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Quote, unquote and misquote

I said I will be back perhaps wiser and younger. I am back, checked. Wiser? Learning to be. Younger? Damn I forgot to change those numbers around.
I have been reading your blogs many of you have mentioned their reasons for your blogs. Mine is just to share my experience, my thoughts and hopefully get an insight from you, make me wiser and have a good laugh
.

Will you quit smoking for your loved ones?
Posted:Apr 18, 2014 10:56 pm
Last Updated:May 29, 2014 7:14 am
138435 Views

I know that smokers know about the bad effects of smoking to the health. With all the educational campaigns of the Ministry of Health I guess only an idiot will not know. Yet smoking seem to be less harmful because the physical effect are not immediately obvious like alcohol or drugs.

Somehow I have taken it my personal mission to try and persuade someone to quit smoking in every opportunity I can. I don't want to mention the effect of smoking on the body because many authorities have done that again and again but it doesn't work. I have taken this as my personal mission since my late husband suffered from lung cancer.

Talking from experience the smokers are not the only victims of this grave addiction but as much as their family or people who love them.

Allow me to make a comparison to explain how people who love you feel. Lend me your imagination, make it as vivid as you can. Then you can understand what I'm talking about here.

Imagine the cigarette manufacturers are all big gang or empire or mafia whatever you may call them. They have people all over selling and promoting their products. Enticing you with your last drop of money to buy their products. Their bouncers or army are always on the watch and try to stop all those who attempt to persuade you to quit. Including people who love you.

Imagine every time your love ones tell you to stop smoking, their hands are held and mouth gag by the gangsters and what do you do? Nothing you just ignore them. Yet your loved ones do't stop asking you to quit until such time it get so bad and you get out of control. Your love ones tries harder but the more they try the harder it gets. Their hands are held , mouth gagged and now slapped in the face or kicked in the gut every time they tell you to please stop. OUCH! What do you do? Nothing, you turn your back and ignore them.

Then it get worse you get the cancer, this time it is too late. Your body was beaten by the cancer and your loved ones black, blue and down from all the emotional beatings. Yet they stick with you look after you when you are very sick. What do you do? Perhaps this time you quit or maybe not. This time around your love ones may not care about your quitting bcoz its too late. Your love ones will now be busy looking after you and perhaps finding money and cure for you. They may have given up asking you to quit but yet not given up on you.

The gangster , the mafia, the armies ah, they finally leave. Leaving your love ones emotionally bruised and now has to fight another emotional, physical and financial battle for you. What do you do? Nothing you can do at this time. You will be gone soon but the emotional trauma you will leave behind your love ones stay for a while not to mention financial burden.

What can you do now? Quit that's it!

PLEASE QUIT NOW, DON'T LET THESE CIGARETTE ARMY BEAT YOUR LOVE ONES
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4 Comments
Romantic Date
Posted:Apr 2, 2014 6:11 pm
Last Updated:Apr 8, 2014 11:02 pm
138401 Views

Someone: "What will be a romantic first date?"
Me: "If the 2 of you really like each other it will be romantic already the first time wherever you go or whatever you do. Even if you go to Luneta and eat fishball. The follow up date is a different story because there could be some expectations"

We sometimes forget simple things in life and the real purpose of the date. If we are talking about special someone and spending romantic time together then if there is romantic connection then we shouldn't sweat it out too much because being together on a date for the first time with someone you like romantically is romantic itself already. The challenge here is how to maintain and elevate that romantic interest.

The question by someone was followed up and explained that it is a friendly first date to get to know someone. Well if it is a friendly first date then you don't have to be very romantic either. I prefer that you be as natural as possible in order to know each other.

Having said that, that you don't have to be romantic on a first friendly date doesn't mean you shouldn't. You certainly can if you want to, specially if you want to impress. There is certainly a vast options there but first, I think there are 3 main things you need to consider before planning. First is it worth it? Second your budget and third your time.
So, when and how should we have romantic date?
After taking into consideration these 3 main things then you can plan.

Here are some of my ideas:

Flowers , most women love flowers so pick her up from her place and bring her flowers. Go for a walk and talk in a place after dinner where there are many flowers like the botanical garden.

Bring lots of humor. Make sure you remember some funny stories to break the ice specially. Make each other laugh out loud. So that you will both be smiling and thinking about the date until the following days.

