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indeed! sometimes in the midst of trying to define someone we erred on making false assumptions by just the virtue of reading what they posted or in manner their share their engaging thoughts in the chatroom.
do we have the right to make assumptions of others without having thoroughly knowing who they are? at what point do we know someone anyway? would it be enough that by conversing with someone on the chatroom - viola! we certainly know how they are or who they are and what they are.
its hard to validate assumptions specially giving in a timeframe that is to irrational and only based on gut feelings. perhaps was given at a point when somehow unknowingly you have offended someone, bruised their ego or unintentionally invaded their space or at a point wherein you are not in the best of mood. regardless there is nothing wrong with providing assumption and yet there is also nothing wrong in refuting the fallacy of assumption. would i refute assumption? i would not. the burden of truly knowing me is on them. they must on the course of their lives must know me extensively if they want me to be a part of their lives.
be as it may, some of us becomes victim of a false assumption and suddenly most become convinced because of that false assumption that you are indeed such and such without them actually knowing you in an extended period of time.
they said that i have a high regard of myself and that nakarating lang ako sa america ay kung sino na ako. everyone must have a high regard of themselves. by mostly having that, its the foundation of having a healthy life and then acquiring an excellent perspective of life. but to assume that someone only having a high regard of themselves because of where they are or have been or dahil nakarating sa america is making a mockery of one's insecurity.
none of us has the purity of values and therefore assumptions are sometimes false and never right specially given at a point that one never was closed to you or have been intimate with us.
i was not offended by the assumptions accorded on my behalf, after all eveyone has the right to make assumptions and even share it with many. but to others it could be dismaying experience to the point that to them it becomes a nightmare because they have been ill defined by virtue of that assumptions. but no one could ever define us except ourselves. and if you have a high regard of yourself, then nothing matters including false assumption.
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prolific lover!
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Aug 13, 2008 2:32 am
430 Views
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"I am most of the time frustrated about myself. If there is something that I wish to write about, it is usually when I am out and not infront of my computer but when i am ready to spill my heart out, sleep deprivation and my poor eyesight has already taken the best of what I have to share. I am envious of people who are very good in writing despite of some powerful elements that might surround them." ms anonymous
you are trying way too hard to write. the technique of writing is never to think about what to write. you have to be just consumed by the moment and then let the thougths begins. or read other blogs and see if you can muster reaction from within yourself and then before you know it you are writing something that makes sense, and even if its not - you are writing nevertheless.
writing is not about the destination, its mostly the journey that is important. try to enjoy the ride no matter how painstaken it would be. dont even pay attention to correctnessof grammar or the correctness of the spelling. focus on conveying of the thoughts - its all that matters regardless how insensible you are.
you are either a writer or you are not. but you can be and anyone can. i myself is perplex how others can be good as they are in the manner they write and convey their thoughts. its seems they have that magical touch that whenever their fingers touch the keyboard, everthing seems so easy that they can compose the most sensible thoughts they can share. prolific they say when one has the ability to quickly share their thoughts in writing. but we need not too. just the simplicity of our thinking maybe do the wonders for us in our ability to convey our thoughts. yeah writing is conveying thoughts, no more no less.
i dont know where my ability to write came from? it could have be a gift from HIM because sometimes there are moments that i can write, which the results seems unbelievable that's its hard to believe that it was me who wrote such almost a masterpiece - in my thoughts i supposed.
yeah i write without thinking way too much. but i wish i can apply the same approach in the matters of my heart. i could be the prolific lover in the world. i hope so. its not too late.
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sharing an excerpts
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Aug 12, 2008 7:58 pm
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sharing an excerpt email with friends.
