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indeed! sometimes in the midst of trying to define someone we erred on making false assumptions by just the virtue of reading what they posted or in manner their share their engaging thoughts in the chatroom.
do we have the right to make assumptions of others without having thoroughly knowing who they are? at what point do we know someone anyway? would it be enough that by conversing with someone on the chatroom - viola! we certainly know how they are or who they are and what they are.
its hard to validate assumptions specially giving in a timeframe that is to irrational and only based on gut feelings. perhaps was given at a point when somehow unknowingly you have offended someone, bruised their ego or unintentionally invaded their space or at a point wherein you are not in the best of mood. regardless there is nothing wrong with providing assumption and yet there is also nothing wrong in refuting the fallacy of assumption. would i refute assumption? i would not. the burden of truly knowing me is on them. they must on the course of their lives must know me extensively if they want me to be a part of their lives.
be as it may, some of us becomes victim of a false assumption and suddenly most become convinced because of that false assumption that you are indeed such and such without them actually knowing you in an extended period of time.
they said that i have a high regard of myself and that nakarating lang ako sa america ay kung sino na ako. everyone must have a high regard of themselves. by mostly having that, its the foundation of having a healthy life and then acquiring an excellent perspective of life. but to assume that someone only having a high regard of themselves because of where they are or have been or dahil nakarating sa america is making a mockery of one's insecurity.
none of us has the purity of values and therefore assumptions are sometimes false and never right specially given at a point that one never was closed to you or have been intimate with us.
i was not offended by the assumptions accorded on my behalf, after all eveyone has the right to make assumptions and even share it with many. but to others it could be dismaying experience to the point that to them it becomes a nightmare because they have been ill defined by virtue of that assumptions. but no one could ever define us except ourselves. and if you have a high regard of yourself, then nothing matters including false assumption.
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adrenalin just keep on pumping!
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Oct 15, 2009 11:00 pm
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eagerness and restraint, how could it be possible that you could feel or do both at the same time?
isn't that when you are eager, you must do everything in your power to materialize that eagerness. i supposed in the natural flow of things, that would be the case. natural of course must be underlined.
elz, marivic and bhabes are just an hour drive away from me and i should be eager to see them now. not should but i am. they texted me and said they are having a great time and they invited me to join in. i am eager but then i restrained myself.
i restrained myself because i thought i should give them the time to bond and enjoy each others company - and be wild, be drunk, be merry and be themselves without inhibitions because of my presence.
i think sometimes there is a virtue and beauty in being able to intellectualize and be able to be kind and giving at one own perils.
yes indeed, its a peril of not being with them now and having a great time. i am definitely missing something. but sometimes there is no greater virtue than being unselfish and just think of others happiness or allow them to have a great time by themselves - the women of the FEEL. tonight i feel kind, unselfish and virtuous. and perhaps acted as a gentleman too. or maybe i really do have the heart of a father by being understanding, tolerant and unselfish.
i am just hoping when i see them tomorrow, they are still about and running and not wasted by the great time of the moment. but i know when one is joyful, one never feel the tiredness of one's body and the adrenalin just keep on pumping - and wanting for more happiness and enjoyments. they may perhaps yell in unison asking or begging for MORE! MORE! MORE AND MORE!
OR IN THE SAME FASHION AS HARDER! HARDER! HARDER AND HARDER! 
its going to be a great feeling again having an EB with the women of the FEEL. tomorrow i will not restraint myself and i will have a great time just like they do now in my absence and peril!
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she having a baby in few days!
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Oct 14, 2009 8:30 pm
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yes my chinese friend is having a baby within the next few days. its her last day at work today and she wont be back at work not until next year. she just turned 30 and its her first baby.
wow in a span of just 13 months after she got married, she is almost now a fulfilled woman. in my book no woman is fulfilled until she became a mother. my frame of reference is because i am a father and i love children.
on the downside because she is going to be gone for awhile, no one is going to take her place for me at work. she has been more than a friend that our affinity to one another is remarkably marked by being there interacting with each other at work. i was always supportive of her at work since the beginning and i do slave (do errands) for her whatever she wanted done. she is my junior and i am her mentor. hmm i have walked with her alot during this pregnancy on our breaktime.
our friendship started over 4 years ago when she first reported to work and occupied the next cubicle to mine. after her first two weeks at work she invited me out for a demsung. i thought then it would just the two us, but she brought the entire family and then suddenly i became a family friend invited frequently to a demsung,or sushi or being a part of her friends when they occasional go out. i was even there during her married which i blog and shown below.
my parting gifts for her was a red envelope with $200 and lunch on me with 4 others at my work.
