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indeed! sometimes in the midst of trying to define someone we erred on making false assumptions by just the virtue of reading what they posted or in manner their share their engaging thoughts in the chatroom.
do we have the right to make assumptions of others without having thoroughly knowing who they are? at what point do we know someone anyway? would it be enough that by conversing with someone on the chatroom - viola! we certainly know how they are or who they are and what they are.
its hard to validate assumptions specially giving in a timeframe that is to irrational and only based on gut feelings. perhaps was given at a point when somehow unknowingly you have offended someone, bruised their ego or unintentionally invaded their space or at a point wherein you are not in the best of mood. regardless there is nothing wrong with providing assumption and yet there is also nothing wrong in refuting the fallacy of assumption. would i refute assumption? i would not. the burden of truly knowing me is on them. they must on the course of their lives must know me extensively if they want me to be a part of their lives.
be as it may, some of us becomes victim of a false assumption and suddenly most become convinced because of that false assumption that you are indeed such and such without them actually knowing you in an extended period of time.
they said that i have a high regard of myself and that nakarating lang ako sa america ay kung sino na ako. everyone must have a high regard of themselves. by mostly having that, its the foundation of having a healthy life and then acquiring an excellent perspective of life. but to assume that someone only having a high regard of themselves because of where they are or have been or dahil nakarating sa america is making a mockery of one's insecurity.
none of us has the purity of values and therefore assumptions are sometimes false and never right specially given at a point that one never was closed to you or have been intimate with us.
i was not offended by the assumptions accorded on my behalf, after all eveyone has the right to make assumptions and even share it with many. but to others it could be dismaying experience to the point that to them it becomes a nightmare because they have been ill defined by virtue of that assumptions. but no one could ever define us except ourselves. and if you have a high regard of yourself, then nothing matters including false assumption.
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thoughts for members of the FEEL
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Jul 1, 2009 9:45 pm
749 Views
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the day i will share my strong feelings for someone here at the FEEL is also the day i have to say goodbye and terminate my inter-action with everyone . 
how's that for a secret. its not ????????????????????? or ??????????. although both are a great catch, i can't envision having a great life with either of them.
let's digress for a moment. i did attend the FEEL's eb in vegas in May this year with no hidden agenda or expectation. i need a vacation anyway and why not try to spend with strangers and see how it is or was.
but admittedly i did have a great time - unbelievably and very surprisingly i connected with everyone and enjoyed their company.
throughout the eb, there were nothing in their behaviors that said i was unwelcomed or that they did not enjoy my company. on the contrary i thought i was able to mesmerized them with my down to earth demeanor and easiness to get along with, entirely exonerating myself from their apprehension that i too in person just like in my blogs - will be conceited, arrogant, annoying and obnoxious in person. i have proven to them the fallacy of assumption in person.
with the close togetherness and constant interactions almost 24/7 from thursday nite to sunday afternoon, it should not be unusual that i found myself considering 4 of them as a great catch, someone who i could live with in abundance of many things like laughters, silliness and enjoyment of many amenities in life.
as each of them i considered strongly initially, only one have sustained my interest and desire to pursue. pursue is a word for me easily written or said but hard to do. so its not going to happen.
hard to do is something i could not overcome. its a personal shortcoming that i must admit and accept. its perhaps the same reason that one of the guys of the FEEL opted out and never to hear from him again, because its hard for him to hang around and yet be overburdened with and by his inability to profess his love and affection to someone in the FEEL (the fallacy of assumption must apply here too). i wish him well.
as i can not pursue, i have to let the 4 of them got away with no remorse, regrets or even a sense of loss. its just me. i just cant extricate myself from doing something i am not comfortable with. i am not comfortable in pursuing someone. but in fairness i made an initial attempt which is the best i could do, but there was no positive signals given in return, which only meant one thing in my vocabulary - deadma!
unexpectly, the EB has transformed me too. over the last few years i have discriminated any woman over 40, that they were never in my list of preference. but i learned and i must admit that they too have many endearing qualities that they could bring and share into a relationship of someone of my age. when i did consider them, then i have ignored their age and like them for who they are. it was remarkable transformation i must admit, something i never thought i could see myself - appreciating the women of the 40s.
i must admit that i always have an eye or envisioned myself having a relationship or with someone much younger than a woman in her 40s. i guess i too have the hollywood bug of just always wanting to have a relationship with a much younger woman just like jack nicholson, nicolas cage, larry king, michael douglas and others.
hmm this is quite too long now. i am ending this with my best wishes to the women of the FEEL. i wish you all the best in life.
if you don't see me in the next EB, i am still wandering around trying to find my "TRUE NORHT." i wishing myself well too in that wandering endeavor!
thanks for the EB in vegas women of the FEEL!