Padi Raffy, there is only one obusan in our class and she was the love of my life then. hehehehehehe! but she was not our valedictorian. perhaps you thought about the obusan in vinzons one year our junior. she was the one i was referring too in my missing years - our obusan and not the one in vinzons. heheheheehe!
our valedictorian is myrna castro, salutatorian is carmina villaluz and ist honorable mention is dan orendain.
even now that i have proven myself of my scholarly demeanor, i would never then aspire to be our valedictorian. but it makes me wonder sometimes that i could have been the validectorian had only i applied the same discipline in my studies during my tenure in the navy. yeah the navy funded my education for my two years of college sending me as a full time student provided my grades were As and Bs and with a gpa of no less than 3.50 ( i guess 1.25 sa pinas ata). and the rest i took in upon myself whenever time is available to pursue the american college degree - mostly at night and when i was in shore duty. the navy also sent me to the naval war college senior enlisted leadership academy and was also a distinguished graduate there.
i had a great life then just an ordinary student as far as grades are concern because i had availed myself of other activities and was passionate about student politics. its must have been i have more passion than you are and our other two antogonist for the presidency that's why i won.
those nights i spent with my barkadas whiling and squandering our time were priceless and could never be measured by mere achievement of a great scholastic standing. i was also then engaged devotedly to playing basketball that at one time because of my radical retorts to miss peneyra i was given a grade of 65 in good manners and right conduct. would you believe that my final grades in english is 75 in our 4th year? but that's another story why? i didnt deserve that i know. i am sure that i am the only sgo president graduated with a grade of 75 in english. hehehehe. what a shame ha?
i have two personalities then, i am not too shabby about getting decent grades but i was great and connected so well with so many outside the academic realm. its probably one of the reason too why i won the presidency. i have the charisma and also the intillegence. hehehe. but so are you, but of lesser charisma i guess padi.
ms peneyra is my first class right after the noon break. however i always showed up on that class sweaty and smelly after playing basketball at high noon. she always pinched me everywhere she can managed and at that one fleeting day that i had enough of that suffering and embarassment, i retorted and said which is better madam, playing basketball or gambling.
so when are you going to share us your missing years padi? by the way our 40th reunion is on the planning stage already. it will be good to see you there after 40 years. padi antonio
--- On Mon, 8/11/08, raffy manuguid <
From: raffy manuguid
Padi antonio,If I remember it right,our valedictorian before was Obusan..(a lady)..Mga tugang...specially sa new members na dai pa nakakaaram.. Padi Antonio was my arch nemises (?) in CNHS student politics..he he he..and I can proudly proclaim that the only loss he gave me was the presidency of the SGO..ha ha ha....(he was not reelected though..ha ha ha) ..Keep on unraveling yourself Padi..specially the mysterious parts and discreet love affairs..I'll follow ..he e he...Padi Raffy
--- On Mon, 8/11/08, Antonio Mago
From: Antonio Mago
Padi Tj,
padi correction, i was never a valedictorian. i was the student government organization president. and i was never imprisoned because i was ever to elode the authorities through the help of my father who rushly smuggled me out of the province. but many of those who were with me fighting for the cause where imprisoned in a camp somewhere in between daet and san vicente.
but along with Guinto (he lives by the daet riverbank with a printing press then) i was a big cacth because i was solely responsible for the first rally and demonstration that happened in daet in which i burned the effigy of marcos and then the pc provincial commander. just for historical footnote padi and not for bragging purposes.
in the process i had a walked in the woods with my father that begged me to pursue an immediate and drastic transformation from being idealistic student leader to being a pragmatist aware of the pitfalls of a continues folly embarking in a journey that will end my young life. the paradox of which is, i listened to my father and i embraced america and served in the united navy for 26 years. and by embracing that unwilling journey, i became perhaps the oldest camarinestorian attaining an american college degree at a age 48, graduated cum laude from park university.
here you go Padi, antoher unraveling of me. hehehehe!
padi antonio
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its never wrong to lust!
