A fleeting despondency
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Posted:Apr 3, 2013 7:13 am
Last Updated:Mar 7, 2018 5:25 am 54764 Views
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I had a happy beautiful life once. And lovelife too. Where did it go? Why can't happiness be constant like the elements of the earth? As I'm halfway thru life, half the chance of finding it again. Like all the things in this universe, the evolution of all species - abundance - scarcity - endangered - extinct. Lucky if they find my bones after 100 yrs. "ashes to ashes, dust to dust....' and my memories fade into oblivion. Just a name relegated to ancestry... and the world will still revolve without me.
Not that it matters. All come and gone. Sun set in the horizon. I, too, shall go. When my time come, I just wish that I have a little smile on my face, for my loved ones to remember.
For that one love I lost long ago, I'll just whisper in the wind and let my message reach him... I LOVE YOU...
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16
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Good Riddance
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Posted:Mar 26, 2013 5:53 am
Last Updated:Mar 7, 2018 5:35 am 30465 Views
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Some people makes you happy.
Some when they enter your life 
Some when they leave..
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15
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The Invisible Man
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Posted:Mar 12, 2013 7:19 am
Last Updated:Oct 11, 2021 6:14 am 19815 Views
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The burden to breath life with so much heartaches and let it live within. How can a man so beautiful be misguided by own failures in life? The result of the shattered past. Never to take chance again. And so...LOVE's forgotten...
She thought that after that night, everything will fall into pieces. The mutual attraction was there - the desire fueled by tiny kisses and hot touches. They undressed slowly, embraced, kissed, hands searching each other's body, caressing...both on fire wanting to fulfill what their bodies leading them to do, to achieve.
They lay down on the satined bed. Their bodies on each other felt so good. A euphoric sense of togetherness. An outstanding obligations on to fulfillment, a truce made by faith and trust, the mutual concord decisions of two responsible minds. And the night ablazed with anticipations and expectations.
Mindless of the tangled sheets, sweet intoxicating sweats, their bodies entwined, dancing and swaying ryhtmically to the sound of their heartbeats. The slow dance became fast to a crescendo until no longer controlled. The earth shook and the thousand stars sprinkled in the sky. The mortal ecstacy of an orgasmic pleasure. He let out a smile and a mirthless laugh. But it never reach his eyes..
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Expectations from a 'FRIEND'...
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Posted:Mar 12, 2013 6:50 am
Last Updated:Mar 7, 2018 5:43 am 33466 Views
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I should have known. If promises were made to be broken, what more of an unpromise(s)? Or just the product of an overzealous imagination. Long ago, told myself to learn to put a wall between 'FRIENDSHIP' and 'LOVE'. I got a grip of solidity regarding the matter but caught unaware as I was slipping away from it, because of being..ah..uhm.. well, being loveless or lack of romance or being alone/single, whatever..
I put a lot of emphasis and wrong translations over words he said. Ok, I must admit, went gaga hoping for 'love' when in fact - twas the word but not the meaning alright. In my craving for that feeling, I overlooked the fact - I'm anticipating it from another human being. Yes, and we don't share the same high hopes. Mine is organically simple - the start of a love affair. For him, its just pure "FRIENDSHIP', an inspiration to go through life with a touch of feministic views on the side. Maybe, I'm just wasn't his type. In its blandness, my heart bled.
I'm afraid I will never learn. As long as there's 'hope' there will always be moments like this, time of disenchantment. Notice the adjective - come what may, I still believe in fairy tales. Someday, my prince will come.. And we will live happily ever after...
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27
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(Page:)
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Seasons of my Heart - FALL
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Posted:Mar 4, 2013 5:39 am
Last Updated:Oct 19, 2021 4:30 am 16449 Views
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Like the trees shading leaves in autumn
Flowers petals fall and hide its blossoms
A dewdrop kiss my face of frozen tears
Crying a love lost that I once hold dear..
After a hot humid days of warmth and sun
And the heart danced with fervor and fun
The cold lifeless whisper of impending sorrow
And the leaves fall off in the earth's hollow..
The first fleck of frost bit my hands and I shiver
Find its way to my tangled emotions and quiver
A stunning rush of desolation creeping
In the stillness of the night I lay down breaking..
Let it be like the rhythm of the sun and moon
After the darkness comes light and shone
To the weary soul defeated in love's fray
A respite - for tomorrow's a promise I daresay.
A promise very soon to be fulfilled..
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Seasons of my Heart - WINTER
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Posted:Feb 16, 2013 5:18 am
Last Updated:Oct 19, 2021 4:30 am 16465 Views
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I was left in the rain, wet and cold
With a burning fire in my soul
And then I look up and cast a spiteful mold
Of hatred and arrogance with senses dull..
Where's the sun and make the numbness gone?
And fill the void welling up beyond
I staggered to hold but a pseudo none
A deep abyss where darkness down..
