The other day, I woke up feeling as though I were drowning. There was a heavy weight on my chest. I dreamt I was with my dearest friends, staying together in the same room eating and laughing together. I woke up and after an agonizing second, I realized it was just a dream. A heartfelt wish.
I have been avoiding feeling like an orphan. But I never begrudge myself of any feelings I experience. If I feel happy, I embrace and relish the emotion. I celebrate it. When I'm sad, I give my sadness it's moment, and then work on healing myself of it, so that it won't haunt me afterwards. When I get angry, I also allow my anger to pass through expedited stages, so that it won't catch up with me later on. I analyze why I got angry and what is the best thing to do to tackle the source of my anger. I contain that negative emotion, and never deliberately hurt back with my words or actions, because I can never take back anything I say or do in anger. Then I also compartamentalize the adrenaline rush that the anger gave me, for future use. I tap on that energy every time I feel too tired, or even too sad to move.
When I am in love, I am very expressive. Life is short, and there might not be any other opportunity to nurture the person, so I always grab the moment and show my feelings.
I make sure that the people I care about know they are important to me.
And I miss them very much.
In a certain cathedral is where I give myself full freedom to think of them, talk about them, with The One who can make up for the geographical distance between us.