one can still be a remarkable, devoted loving wife and still could find a friend like me. she is endearing to me and one of the treasures of my life. i wish her a safe delivery and healthy baby boy.
sorry that i indulge you again with a long read.
she's getting married today! Sep 28, 2008 2:37 pm
494 Views
sandy a friend of three years is getting married today and i will be there to witness her marriage to a great guy. they looks great together the moment i saw her husband to be 9 months ago over a sushi dinner. they only knew each other less than 3 months and they took a trip together to vancouver, canada. upon their returned sandy told me that they were engaged. and then they made another trip to china and upon return sandy told me that they are getting married. in a span of less than 15 months, here we are, she is getting married today.
i knew sandy before his guy. but i guess because she is chinese she is better off marrying one of her kind. but sandy never did get me nervous unlike portia who is another chinese friend. sandy just turned 28 last august and her guy is 35 years old.
i bought her a wedding card which i intend to give at the wedding reception with a red envelope inside with cash equivalent to 10,000.00 pesos. the card says:
"A Good Marriage begins with two good people. It takes TRUST, LAUGHTER and compromise. It's finding Friendship and romance in the same person's smile, It's LOVING UNCONDITIONALLY. It's remembering what matters and forgetting what doesn't. It's filling LIFE with what you LOVE and loving who you're with.
A GOOD MARRIAGE BEGINS WITH TWO GOOD PEOPLE LIKE YOU. Have a HAPPY life together."
signed: Antonio
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EB with the FEEL
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Oct 13, 2009 5:15 pm
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i am reposting below my blog regarding EB with the FEEL. i know its a long read, but somehow it could be my point of reference since few of them i will be seeing again over the weekend from friday to sunday.
i could actually see them beginning thursday, but i thought and sensed that there is no urgency on my part and that they can still wait while i tie up loose ends before seeing them for an extended eb over the weekend (this could be just an alibi, but i rather just see them on my time).
i am sure this time if would be different because nothing magical last forever, which how i characterized when i first joined them at the eb in vegas. definitely things do change, and the dynamics has definitely changed since then specially with other new participants in this eb. new characters and personalities would absolutely change the dynamics and even rapport on this eb. i even invited some of those i knew in the area or had an eb before to join us this saturday at robertos. i know everyone won't mind because its a public venue where everyone are welcome. so its going to be a big crowd lacking the magical intimacy of the vegas' eb.
regardless i will be there and will enjoy the most of it. definitely there is no expectation on my part other than to have a great time. enjoy reading my previous blog below!
thoughts for members of the FEEL Jul 1, 2009 9:45 pm
649 Views
the day i will share my strong feelings for someone here at the FEEL is also the day i have to say goodbye and terminate my inter-action with everyone .
how's that for a secret. its not ????????????????????? or ??????????. although both are a great catch, i can't envision having a great life with either of them.
let's digress for a moment. i did attend the FEEL's eb in vegas in May this year with no hidden agenda or expectation. i need a vacation anyway and why not try to spend with strangers and see how it is or was.
but admittedly i did have a great time - unbelievably and very surprisingly i connected with everyone and enjoyed their company.
throughout the eb, there were nothing in their behaviors that said i was unwelcomed or that they did not enjoy my company. on the contrary i thought i was able to mesmerized them with my down to earth demeanor and easiness to get along with, entirely exonerating myself from their apprehension that i too in person just like in my blogs - will be conceited, arrogant, annoying and obnoxious in person. i have proven to them the fallacy of assumption in person.
with the close togetherness and constant interactions almost 24/7 from thursday nite to sunday afternoon, it should not be unusual that i found myself considering 4 of them as a great catch, someone who i could live with in abundance of many things like laughters, silliness and enjoyment of many amenities in life.
as each of them i considered strongly initially, only one have sustained my interest and desire to pursue. pursue is a word for me easily written or said but hard to do. so its not going to happen.
hard to do is something i could not overcome. its a personal shortcoming that i must admit and accept. its perhaps the same reason that one of the guys of the FEEL opted out and never to hear from him again, because its hard for him to hang around and yet be overburdened with and by his inability to profess his love and affection to someone in the FEEL (the fallacy of assumption must apply here too). i wish him well.
as i can not pursue, i have to let the 4 of them got away with no remorse, regrets or even a sense of loss. its just me. i just can extricate myself from doing something i am not comfortable with. i am not comfortable in pursuing someone. but in fairness i made an initial attempt which is the best i could do, but there was no positive signals given in return, which only meant one thing in my vocabulary - deadma!