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please say yes!
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Jun 30, 2009 10:28 pm
656 Views
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hmm i didnt sense na admire nila ako. i think they don't have problems with me in person, but they have problems with my blogs. but still my blogs are my thoughts, and they are part of me.
i wish they are like you, but siguro just like you, you are different. thanks for being different than they are. if they been like you, matagal na siguro nila akong napa inlove or i have a relationship now. but i really would like to have a relationship on my terms - because its me who is going to consummate that relationship and definitely i would make it the best for her and she would really treasure me as long as she loves me.
for one thing just like i mentioned in my blogs, i am in my period of stability - that's include everything like emotions, financial and then being truly devoted and loving. i am done by being taken by someone i dont love. its the reason why i am trying to find my own serendipity para ako naman ang magmahal.
o ayan advantage ka na sa kanila because they know now that i have exchanges with you. but writing you is still far from loving you. but i am not discounting the possibility. who knows tomorrow i find my own serendipity and viola, i am in love!
but i am not going there right away. i still want to know you and friendship is a good start - and friendship is what i want at the beginning anyway. but how could we be friends if you won't interact with me either in writing or in person. if i ask that we go out for a cup of coffee, please say yes - otherwise you will lost me that easily.
i have not seen the video until now. buti ka pa kita mo na.
---------------------------------------------------
> Sender:
> To: younglooking55
> Date: Jun 30, 2009 10:12 pm PST
>
> *** Hala, na naman yan ... nagulat ako this time , wla, speechless ako! hahahaha '... Alam mo po..ikaw pilyo ka '.. basta , but really ... you amazed me ... ha'y , wala ako masabi , basta .. Im so grateful for giving that space and again by sharing your thoughts , hahahaha ,,,natatawa ko , Oo na po.. w/ matching kilig pa '...seriously , just the time you spent in replying to my mails ..was something to be grateful for , and I know naman na , haa'y wala ako ng ma type , hahahaha '... salbahe ka po kasi , copy paste ba yun sulat ko '.... ayan na '... lalo ako nahiya po sayo ' .....anyway ..thanks again '..ok you made my day ! * maraming salamat po , pero one more observation , when i watched your EB's .. the ladies really admire you, I can tell .. halata ko , hahahaha '... secret natin yun! di ako makaka comment na po dyan tuloy ..nahihiya ko talga .. tk care ..& Sweet dreams .. po !*
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my ONE TRUE LOVE!
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Jun 30, 2009 9:29 pm
577 Views
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"* hello po ulit '..Yes ..been busy lately .. and yes again I always read your blogs, and happy to hear about your new ...uhmmm'...young friend or perhaps a possible prospect ? lol, anyway ... glad to hear from you again .. Im just finishing my work here , will write u soon ..... you take care always ..Mr. Young & Good looking friend of mine ! " from someone
what prospect? they don't understand me the way you do. i am pretty sure they do read my blogs and should have at least by now, a sense of understanding what would work for me in pursuing a relationship or what make me pursue her for a relationship. if they could not understand me the way you do, then its their or her lost and not mine!
i am not in a hurry nor desperately yearning for someone. if it happens, fine and if not - then i would still have a blast the rest of my life. its been a great ride or journey so far even without at the present time any relationship or someone to affectionately and devotedly love. i am certain the years ahead will be the same way - full of happiness and joyful even minus with that someone special!
hmm perhaps its you all along - my ONE TRUE LOVE! how could it not be possible since you see me differently from others like not being conceited, annoying, arrogant and obnoxious.
ok dont work too hard and take care! THIS BLOG IS DEDICATED TO YOU!
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one of those things that must get away!
