BON VOYAGE
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Posted:Feb 27, 2012 6:08 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2013 10:10 pm 15941 Views
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This morning, a friend texted me, said he's at the airport waiting for his plane back to the US. Thanking me for the fun times we had, I replied back - wished him a safe flight and to come back sooner. I can't help but be sad however we've been friends for just a short time. We met here at FFF exchanging comments in each other's blogs that led to 2EBs. The 1st one with fantasiamore(Tajane), and Smilerz(Mindy) joined the 3 of us on the 2nd EB.
A simple guy with a penchant for cleavages and legs, mischiefs in his eyes, but a harmless and a true gentleman nonetheless (paid all the tabs in our EBs)
It will be sometime before he can read this or maybe not at all for it may soon be cover over completely by new blogs. Good thing kofigel is here. She can relay the message to a dear friend..
I'll miss you Ka Bert (Oldkanaba)..ENJOY LIFE but
take good care..
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9
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The Perfect Life
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Posted:Feb 18, 2012 7:01 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2013 10:10 pm 16372 Views
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When I was young, I dreamnt of becoming a journalist, have family with 3 (which I blessedly have), a doctor husband or an engineer, a beautiful home with a garden, servants and chauffers who waits on our every whim, travel vacations, Sunday family day, in short, the perfect life. So much easier to dream a dream than having it.
I thought education, conforming to the rules of society, following the counsel of the elders in my family, I'll end up one step short of my dreams, because I took up Bus. Adm instead of Journalism. The quest for proverbial truth through broadcast media, the public needs to know thing - became sour. Truth won't feed the hungry, so I shifted gears. I left my leftist ideals and turned right, I embraced the subtle life of a student and live in peace till I graduated. I married, have but can't help remembering follies of my youth (my dreams included) which shaped half of me now. The other half came from my married life.
Middle aged, with failed relationship(s), I lost some zest for living and loving, nevertheless, I'm still hopeful, positive that it will still happen, my dreams of a perfect life. That, nothing and nobody can take away from me, limitless, tax free, sugar free.. anytime.
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12
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The Promise
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Posted:Feb 15, 2012 5:36 am
Last Updated:Oct 11, 2021 6:06 am 15430 Views
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What have you done?
You promised the world and then you're gone..
Why did I believed?
Of a perfect love with you I perceived..
How can I forget?
All that we have with no regret..
Who will be there for me?
To comfort and erase the blackness I see..
When will this longing end?
The broken dreams and heart to mend..
Now I have the world again in my hands
Without you I stand..
I moved on and let you go away
From my memory, just a yesterday..
I embrace somebody beside
Who took and carry me in his stride..
There's no perfect love, nobody's perfect
Only understanding heart that I accept..
I have beautiful dreams now, new hope and chance
With the someone who look up to me with a smile of acceptance..
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"KABOG"
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Posted:Feb 5, 2012 5:29 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2013 10:09 pm 20538 Views
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We search for someone to love, someone we can enjoy life with, discover new things together, going through the motion of loving, rediscovering ourselves, to be happy....
It may take a short time, a long time or even a lifetime of searching. Most were successes, others searched all their lives still empty handed in the end. The solitary life.
Are we looking for something physical? Money-wise, power-wise? Popularity, perhaps. Admittedly, we either get impressed or depressed by appearances, hooked or unhooked as we get to know the person better.
There could be a 'tic', when nurtured can turn to love, to fondness, hate or animosity or plain friendship. The imaginary line between 'amour et amitie' (love and friendship). It took me 2years to nourished the 'tic' to 'kabog' to my 'X'..but a lot of years for that 'kabog' to vanish.
It's not easy for me to fall in love. I can't tell definitely what will it take for me to be, hence, trial and experiences. One thing's for sure, I'm just waiting for the loud 'kabog' and everything will be immaterial. It's even harder for me to fall out of love, but thats another story.
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23
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CELEBRATION OF LIFE
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Posted:Jan 25, 2012 7:15 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2013 10:09 pm 16720 Views
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Many believe that January's a good month to start off on anything. For the past 2weeks, I was a willing attendee to different celebrations. I attended christening of a godchild's (so thats already another "apo") coincided with the feast of the Sto. Nino. I remember going to the same church 20 yrs ago for that godchild's own baptismal. Such a tiny baby at 3mos. old, in pink satin and white organza dress. Babies do look like cherubims. of God. Like the Sto. Nino, the image of a young Jesus, the innocence of a and the purity of heart.