unexpectly, the EB has transformed me too. over the last few years i have discriminated any woman over 40, that they were never in my list of preference. but i learned and i must admit that they too have many endearing qualities that they could bring and share into a relationship of someone of my age. when i did consider them, then i have ignored their age and like them for who they are. it was remarkable transformation i must admit, something i never thought i could see myself - appreciating the women of the 40s.
i must admit that i always have an eye or envisioned myself having a relationship or with someone much younger than a woman in her 40s. i guess i too have the hollywood bug of just always wanting to have a relationship with a much younger woman just like jack nicholson, nicolas cage, larry king, michael douglas and others.
hmm this is quite too long now. i am ending this with my best wishes to the women of the FEEL. i wish you all the best in life.
if you don't see me in the next EB, i am still wandering around trying to find my "TRUE NORHT." i wishing myself well too in that wandering endeavor!
thanks for the EB in vegas women of the FEEL
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that elusive woman in my life!
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Oct 12, 2009 1:41 pm
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i thought i have that diminishing enthusiasm to blog, that i will be blogging less and less.
on the contrary i found myself blogging more and more the last few days. i thought i found that sustaining enthusiasm to blog - for now. or its just a second wind gasping for figuring out what it meant to live and then to love someone with abandon and without parameters, and then it is written as an invitation for her to consider some of my endearing qualities - that in the process when i give her my initial attention, she will welcome it with hopeful affection and that she takes it as a prelude to an enduring love.
and what may be the reasons that i am still blogging?
1. others are blogging well and i found myself reacting on their blogs, indirectly i supposed and not that directly proportional or related to the their blogs. but somehow with relevance. there is always relevance when the bloggers blogged in general terms those things that matters to one's heart or in their pursuit of relationship or love for that matter, or even the dismal failures and traumatic consequences of relationships shared.
2. i am on a 4-day weekend and yet i stayed put and didn't go anywhere. normally i will be in some place distant or in the company of my kids. in short, blogging is filling the void in my activities this time. but in the process, i was able to convey my thoughts about the things or the qualities i was really partial to or my preference of qualities of that elusive woman in my life. i thought my blog, "acts like a prostitute" says it all except it did not mention that i don't want her to be kuripot.
3. maybe once a blogger, its just hard to detach oneself from blogging. but i know i have that capacity to be detached from blogging. i have done it before. but have done it only when other things matters most to my life like being in the company of my kids and grandkids. i think i would be able to detach myself from blogging too when in the company of that elusive woman in my life. there is no need to blog then when she is complementing my life.
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acts like a prostitute!
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Oct 12, 2009 1:03 am
576 Views
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Quoting bruno10t could be paralysis by analysis.
Or your match hasn't found you really yet.
Have you set your standards too high?
You are indeed a catch and not willing to settle,
but willing to wait for a long time for Miss Right for you.
Yes, I'd rather see the glass half full rather than half empty.
And in a relationship, it is always best to share our fullness rather than fill up our emptiness.
Have a good day.
Eileen
my take:
my standard is not really that high, but i have an idea. but those i would easily disregard as long as my heart consumed me totally and love her. its no picnic being in paralysis by analysis even though i always end up in appreciating my blessed situation about many things in my life.
you got it right, i am paralyze by my intellect - that i have to know her first before i could love her. i would like to have that general idea that our relationship would eventually succeed and endured before i love her in totality. nothing wrong with that i guess even if its a product of thoughtful analysis.
i am partial to those who are successful in life, but not too successful that it consumed herself to pursue more success. i want to know if she has a sense of satisfaction, or if she can settle for less or where is her threshold of ambition. if she still is ambitious, where would it leave me in her scheme of things. i don't mind her to pursue a career and i will be supportive. but is she willing to leave work at work? if that would be the case, then its acceptable and i would love that. or it will habitually affects our relationship and something we disagree for a lot - then there is no future in that kind of relationship and why should i then take the plunge. i would be better off being single in that situation.
i am partial to those who are almost over in their responsibilities with their loved ones. not that i am selfish, but sometimes one could be in a situation wherein one is supposed to enjoy life because he has gone through already carrying that enormous responsibilities in life in providing for your loved ones and extended loved ones and yet here again it will be dejavu on the account of loving her. in other words, i don't want to be a collateral atm for life!
i like her sophisticated too and yet down to earth and that it would not bother her to do the things that are street smart like riding a trycicle or jeepney when necessary. i would like her to be able to deal with poverty and yet be able to enjoy the many amenities of life including travels, fine dining, movies, concerts and opera and the like.
i like her to be matured in her ways and yet still provocative sometimes in the way she dress up. not provocative as if one is acts like a prostitute, but provocative with sophistication. yes i don't mind her showing her cleavage but in a manner appropriate and appreciatively dignified. men can easily differentiate one from the other. she should be able to dress down too appropriately for the occasion. she should be self assured and have no insecurities that she must keep up with the joneses.
if she is in her 40s, then she should be younglooking for her age, which means she knows how to take care of herself either by proper diet, exercise, and not worrying too much or taking stress too much. she must be ordinarily beautiful and not stunningly beautiful.
hmm there is a lot of things that i like about her, but those things wont matter if only i am consumed by a magical wand to love her no matter who she is. that i hope would come soon after the holidays
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refreshing and rejuvinating!
