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| Blogs > Bizzysback > Quote, unquote and misquote |
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When is long distance relationship, long enough? Way back in January I blogged about a guy asking if I want to be his on-line lover I thought that was a silly question and an obvious invitation to a game. Having said that I still believe that it is possible to really fall in love with someone you met on-line though I still don't believe you fall in-love on the first chat. I believe it takes time for the feelings to develop, though may not take that long. How soon you fall in love is not the problem but rather how long you stay in love. Particularly in a virtual, long distance relationship. In my case it doesn't take me that long to fall in love but I am in control of my emotions, most of the time. I can easily go into relationship because I believe you will only know the person really well when you are in a relationship. I can also easily turn my back once I know that the person is not what I thought he was or is not deserving of my attention or if I have been cheated on. I am totally devoted to someone deserving. Falling in love and going into long distance virtual relationship is possible. I also blogged about ways to make long distance relationship work. True,there are many ways to communicate. Text messages, emails, phone, social media and snail mail. You can even see each other on video cam. Like many things it is easier said than done. My dilemma is how long will such a relationship last? Is there a future for it to become real and proximal from virtual and distal? If so how long should you stay virtual? When do you pull the plug? I say if you are hoping for it to become real and you don't see signs of it becoming one, it's better to pull the plug as early as possible and move on. If all you hear are promises and nothing happens. If they avoid the topic of being together like a plague. If you are not included in their future plans. No attempt to introduce you to their families or friends or no discussion about them. If there's no real effort from them to be with you other than on-line. Only contacts you if they need something and doesn't really want to know what you have to say. Beware, these are alarm bells if you experience them , then thats a time to wake up, get up and move on with your life. If you are in a virtual relationship, when is enough, enough? When do you say this has got to stop? When is long distance relationship too long? One year or two? If it is an engagement how long should that be? “Use the quotation for the occasion; do not make an occasion for the quotation.” |
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11/16/2014 4:12 pm |
My first online relationship happened about 8 years ago with a guy from another part of the world. We talked for many weeks and we became really close. He was younger than I was and he was still living with family. And given that circumstance, I was able to meet his mom and his sister on webcam. Although our statures in life were quite different, this simple minded person easily rubbed off on me. The only problem we had back then was the time difference. I needed to wait till 4 AM till he got home from work so we could talk. After 8 or 9 weeks doing this almost everyday, it started to take its toll on my health. I didn't tell him this but he noticed easily. He didn't like it and he began to worry. I wouldn't budge though, because I really liked him. One early morning he pulled out his uniform and flashed it on his webcam. He said, "Vivian, I am a regular employee with a regular pay. It will take me 5 years to save up to come to the Philippines and marry you. By then you will be dead. We have to end this." After that day, he completely disappeared and that was my first online heartbreak. I don't think I will ever meet someone like that in the world wide web again. Sometimes things have to end due to circumstance. And these circumstances when it comes to online relationships can be an ocean of reasons ranging from the simplest to the toughest issues. In this case it was my time management coupled with his financial shortcomings. Online relationships can be real, but they are more difficult to nurture. I think when we treat them as something real, we don't have to put timelines to them. Like all relationships, they will end when they need to end or move forward naturally if they are strong enough to move forward. It really depends on you and on how brave you are to love partially or love completely. An online relationship should be treated like any regular relationship if you want it to go somewhere. Argue if you must, argue more if you need to understand. Do anything to make it happen, but never lie just to keep it going.
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Ta Jane that's definitely one for the book publication. I really learn a lot from you guys and I need to learn more before I jump into one. I must say I have missed or flop from the beginning and I am thankful for that because I am still learning and a lot more to learn. “Use the quotation for the occasion; do not make an occasion for the quotation.”
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My first online relationship happened about 8 years ago with a guy from another part of the world. We talked for many weeks and we became really close. He was younger than I was and he was still living with family. And given that circumstance, I was able to meet his mom and his sister on webcam. Although our statures in life were quite different, this simple minded person easily rubbed off on me. The only problem we had back then was the time difference. I needed to wait till 4 AM till he got home from work so we could talk. After 8 or 9 weeks doing this almost everyday, it started to take its toll on my health. I didn't tell him this but he noticed easily. He didn't like it and he began to worry. I wouldn't budge though, because I really liked him. One early morning he pulled out his uniform and flashed it on his webcam. He said, "Vivian, I am a regular employee with a regular pay. It will take me 5 years to save up to come to the Philippines and marry you. By then you will be dead. We have to end this." After that day, he completely disappeared and that was my first online heartbreak. I don't think I will ever meet someone like that in the world wide web again. Sometimes things have to end due to circumstance. And these circumstances when it comes to online relationships can be an ocean of reasons ranging from the simplest to the toughest issues. In this case it was my time management coupled with his financial shortcomings. Online relationships can be real, but they are more difficult to nurture. I think when we treat them as something real, we don't have to put timelines to them. Like all relationships, they will end when they need to end or move forward naturally if they are strong enough to move forward. It really depends on you and on how brave you are to love partially or love completely. An online relationship should be treated like any regular relationship if you want it to go somewhere. Argue if you must, argue more if you need to understand. Do anything to make it happen, but never lie just to keep it going. “Use the quotation for the occasion; do not make an occasion for the quotation.”