...And death.
A friend's father died of heart ailments at 83. I went to the wake on the 2nd night. My friend though sad and teary eyed, accepted her father's demise as an act of God. Death comes as the end. There was a band playing on the following night. It used to be just guitars. 
A new beginning. Alpha and Omega.
I was invited in a wedding. As I was watching the exchange of vows, I can't help wondering why so many of these ceremonies, however grand, solemn would turn into nasty separations, costly annulments and divorces (paying more than the cost of the wedding). I had the best time at the foodies anyway.
Friends! How can we survive life without them? As we pass through life, we accumulated a lot of things, possessions, experiences, lessons, enemies, friends. Like picking flowers in a vast meadow, some kind were sweet, some bland, others have thorns, others were plain irritants. We can keep what we like and appreciate, discard or throw away, leave those we don't. A matter of choice. My meet ups (E reunions with high schoolmates, luncheon despedida for friends who're going abroad.
...And my birthday. I celebrated alone. Intentionally, for I was hoping to find the answers within me, browbeating myself. I made the biggest discovery ever. "One friend" said that my life is boring, that I needed some actions, adventures - in short living it up. I want something new in my life. It's a new phase I'm opening and I already have that something new, you guessed it right... that "one friend"...
Cheers to life!!!
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17
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Broken wings
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Posted:Jan 20, 2012 7:41 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2013 10:08 pm 15404 Views
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NO ONE FALLS IN LOVE BY CHOICE IT IS BY CHANCE.
My eyes feasted on you one beautiful day. How can't I? You're the cutest guy around but totally unaware of your charm. Bewitching smiles, trimmed body, the most expressive eyes, but, was it sorrow I saw? A momentary flicker of an unguarded moment of vulnerability. Who've caused you tremendous pains? I feel for you, a sweet guy with an honest heart, you deserved nothing less than true love. You asked me to try love and luck with you. I'm through with love, I said, in fact embraced the whole concept of solitary existence. When you look into my eyes, by magic, I find myself wrapped in your arms. Our love story started.
NO ONE STAYS IN LOVE BY CHANCE IT IS BY WORK.
You have to go sail on the high seas to work. LDR? I don't believe in such thing. Love can only grow in constant togetherness. In absence, like plants can wither. I kept my feelings at bay, for I knew I'll get hurt in the end. That proved me wrong. Never a single day passed that I didn't think of you. In all of the faces around me, I sought for yours. I find solace knowing you'll be here in no time.
NO ONE FALLS OUT OF LOVE BY CHANCE IT IS BY CHOICE
Love needs expressions. Phone calls, text messages weren't enough. I want to seek comfort in your arms when I'm lonely and troubled, laugh with your antics, I can be happy just looking at your calm serene face. But you're not here. Will you think the worst of me should I bail out on you now? Before you left, no promises coming from both sides, I begged you. Only crazies make them and only fools believe them. I told you not to worry 'bout me if ever you meet someone you'll love bigger than you have for me. I'm sure you would, you're a great guy. Loving you's the easiest thing to do. I love you, you know. Still do. And I miss you. When you return, I can't be here anymore for you. I am changing the course of my flight. Not too far for my wings are broken, but away from you. There's so much to live for, an expanse of beautiful life ahead of you. I'll stay in the shadow looking up as you flap your wings and soar sky high.. FLY AND BE FREE MY BABY!!
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Let's volt in (Keep in touch)
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Posted:Jan 8, 2012 5:52 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2013 10:08 pm 16985 Views
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"Sorry for everything," my xhub's comment in one of my FB pics. Coming from someone who's got the bigger ego between us - two, utterly humbling. I should have said something like "it's water under the bridge now," or "let's forget the past and be friends..." Instead, I kept my silence. We're not even friends in FB, landsake. He never asked me
Such childish acts on both sides, I got entertained, for I suddenly find myself answering illegitimate questions from legitimate friends. Irritated the same time, why make something private be publicized? Up to this point, my separation's known only to a handful of friends. After all, I don't advertise my private affairs lest my lovelife.
There are limit to things you can share online fearing for unsolicited reactions. Separations, divorces, annulments are simply bad news to those who cares, good news for posers.