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Oct 11, 2009 11:12 am
503 Views
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i woke up almost 11am having more than 8 hours of sleep. that's one thing i appreciate even at my age that i can sleep more than 8 hours now and then specially on the weekend.
part of the reason i guess that i can still sleep more than 8 hours is because i am living a healthy life both body and mind. but i doubt about the total healthiness of my spirituality. all i do in that regard is be thankful of my blessings everyday. i know that is not enough. even occasional kindness to strangers is not enough. even just being a devoted and loving dad is not enough.
its refreshing and rejuvenating to have a more than 8 hours of sleep. maybe its the result of my almost perfect contented life.
but i am really contented? hmm here below is the answer on the blog of someone regarding the feeling of emptiness. i think i do feel empty sometimes. enjoy reading!
" i am in the same predicament. there are moments that i asked foolishly about the blessedness of my singleness. am i really that steadfast to keep myself single unless she is deserving of my love?
there are moments that i wish that my heart consume my body and just love someone without going through the process of thinking what is she going to bring into the relationship. would she just be a burden and a nightmare later on or would she complement and complete my life?
in reality anyhow and because my heart can't consume my entire body and overcome my intellect, i let go of the emptiness and focus on my blessedness. i have so much blessings in life compared to others. i even have that ability to be appreciated of a lot of things in my life and contented of where i am now.
but believe me that there is nothing in my life now that i want other than be able to detached from my intellectuality and just love someone with abandon and whatever it takes and however the outcome is.
i hope you are out there that will make me love you regardless of who you are and however that would be destructive to me too. i am longing for the feelings of being totally in love. i have been there and i know how it felt."
HAVE A BLESSED SUNDAY EVERYONE!
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i have none of those now!
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Oct 10, 2009 10:11 am
461 Views
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i don't think your recent blogs right after the aftermath of ondoy were because you were sort of mad, dismayed and having those feelings that touched your nerves (you claimed in your previous blog that you can only write when you are not in a good spirit). i think you are a blogger regardless how you felt!
you have been blogging lately in spurts. and then i sensed that one of your recent blogs was a product of your appreciation of a life that could been hit harder by ondoy. you see the glass half-full amidst the sufferings around you and the personal inconvenience and loss to you, you instead retrospected the innocence and the simplicity of your youth. not all has the capacity to see things as a glass half-full. not all as resilient as you are having to yearn and miss a bf, and not all can find comforts in blogging and not all are willing to share one intimate personal thoughts in blogging.
you have been amazing in your blogs! we are thankful for your insights shared. you are the likes of ELZ and others who emotionally blogs, "damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead." blah blah blah in a good way!
we can never regain the innocence of our youth, but we can always remember that period in our lives. to remember does not mean that we are burdened by our past or we are unable to move forward or we are regretful of the life that has been. to remember, among other reasons, is to appreciate the life that has been lived and to be thankful for the experienced.
on a personal note, my youth was the best years of my life. i was random in all my pursuits including in my love of an adolescent woman and my love of politics and of my youthful idealism. yes i have not lost in student election then and serve twice in the student council in college. yes in my random existing i became a fratman where i almost loss my young life twice in brutal hazings and fratwars at the university belt. yes by random, my first love was so destructive. i am profoundly grateful that i live then in poverty too and with struggles of insurmountable odds of making a better life ahead. but in retrospect with deepest appreciation, i made it. my sincerest thanks to HIM for the many blessings of my life. thanks to america too and to the united states navy who i served for 26 years.
now about your yearning for simplicity. simplicity is always achievable. it just that most of us choose to complicate our lives. by my own definition and personal satisfaction, i believe i am living a life of simplicity. i have shunned away from all those things that will complicate my life. i think ambitions and lofty goals are the main reasons for a complicated life. i have none of those now.
and relationship too is complicated, and i have none of that too at the moment. if i have to love her, she must be a product of a methodical understanding that she will enhance and compliment my life instead of complicating my life and be a burden to bear. i rather not love if that would be the case. i have a sanity to protect and a great life to enjoy even without her.
to those who i visits and read their (prose) blogs, thanks for sharing your thoughts. sorry if you blogs through poetry or lyrics of a song, i never read those. poetry and lyrics of a song has no definitive meaning in my book. its just a riddle trying to figure out what it is, which i rather not get into.
