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indeed! sometimes in the midst of trying to define someone we erred on making false assumptions by just the virtue of reading what they posted or in manner their share their engaging thoughts in the chatroom.
do we have the right to make assumptions of others without having thoroughly knowing who they are? at what point do we know someone anyway? would it be enough that by conversing with someone on the chatroom - viola! we certainly know how they are or who they are and what they are.
its hard to validate assumptions specially giving in a timeframe that is to irrational and only based on gut feelings. perhaps was given at a point when somehow unknowingly you have offended someone, bruised their ego or unintentionally invaded their space or at a point wherein you are not in the best of mood. regardless there is nothing wrong with providing assumption and yet there is also nothing wrong in refuting the fallacy of assumption. would i refute assumption? i would not. the burden of truly knowing me is on them. they must on the course of their lives must know me extensively if they want me to be a part of their lives.
be as it may, some of us becomes victim of a false assumption and suddenly most become convinced because of that false assumption that you are indeed such and such without them actually knowing you in an extended period of time.
they said that i have a high regard of myself and that nakarating lang ako sa america ay kung sino na ako. everyone must have a high regard of themselves. by mostly having that, its the foundation of having a healthy life and then acquiring an excellent perspective of life. but to assume that someone only having a high regard of themselves because of where they are or have been or dahil nakarating sa america is making a mockery of one's insecurity.
none of us has the purity of values and therefore assumptions are sometimes false and never right specially given at a point that one never was closed to you or have been intimate with us.
i was not offended by the assumptions accorded on my behalf, after all eveyone has the right to make assumptions and even share it with many. but to others it could be dismaying experience to the point that to them it becomes a nightmare because they have been ill defined by virtue of that assumptions. but no one could ever define us except ourselves. and if you have a high regard of yourself, then nothing matters including false assumption.
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long happy life!
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Apr 26, 2009 7:05 pm
480 Views
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i am not searching for anything. i am in my stage of my life that i am happy for what i have. i am more into introspection, retrospection and contentment.
but of course i do wish for something, but that is different. to search is too look for, to find, to want, to have and to locate and then to experience something concretely. in searching, it requires that we put forth an effort. to some of us, we even lay out a blueprint by which we can measure the incremental success or setbacks in our search. searching is an endeavor and wishing is not.
to wish is to yearn, to desire, and to hope for. wishing is not preoccupying oneself in a pursuit of something - such as searching for something tangible to experience and to have. to wish is just a thoughtful process, nothing more and nothing less. when we wish for something, it does not really matter if it will come about or not. failure is not an outcome of wishing nor are disappointments, but in search it is and will always be.
we seemed incomplete when we search for something. unless we found those things we are searching for, we are forever restless and unsatisfied how we are living our lives or our lives have been. yes to search it to put unnecessary burdens on ourselves.
when our wishes come about, we are more profoundly thankful and felt so blessed because we thought somehow we are not deserving of what was granted, bestowed or given to us. in search it is not bestowed, it is achieved.
what i wish now is a long healthy happy life. another is a loving wife who will compliment and enhance my life. my wishes may never come, nevertheless i am still happy and feel complete.
i have been blessed in so many ways. there is nothing more to search for. the journey of my life has been great including the associated disappointments and dismays. i have no regrets and in retrospect i have done well and now contented of what i have.
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loving a single mom!
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Apr 25, 2009 4:29 pm
488 Views
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reposting my blog!
Sep 24, 2008 8:35 pm
211 Views
my preference is actually a single mom in her early 30s. i thought at my age it would be wonderful that i would have an instant family and be a loving and devoted father to her child(ren). i thought also that if i love and take care of her and her children, then i would be loved more not only by her and but also by her children. that would be a blessing as i grow older of having them around even for a visit just to show how much they appreciate my caring and the love i have given them even though they were not my natural children.
there are other multiplier impact in loving a single mom. not only it will lessen the burden of her raising her kids by herself, but likewise making her life and her kids much easier as she would have me to take care of the other errands she has to make. i am pretty much domesticated and can do everything from cooking to grocery shopping, to laundry and cleaning the house.
of course i would have an extended big family in addition to my two daughters and two grandaughters. i would love to have them all around on thanskgivings, xmas and special occasions. it will be a festive moments to share special occasions with them all.
loving a single mom is an investment with greater returns in terms of love and appreciation. its also a simple act of kindness to love a single mom and raise her kids as my own. because of my kindness to her and to her children, i believe she will love me forever, unless she is really not that appreciated of the things i have done for her. nevertheless i still have done kindness to her kids if she fails me at the end.