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Aug 11, 2008 4:22 pm
388 Views
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the leverage of who we are! yeah that is the one that we must bring into the table, to be taken and then sold - and never to be browsed, sorted, pinched, gawked again as sort of a merchandise to be bought.
yeah taken forever because of who we are!
we should never sell ourselves short. we must by virtue of our leverage through knowing who truly we are and what we wanted from someone, we make ourselves only available to the truly deserving and then love her in the fashion truly passionate and romantic.
each of us has something to bring into the table. but for the most part we tend to ignore those things and blindly surrender ourselves to the calling of the heart and perhaps lust.
lust and heart are two different things. lust is a measure of conquest. of exciting proportions mired in eroticism and multiple orgasm. its never wrong to lust. men are supposed to lust, its part of men's mystique and is embedded intentionally so he would be able to experience excitement to himself and then share it with his partner.
even at my age, i am still in the pursuit of excitement. but only excitement within the purview of love and exclusivity.
i have a great leverage,but its for you to find out.
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are you real?
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Aug 11, 2008 7:34 am
374 Views
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how do we get there is a simply question that maybe most of us have asked ourselves already?
to get to where? to the destination of our journey. journey of the heart i supposed because most of us perhaps are in the chatroom or blogging in this site for a pervasive reason of trying to connect with someone that will complete us or just compliment us.
but how would we know he or she is the one? is chatting is good enough to bind us with someone and feel that we have soon to arrive at the final destination of our journey? or finally within our grasp? could chatting or emails and even phonecalls and webcams be the foundation to which we know that she or he is real? what if he or she has a facade and everything that were said and express were not for the purpose of surrendering one's heart, but to play and to be cruel.
yeah i was a victim of such cruelty a year ago that in the process i left the room wiser and stronger - that never to fall in love again with someone with their wits, their affection, their pictures, their voices and their hopes and dreams unless you have seen them in person. am i right now to be skeptical or perhaps sooner or later i will eat my words and totally surrender myself through the mesmerizing wonders of the chatrooms.
as i chat or talk or even flirted with someone at the chatroom, i am now with guarded emotion of allowing myself to fall in love or get nervous with her. but i could not help sometimes when one sort of get my attention based on her looks and or intelligence or the way she carry herself - to wonder if she is the one.
HOW MANY OF US ARE REAL HERE AND HOW DO WE TRULY DETECT THE PRETENDERS?
hmm que sera sera sera!
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i never say goodbye!
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Aug 10, 2008 10:34 am
375 Views
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"Hello, was the first word we said,
wonder if there would be Goodbye also?
Can "Hello" be said without saying "Goodbye"?"
Odette
i never say goodbye. it connotes finality. an ending of a relationship or for that matter severing the ties with the present and then with the past never to reminisce and to restrospect.
its just that's me that i seldom say goodbye and if i do, i dont mean it and its just a slip of my tounge. if its a relationship, i rather say sorry that we have to part our ways and that things didnt work out. at least by saying that, there is an appreciation of the moments shared, the loving affections felt and the activities enjoyed.
to say goodbye is like rebooting one's mind and/or feelings, that those things that were not saved are gone forever. saying goodbye is inflicting sudden pain comparable to a heart attack of major proportion; and then without providing the process gradually to heal oneself. to say i am sorry is providing the initial dose of the healing process that must begin gradually, and its less painful i guess and manageable.
we dont have to save literaly, but when we just say sorry instead of goodbye, it lingers there in a our trash bin readily available for us to either remember or continue to ignore, but its never gone. for me goodbye is gone forever.
i never said goodbye to those women who loved me after my missing years. i have a vague recollection of them now, but at least i have it. and they have in their own personal way touched my life, but not profoundly as should be because they know they were just my convenient gfs while it lasted. they gifted me their love i believe without believing that i could be had for the long haul. it would be different then i supposed if i knew then that the navy will not uproot me and bring me to unknown distance places every two or three years to wander and to be found.
the navy i supposed have given me the dysfunctional feelings about love - that somehow it may not last forever. but who knows thru blogging i may discover a new me - wanting to be truly loved, and then believing in love and finally love her too the best i got. lets see!
sorry i have to indulge you with my thoughts.
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irrationally consuming!