Music brings out romance but if you go in a loud noisy club then you will not be able to talk. Just stay in a car then and cruise with soft music or park at a beach with soft music in the background. Your theme song might even come out this way.

Other things you can do:

Go on a cruise dinner.
Go to an arcade and play some games.
Go to one of your fave sports or sport you want to learn like bowling, archery, golf driving or even poker or other card game. Preferably where you are playing close to each other.
Attend to some charity events like charity dinner or ball.
Go shopping together and cook together.
Go on a picnic.

I'm sure there are a lot of suggestions out there. Can you please share it? What will be a romantic first date for you?

6 Comments
Love, love , love.
Posted:Mar 27, 2014 8:41 am
Last Updated:Mar 4, 2015 4:00 pm
138907 Views

I have been thinking lately, (yes I do think sometimes too you know) there is so much love around and yet it seem not enough. (See that's why I am thinking.) No one seem to get enough love but does anyone give lots of love? Maybe only mother Theresa. Who do we give love to or what do you love? Lets see by doing this exercise.

Close your eyes, concentrate and imagine you are in an empty white room. Think of the people you love, the things that you love, the place you love and what you love to do. Assign a wall for each category people, place, object and activity. Now every time you think of something imagine the word LOVE written on the assigned wall. Be very specific and vivid. Include colors and font. The bigger the love the bigger the letters, the happier they make you the prettier the letters. Do it for about 5-10 minutes and then take a clear mental picture.

Remember you have 4 walls, People, Places, Events and Objects. Now your walls will be full of the word LOVE. Which one has the most and which one has the biggest writings and which one has the smallest writings? I hope the people wall has the biggest writings because we should be loving people the most. I hope you included yourself in the people wall.

When you do this I hope it makes you feel better knowing that you have so much love in you.

Mother Theresa said:

It is not how much we DO but how much LOVE we put in doing.
It is not how much we GIVE but how much LOVE we put in giving.

I love God, my parents, my family, my , my sisters, my friends, my colleagues, teachers, classmates.... I love work, I love the beach, I love sunshine, I love food.... See my walls are full.

So do you want to tell us who you love or what you love?


3 Comments
The Ideal Waistline.
Posted:Mar 26, 2014 10:48 am
Last Updated:Mar 28, 2014 9:08 am
138737 Views

Someone: "My husbands waist is 106 is that dangerous?"
Me: "ah, let me find out about it"

Geez, have you heard of such a thing? I wonder what these health scientists will be measuring next? Health is a lot about numbers did you notice? Our weight, our blood pressure, height, calorie intake, number of hours of sleep and yes the waist line. Seriously!

So what is the ideal waistline?
According to expert research a waistline of 80 cm (31.5 inches) in Asian women while 88 cm (34.64 in)in European/Caucasian women is a substantial risk. While in men a waistline of 90 cm (35 inches)or 104 cm (40.15) respectively puts them in substantial risk. In short a healthy waistline for Asian women should be less than 31.5, whew thank goodness I passed. Asian men ideally should have a waistline of less than 35. Please don't raise your eyebrows at me, google it and see for yourself. I did not make it up I swear.

But why the waistline? It is because Fat stored around your middle can put you at risk for high blood pressure, high blood cholesterol, type-2 diabetes, heart disease and stroke. Waist circumference is a good predictor of your risk for heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, high blood cholesterol and type-2 diabetes.

Hey wait, don't be too confident just because you have a smaller waist. There's more to check, the BMI or body mass index. And what is BMI? Body Mass Index is used to estimate your total amount of fat. It is only an approximate measure of the best weight for your health

How Is BMI Calculated?

To calculate your BMI, you will need to divide your weight in pounds by your height in inches squared and multiply that by 703. The formula is:
weight / [height (in inches)]2 x 703 or divide your weight in kilos by your height in meters. Now do some brain exercise do the calculation.

Once you have measured your BMI, you can determine your healthy weight range. If your BMI is:
Under 18.5 - you are very underweight and possibly malnourished.
18.5 to 24.9 - you have a healthy weight range for young and middle-aged adults.
25.0 to 29.9 - you are overweight
Over 30 - you are obese.

I'm just curious what is your BMI and waistline?


6 Comments
Panic attacks
Posted:Mar 25, 2014 2:42 pm
Last Updated:Jun 27, 2014 8:22 am
144205 Views

Very early yesterday, on my birthday, I had a call from s friend. I thought she was going to greet me although she has already done it the day before but no, she was in distress. My poor friend I wanted to hug her, calm her and be with her but I couldn't, all I could do was to talk to her to help her calm down.