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it comes in spurts!
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Oct 9, 2009 9:01 am
477 Views
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i guess it comes in spurts, blogging. i thought when i blog about my diminishing enthusiasm to blog, i would be blogging only sporadically. but since that blog, i have blog now 3 days in a row including this one.
what made me blog today. for one thing the weather is overcast. it dampen my spirit to go out and dampen my spirit to go to work. yes i decided not to work today and took a 4day weekend instead since monday is a holiday.
yes i am not that a great or reliable worker. partly because i have no agenda to move up or to impress anyone. another is i was sucked in by the system wherein as long as i do my job no matter how mediocre it is, provided i have no misconduct issue i have my job for life if i wanted to.
why do then do my best and for what? such effort will only affect my health and stress me somehow. no i refuse to take stress at work and i do only what i can with a mantra of "i can only do one case at a time."
i could have been in management a long time ago, but i just can't see myself to even make a dent or inspire those who would be working for me. most of the workers are beyond inspiration and motivation. they are set in their ways, fat and happy as i am.
i have been lucky to have experienced the leadership and management culture in the navy where by the click of my finger things are getting done. but not when you work for the government when employees are tenured and then protected by the unions. its a nightmare to be a leader and be in management in the government. yes i can earn more than $100K a year in being in management, but at what price?
you see. life is not all about money and prestige. somehow contentment is a priority sometimes. or maybe i am just in my stage of contentment. i guess i am.
for lack of something meaningful to do, i guess i would be doing my laundry instead today. go to barnes and noble and browse the books and magazines or do window shopping while at the same time energize myself by walking.
have a great weekend everyone.
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can never be put into asunder!
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Oct 8, 2009 9:18 pm
429 Views
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the holidays are just around the corner and i have tickets now to visit my kids and grandkids (in texas) on veterans day from november 11 to november 15 and then for xmas from december 23 to january 10. yes i do visit my kids every other month and they visit and stayed with me during the summer.
its much cheaper to buy the holiday tickets this early. otherwise if i buy it close to xmas, it would be around or more than 1k. i had it for $448.00 only roundtrip.
at this point of time, i rather not be found. i will not be able to focus on that relationship during the holidays. i rather have it on hold until after the holidays. i guess i still more of a father than wanting to be a lover or in a relationship.
i will always be a father and that is the most fulfilling relationship i have. it could never be put into asunder.
because i am a loving and a devoted father, i admire those who are responsible parents and specially the single mom.
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the diminishing enthusiasm to blog!
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Oct 7, 2009 7:47 pm
465 Views
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i am blogging less and less. the last time i actually blog was 9/25/09. the two blogs after that was reposting of my blog "missing years" and the blog, "pride than anything else," was a cut and paste from a commentary regarding how life has been hard in the united states since the start of the global recession or economic mess, where there are now 15 millions americans jobless and countless homeless.
i guess there is such a thing as diminishing enthusiasm to blog. just like in most of our interest in life, there will be a time that such interest will wane and then kaput - and blogging is no exception.
what could be the primary reason or many reasons for such diminishing enthusiasm to blog?
on my part, acceptance perhaps that she would never find me here in my blogs. another is even if she finds me, i don't believe in ldr. so if she has to find me, she should be therefore around my vicinity or within flying time of two hours or less.
why love someone so distant? how would you nurture that? it is really worth the effort to fly a lot to the philippines in the process in nurturing that relationship and proving to her that i love her? i did that and i flew in 2002 and yet it did not materialize to a prolong and lasting relationship. so what is the success rate of my next ldr if i do consider that again? probably nil.
and then, its much harder to find a woman now that you can stay with forever. the world is so complex these days unlike the old days that when you marry someone you are married forever. women has now "expressive individualism" these days - they are demanding unrealistic level of fulfillment in marriage. when their sense of fulfillment wanes, many don't feel like being married anymore. their expectations are impossibly high and are all thinking too much. men who can not live up to their ideals, demands and expectations, decides to stay single instead. opps, this is not a good reason for diminishing enthusiasm to blog, i detoured.
or perhaps one reason i blog less and less is i found other things to do than blog or i went back to they way things are in my life before i blog. or have been busy following the teleserye on tfc like dahil sa may isang ikaw or lovers in paris.
however and whatever, i am still hoping that i will still blog regardless how infrequent it would be. its not yet that time to totally fade away. but someday i think it will!
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To link to this blog (younglooking55) use [blog younglooking55] in your messages.
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