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Aug 10, 2008 4:54 am
322 Views
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yeah, i believe that i have now an irrational consuming pattern that i woke up at wee hours to blog. perhaps not, but the moment i woke up just for the simple purpose of peeing or releaving myself, the desire to blog overwhelmed me with zealousness that i can't just go back to bed.
its not that easy anymore going back to bed as soon i am done peeing, hopefully its but a temporary interruption in the normality of my life.
this must not be happening that it will zap the tranquility of my normal life. maybe i am just being temporarily emotionally uneasy that i am willing to share my personal struggle to blog or not to blog. eventually things i hope will go back to normal. maybe to blog is now the new normal thing to do.
how did i get here? am i destined to be a blogger? would i be able to keep it up and totally allow myself with wanton abandon to be a blogger? is there such thing as being addicted to blog? if there is, would it be too much to ask and beg that you show me the exit door from blogsville?
how i get here is no longer an issue - its now how to sustain my desire to blog regardless that i was just an accidental blogger because i just wanted then to share my thoughts on the fallacy of assumption. i guess just like other things we started doing, we are suck in into the journey and unknowingly consumed irrationally by a new behavior. second thoughts or acts is no longer an option. its now sine die that i am a blogger.
accidental blogger perhaps is the best of its kind. it sort of just like having been found accidentally and then could never let go of the passion to love her.
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gifted love!
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Aug 9, 2008 9:54 pm
296 Views
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"But I soon learned that there are just some things in this world that we should no longer question or rationalize or doubt. That there are, indeed, some things which can be possibly offered to you wholeheartedly without ulterior motives, without anything in exchange, and without conditions if you take them.
They are being offered simply because it is in their nature to give. Because they see something in you – something the others nor you, yourself, cannot see – and they feel you’re worthy enough to receive whatever they have to offer. And they don’t care who you were in the past nor do they care what you will be in the future. What they care about is that “you” right now. Because that’s what they see right now." Ms Airhead
i believe men of good intentions are also capable of gifting someone with unconditional love. i called it gifting because it ask nothing in return except for that nod or a wink that you do understand the situation and the predicament he is in.
the gifted love for the most part is offered because its the only winnable situation for him, that he knows whatever wooing he does, its not just going to make a mark even on a long shot. he will be forever just like a shadow in the dark unseen and unheard.
love is sometimes so troubling that we opted to avail ourselves of the foolishness of a gifted love. there is a certain misery in a gifted love because its not reciprocated in the ways its expected. for the most part she would say, i like you, but ???? thank you for your kindness, generousity and affection but ????? there are so many buts in a gifted love that at the end one would certainly realize the quixotic foolishness of such a feat. then finally give up wasted and emaciated and then with a long proctracted and struggling journey to recover oneself.
i thought once of loving someone many years my junior (my current officemate) with unconditional (gifted) love and that nothing would matters except the feelings i have for her. but i chickened out and forced into my thinking that it was not the right thing to do - that there is more into gifting or bequesting (sp?) her unconditional love. that over the years i wont be able to sustain that love and therefore i was just fooling myself. but the idea surely cross my mind that i am too,just like your newphews Ms Airhead, is capable of doing such at thing, but at what price i supposed? perhaps i will be restless all my life and everyday i will be walking like a zombie! who would want that? it was the journey to the recovery that i was more afraid of. it would certainly changed me forever and be a different person.
hmm i know i did the right thing for foregoing the gifted love and hoping that someday i will be gifted and then i will reciprocate with all my best. but she has to find me first and i have to be nervous around her.
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starting to unravel!
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Aug 9, 2008 8:26 am
314 Views
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hmm i have started to unravel i guess with my blog about the missing years. i wonder if that was suggestively wanting to be known, in personal aspect i guess - that like everyone else i have a story to share or just to tell for whatever its worth. that without attempting way too much, i want to have a personal touch and show my fallibility. hehehehehe!
my life is not that extra-ordinary and yet it been so blessed along the way. too much blessed i supposed that i thank HIM dearly everyday.
about the missing years? i dated during my missing years. irresponsibly i guess because i could not hold on with anyone and i was elusive as if i was running from the responsibility of being a bf. and until now i think i am still elusive. but there were other things then that caught my fancy that distract me to have the missing years memorable in reference to having experience love and affection.