Based on my experience she was having anxiety or panic attacks. It is normal for me to get calls like these at work but it is different if it is your friend or your family calling. I would like to do more for her but I couldn't. So I decided to blog about it hoping it will help others too.

So what is anxiety or panic attacks?

A panic attack is a brief episode of intense anxiety, which causes the physical sensations of fear. The symptoms can include a racing heartbeat, shortness of breath, dizziness, trembling and muscle tension. There could also be chest pain. profuse sweating, hot flushes, nausea, abdominal pain.

Some trigger factors include:

Chronic (ongoing) stress.
Acute stress (such as experiencing a traumatic event)
Habitual hyperventilation
Intense physical exercise
Excessive caffeine intake
Illness
A sudden change of environment

Apparently they are common, about 35% of population experience panic attacks at some point in their life. Without treatment prolonged and recurrent panic attack are disabling then it becomes a panic disorder.

What can be done?

If it is recurrent and disabling seek professional help.

Suggestions on how to cope with a panic attack include:

Avoid ‘self-talk’ that focuses your attention on your symptoms – don’t tell yourself ‘Stop panicking!’ or ‘Relax!’

Remind yourself that the symptoms of a panic attack are uncomfortable, but not life threatening. Reassure yourself that you’ve felt these feelings before and nothing bad happened to you.

Focus your attention on something outside your own body and symptoms. For example, distract yourself by counting backwards in threes from 100, recall the words from a favourite song or concentrate on the sights and sounds around you.

Fleeing from the situation will only reinforce the perception that your panic attacks are unbearable. If you sit and allow the symptoms to pass, you gain confidence in your ability to cope.

Have you ever experienced panic attack?
What did you do about it?
6 Comments
What makes a good conversation?
Posted:Mar 3, 2014 7:28 pm
Last Updated:Jun 3, 2014 3:19 am
148870 Views

Big sigh! i just finished chatting with this guy and I ended our chat with a sigh. Not a good sign you guessed. We have been chatting for over a month now and almost everyday for 2 to 4 hours a day. He is a good speaker (typer), very intelligent and highly qualified professional. He knows almost everything but oh boy how come lately I do not enjoy our conversation? Is it me or is it him?

There are of course obvious disadvantage of a chat firstly you don't hear the tone of voice and secondly you don't see the body language. There are obvious advantages too like you can pause and think for a moment without losing much momentum on the conversation, you can google answers and you can chat to as many as you can at the same time.

This guy who has very high IQ, can cook, can sing, can play a musical instruments, has high knowledge of technology. If I remember it right he knows 5 languages. Impressive? I am beginning to doubt it because of his conversation style. I say one short sentence and he'll say maybe 10. It's an exaggeration , yes. He is a good speaker alright but to be a good conversationalist one must be a good listener. Sometimes I think it is more fun to have a conversation with a taxi driver than him even though I secretly liked him.

Ah! (sigh again) How can I tell him? I tried to direct our conversation sometimes and turn it to fun, there were times I succeeded other times I failed, like today. Well at least I have something to blog about. Will this ever lead to something ? I told him before that he makes me look very dumb when chatting with him and that I am boring to chat with. He just said "no your not." Grrr! Did he get my message or he just took it literally.

I found these 12 Rules from Reader's Digest, this is written or sourced from a psychologist. Sometimes we do not practice what we know. I am posting them here and hopefully he can read them.

12 Golden Rules of Conversation:

1. Avoid unnecessary details ( I can't, even if I want to.)
2. Don’t ask another question before the first one has been answered.
3. Do not interrupt another while he is speaking.
4. Do not contradict, especially if it’s not important. (This is what I hate the most and it starts argument.)
5. Do not do all the talking. (Can someone tell him please?)
6. Don’t always be the hero of your story, however, the story should have a hero.
7. Choose a subject of mutual interest (Easy for others, the weather!)
8. Be a good listener. (Can you hear me?)
9. The conversation should be in harmony with the surroundings.
10. Do not exaggerate.
11. Do not misquote. (oops, guilty, I might have done this in my blog as you can see from my title.)
12. Cultivate tact.

I like this also from the Reader;s Digest article, my new signature:

“Use the quotation for the occasion; do not make an occasion for the quotation.”