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moment of splendor
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Apr 24, 2009 8:50 pm
442 Views
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i dont know if i have ever lusted for someone. i think the strict definition of lust is in conjunction with sex. for others it could meant a prelude to love and then to relationships.
i dont know what was my charisma then when i was younger from my days in hawaii in 1975 through my days in italy in 1998. in between those years i have been lusted i thought by women, that i have willingly participated in their desire to be a part of their lives even for that short duration that i was available and assigned in their areas. yes i was in the navy then and there is no doubt that they knew that soon i have to be gone.
maybe i lusted for her? when i was in mississipi in 1978, i just can't let myself not to take a chance to dance with this gorgeous young blond american girl about my height of 5'8" - because she was dancing seductively with a guy. i wanted to dance and have a taste of her too even if its just dancing. my yearning was then too overpowering that i found the courage to ask her for a dance. i dont know why i got lucky that when i asked her for a slow dance, she accepted and we danced tightly embracing each other and sensually dancing throughout. the dance was repeated 3 times. although we never did it sexually, its the closest thing i ever had with her. i came in one of those dances and perhaps i did because i lusted for her.
i am thankful for that experience. it was a moment of splendor of my young age.
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needs of women!
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Apr 21, 2009 10:25 pm
447 Views
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the question was raised on the magazine section of this fff. what will make you marry?
here is my take:
its hard to say until you get there. finding someone or having a relationship with someone who has the preconceived or listed qualities you are looking for will not always seal the deal. there are many dynamics in marrying someone. sometimes its just magical that it happens unexpectedly. sometimes you marry and regretfully it just ruins your life. the happy married life you thought you will enjoy for the rest of your life turned out to be the worst nightmares of your life. who would want that?
but for me at my age, marriage is a thoughtful process. i have to truly know her based on empirical observations and tested situations if indeed she will enhance and compliment my life.
but why marry if you are enjoying your life and have company of woman all the time either as friends or platonic friends?
the needs of men are totally different from the needs of women. if you have money, why marry and then settle to be controlled, tempered, influenced by women?
deep conversations, affection, loyalty, attention and caring - you can always get that from your platonic women friends. sex is always available and for the asking readily available of you really want one less the drama of being married or in a relationship.
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6
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ambiquity of women!
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Apr 18, 2009 10:01 pm
396 Views
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"During the days of our forefathers, when MEN said things, they'd better do and fulfill them, no matter what it'd cost them. It would be a shame not only on themselves but on their family and friends, knowing that something was agreed upon or promised, but was not done. But that was then. In the new era, men now, have the luxury to retract, deny, or break what was said, and they could care less about what impression it'd give them." eb1209
"I wonder if there are "exceptional men" out here who will care to explain their side.." eb 1209
My take:
i am exceptional. but i will never be a captive to the expectations of others or to the rigidity of my words. if i break my words, it must be for good reasons, or perhaps i have regained my senses or the stimuli have change and therefore a new approach is needed including breaking my words or reneging on my words. what matters now is the life we live and not the comforting things we do for others at the expense of our well being and sanity.
chivalry is now far and in between. for the most part, women are partly to be blamed for such dearth or death of chivalry.
chivalry is medieval. its the norm and a way of life during the time that men's words were the medium of exchange to consummate a transaction. its the era by which men lives by a code of conduct, that transgression demands that one honor oneself by killing oneself. its also the time by which women has no self-identity - that she is subservient to his man. of course the value of chivalry then meant that women were properties too and therefore must be protected at all cost or acquired by all cost including sticking by one words. dowry is of course a natural and expected part of the process and is still being practice in primitive countries and sometimes through and by virtue of beliefs and religions. i guess the taliban want to impose it among women under their control.
now past forward to this century, do you (women) really have the right or demand for chivalry or even expect one? the modern definition of relationship has change. men and women are now equal - they say. the feminist movement has come along way and have been successful, and successfully so deserving of achieving equality in all endeavors. and yet at the same time yearn or expect the same chivalrous treatment from men to be still a fabric of their relationship with men. and why? perhaps women by nature are insatiable.
this is indeed a confusing time, more confusing for men than women. women knows more what they want and men now sometimes are reluctant to pursue because of the ambiguity of the modern woman.
at our time of chivalry, the choice and the pursuit is much simpler, i choice you and you are mine and therefore i am yours. the only quid pro quo then is i take care of you as long as i live and to protect you at all cost including our honor.
be as it may, the progress for women is a welcome changed and must be embraced in totality. but they must also be realistic and accept that they lost the charm and the magic of those qualities endearing and pursued by chivalrous man. and they must settle for the modern men too, molded and transformed because of the results of the changes they sought and now prospering with. modern women cant have their cake and eat it too.
barring the strict definition of chivalrous man, there are lots of great men out there whose qualities are more appropriate for the modern woman. you just have to find him and agreed on a mutual term of endearment.
