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Idealistic Love Is For Dreamers Only....
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Nov 2, 2009 5:24 am
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I remember a popular kiddie TV show a million years ago; the show was hosted by Bill Cosby and one episode showed him interviewing first graders "what they would like to be when they grow up?" and these are the common responses-- "When I grow up I wanna be a doctor"... "I want to be a fireman"... "I want world peace"..."I want to be a movie star". These are common ideals. Each and everyone of us have this ring of expressions and dreams called "ideals". The general purpose of an ideal is the motivating influence that reinforces why we do what we do. It is like a North Star that guides us in the dark of night-allowing us to focus upon the direction toward which we wish to be headed. However these ideals change as we grow older. These ideals become "goals" that are more realistic and attainable.
It is the same way when it comes to love. Everybody has their own choice of person whom they want to be with for the rest of their lives. Here at FFF the most common responses under "Your Ideal Person" are -- trustworthy, honest, responsible, open-minded, loving, caring, thoughtful, generous... and the list could just go on and on. As if it isn't enough, some even have addendum -- "he/she should love movies, sports, gardening, 50's/60's'70's music... etc.. etc...'. Now I would be lying if I said I don't have an ideal partner in mind but c'mon do we really expect to find all these traits in one person?. It could only be true in the movie "The Stepford Wives". LOL
The common error in relationship arises when we create fantasies in our heads and when our partner doesn't quite live up from our romantic expectation, we say "Nope this isn't going to work", and move on. I was guilty of this when I was much much younger. The moment I see a piece of the puzzle that won't fit in my Book of Ideals, I head for the nearest exit. By the way, my Book of Ideals are mainly my mom's ideals which I eventually chuck out the window as soon as I realized there is half the truth about the saying "Moms know best". ha ha..
I don't think it takes an expert in relationship to figure out that in reality there is no "ideal" partner. We are different in all aspects of life. We have different attitudes, opinions and feelings. So what if he doesn't dig my type of music or is a CSI buff like me. The fact that it could be a disappointment that he doesn't share my interests but then it is of very less significance. A hobby is a hobby not a value. We have to focus on bigger issues like a person's set of values, life goals and that kinda stuff. Life is about choices not ideals. We choose who we want to be with. We choose what we need. To sum it up, all we need is one person who is ideal for us and vice versa.
There's a big difference between real and ideal love. Real love as opposed to ideal love is loving (and accepting) a person in "as-is-where-is basis"-- warts, wrinkles, cellulite, nose hair, and all with a no-return-no-exchange lifetime warranty. Easier said than done I know but who said life was easy? Let alone love? On the other hand, I understand why some people create "ideals". It could probably that some create these ideals as a result of a bad or past experience. I understand the feeling of not wanting to go through the same ordeal all over again and the need to have someone totally different from our previous partners. But then idealistic love limits our prospect of meeting that "one person". I have seen idealistic people who end up jumping from one relationship to another and another and another and still find no contentment. Really bites -->no one is going to be ideal. Perhaps instead of trying to change your partner into your "ideal partner in mind", couples should focus all that energy on working to have an "ideal relationship". Just an idea.
So if you think there is an ideal partner for you out there, I hate to break it to you hun but he/she'd probably be in Saturn!
Just my opinion. What`s yours?
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