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Jun 28, 2009 9:27 am
675 Views
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she made me smile. that's a great start. and then i can picture having a great life with her. yes i did my visualizing how life would be like with her. for the most part, i see it workable and great.
while dancing, she have this signature move too that i like very much. she is fun to be with without her knowing it or trying way too hard - otherwise she wont make me smile. she was innocently playful last night at the dance floor.
moments like that is a thing of beauty and do touch my heart! i wish its just easy to like someone initially and then fall in love.
i need to like her more! but that's hard to do because she is too busy. the chances of seeing her regularly is remote and hard to come by. i may have to wander for now and truly liking her in my heart is on hold until the right time - kung dumating man yon.
for now i am very appreciative and truly thankful for the moments shared last night - dinner, dancing and light conversation every now and then by interjecting in their conversation. yes i had EB with two wonderful women of the FEEL group.
how's that for a revelation, but not from a conceited point of view.
i am still trying to find my own serendipity (please read my blog finding my own serendipity so you could relate with what i meant). so this is not it, even though i hope it is, because the bits and pieces will be hard to put together needing time perhaps to develop, to nurture and then to consummate. let's see if time and circumstances will be on our side. otherwise its just one of those things that must get way without regrets nor remorse.
so this its just a sort of a testimony that i find her a great lady. but if i do find loving her, nothing will be shared here and i will keep it to myself. that's how prudent, private and protected i am of my loving someone.
loving someone should never be for public consumption, for me personally. flirting could be. but the two are entirely different. you can flirt but not love her.
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would you please be easy on me?
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Jun 26, 2009 10:53 pm
578 Views
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if i ever find my own serendipity (please read my blog on my finding my serendipity so you could relate with what i am sharing), the most repetitive words i would say to you, even from the beginning that i found liking you is, would you please be easy on me?
i know i am going to be imperfect as anyone else at the beginning and will be unable to actually tell you, show you and share with you how i felt about liking you and eventually loving you.
i have never been good in conveying my feelings and let alone pursuing someone that i truly like or will love. perhaps i am still the poor boy i used to be that i have to get drunk and show my bad side to show you how much i am interested or will love you (please read my blog "missing years to understand what i mean).
but i have been deliberately disciplined because the last time i got drunk was in 1984. so the chances of me showing my bad side is totally remote. perhaps the obvious bad side that you can easily detect is (if you have been following my blogs) how i convey my thoughts in writing - i am conceited, arrogant, selfish, annoying and obnoxious. on the other hand there are certain qualities admirable that i had shared too (honesty, transparency and a sense of purpose among others).
one thing you can gauge me if i truly like you is i will be nervous around you. so if you sense that i am nervous, could you please be easy on me because it meant i like you. it may take a while for me to express my feelings, nevertheless when i am nervous it means i have been liking or loving you. if you do like me too, it would be easy for me to cultivate and convey that feelings if you likewise even in the most subtle way provide me the hints and positive signals. you can even be direct if you wish!
i don't know if its a curse or a blessing that i had so much experience in having a series of relationship with women, without me even lifting a finger and having sex on the first date with few of them. but those relationship were not mutually based on love. i know for me i never loved them, and if they felt that i did love them, then i have been great in my pretensions or perhaps i have been unknowingly a good pick up artist after all.
they were all convenient relationship providing me the intermittent company and the intimacy that i needed, perhaps to be added to my conquest and simultaneously satisfying my sexual needs.
if you read my blog "how to break a woman's heart," i never thought she wind up loving me in a short period that i entertained her last february this year with sightseeing, movies, dining and doing those things that make her special. i have no idea that we would wind up having sex which i thought consensual, but she thought otherwise - that we are committed to each other.
it will take more than sex for me to commit. it is perhaps that i am longing to find my own serendipity so i could love again or have the courage not only to love but to truly share my life with someone so special.
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in the name of love!