I wan't to give up.

Will these chat dates have any future? What can you say?


9 Comments
Should adults be playing games?
Posted:Feb 27, 2014 9:28 pm
Last Updated:Mar 3, 2014 5:54 pm
148265 Views

What games did you play? This is literally speaking , real games or sports. Every time I think of my youth and my childhood it never fails to brighten my day specially when I think of the times that we played.

Studies show that as humans, play is hardwired into our genetic code. As humans, we crave the need to play because it is instinctive and fundamental to human existence.

As a back in the Philippines we never have to go far to play. No need to go to a park or field or a club. We played in the streets. know each other in the street. We played anything from play house , patintero, tumbang preso, chinese garter, football, tug of war. taguan and many more. We never get tired of them. I also played tex, bottle caps, rubber band, sipa and will you believe spiders?

When I was a I still played games like board games. Scrabble, chinese checker, monopoly, chess, dama, games of the general. Also played sports badminton and volleyball. There are also card games poker, black jack, lucky 9, forty one, tong-its.

Then came the high tech; game and watch , nintendo and atari. Who can forget the game arcades Fiesta Carnival in Cubao? The driving , hockey, shooting range and the lot. Remember pacman? Now the video games including online.

As we grow older we got so engrossed with building career, starting family, professional development that we forgot about playing games. Some of us took their games to professional level and turn it into a profession, a career or a gamble. Others are not so lucky but much more unfortunate are those who never outgrown playing games such that everything in life for them is just a game.

Even if we are already mature we should never stop playing games. Games has proven benefits. Play is extremely important for humans from birt. It is not meant to be just for . It is a form of release and connection that can tap the creativity and can allow you the chance to connect with your inner and the inner of others. Play is a state of mind, but it is also a state of body, emotion, and spirit.

Here are some of the benefit of Play:
1) Play can Inspire you to think Differently
2) Play can bring Greater Joy into your Life
3) Play is known to Reduce Stress
4) Play on a regular basis can Increase Longevity
5) Play can reduce Struggle, Conflict, and Worry
6) Play can increase your Sense of Lightness
7) Play can stimulate the Imagination, Curiosity, and Creativity
Play reduces the risk of Hypertension and Decreases Depression
9) Play can greatly Enhance your Energy Levels
10) Play can provide you with an Opportunity to Take Risks

So what play do you have in mind? What is your favorite? Make sure you put some play in your daily activities while you still can not just in your words or thought.

To me it doesn't matter what you play what is important is who we play with and that we have fun with it. Let's play "jack en poy" or "scissors , paper , rock"? Sinong matalo syang unggoy.

Have a fun filled play and games.


4 Comments
Do you believe in luck? What's luck got to do with it?
Posted:Feb 22, 2014 6:54 am
Last Updated:Apr 13, 2014 12:58 am
148115 Views

Someone: “If I am lucky, then the relationship may last forever."
Me: “I’m sorry but I don’t believe luck has anything to do in keeping a relationship.”

I feel like singing, “what’s luck (love) got to do, got to do with it?” What do I know I only have had 2 relationships in my life? First was when I was still in college that lasted only 1 month and the last one was with my late husband of 25 years and our relationship was 30 years. So yeah I do not know much about luck but I do believe that luck has nothing to do with keeping a relationship. I just know.

Since I do not know much I consulted a friend who is a nerdy psychologist. Let’s call him Dr Google. I find it that when you ask a nerd they don’t give a simple answer but will give you all research evidence too. I asked “does luck play a role in a relationship?”

The answer: There are elements in a relationship that are crucial so both people can be happy. Ask yourself if your relationship has trust, respect, loyalty, honesty and commitment. These are the building blocks that all good relationships are built on. If your relationship is lacking one of these elements, it spells trouble. One of the best signs that your relationship is worth saving is if you have all those fundamental elements in your relationship.

So that is the psychologists answer no mention of luck. This is not his only answer he also cited several articles from journals and gave me links to articles online, several of them, geez. As if I was doing a masters degree in relationship psychology. That is my punishment for asking a nerd. (Hey my friend if you are reading this, I am just adding spice to it don’t be mad, Ok? I really appreciate your professional input so please don’t ban me.)

