that is the only way to fill your beloved.
your purpose is not for you.
until you win your cross.
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Take him.. away
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Posted:May 30, 2005 3:02 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 2636 Views
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i shivered
when i saw him
fluttering in
the lightest wind
i tried to snatch
and take him home
but he stang me
till i leeched
was it fear
or excitement
that he choked
me with desire
and regarded me
with suspicion,
belligerence
and ire
so now i
let him flicker
like a dying
of old hopes
not trying
nor waiting but
wishing thus far
that somebody
tames him
away from me…
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Art of Forgetting
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Posted:May 28, 2005 4:12 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 2612 Views
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Art Of Forgetting
In an attempt to ignore my periodic pain,
I decided to forget simple details of you,
One long day at a time.
Your face now lacks its expressive eyes,
Your tall nose now just a flat button,
The mouth I used to love, a rhombus
Irregular, pale and edgy.
Last week I removed your strong hands,
Stitched fingerless triangles to
Rusty iron arms that can’t bend to hug.
Your torso is roll of bubble wrap
Good for poking and pinching
At my fancy and whim.
Your legs are still the same,
Athletic bordering on bulky.
Your funny feet heavy as bricks.
Tomorrow will grow extra toes.
And turn to yellow jelly,
So you could wobble your way around,
Not that you ever firmly stood up for me before.
No matter how you finally turn out to be,
I will forget you, slowly and gracefully.
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They Must...
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Posted:May 28, 2005 12:21 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 2647 Views
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Some people say that everything happens for a reason. I say, this world is just a big stage, we are in a linear story line, whatever we do, for all it's worth, the director's ending shall happen.
People say everything happens for a reason. I believe them. And the biggest reason why things happen to you is:
THEY MUST!
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Imagine that...
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Posted:May 28, 2005 12:20 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 2564 Views
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Last night, I thought of selling my soul to the devil. The thought of having power over things coming from the other Him just intrigues me. The Girl in Ouija Board was so cool. She could hypnotize those who made her life miserable and have them put on plastic bags and burn it. That's one cool way of wasting those who hurt you.
It's also cool to make things work for you. To have all that you want. With a negligible amount of resistance. To feel so powerful.
But where is the challenge in it.
Let me tell you. The fact that woman will always look for a challenge in life makes it a challenge not to find challenge in things that he does. It's also challenging to make sense of the previous sentence (Harhar....)
But seriously, I'm only human. No matter how prone I am to doing evil things, I'm also prone to doing good things. So it's like a demon would be tempted to do good. Imagine that!
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People have more than one side.
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Posted:May 28, 2005 12:19 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 2712 Views
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The side that suffices is superficial. Even if they say that I'm real, you get what you see, don't be fooled. People are scheming. People are deceiving.
That makes the world a lonely place to live in.
You can never tell when people are being true to you. But you can always tell when they are not.
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