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Jun 25, 2009 8:35 pm
623 Views
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i am sharing my exchange with a wonderful young woman without her permission, but her identity is not revealed. i thought it has some value to share considering that she and many others of her age (she is middle 30's) could be in the same predicament as she is now. her letter is a sort of reply to my blog i dedicated to her entitled, "when he can't."
i hope she wouldn't mind that i post here my answer to her letter and her letter too!
my reply:
i love the proposition that we remains friends. i am glad that you have a strong conviction against having a relationship with someone much older than you are.
i wish every young woman like you would think the same way - that its important to consider the wishes of your families, friends, loved ones and of course also the sentiments of your peers and those you interact with daily and who knows you very well. that it is also important to consider how it is to live with man almost like your father with many degree of differences in outlooks, perspectives, tastes, desires, aspirations and preferences in life.
but like in many things, there are anomalies. there are young women that do feel in love with much older men other than the reasons i mentioned on my blog, "when he can't."
you have a good sense of who are and i bet you that you are a product of a family with good values, that its not easy for you just to consider yourself when you decide on things that are relevant in finding your own happiness. its good that you do consider every aspects and make every bits and pieces as part of the equation in arriving in your conclusive action. that's indeed is remarkable for a young woman of your age, you know very well what you want and i am sure you are going to get it!
but we must also understand and respect those young women who for whatever reasons find themselves in a relationship with much older men. sometimes they just have to do it out of concern not for oneself but her family's welfare. sometimes they are even force to do it because the family are in dire economic needs or in abject poverty. those who sacrifice their love and live with a man of much older than she is for the sake of their family - are too both admirable and commendable.
i know you are not in a such a situation. i know too if someday you do find yourself in a relationship with much older man, is because you love him and you have been successful in ostracizing the demons and the fears of those who wish you well and yet disagree with you vehemently in having such a relationship.
yes the world is also replete with examples of such kind. maybe the michael douglas zeta jones and dolphy and zhazha relationships are part of that examples. but we really don't know. every relationship have their own individual mystery and chemistry. they serves some noble purpose i supposed in the name of love - that nothing is impossible
i could not be in a situation having relationship with a much younger women if the reason is other than love. its a betrayal of my instinct and a pretension i can not do and live with. if i have to be in such a relationship, it must be about love and not sort of close to quid pro quo.
hmm i am not discounting having a relationship with a much younger woman, but it must about love on both sides. but its going to be a long shot until i find my own serendipity (read my blog on, "my own serendipity" and you will understand what i mean)
i like that, that we still meet someday. perhaps if we remain friends, we will. thanks for being so wonderful!
my best regards to you and to your family!
antonio
---------------------------------------------------
>
her thoughts!
>
> I am really sorry...I can not battle our problem of material AGE GAP. It’s very hard to deal. It’s not going to be a day or night of togetherness if ever. Guilt will always be running and reigning in my blood because of something I entered that is out of normal norms. Number one I have that high respect to my family (and consider much what they would wish me to be in), my work associates eyes, the public eyes, your family. What will people think about me or us? Just their eyes and minds will kill me and put me a miserable state for a lifetime. I have no plan of doing infidelity by the time you can’t, even if you will allow me to do so as long as it is unshared or unspoken. I have fear in God more than to man.
>
> Please forgive me. Look at my side and step in for you to see me through. There are many good women at fff that deserves you...I wish you the best always, i know money is no longer what you want to have, so i wish that love may bloom soon with a nice woman possibly from fff or even not here..good health to you and your family. One day we can still meet or see each other when you visit the Philippines then have a good story-telling and good time along with either your family or friends. I will love to sing many songs for you at the stage hehe.. You can consider me as your daughter or part of your family or an Angel.
>
> Take care and God bless..
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when he can't?
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Jun 23, 2009 5:54 pm
623 Views
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"i am not ready right now"! those were the words you uttered when you were ambivalent in considering the worthiness of him to be a part of your life. yes you did seriously consider many things and decided instead, "no i am not ready yet and maybe i need time."
you are in your early 30s and he is in his upper 50's. there are many ways and many things that both of you are different and are set apart. some of those differences will be pronounced and apparent in the years ahead as he grow older by the year.
how are you going to manage your own sexuality and sensuality when he can't? would you be able to settle for lack of sex or you would be just like those others who had played the field or have been promiscuous ? yes in the course of my life, i had experience not only once but many times being involved or having a tryst with married women or women in a relationship. even now at my age about two months ago i was a willing participant in such a tryst. why would you be different? sex to others is something they must have from any willing participant even outside of the relationship.
