...there has got to be even the slightest physical attraction, at the very least.
Meeting someone in person is an absolute MUST, to confirm if the magic online is there for real. There are times when the magic is just a product of imagination and heartfelt wishes.
aside from the usual romantic setting --- i.e. candlelight dinner, soft lights, nice wine, soft music, alluring scent, black lace, garter belt, spiked heels etc ...
being romantic, for me, involves nurturing my beloved --- good warm ready food, preferably his favorites ; clean nice-smelling clothes made ready for him ; thinking of his needs and anticipating them ; massaging him after a long day at work ; massaging him to put him in the mood ; making the home orderly and pleasant ; infusing laughter and music into our daily life together ; thoughtful little things ; building up his morale ; not saying anything to hurt his feelings ; giving him little notes of appreciation ; sending him loving emails ; sending him a bouquet of flowers every other anniversary ; whispering sweet nonsense into his ear ; watching movies together while cuddled up ; watching the sunset together while holding hands ; giving him a warm big hug when he arrives home ; coining cute little nicknames and endearments for him ...
The authors of this book, both male clinical psychologists, enumerated several rules, "that women must fully understand and accept in order to stop making foolish choices":
RULES FOR FINDING THE RIGHT MAN
1. There are no perfect men. 2. Exciting men can make women miserable. 3. Reforming a man is usually futile. 4. Growing up means giving up Daddy. ( "Men want an adult lover, a friend and partner. Not a surrogate daughter. Childish and manipulative women drive most men away." ) 5. Anger scares men off. 6. No man can give a woman self-esteem. 7. Many good men go unnoticed. ( "People's best qualities usually reveal themselves over time. Men with 'flash' may be intriguing at first, but they frequently cannot give a woman sustained emotional nourishment." ) 8. Fewer expectations lead to greater aliveness. ( "Men are wary of disguised expectations." ) 9. Fully realized women are strong and tender. ( "Strength mingled with tenderness is a magic combination. The smart woman feels good about her womanliness. She trusts her strength and power enough to allow her tenderness to emerge." ) 10. Courtship is delightful. ( It is wise to have a courtship period, rather than to jump into a relationship head on---vi ) 11. "Finding" takes initiative. 12. Men like women who like men. 13. Women who really listen are irresistible. 14. Romantic tension keeps relationships alive. ( "Don't take each other for granted." ) ( Avoid rut. Stay stimulating and interesting.---vi ) 15. Men do want to commit. 16. Women are responsible for their own experience.
This is a gem of a book, written by two male clinical psychologists. It has so many wise insights, the most significant of which, in my opinion, is this:
There is a tendency to equate LONGING with LOVING. That's why some women fall for the exciting kind of men. But, unfortunately, those exciting kind of guys, are not really nice guys. They fall under different categories. Mostly unflattering. Each one of them, dissected in the book.
"Nice men are not elusive, unknown, or mysterious. They're right there. They are predictable. They call when they say they will. And yet these men are often passed over because they don't stimulate that sense of longing so often linked with the feeling of being in love. Unfortunately, many men and women seem addicted to the state of longing and are unable to embrace genuine love."
