Direction
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Posted:May 21, 2005 3:38 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 2632 Views
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I need direction. A recent viewing on clueless has revealed what I have known for quite some time already.
The only place where I actually know what I'm doing is the mall.
God. how?
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Floating in the sea of my heart
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Posted:May 21, 2005 2:57 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 2517 Views
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The night was alive
We were free
We stayed together alongside
We stayed together 'til the day has ended
It happened so sudden
I know you haven't forgotten
That once, we became part
of each other's hearts, each other's lives
I never did regret
I met you
In fact I was blessed
Though you're not here
I don't feel blue
I'm just glad I've known you
For you make me feel brand new
Just thinking about you makes my heart feel so alive
How lovely you made me feel inside.
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Open up ... read this.....
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Posted:May 20, 2005 5:04 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 2611 Views
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I don't know how am I going to explain this but let me try to explain this as far as being fair is concern.
As you all know, I was Banned from the group of Single Moms. Being someone who never really jumps into a conclusion nor I'm not the kind who is hotheaded and as much as possible I always look on both sides, find for reasons and who always forgive.. I sent a message to thier moderator to find out what's the reasons behind all these,( which I am not going to mention anymore as I wanted to be fair to them ( though, thier reason was most likely signifies them as unfair people, but let us respect that. Vanity is not what I intend to let grow within my innermost characteristic.).. but them again, as I visualize thier reasons and try to contemplate on it, I made a sure and exact impression to what kind of people are these.... though I have so much respect to them ( I guess I am starting to forget that word ), because most of thier members are the seniority of this blogs section....
One thing I'd like them to realize, they'll never have more members if they will keep on suspecting all the newbies here.And jump into a exact decision when they found out that a newbie is stronly supporting thier _______
Another is, I maybe strongly supporting thier _______ ,but that was unintentional supporting as that person maybe is maybe supporting my blogs too.. it's just an interaction basis, in case you do not know what that is, then I am sorry. Learn what is a real interaction is.
Somehow, they are interacting too but only to the flow of people whom they only know and been a good co-bloggers too.. meaning, they only interact to the people or members of whom theyr'e at ease and known to and known of.. The flow of thier interaction only goes beyond thier circle and other than... then... forget it. Isn't selfishness? I guess not for them.. but all of you bloggers here.... whatcha think?
Otherwise, I am innocent .. innocent to what thier past are ( for all I care) and I don't wanna be a part of it and I don't wanna find out... if they continue living from thier past most likely they'll never get the respect they should gain as they were older.
On the other hand.. speaking of older... they should know that they should not act as how they reacted when I joined and found out something... that because it's a sign of growing older yet thinking younger... oopppsss.. I respect you all mother.
Last, This is not a backfight post..... and please... any violent reaction is not welcome. I have respected your decision, and please do the same thing to this blog.
And live with it.
May
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I was BANNED?
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Posted:May 20, 2005 2:54 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 2679 Views
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I was browsing the groups, and decided to join SINGLE MOMS HAVE ALL THE FUN...
Being eager to be a part of the group though I wasn't a mom yet, I joined and posted my first ever response... when I come back to check out again the topic, I posted my second response and I just found out that I was banned in the group.
Anyhow, I couldn't think of any reasons to be banned in the group.. no offense words, statements nor bad words. Just plain response.
What could be the other reasons to be banned? don't you think the moderator has her own reason, nor personal reason for doing such? ( I mean banned me in the group without a valid reason...) no.... I don't know yet.. I'd like to know the reasons first before jumping into any conclusions... play it fair...
right?
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Waking Hour
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Posted:May 19, 2005 6:52 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 2631 Views
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Over and over this has always been my life
It has always been the same words I hear
Those words that break my heart
Making me feel even more depressed
Making me feel even more worthless
Oh they hate me, the world hates me
My mother hates me
Tears poured on my face
And my heart is broken n half.
Maybe the world is not my life, my place, my anything
And now nothing could ever be done with my sorry, aching heart
Why do I always have to enter this kind of life
It's so hard
It's killing me.
I looked at the mirror
and tears streaming down my face
I stood in front of the mirror
with uncontrolled tears
I hope my mother won't see me crying.
So she wouldn't be bothered 'bout me.
Maybe she's tired of me.
Yes, I am alone
Alone in this world
And nobody's there to help me
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Ordinary People
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Posted:May 18, 2005 5:07 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 2498 Views
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I rarely post lyrics here but when I do, I always make it a point to post the lyrics of a very great song...
This song is making it's way big to the radio industry and I must say a lot of people fell inlove with it...
"Ordinary People"
John Legend
[Verse 1]
Girl im in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday
[Bridge]
I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow
[Chorus]
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow
[Verse 2]
This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss then we make up on the way
[Bridge]
I hang up you call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay
[Chorus]
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow
[Verse 3]
Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know baby youuuu and I
[Chorus]
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Heyyy)
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow
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Road Rage Through The Short Cut
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Posted:May 18, 2005 2:12 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 3000 Views
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"...and i'm so sad
like a good book I can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale with you
a sorta fairytale with you..."