Social networking's a good thing, meeting new friends, reconnecting to old ones, finding lost relatives, making peace with estranged ex's, rekindling old flames if possible. Bridging the distance of north and south, east and west.
Modernization. I don't want to be left behind so I joined in the fun. Still I'm old fashioned, I'll welcome knocks on my door, anytime...
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16
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Pride and Prejudices
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Posted:Dec 29, 2011 6:20 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2013 10:08 pm 16855 Views
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I've got some feelers lately, from "holier than thou" attitude of the xhub. The million dollar question of "who bungled what?" And the little thing called Pride.
I kept my silence, not bad mouthing him to the , in fact, raising his good points, the virtues of the man. Suddenly, why poked me out of the blue? After all the moving on, braving the unexpected, the unbridled truth about "what went wrong?" should be "who went wrong?" No third party, no profanities, no dialogues at all. Simply two people drifted apart, walking away in opposite directions, neither one turning back to join the other.
Conceit. Vanity. I guess not. Independence maybe. Knowing my capacity to live alone, relying on myself more. I moved along his shadow for a long time, the wind beneath his wings, cliche'. I've found my freedom but I'm still afraid to fly freely, proven my worth but sometimes feeling inadequate, regained my bearings but self conscious. My bad, I'm enjoying the transformations and the learning.
Should the question be ask; Would I be willing to reconcile with my "ex"?...Next question please...
Another year to look forward to, a new hope, a new beginning, a new life - a new love. Why not?
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!! GOODLUCK TO ALL OF US, GOOD WISHES
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13
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Eros and Thanatos
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Posted:Dec 15, 2011 3:46 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2013 10:08 pm 16416 Views
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Friends would ask 'how's life being single? Non complacently, I will reply, "living like an automaton, moving on in an undetermined direction, getting by aimlessly." That was the case up until a year ago.
My father was diagnosed of the big C (colon cancer). Around christmastime last year, he had been in the hospital for blood transfusion in preparation for his 3rd operation. He was discharged Dec.24 to spend his last christmas with us for he died Dec. 28. We were actually informed by his doctor of his worsening condition and to prepare for the worst. In all of the confusions, fears and worries of losing my father, I forgot my own dilemma. Twas my first xmas without a husband (11mos. separated prior)
I mourned for my father. I missed him for quite sometime. Gradually, the pain's vanished. What's left is an empty space in my life filled with loving memories. I had a father for 40yrs, half of that time - I had a man I chose for a husband. I lost them both. One in death, one in life. Either way, they've caused me great pains. Time's the best healer, I've come to accept gracefully, the raw wounds healed.
A pattern of constant evolution of everything in life: Love - Losing - Pain - Acceptance.
So, if you will ask me now, how's life being single? Truthfully, it doesn't matter anyhow whether I'm alone or with someone. I'm LIVING...and I will take pleasure and enjoy every moment on earth........ till I come knocking on death's door.
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11
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Unlikely poem for unlikely love
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Posted:Dec 8, 2011 2:42 am
Last Updated:Oct 20, 2021 6:08 am 16746 Views
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I told myself, I will make you a song,
With all of my love and thoughts so strong..
But it's never easy composing one,
For my heart and mind's tired and done.
You're so far away, free as well,
For I'm not suited, as you can tell..
Nor do I believe in false promises,
Go find the girl that will love you no less..
Is it cowardice? The question's repeated,
To set you fly free and search decided..
Though we love so short of time and seasons,
I'll always remember deeply, knowing no reasons..
Just go, away from my memory,
and let me be in my own misery..
My only wish is for you to find glory,
Then come back once more and kiss me sorry..
Sabi ko, igagawa kita ng kanta
Dala ang laman ng damdamin't diwa
Bagkus di pala gayon kadali
Pagkat puso't isip ay namimighati..
Malayo ka na, malaya din pala
Di katulad ko ang iyong inakala
Ako'y tapos na sa maling pag asam
Hanapin ang pag ibig na sa iyo'y mainam..
Naitanong ko na rin, karuwagan ba ito?
Palayain ang isang pusong tulad mo
Hindi man nasukat sa tagal ng panahon
Ating sandali ba't ang hapdi ng hayon..
Sige na alis na, sa abot ng ala ala
Wala kang iiwan na pangako't salita
Hangarin ko ligaya' mo'y masumpungan
Bumalik ka at ako'y hagkan ng paalam..
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13
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