The first of December
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Posted:Nov 30, 2011 11:18 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2013 10:07 pm 16588 Views
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A very significant date for me. I'm all agog knowing the time's coming to share blessings and the time to give love. I daresay, the rightest time to give, sure we can share and give everyday but there's the urging to give more. There's love in the air and it's contagious.
The uncomplicated and innocent mind of a believing that Santa's bringing presents by being good and behaving, thus, hanging the socks - the bigger, the better.
The time to receive too, like a domino effect, the revert of something you give. Complete the 9mornings mass and realize what you wished for at christmas. Some came true, some forgotten. Been unlucky for 2 consecutive years, still looking forward. My firm belief in "ask and ye shall receive.." I just wish it could happen in God's time synchronizing my own time.
My prayer goes like this:
Dear God, please grant me what I'm wishing for. I've been good, doing the best I can, fulfilling my christian duty and never violated any of the 10 commandments (well, ahhh...8 actually)
You won't hold it against me, no'? and please, hurry!! Amen...
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20
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Drive around Peter Pan!
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Posted:Nov 22, 2011 8:43 am
Last Updated:Jan 25, 2018 6:05 am 16011 Views
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I'm feeling so low today. One of the just stopped schooling for no apparent reason at all. Been trying so hard to give them the best possible education, the easy life, far from what I did - working my way to college. I asked if she failed any subject (1st yr BS Pharma), she said NO..I asked if she's pregnant, again, NO. She can't give me a definite answer why she quit school, she said she just wanted to. Just like that. I let her..
If only raising are so much like driving a car, I could have drive them all the way through their planned destination.. toss them the key and let them drive their way back.
My late father taught me how to drive the last summer before I'm going off to college. He brought the owner type jeep on the dirt rough road to Biak na Bato. Symbolically, once I got hold of the wheel, father not only taught me how to drive the jeep but passing the control to lead my own life. That 10kms stretch of road bore witness of how I learned the maneuvers of slowing down, speeding up, turning right or left and when to stop..The same maneuvers I'm applying in my life.
I guess it's about time I pass the driving to my 2 older (Got 3 girls, 14's the youngest). With regrets, for I know them to be inept and reckless most times. Blame it on me, I spoiled them rotten, eventually, they will learn. I shall always be here with the spare key..
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9
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The best of my love
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Posted:Nov 12, 2011 5:20 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2013 10:06 pm 16389 Views
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I had loved so deeply once, so truly in love that it seemed I cant go on living without "him." I gave my all.. my life, my dreams, the best of me. I'd changed so many things to please, to adapt to the image he wanted me to be. At one point, while looking in the mirror, I no longer recognized the face that stared back at me. T'was inevitable for the relationship to work out. I'd learned to appreciate the transformation..until I forgot the "real" me..
Now, remembering that period of my life, I cant find any single shred of regret, instead, so thankful that I gave my best shot.For I may not have the chance again.
After the split up, as slowly as I'm getting back to my old self (for the changes had served its purpose), one by one I'm gathering my dreams once more - what's left of it. What more could I hope for? I'd had the best life, the best love, possibly the one they called greatest love. Will there be super best life? or super best love? I'm afraid not. I can't duplicate the intensity nor the purity of that past love, blame it on the skeptic and the cynic in me (remnants of trials and err...errors!)
I'll just wait for some novelty, someone who'll bring out the newness and strangeness in me. Given time, I'll learn to love again freely and unselfishly. Till then.... 
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12
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I hate goodbyes
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Posted:Nov 6, 2011 12:36 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2013 10:06 pm 16689 Views
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Goodbyes are really like tiny pricks in the ears and stabs in one's heart, that's why I seldom use the word, and if I did, only insignificantly - a passing remark, that's all.
We've found each other when we're both needy for somebody to love. Thought we could work something out. You said you love me, well, you've had a funny way of showing it. I'm in the bottom list of your priorities while I'm trying to make you on top of mine.
Another relationship gone down the drain. No regrets. I'll still be a friend should you need one. Just a piece of advice, if you love again one day, please give the girl the time of day, however, busy you are. Make her realize that you love her, and that she have a special place in your life and in your heart.
There's a time for everything. You've proven your worth in your profession, in fact, on top of it. Saved enough, a business to run. Too much of everything actually, except, a woman's love and understanding. I should have offered more, you didn't let me.
So, I shall not say goodbye to you, for if I do, I will be hurting myself too. Instead, I'll say goodluck for both of us. I'm really wishing you well.. I will definitely miss you Sir, (in loving jest) the quaint, sweet, silent man that I once knew..
