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Joys Of Marriage 6/12/2007
Marriage Part Three
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the
breakfast table.
Husband get up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either"
and he storm out of the house.After some time he realizes that he was nasty to his wife and decided to make
ammends and rings her up. She answer the phone after so many rings, and the irritated
husband ...
0 Comments, 132 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
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Joys Of Marriage 6/12/2007
Marriage Part Two
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of there
40th wedding anniversary..
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone, that
reads " Here Lies My Wife Cold As Ever, "
Yeah! she replies.." When you die, I am getting you
a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Husband-- Stiff At Last!"
(HE ASKED FOR IT)
1 Comments, 91 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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Joys Of Marriage 6/12/2007
Marriage Part One
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady..
And after the wedding, the macho man laid down the following
rules. He told his wife:
I'll be home when I want, if I want and what time I want..and
I don't expect any hassle from you... I expect a great
dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you that I won't
be home for dinner.... I will go hunting, ...
1 Comments, 57 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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JOKE........ 5/30/2007
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the
Director what the criterion was which defined whether
or not a patient should be institutionalized. "Well, " said the Director, "we fill
up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket
to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand, " said the visitor. "A
normal person would use the bucket because ...
1 Comments, 29 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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Broke Back Deer Camp 5/29/2007
Hahaha ......
Four guys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room.
No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly.
They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay
with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The
first guy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next
morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
The ...
1 Comments, 26 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
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Never Tick off a Nurse 5/29/2007
A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital.
He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around
just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted
to have anything to do with him.
The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him,
but finally even she had had enough. She came into his room
and announced, "I have to take your ...
3 Comments, 70 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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Somalian Immigrant 5/12/2007
A somalian arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to
the United States..
He stops the first person he sees walking down the street
and says..
" Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, ,
giving me housing, ,, food stamps, free medical care
and free education", ,
But the passer by says "You are mistaken, I am Mexican
!"..
The Somalian goes on ...
1 Comments, 52 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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MEMORIES 4/25/2007
U CAN NEVER REGAIN SOMETHING U LEFT IN THE PAST.. CHANGE
UR FOCUS 2 THE PRESENT INSTEAD OF CLINGING OF 2 SOME MEMORY
OF WHAT U ONCE HAD.. MEMORIES ARE NICE, BUT THATS ALL THEY
ARE.... ...
3 Comments, 55 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
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The Frugal Husband 4/12/2007
A penny-pinching husband regularly imposes his budgetary
goals with his wife. It seems that it may, he could never
be satisfied. One day on the way home from work, the wife
decided not to take the bus so she can impress her hubby by
saving a few bucks. She even chased the bus so she can prove
that it would take the same time and distance to get home.
Surely enough, as soon she arrived at their ...
2 Comments, 70 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Be Carefull What You Wish For (Including What Others May) 4/9/2007
Three men were stranded on an island. While the other two
men seemed responsible family men, the other was just enjoying
the company of his new friends. The first two men were beginning
to get tiref of the other, cognizant he is just plain stupid.
One day, one of them stumbled upon Aladdin's magic
lamp. So they rubbed it and the gennie appeared. POOF! Each
of them were granted a wish. The ...
2 Comments, 54 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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BALLERINA... 4/2/2007
A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into
a bar in London. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge,
hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at
the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But
down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his
hand down on the counter and bellowed, ...
0 Comments, 82 Views,
7 Votes
,5.08 Score
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"what every kiss means" 4/1/2007
Kiss on the stomach = Im ready
~Kiss on the Forehead ="i hope we're together forever"
~Kiss on the Ear = Your my everything
~Kiss on the Cheek = "We're friends"
~Kiss on the Hand = "I adore you"
~Kiss on the Neck = "we belong together"
~Kiss on the Shoulder = "I want you"
~Kiss on the Lips = I love you"
What the gesture means...
~Holding Hands = ...
2 Comments, 66 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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Golf Balls 3/31/2007
I never like golf, so I don't know what kind or which
kind of golf ball to use.My friend invited me to go w/ her
to choose the rght ball to use..
She and I were in the golf store comparing different kinds
of golf balls...
She was unhappy w/ the woman's type she have been using...
After browsing for several minutes, we were approached
by one of the good looking gentleman who works ...
0 Comments, 53 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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IN love 3/24/2007
I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything
other than real, unconditional love. You can find it in
a simple act of kindness toward someone who needs help.
There is no mistaking love. You feel it in your heart. It
is the common fiber of life, the flame of that heats our soul,
energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives.
It is our connection to God and to each other.Among ...
1 Comments, 17 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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candy and nuts 3/10/2007
my friend and i were walking at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.. as we were looking at the dispaly case, the boy behind the counter asked, if we needed help.. I replied,
"no i'm just looking at ur nuts", my friend
started to laughed hyterically, and the boy grinned and i was turned beet red and walk away... never forget the look of the boy's face while ...
3 Comments, 366 Views,
14 Votes
,1.86 Score
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VOTED Best Short Joke 3/10/2007
For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
His father said, ", we'd give you one, but
the mortgage on this house is $280, 000, and your mother
just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the
front door with a suitcase. So he asked, ", where
are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I ...