Will death take a life of seclusion?
Of broken vows, dreams and disillusions
What remains a deep recesses of mortal agony
Sans love, sans happiness, living is irony..
Here comes another whip of waves
I'll sit by the end of the wooded save
Pray for a strong gush and wind at the side
Let me rest in their midst and take me far and wide..
Thanks to Boss Chief, my heart's no longer cold 
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WAIT...
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Posted:Feb 7, 2013 5:03 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2013 10:16 pm 21305 Views
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After every heartbreak,
we thought the world ends with our misery..
In our desperation,
we grab whatever's convenient and
what we thought will free us
from the loneliness and emptiness..
oftentimes,
t'was the wrong move.
But if we just take a look,
and take the time to contemplate,
there's far more beautiful things ahead..
..in life and in love for us..
Believe.
WAIT.
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20
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I DON'T LIVE THERE ANYMORE...
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Posted:Jan 27, 2013 6:26 am
Last Updated:Oct 11, 2021 6:08 am 24799 Views
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I had an interesting exchange of emails from a female member here. Re: About the men (actually there's just 2, well err 3 and that includes my xhubby)) in my blogs. According to her, she's writing a book and my love stories took her fancy. I will categorize them as great, huge, and big love.
1. My great love is my xhubby. You don't spent 20 yrs together if not for that immense love. And you can't easily forget after the separation. It takes time to get it over your system, extensive healing period for the heart to heal. But does it heal? Perhaps in a way like deep wounds drying up outside but still fresh in the inside. A little nudge will hurt.
2. I had a huge crush on my 'margarita guy' the first time I saw him eventually turned to huge love. But came with it a colossal presentiment that: Here is a young man, gorgeous, hunk (I cant use the word 'virile'  ), with a steady job, single and available, in short - good catch. What's there not to like? The 'anathema' word 'to start a family' meaning to have /s. Holy Chili! I'm already past my 'conceive' stage. Motherhood? Na ah.. More on the grandmotherhood 
3. 'P' is my big love. We started small, friends, travel mates until we crossed the barrier of friendship and love. The friendship became big along with the mutual feelings. From clandestine, he professed love overtly. A big undertaking for a man in his status. And that endeared me so to him. But like the foreboding of Solomon's proverb "Like a bird wandering from the nest, so is a man wandering from his home." At the end of the day, they will both look for their nest and come to rest 
And then my friend (she is, already) asked of the possibility of getting back together. For the 3 of them, this I said, 'Let sleeping dogs lie.' I have a short selective amnesia . I forgot the past easily but time to time, bits of beautiful memories drifted by. Let them remain that way in my mind, and I, in them.
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17
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A RETRIBUTION
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Posted:Jan 17, 2013 7:40 am
Last Updated:Jul 18, 2013 6:41 am 23313 Views
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I've posted 2 blogs 'READ-POST' only for the reason of not knowing how to respond to comments with regards to the 'man' behind the blogs. The 'Allusion to ambiguity' is only a reminiscin' and then I saw HIM here, so I made 'A letter..." Was it a sign? Of what I don't know.
I'm not a very nostalgic person but I love dwelling on the past time to time only to pick up lessons and reflect bit by bit if I've done good than before. And what better to write by own experiences and escapades, affairs -with no qualms or remorse.
No harm to reflect on being in love. And you'll remember Joey Albert's song 'I remember the boy but I dont remember the feelings anymore,' only I remember both 
He was my Margarita guy, Broken wings, La Paloma Blanca and my viking...and my baby.
Please indulge in this old lady's tale of love exploits. After all, it's my birthday
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21
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An open letter to my 'Baby'
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Posted:Jan 17, 2013 6:47 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2013 10:15 pm 15588 Views
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After more than a year I saw you again - here. We're here the same time last night past 10pm as I had trouble sleeping - my insomnia's one of my nemesis nowadays. Then my song for you playing in youtube - All my life. I dont know what's in that song that reminds me so much of you. Maybe because thats the song playing in your car the first time we're together..maybe because thats the song I imagined for my wedding.
The ever troubled sleeping habit of mine became more troubled. Wide awake at 2AM thinking of you and wondering how's life and love in your end?? ...and why you're still here?? I waved but not expecting any reply, I'm now used to your snubbing. I did send you some feelers before - I wanted us to be friends but you never said anything. I remembered suddenly what I've heard on television - bitter is best eaten not a feeling to harbor. Are you still bitter about us? You see, there's love that's never meant to be. One of them is ours. I seem to be having this sort of love lately 
I still think of you, I miss you.. I still have you in a special corner of my heart..One of the reasons I mended my broken heart easily, you're my saving grace. I let you go once, I'll do the same over again. But I'll keep you in my heart. Forgive this lost soul as I say this: I Love You always my Baby
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