...wish you can read this coz you asked me if I'm missing you. I can never forget my "mon ami.." and your fave "kamote" and saba.. Dont forget to take your medicines everyday..
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17
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Deja Vu...
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Posted:Oct 26, 2011 5:50 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2013 10:06 pm 16423 Views
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Yesterday I had my hair done. Usually, I do something to my hair like bangs, trim, cut short etc. to revolutionize my thoughts or simply to express what I feel for that certain time frame. And so, I had it rebonded this time, significantly, regathering emotions and to rebel with a justifiable cause(?).
For the past days, I was so busy being in love, not thinking wise. Weighing my options regarding a relationship that I'd conjured up in my mind. How foolish that can be? There was never such a "relationship." All presumptions on my part, there's only just me, myself and the life with the man I pictured meant for me. An illusion shattered by a single word "goodbye..." and so my palace crumbled. Seen it happened before.
Pathetic. Desperate. Called myself anything but sane. I regretted not using my mind, but who will? If the heart's talking. No sorry for me. I had to try. It's not a losing end, after all, I've met you. Another stone thrown. 
Go back to where you belong baby, till somebody new comes along and replace you in the top corner of my heart. Definitely, I'll go back fishing again.. soon.. not right now. I have to recoup my prowess and regain my confidence.. I have a better new look for that,and I'll stay away from margarita ha ha ha hu hu hu..Just be happy
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5
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The color of my heart is you...
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Posted:Oct 22, 2011 4:43 am
Last Updated:Oct 11, 2021 5:55 am 16288 Views
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This day is so special to me, the same date I've met you, was it a long time ago? Seems I've known you all my life and yet, I really dont know you at all..but my heart's been comfortable with you. Strange, I've had love before, read, watch and heard about it too many times but the feeling's still euphoric...
..and I'm trying to classify..
There are "first loves," passing fancy that age and maturity washes away. There are love that you can let go and those you cant. There's "kodak' love, a tiny speck of feeling that develops into a gigantic one and then blows up in your face big time. "Emo" love, that when you're with the one you love, you're ecstatically happy and extremely sad when you're not. I'd say balance of emotions, too bad, it's a gift acquired through age and experience. Adoring love that bordered on admiration and worship, some ended up in disillusionment, some thrived on. A billion times asked, "What is love?" A billion different answers, coz, love's really not meant to be discover by mere words, should be felt with the heart, wholly.
Like what I have for you...
I love you but I cant promise to hold on nor to let go...I need you but I dont expect anything from you, yet I want everything of you...I'll miss you that I'll hope to see you again but wishing you well should you find someone new...
I'll just love you, only way I can... I'll keep you in my heart then I'll remember every moment we've shared.. Love you baby.
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5
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Blue Margarita
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Posted:Oct 17, 2011 4:24 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2013 10:05 pm 16197 Views
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Thought I was done with meet ups. Burnt out, fed up with the sweet promises of love..deja lu...deja entendu...
One last try (for the current season, perhaps )I've met "you"..
We had coffee together, shared some stories and then promised to meet again (rather, you promised). We did. The second time over 'drinks.' After 2 glasses of blue margarita (blue curacao added to differ it from the original one, you said), felt the effect kicked off in my system. I don't know which is more intoxicating, what I had or the bartender beside me? Maybe a big kiss could have sober me up that moment for you've got the sensous red lips of the Norse God.
Alcohols and spirits are really bad for a woman's legs, so the joke goes Good thing that "aging" cultivated and instilled in me some sense of propriety. I remained calm and composed, though, all hazy and blurred, how we got out of the resto and into your car puzzled me.
He brought me home (my home, indeed!) and went on his way.
As i lay down to sleep in darkness, felt my face and neck itched, turned on the lights and looked in on the mirror. Redness and rashes all over. Caused by a day's stubbles? The viking did kiss me
(TessRB's 2blogs with the handsome man on the pic and the one with tequila inspired me to write this.....in progress Thanks Sis..)
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6
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Photographs and Memories
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Posted:Oct 9, 2011 6:09 am
Last Updated:Oct 11, 2021 5:59 am 16429 Views
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It was unfortunate that we've been flooded last two weeks ago. However, there's some good things that came out of it, at least for me. I have lot of spaces now for storage. And scrubbed and cleaned at that. Sentimental wise, I can't easily discard broken things in hopes of fixing it other times, hence accumulated under the lavatory and kitchen cabinets. Clothes and linens that no longer in use and yet stored at the farthermost corner of the dresser. All those things were gone now, taken by the big garbage truck.