Once again, I find myself listening to Tori Amos. And once again, I find within me an immensely charged desire to write and write and write. Yes. Call it punishment. My most beautiful, self-inflicted punishment...when I am left to my thoughts, when I am feeling nothing but a sense of detachment, when I feel nothing inside of me and I let my mind churn out what my heart should be feeling. I have just added another adjective, another ugly pin I'm sticking to the coat I wear. Unregretful.
It happened just today, although I knew it was long overdue. It had started with a passionate kiss 5 months ago...one that had lingering effects, its beautiful tendrils still clutching precariously at my heart. Technically, it wasn't really forbidden. The Kissee had already broken free of the ties that had The Kissee bound...and The Kisser was already way into the dissolution of the current relationship at that time. And each of their reasons were reasons totally separate from one another. I would not be a hypocrite to say that there wasn't any attraction and feelings involved. First of all, how can one kiss another person if there isn't any attraction and feelings involved at all? And so, I admit...there was attraction and feelings. A great deal of attraction, and a great deal of feelings. I guess that pretty much details what had happened.
Life offers no secrets. Secrets only remain so until the predestined time they're divulged. The time of divulging was today. It was not from my lips that this poison was tasted, although it was from my lips that its deadly drop was created. . I said I was sorry to myself for giving in but there is not regret beyond everything that has happened.
And it IS true. I am sorry. Sorry even until now. I am sorry for the situation we are all in at the moment. I am sorry to hear myself sobs as I begged me not to hurt myself even more. But I REALLY did not apologize, did I? I merely said I was sorry. Truth be told, I feel no remorse.
I am a bad, bad person. The cold-hearted bitch a thousand times magnified. This is what I know as fact, and with that knowledge, I should be hurting, condemning myself to fiery gates...but I am not...at least not yet. There's just so many things in front of me right now, and I cannot waste time hurting. I'll hurt some other day.
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The Sun Comes Down Tomorrow
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Posted:May 17, 2005 3:27 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 2652 Views
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< hmmm, doing this in a rush >
Tomorrow's quite a bad day for anything, especially for giving answers. The fact that absolutely nobody can handle the truth is quite something for talk, although I've resigned myself to the fact that there are some things that should happen if I'm going to escape this reality with my soul intact.
They want answers, they'll get it. Nobody can handle the truth. Neither would they be wont to ask me for anything other than that. The machine may be paralyzed, but I could care less about it functioning with one gear less. But if the sun does come down tomorrow there's nothing else I could do...
No betting your dollar bottom here. Tomorrow's going to be one helluva day.
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I remember you:...
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Posted:May 17, 2005 3:25 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 2681 Views
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I remember you:
when it snows in the foothills
on languid afternoons
in the hushed twilight
on Thursdays at 5
in the freeway where all the lanes but mine are moving
in the smell of a new book
from red bottles
during Februaries
when the cat begs to be let in
in archaic negations
and an irrevocable promise
with your plane ticket in hand
at every game, set, match point
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Merrily I Go Along
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Posted:May 16, 2005 5:10 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 2755 Views
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Once in a while you just wake up, look around and suddenly feel like everythings just so wrong. Its a weird feeling--slowly tugging at your soul telling you that somehow you dont belong here in this world. That somehow you're acting out some else's life. Living out someone else's dream.
You realize that this time its not a question of whether the cup is half full or empty anymore. Its whether you heed life's writing on the wall or take up the challenge and pick up the gauntlet that the same hand threw down after writing.
Its like walking around lost, confused and alone, looking back from time to time wondering if the lesser-trod path was really the right choice. That maybe, just maybe, there might have been another lane you could have taken. That maybe the last crossroad you just ran by could've taken you to a better place.
Once in a while you just wake up, look around and realize that you never really did live your dream. That you failed to save the world from the evils you swore against, or screwed up in making the difference that would have been your legacy.
That you're living your life not as you really want to. Not swimming against the deadly currents or even braving the stormy weather. Just staying afloat and paddling enough to survive.
That somehow nothing no longer stokes the flames that were once burning fiercely in your belly. Nothing no longer puts the gleam back in your eyes. That somehow, this nothingness that you feel has finally replaced the fullness of life you once had.
Once in a while you just wake up and realize that you no longer have a dream. You wake up and realize that you're living no life, fighting for no crusade, dying for no cause.
Come to think of it, theres not even a torch to pass on, nor an apprentice to continue the craft. You got the world on your shoulders, not knowing if you can even put it down. Was life really meant to be like this? You start to doubt that maybe, just maybe, this life you chose wasn't the one you were supposed to live.
And yet, despite this, you go on: Not caring whether you live or die, whether you win or lose. Not caring if you're going where you ought to go, no matter bleak or gloomy. No matter how lonely. Dispassionately, you try to find out what life has in store for you and throw everything into looking for a dream that you think you ought to have.
Once in a while you just wake up from your dreamless state. And sigh.
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