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prisoner of love!
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Apr 16, 2009 8:24 pm
445 Views
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honestly i dont have a guy best friend. i always hang out with women. my best friends are women and they are many years junior than i am. my current three best friends are 28, 30 and 33 respectively. and by the way two of them are married.
my circle of friends are young women. sometimes we go out for lunch and dinner and i am the only guy among a group of 5 or 6. i guess they find me endearing kasi i never cross the line and i do appreciate their friendships - mostly through bestowing them the best of my kindness and my respect for that friendship. i also give them their dose of laughter everyday through my silliness and i am giggle with them as they laugh - and in return they keep me young.
they listen to my crap too and i listen to theirs but i keep it in confidence. so i really have a great relationship with my women friends minus that great stuff you know! i have a great relationship with women minus that drama when you are in a relationship. so i go to bed nightly and sleep well because i am not preoccupied to sort out things that are wrong in a relationship or how to make that relationship work or to save it from turmoil and prevent it from unraveling.
i am really not that eager to have a relationship because i have platonic women friends. and about that other great stuff that matters to men, i get them periodically one way or the other. its just easy, it you want it, you really can get it with no ifs and buts. but its never my desire and intention to get it from any of my friends. the cornerstone of lasting friendship is respect. and i respect them and i love their friendship.
so why would i need a relationship kung stress, headache at burdensome lang siya. its just hard to take a chance that somehow she will just love you the way you are and without any agenda to transform you to be a different person - like perhaps being a prisoner of her love and attention. who would like that?
and besides, the best years of my life is ahead of me with plenty of mulah and time to while away. its just a matter of time for me to say i have enough of working and i want to be a full time vacationer.
yeah by the way part time retired or vacationer na rin naman ako sa work. i work 9 hours a day, but honestly, production wise, its only about 6 hours. and i am being paid very well.
so over-all i am contented and have no complains.
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8
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pursuit of love!
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Mar 17, 2009 9:34 pm
497 Views
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pursuit of love and relationship are two different things. they are extricable and can not be totally conjure. each will stand on its own merits and purposes.
love is a much easier pursuit. it could happen anytime, to anyone even in the most unexpected moments. its emotionally or feelings' based - we felt it and then we are carried away by our emotions, and then suddenly experiencing something weirdly magical. weirdly magical because nothing matters at the moment, but the passion of loving someone.
we when we thought or even say we love someone; no correction, if we felt we love someone, it does not guarantee that feelings is enduring. its like a dream, we wake up and then we are no longer in love. pursuit of love is fragile and easily permeable and not founded on substantial merits and even lacking in intellectual reckoning that will survive the test of time.
on the other hand, the pursuit of relationship, the preponderance when one finds the right relationship is, it will be nurturing and enduring - and in the process loves evolved in the relationship. and becomes a part of that relationship.
pursuit of a relationship is a pursuit of permanence. to relate means there is a mutual understanding, mutual love, mutual nurturing - and therefore its more profoundly enduring and lasting than the pursuit of love.
in relationship there is not only meeting of the minds but of the heart as well. in relationship one can enjoy the total package and the whole nine yards.
i am seeking for a relationship! are you?
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11
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missing years!
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Mar 15, 2009 10:05 pm
463 Views
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reposting missing years!
missing years! Aug 8, 2008 11:43 pm
185 Views
have you ever wondered about your ability to account for all the years that gone by? how about if you can't and you have missing years?
our lives should have point of references to remember the years gone by. others only point of reference were the relationship they had before. it could be just like the song, "to all the women that i loved before," that every women has to account for all the years gone by - for specific period or even prolong period perhaps.
i have so many point of references to account for the years gone by, but not necessarily about women. i never was the glamour guy or even flambouyant with women. i always have been the quiet type wanting to be found. the type of guy that could not express love in the manner profoundly understandable and in ordinary fashion.
i remember my first love, i was so destructive to myself that in my early teens of having felt that love - i was a drunkard and a heavy smoker and a gambler too. yeah i have those vices blended together that no women of her right mind would give me the benefit of the doubt, that i too have a promise of a future like anyone else.
i cant blame them. but now in any measures, i am successful in many respects and in few endeavors. but still lacking and empty in the endeavors of the heart. hehehehehehe!
i have missing years in terms of relationship. grade school, high school and college years were all missing years. i have no one to remember or to relate to that somehow someone loved me then. perhaps some did at a distance because of the enigma i had then. regardless, its still missing years.
how about you? how was your missing years?
wow grabe! this is DEEP! hehehehe!