Except for the old and worn photo albums. Well, we dont throw away memories, right? After my separation, I put them all at the lowest shelf of the entertainment cabinet because it's covered. I can't bear to look at our family pictures.. then...Shielded myself from the pain and regrets. Until now....
I scanned all the albums, wiping away the moist from every pages, remembering every details of every pictures, a kaleidoscope of vivid reflections of my smiling with me and their dad, happy moments together. Fractal images of our life.
We seldom capture sad moments, maybe because, it's not so good to look at frowned, creased faces. So engrossed, I didn't realize, it no longer pained me to see "him." Funny, I smiled back. Then, came acceptance. Times gone by... Everything and everyone will come to pass, but, LOVE and memories of the heart, NEVER.......
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7
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2 TULA
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Posted:Oct 5, 2011 8:53 pm
Last Updated:Feb 4, 2022 4:18 pm 16646 Views
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PARA SA ATIN
Ito'y subok lamang at may ibig patunayan
Paggamit ng banyagang salita, sa mga hayagan
Nalimutan ba ang turo ni Inang at Tatang?
Ang wikang Pilipino na unang tinuran..
Hindi po pagmamalaki ang nalalaman
Bagkus sumasabay sa agos ng talamitam
Sa mga dunong at gawi ng ibang mga bayan
Ihayag ang galing ng liping pinagmulan..
Maaari kaya nilang maunawaan?
Kung gamitin ang wika ni Pedro at Juan
Di naman ibig sabihi'y ipinagdamutan
Dala dala po sa balintataw at isipan..
Masusukat ba ang pagka Pilipino ko?
Kung hindi ihayag ang loob sa wikang katutubo
Sa akin namang buhay, sa gawa at asal
Isa lang ang uri ng lahi kong taal..
PARA SA KANYA
Paghanga nadama, pagtutok ng mata
Sa gayak at tindig, maamong mukha
Boses na kay tamis ay sumpang halina
Sinsero't taos, tagos sa kaluluwa..
Pero teka, mali yata, ako'y dinadaya
Gustong paglaruan ang simpatiya't laya
Oo nga't ako'y inanod ng kapalaran
At ikaw ang balsang maaari kong kapitan..
Kay bilis mong usalin, pagsintang laan
Sa malas ay mula sa damdaming turan
Datapwa't hungkag pala sa tunay na asam
Pag ibig na huwad, kulang sa inam..
Huwag namang linlangin, puso kong sugatan
Sa maraming subok, bugbog at luhaan
Hayaang ako ay makasumpong ng tunay
Pagmamahal sa kalagitnaan nitong aking buhay..
Ibigay sa akin ang ngiti ng paalam
Papalaot muli tungo sa kamulatan
Ikaw'y marami rami pang dadaungan
Ako'y nasa huli na ng paroroonan..
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2
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Reckoning
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Posted:Sep 29, 2011 9:13 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2013 10:05 pm 15456 Views
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T'was 7pm, Tuesday (with no electric power all day), I was already in bed getting ready to sleep. So nice to be comfy and warm inside, as Pedring beat and pound on the roof.
At 8pm, I heard my brother talking to my mother that some dam broke and Pantabangan Dam releasing water. As I hurried down the 3flight of stairs, I saw the coming of the water onto the tiled floor. On instinct, frantically, I hauled everything that could be reach by water and placed it on the landing of the second floor. My brother's already working with the heavier stuff. 15 minutes passed, the water's already 2 feet deep in the living room.
I went to my mother's room, she has her room downstairs, emptied the big cabinet of clothes, blankets, towels and stacked them high on the topmost part. Not one minute done, and here comes the water lapping at my feet. Disbelieving, told my mother and my youngest to go to my brother's 2nd floor apartment, over the garage.
Alone in my house, I retraced my steps back to the living room with waist - deep water and sat on the landing, praying to spare the 2nd floor. Through prayers, the water stopped rising 2inches short to the place where i sat. Finally, at 11pm, sure that the water's ebbing out, i went to sleep.
It took another day for the flood to subside. Gov't agencies came. Gone. Relief goods came. Gone. Media too. Wonder if I can see myself in TV? Get notice, be famous LOL.
Seriously, was it a God's pat on the back, that he alone can control nature that can affect our lives. For the past countless years, I neglected a lot of things from God. To requite, I'll humble myself and pray fervently as I've never done for a long time....
"Forgive me Father for my sins committed against your will......"
........Amen.
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