i guess the girls i dated during my missing years, i wasnt nervous with anyone of them anyway. they were just convenient dates or just some sort of a way of trying to wet my feet or as a rites of passage.
i was in numerous front during the missing years
that somehow i have no time for love. first i was consumed by my youthful idealism engaging in reforming the government and the rotten aspect of the cultural life during what i thought as the most turbulent years as i had it experience. i was then of radical mind willing to give up my life in exchange for a cause that i thought then was worth fighting for.
i was then of a scholarly mind too and a student leader immersed with the belief that i have a responsibility to change the way things are in the philippines. of course for the better.
i was a student leader in the making of having the great capacity to serve our country in the later years. but it was taken away by the simple declaration of martial law. i vanished and i have to reinvent myself to something of not my liking. martial law took me away from my rightful destiny. heheheeheh!
second, i was a fratman that survived the most abhorrent method (hazing) of accepting one in the fold. yeah twice i cheated death because of being a fratman.
in retrospect the missing years were my own doing, i have no time for love. but definitely then i know that i had been admired from the distance for i had the looks, the intelligence and the charisma then. STILL NOW! i had not loss and was always voted for to serve in the student council.
hmm this is to deep again. hehheeh!
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missing years!
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Aug 8, 2008 11:43 pm
300 Views
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have you ever wondered about your ability to account for all the years that gone by? how about if you can't and you have missing years?
our lives should have point of references to remember the years gone by. others only point of reference were the relationship they had before. it could be just like the song, "to all the women that i loved before," that every women has to account for all the years gone by - for specific period or even prolong period perhaps.
i have so many point of references to account for the years gone by, but not necessarily about women. i never was the glamour guy or even flambouyant with women. i always have been the quiet type wanting to be found. the type of guy that could not express love in the manner profoundly understandable and in ordinary fashion.
i remember my first love, i was so destructive to myself that in my early teens of having felt that love - i was a drunkard and a heavy smoker and a gambler too. yeah i have those vices blended together that no women of her right mind would give me the benefit of the doubt, that i too have a promise of a future like anyone else.
i cant blame them. but now in any measures, i am successful in many respects and in few endeavors. but still lacking and empty in the endeavors of the heart. hehehehehehe!
i have missing years in terms of relationship. grade school, high school and college years were all missing years. i have no one to remember or to relate to that somehow someone loved me then. perhaps some did at a distance because of the enigma i had then. regardless, its still missing years.
how about you? how was your missing years?
wow grabe! this is DEEP! hehehehe!
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how was i?
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Aug 8, 2008 2:05 pm
311 Views
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how was i? is it a question worth pondering? for the most part its human nature to ask how was i?even in the minisucule of things or in even in the simple pursuit of something we seemed to ask how was i? and even in love, we asked that question more frequently than necessary. why is it? nagging insecurity perhaps!
as i continue to pursue this blogging, is it necessary to ask how was i in my postings? perhaps and only perhaps if we seek affirmation from others that we (bloggers) or i am doing very well.
yeah others perhaps would say you're doing great and would encourage us to keep it up. but would that be necessary when the true purpose of blogging is to share one thoughts without regards to how others felt about us or how we are perceived. to blog and then seek fame undermines one sense of purpose of sharing one thoughts. it would be humbly demeaning to seek fame for that purpose - to me personally it is!
what wonders would it do anyway if they say you are great? would it encourage you more to write? would your writings be more meaningful? it seems it would to others and no doubt it will bring magic to those who seek those sort of grandeurs of greatness.
nah. i am not here for the grandeur. i am just here to share you my thoughts. even how shallow my thoughts would be - nevertheless its still a thought. take or leave it with a grain of salt. whatever that means. heheheheehehe!
by the way for those who have previously visited my blog, thanks a million and specially to those who have posted their comments on my blog. you know who you are. again thanks.
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To link to this blog (younglooking55) use [blog younglooking55] in your messages.
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