1 Comments, 44 Views,
4 Votes
,4.02 Score
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The Top Ten Reasons 2/25/2007
The Top Ten Reasons
Men Prefer Guns Over Women
#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when
you're on the road.
#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will
probably let you try it out a few times.
#7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another
gun for a backup.
#6. Your ...
2 Comments, 44 Views,
7 Votes
,4.82 Score
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WHO AM I? 2/22/2007
Guess who I am??
One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood
on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars
were in the driveway.
His walk was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out
with a load of empty beer
and liquor bottles. "Wow Bob, looks like you guys
had one heck of a party last night." the mailman comments.
Bob, in ...
1 Comments, 29 Views,
2 Votes
,3.12 Score
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Enjoy the Chinese Way. 2/22/2007
A Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth
be told, he - a waiter - is not all that experienced either.
On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets
as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries
to be reassuring. "My darring, "he says, "I
know dis you first time and you berry frighten. I pomise
you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss ...
1 Comments, 49 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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not tonight honey 2/19/2007
One night a man rolls over in bed, giving his wife a big grin.
She says "NOt tonight honey, I have a gynecologist's
appointment tomorrow,
I want to stay fresh and clean"
The man, feeling rejected, rolls over and tries to go to
sleep.
A few minutes later, he rolls over again and ask his wife
"Do you have a dentist's appointment tomorrow?"
3 Comments, 118 Views,
11 Votes
,5.22 Score
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PICK UP LINES...for those who want to fool around 2/11/2007
1. Minamalat na naman ang puso ko..
*** paano kasi, laging sinisigaw ang pangalan mo..
2. Ikaw ba may-ari ng Crayola??
*** ikaw kasi nagbibigay ng kulay sa buhay ko..
3. Uy picture tayo!!
*** para ma-develop tayo!!
4. Kung ikaw ay bola at ako ang player, mashushoot
ba kita??
*** hinde, para lagi kita mamimiss..
5. Can i take your picture??
...
0 Comments, 37 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Sexy Guy (NOT!!!) :) :) 2/9/2007
You are sooooo SEXY!
Your not sexy not to say.
i'd have anyone else anyway.
your so fat like everyone else.
i'd rather go out with my friend chels.
You getting as big as santa claus.
you cant even fit thru the doors.
[COLOR ...
2 Comments, 81 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
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RETURN 1/29/2007
GO FOR THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU
NOT ONLY FOR THE ONE YOU LOVE ITS NEVER WRONG TO LOVE A PERSON
WHO BELONGS TO SOMEONE ELSE
BUT IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO LOVE SOMEONE WHO COULD LOVE YOU
IN RETURN......
3 Comments, 68 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Useful Work Tips 1/23/2007
Here are some incredibly useful phrases you can use when
in the workplace...
If you don’t know what it is, call it an ‘issue’…
If you don’t know how it works, call it a ‘process’…
If you don’t know whether its worth doing, call it an ‘option’…
If you don’t know ...
1 Comments, 16 Views,
1 Votes
,3.70 Score
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Do You Like Apples 1/23/2007
Do You Like Apples"
Hey again...first thanks for the folks who enjoyed my Lil
story about " My Best Friend"...I have recieved
a few interresting emails about it to say the least..Most
from young lovers. Thats so cool By the Way. The question
was pretty much the same..How?..lol...Very simple...make
life a game. There's time outs...there's tag
your it...and catch me if ya can( which you ...
0 Comments, 38 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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LIVING WILL 1/22/2007
WHILE I WAS WATCHING SOME SPORTS ON TV ONE WEEKEND, MY WIFE
AND I GOT INTO A CONVERSATION ABOUT LIFE AND DEATH, AND THE
NEED FOR LIVING WILLS.
DURING THE COURSE OF THE CONVERSATION, I TOLD HER THAT I
NEVER WANTED TO EXIST IN A VEGETATIVE STATE, DEPENDENT
ON SOME MACHINE, AND TAKING FLUIDS FORM A BOTTLE.
SHE GOT UP, UNPLUGGED THE TV AND THREW OUT ALL MY BEER.
...
0 Comments, 34 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
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Dr. Phil on Obsessions 1/10/2007
Dr. Phil was conducting a group therapy session with four
young mothers and their small . "You all
have obsessions, " he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obssessed with
eating. You've even named your Candy."
He turned to the second mom."Your obsession is with
money. Again, it manifests itself in your 's
name, Penny."
He turns to the third mom."Your obsession is ...
4 Comments, 68 Views,
7 Votes
,5.59 Score
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Only In America 1/6/2007
1. Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster
than an ambulance.
2. Only in America... are there handicap parking places
in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all
the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions
while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America... do ...
0 Comments, 36 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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Best Things to say if Caught Sleeping At Your Desk... 1/1/2007
"They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
"This is just a 15 minute power-nap as described in
that time management course you sent me."
"Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out You probably
got here just in time!"
"I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission
statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
"I was testing my keyboard ...
1 Comments, 53 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Marriage Views 12/30/2006
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant
with friends. You order what you want, then you see what
the other fellow has, and you wish you had ordered that.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't
you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
Man is incomplete until he is married. ...
1 Comments, 22 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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