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4
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i never say goodbye!
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Mar 15, 2009 9:58 pm
397 Views
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reposting i never say goodbye!
i never say goodbye! Aug 10, 2008 10:34 am
228 Views
"Hello, was the first word we said,
wonder if there would be Goodbye also?
Can "Hello" be said without saying "Goodbye"?"
Odette
i never say goodbye. it connotes finality. an ending of a relationship or for that matter severing the ties with the present and then with the past never to reminisce and to restrospect.
its just that's me that i seldom say goodbye and if i do, i dont mean it and its just a slip of my tounge. if its a relationship, i rather say sorry that we have to part our ways and that things didnt work out. at least by saying that, there is an appreciation of the moments shared, the loving affections felt and the activities enjoyed.
to say goodbye is like rebooting one's mind and/or feelings, that those things that were not saved are gone forever. saying goodbye is inflicting sudden pain comparable to a heart attack of major proportion; and then without providing the process gradually to heal oneself. to say i am sorry is providing the initial dose of the healing process that must begin gradually, and its less painful i guess and manageable.
we dont have to save literaly, but when we just say sorry instead of goodbye, it lingers there in a our trash bin readily available for us to either remember or continue to ignore, but its never gone. for me goodbye is gone forever.
i never said goodbye to those women who loved me after my missing years. i have a vague recollection of them now, but at least i have it. and they have in their own personal way touched my life, but not profoundly as should be because they know they were just my convenient gfs while it lasted. they gifted me their love i believe without believing that i could be had for the long haul. it would be different then i supposed if i knew then that the navy will not uproot me and bring me to unknown distance places every two or three years to wander and to be found.
the navy i supposed have given me the dysfunctional feelings about love - that somehow it may not last forever. but who knows thru blogging i may discover a new me - wanting to be truly loved, and then believing in love and finally love her too the best i got. lets see!
sorry i have to indulge you with my thoughts.
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0
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breaking someone's heart!
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Mar 13, 2009 7:19 pm
722 Views
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how do we break someone's heart and say i dont love you or if there has been a consensual sex and you know you dont love her and yet she start saying the L and the C word and sharing it with everyone in her circle of friends that you are the one?
i entertained and she stayed with me for a week, a friend from my past and here is her latest email. i have not told a soul about my true feelings for her nor did i mentioned it to anyone that we had consensual sex.
Dear Antonio,
I mentioned to you previously that I admire the writing style of Paulo Coelho & have picked up some wisdom from his version of universal truths,,,,,,
I would suggest for you to read his "The Alchemist" first, then probably jump to my favorite "Eleven Minutes." There's also the "Warrior of the Light" series that you may get free from the Internet by simply browsing his website,,,,,,,,
How are your days treating you without me? I miss you & the simple times that we had together,,,, I was struck at the simplicity of being happy with someone by just watching the movies or by just dining out,,,,
During my uninitiated years, I used to be a restless spirit,,, I thought that for one to have a happy relationsship, one should see "sparks flying" or experience "roller-coaster ride feeling." I was wrong.
Today i discovered that being with you- having this mature relationship with a mature & responsible man like you, is the embodiment of everything that I was looking for in a relationship. Di pala kailangang laging excited. I think our temperate character (we both have this quality) can be a key to a long-lasting relationship,,,, There is so much virtue in balance & temperance,,,,, Ito ang advantage ng pagkikita natin later in our lives, kaysa sa kung nagkita tayo or nagmahalan 7 years ago,,,, Indeed, God's delays are not God's denials,,,,, Something might have been brewing long before kaya He prepared us even before we became together,,,,,
Tonight, I am attending an art exhibit by an artist friend Lilo Gutierrez,,,,, Ang gaganda ng likha! In the future pwede tayong magpa-commission ng artwork sa kanya, nating dalawa,,,, a portraiture of a happy couple,,,,,
Lagi kang magi-ingat ha?
Love,
Suzette
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