but if by sheer luck we have a relationship, i am sure that i can manage and will forever try to nurture our relationship as long as the things that i should not know remains unspoken and unshared. but sometimes even things that are wrong and yet not spoken or unshared are detectable by mere behavior or by one's guilt. what would i do then?
the world is replete of examples of successful relationship between older men and younger women. but would you be willing to make yourself one of them kind? i know most women who considered such a relationship is mostly because - for security or financial reason, or to exploit the weakness of a man of his age, or take advantage of his kindness and gullibility, or to uplift your own standard of living including your family.
other men of my age are willingly going into a relationship with a much younger women for symbiotic reasons. think about what it means, its much closer to quid pro quo instead of love.
going back to your ambivalence. i actually like it in a woman to be ambivalent at the initial stage of considering the worthiness of a guy. at least you are contemplating and trying to figure out or visualizing if a life with him is truly worth having. it means you are serious and you want to be in the relationship for the long haul.
but time is either for us or against us. in my case, its against me. i only have two years at the most to consider and explore having a relationship.
i don't think two years from now at age 59 i should still be exploring to have a relationship. i am not as tenacious as most in pursuing a relationship. at age 59, i may just settle for being a grandpa with benefits. hmm the benefits of traveling back and forth to the philippines.
i could still have a great life without a relationship and that is for certain, specially for someone like me who have the means to travel and to womanize. but womanizing at my age is not the right thing to do, i should be beyond that. i should be instead be someone who could share and impart the wisdom of my experience to those who are still up and about with their lives.
hmmm. i guess time is relative to all of us. but i should be in the last G's of my life. i have done the two G's and its about time to do the last G's (gold, girls and God). yes i must admit that at my age, it should be a period of serenity.
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6
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i made a mistake!
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Jun 22, 2009 12:04 pm
648 Views
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i made a mistake. no its not about relationship. there are no mistakes and regrets in a relationship - for me personally. there are consequences in a relationship which are either successful or not, joyful or painful, rewarding or disappointing, comforting or stressful, made in heaven or in hell, and on and on.
the mistake i made is about giving up on the disciplined rigorous physical exercise when i retired from the navy in january 2001. i thought to have a complete transformation to civilian life, i must give up those things uniquely military such as rigorous physical exercise and of course the demanding nature that i want things done - with only a click of my finger, they obey and comply.
since i am no longer in the military, i thought there was no need for me to be in my utmost physical shape because there is no longer a physical fitness test that i must pass - which is a career ending if i don't.
now i realized that it was a mistake to give up totally on the regimented physical exercise. now i find myself 12 lbs heavier due to lack of strenuous activities.
i wonder how i managed to gain 12 lbs when i don't eat that much and i am selective with what i eat, only occasionally indulging on foods that are fattening. i even seldom eat rice and i eat too enough fruits and vegetables to keep me healthy.
i am heavier now partly as a result of the aging process i guessed or maybe lack of strenuous mobility. but i go to they gym in the morning for 20 minutes for upper body muscle toning and then i walk every now and then before attending the eb in vegas.
i guessed its a wake up call that i realized i was out of shape when i was in vegas. since then i embarked on losing weights. i now walk regularly and almost everyday since vegas for an hour or more in the afternoon right after the giling-giling and 8'clock (wowowie). i like the girl on 8' clock, the one on the left.
it used to be during my time in the navy, its easy to run 5 miles a day. but now i could not see myself or even force myself running a mile a day. so i settle for just walking. walking nevertheless is much better than being a couch potato. i am hoping that i can sustain my walking throughout.
i guess we won't know or becomes aware of the mistake we made until we have some sort of personal reckoning. yes as i looked at myself now, i felt pathetic that i am out of shape.
its never too late to rectify the mistake i made and get in shape again and hopefully by the next eb, i am 6 bls lighter.
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14
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should she or you tell?