This doesn’t mean I do not believe in luck. Our meeting of our future partner can be a pure luck or coincidence. Before jumping into a relationship if you want it to last then you should have those elements I mentioned above, if you do then you are ready to jump. This way we create our luck. Someone said luck is when preparedness meets opportunity so if you have those elements you just have to wait or look for opportunity. Maybe he or she is here and he/she is prepared too.

Cheers and best of luck to those who are prepared.

Are you prepared?
4 Comments
Friendship with a married man
Posted:Feb 18, 2014 11:52 am
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2014 6:47 pm
148686 Views

Hey don't jump into conclusion, hear me first. This was a topic of discussion in the chat room: if it is okay to become friend with a married man here in fff? Whoa what a response we got from some men. Some defensive, some favourable, others judgmental and one outright disgust and as usual others have no comment.

It was a hypothetical question and many good points where brought up. That's one thing good with chat you get answers straight away but usually mixed with odd posts.

My question was; if it is ok to be friend with a married man? By friend I meant platonic and the true meaning of it. No intimacy not like friends with benefits, just plain simple friendship. To be more specific this is a new friendship not a friendship before he was married and both are fff members.

Many were against it and these were points raised by men. One said that the temptation is there and friendship is where it starts. Another said many men who are married here are here to play. Someone said why a married man why not a single guy? If a married man is just looking for a friend he will not be looking from a dating website.

Those in favour argue that there are men who just want to chat.

It became a little heated discussion bringing suspicion that some of them in the room were actually married pretending to be single. Some walked out for some reason.

The conclusion in the end, BASED ON THEIR ANSWERS, was that it is not recommended it is almost taboo. This is SOME men's point of view. So heed the warning ladies.

So can there be a new platonic friendship with a married man from a dating site?

My take is, it is really up the people specially the woman if she can handle it. I also believe that the men will have some intention other than friendship. There are boundaries and we should be able to stay within those boundaries. I have seen it in real life that an innocent platonic friendship turned into a malicious intent.

What is your comment? What do you think? Could there be a new platonic friendship with a married man from a dating site?
13 Comments
Anger
Posted:Feb 13, 2014 6:34 pm
Last Updated:Mar 10, 2014 6:10 am
148419 Views

GRRR! #@! . Yes we do all experience anger at one time or others more often or more easily. We do react differently and we express our angers differently. Some can handle it easily and yet some couldn't. Anger is a universal reaction and is induced by several factors.

Anger is the reaction to injustice (perceived or real), to disagreements, to inconvenience. But the two main sources of anger are threat (a disagreement is potentially threatening) and injustice.

Anger is normal but can also be pathological. Normal anger is directed towards its source, it is an unpleasant emotion and it is intended to eliminate the discomfort or a threat. I agree anger is an unpleasant emotion so by all means we should try and avoid it. We often say someone or something made us angry but the reality is we bring this unpleasant emotion to us it is our reaction that sometimes we lose control of. I know it is easier said than done but if anger is controlled then the consequences will be more pleasant and more manageable.

Pathological anger is a different thing, while normal anger is directed towards another or a situation, pathological anger is directed towards oneself or even lack direction. The personality disordered are afraid to show that they are angry to meaningful others because they are afraid to lose them. These people prefer to direct their anger at people who are meaningless to them, people whose withdrawal will not constitute a threat to their precariously balanced personality. They yell at a waitress, berate a taxi driver, or explode at anyone other than people they care about. Alternatively, they sulk, pathologically bored, drink or do drugs – all forms of self-directed aggression. They are dangerous people who can harm an unsuspecting bystander.

From time to time, no longer able to pretend and to suppress, they have it out with the real source of their anger and then boom disaster, rage, danger and the worst happen. We have heard of stories like these, see them almost everyday in the news. I have said before anger is a devil's instrument avoid it if we can.

Most personality disordered people are prone to be angry. So beware of constantly angry people it may be a sign of some personality disorder.

You probably have guessed why I blog about this. Yes I am angry and when I am angry I try to analyze why and what will be the consequences of my reactions. I think before I react so I usually keep quiet and not talk. I also believe in staying silent if I don't have anything good to say. I say "usually" but sometimes I can't avoid it. I have regretted somethings I have said before because I was angry but NEVER regretted being silent when I was angry.

There are 3 things that will make me really angry and will never forgive: 1) infidelity 2) physical or verbal abuse 3) if you humiliate me.

What about you how do you manage anger? What will make you really angry?
6 Comments

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