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hmmmm one comment from in here really piques my curiosity..and it arouses my interests..    “Use the quotation for the occasion; do not make an occasion for the quotation.”
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I have financial problem myself so if he is going to add to it he can keep it to himself. Just joking but I believe if there's a will there's a way. My daughter doesn't have a regular job and she only get paid minimal but she is able to find a way to travel to Pinas to meet and stay with her bf at least once a year. Hay pag-ibig, layuan mo ako. “Use the quotation for the occasion; do not make an occasion for the quotation.”
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Maybe others can answer that, I'm not in a position to reply , I have same question. “Use the quotation for the occasion; do not make an occasion for the quotation.”
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Ginawa ka tulad ni star gazer para mag tsuwari wari lng .wala kayong package deal na na mag blog ng sensible topics.para ma misled nyo readers.hahahaha.di katulad ni gab at otum lives.  I'm not Chester kung ako ang tinatanong mo. Si Che lang ako wala akong ster. “Use the quotation for the occasion; do not make an occasion for the quotation.”
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daiii believe in love but be wary with the lover..
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daiii believe in love but be wary with the lover.. “Use the quotation for the occasion; do not make an occasion for the quotation.”
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Great and inspiring comment QT. I agree love yourself first and like in my other blog, pre requisite to love, we have to meet our higher needs before we are capable of love, there are exemption of course like mother Theresa. “Use the quotation for the occasion; do not make an occasion for the quotation.”
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Thank you sis , we can all learn from others too. “Use the quotation for the occasion; do not make an occasion for the quotation.”
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11/30/2014 6:17 pm |
Thank you, that made me smile.  I'm no longer the risk taker I used to be. It took me many years to realize that being a hopeless romantic has its price - and for me that was time. Sometimes we persistently wait for the universe to fix things for us, but in fact it already has by telling us the truth. I spent many years behind close doors waiting for things to change, only to wake up one day with the realization that we can't change people. Now I know I should have opened those doors a long time ago. Both me and my x would have probably been happier today if we learned to accept things much earlier. I hope for you the best in your endeavors. May the universe shower your life with much love for your patience. Regardless of the path you take, your partner is very lucky to have had this time with you.
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Thank you for sharing your convo on my blog page. Wouldn't it be better if you do it on your pages? Far better if you message each other. A dozen love? now I think that's too much for Vivian, give some to the rest of us. “Use the quotation for the occasion; do not make an occasion for the quotation.”
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12/2/2014 2:12 pm |
LOL. Sorry Bizzy, you are by far the best blogger around here and we can't resist pouring out our crap in your blogs. It's all your fault.. lol. So I guess you will just have to live with it. I do have dozens of great loves, and even more.. they are called shoes. I haven't even gotten around to wearing a few of them. But yes, show me a great pair of shoes and you can have my man.. lol... just kidding!
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LOL. Sorry Bizzy, you are by far the best blogger around here and we can't resist pouring out our crap in your blogs. It's all your fault.. lol. So I guess you will just have to live with it. I do have dozens of great loves, and even more.. they are called shoes. I haven't even gotten around to wearing a few of them. But yes, show me a great pair of shoes and you can have my man.. lol... just kidding! My daughter has great love for buying shoes but she only wears her few favorites I call it addiction she has literally hundreds that were bought and then stored.  “Use the quotation for the occasion; do not make an occasion for the quotation.”
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QT pie no apologies needed it was indeed interesting to read your conversation, but I can't control if others join in too. “Use the quotation for the occasion; do not make an occasion for the quotation.”
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12/4/2014 6:59 pm |
Vivian I'm size 7.5 to 8 if you wan't to get rid of your lost love. My daughter has great love for buying shoes but she only wears her few favorites I call it addiction she has literally hundreds that were bought and then stored.
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