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Jun 21, 2009 9:43 am
637 Views
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i can't find or say the right word or words, words that are more than appropriate to remember her on this father's day and on many father's ahead.
i don't think her that much, not everyday. but when i do, i have a yearning to find the truth if she or she is not my daughter.
why did you call me briefly in june 1999 and told me that you knew that i was in the area in nov 1995 and yet i didnt even bother to look you up or called you? and then you said you have a two year old daughter now and then said goodbye never to hear from you again.
since that day i always wonder if your daughter is ours, the product of our tryst or our two night stands.
i barely knew you and yet we made on the first night we meet and then you asked me again to see you the following day and we had again. i thought on the second time that you want to see me, you just want to talk, but we wind up making love anyway. i must admit that you are so lovely and then great in bed too.
i could not see you again when i was in the area because you are a married woman with two young sons. i thought the two night stands were enough for us to treasure and appreciate the great, torrid passionate moments we had. you're a beauty both in person and in bed. besides i was only there for 3 days and i was seeing someone else and i was heading to italy in 3 months.
we met in a bday party in the house of my friend in the area and then 4 of us went out that night and while we were dancing you asked me if i had a condom and i said yes. and then you asked me to get a hotel and i did. we went and but i never did use a condom, the first time and the succeeding times we made love.
you tracked me down in 1999 and you can still track me down if you wish because you had my name. sorry i couldn't not remember you name now.
i have this strong feelings that she is my daughter. why can't you tell me that? i am not going to disturb your loving family nor my daughter. but i would appreciate that somehow i would know it and help you or at least i could do something for her without her knowing it anyway until an appropriate time whenever that would be.
if you are in a situation like this, would you tell him about his daughter or why did you call him 3 years or almost 4 years after a tryst and said that you have a daughter now that if we count the months and years, there is a great probability that she is his?
what was your purpose of tracking me down and then telling me you had a daughter and then said goodbye and never to hear from you again? were you trying to torment me on purpose for the rest of my life? we were consensual and you initiated.
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6
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top 20 obstacles for falling in love!
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Jun 19, 2009 9:27 pm
619 Views
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in my blog "my own personal serendipity," i shared my yearning to find myself, not in a magical moment of being in touched or being found by someone or finding someone; but in the simple joy of finding myself - my capacity to fall in love again without regards to anything or without consideration to many things.
in my blog, "how would i propose," i have given you the idea (mentally of course) of the things you must have in order i would propose or the list of things that i consider that you must have in order i would propose. in my blog "how would you propose," i have given you the chance to tell me exactly what you got so i would strongly consider, perhaps wooing you and eventually allowing you to become a part of my life.
i guess i must admit that you were reluctant to say the least to accord yourself of the opportunity to say what you got so i maybe interested. perhaps the unorthodox way that i am trying to find my true love or true relationship is totally abhorrent for you - that instead of seeing me sincere, direct, honest and with a sense of purpose, you instead viewed me as arrogant, conceited, obnoxious and selfish.
be it may, but both blogs have more than 500 views or hits, and therefore whether you admit it or not, it meant something like being exposed to a differing point of view. that somehow you are interested and yet can't just act on it because of the expectations and the cultural norms that you must adhere to. that in spite of the modernity of your thoughts, you are still primitive in the way you are finding your true love, and that you are still waiting for us to pursue you!
now back to my own personal serendipity. in this regard i wish to find myself being able to love someone minus all the yardsticks or my conceptualization of how you must be - that the only reason i love you is because that's how i feel.
what really matters are the feelings and the love i have for you, and that i would do everything to make you felt that love in a fashion that is passionate, caring, loving, devotedly, unselfish and enduring.
but yet is just seems to me its a wishful thinking. as long as i could not experience my own personal serendipity, i would still not be able to love anyone not based on who they are but mainly based on how i feel.
i must admit that i do find it hard to fall in love with someone that easily without going through the process of considering the many aspects of who she is or who you are. perhaps its based on the tragedy of men's experience that women too just like men have the capacity to be deceitful and to entrap or i must say, they too like those things that glitters are not always gold.
i guess i have lost my faith in the capacity of most women to be loving, loyal and maintaining that audacity of the way she was when i fell in love with her or went into the relationship with her.
the dynamics of relationship are always influx, that there is no guarantee that relationship will endure in an atmosphere of affection, love and caring. after awhile, things do settle down - and then what? things becomes boring, then love is transformed to an inconvenient experience with both parties looking for irreconcilable differences!
i went off topic. i was just supposed to write down the 20 obstacles of loving a woman. well how about tell the realistic obstacle of loving a woman. please and i be honored.
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To link to this blog (younglooking55) use [blog younglooking55] in your messages.
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