the clown
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Posted:Apr 22, 2014 12:05 pm
Last Updated:May 6, 2014 7:22 am 27210 Views
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A Man went to a doctor..
Man: im depressed... Life is too harsh and cruel... I feel all alone in this threatening world...
Doctor: you're in luck! The Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight... Go see him... That should pick you up..."
Man bursts into tears and says
Man: But doctor... I am Pagliacci.
*sometimes, the guy who loves to give cheers to everyone, cant find a single reason just to smile...
Goodnight...
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HAPPY EARTH DAY EARTHLINGS!!
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Posted:Apr 22, 2014 10:55 am
Last Updated:May 6, 2014 7:57 am 27263 Views
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How do I celebrate Earth Day?
Plant a tree.
Put up a garden.
Reuse recycle reduce and REFUSE..
Throw ur garbage in proper receptacle.
live simply.
Keep surroundings clean.
conserve water.
Put of unnecessary lights.
Make everyday a no-straw day.
It's your turn! A little act of kindness in never too much!
How do you make Mother Earth happy? share share share...
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smoking condoms
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Posted:Apr 20, 2014 10:34 am
Last Updated:May 10, 2014 5:37 pm 27326 Views
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Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain.
One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Lady 1: "What's that?" Lady 2: "A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."
Lady 1: "Where did you get it?" Lady 2: "You can get them at any drugstore." The next day,
Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.
Lady 1: "It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel." The pharmacist fainted
 
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*A.A.A.D.D.- KNOW THE SYMPTOMS!*
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Posted:Apr 19, 2014 10:10 am
Last Updated:May 10, 2014 5:42 pm 31177 Views
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*Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.*
*Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.*
This is how it manifests:
*I decide to water my garden. As I turn on the hose in the driveway,* I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
*As I start toward the garage,* I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
*I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.I lay my car keys on the table,* Put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, And notice that the can is full.
*So, I decide to put the bills back* On the table and take out the garbage first...
*But then I think,* Since I'm going to be near the mailbox When I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
*I take my check book off the table,* And see that there is only one check left. *My extra checks are in my desk in the study,* So I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking. *I'm going to look for my checks, But first I need to push the Pepsi aside So that I don't accidentally knock it over.The Pepsi is getting warm, And I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi, A vase of flowers on the counter Catches my eye--they need water. I put the Pepsi on the counter and Discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, But first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter ,* Fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.
*I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,* I'll be looking for the remote, But I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, So I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, But first I'll water the flowers
*I pour some water in the flowers,* But quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
*So, I set the remote back on the table,* Get some towels and wipe up the spill.
*Then, I head down the hall trying to* Remember what I was planning to do.
*At the end of the day:The car isn't washed, The bills aren't paid, There is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter, The flowers don't have enough water, There is still only 1 check in my check book,I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, And I don't remember what I did with the car keys.Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,* I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day, And I'm really tired.
*I realize this is a serious problem,* And I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail..
*Do me a favor.* Forward this message to everyone you know,
Because I don't remember who I've sent it to.
*Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!*
*P.S.* *I don't remember who sent it to me, so if it was you, I'm sorry*
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Ed and the seagulls
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Posted:Apr 18, 2014 6:03 am
Last Updated:May 10, 2014 5:39 pm 27301 Views
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This is a wonderful story and it is true. (checked Bing)
You will be pleased that you read it, and I believe you will pass it on. It is an important piece of American history.
It happened every Friday evening, almost without fail, when the sun resembled a giant orange and was starting to dip into the blue ocean.
Old Ed came strolling along the beach to his favorite pier. Clutched in his bony hand was a bucket of shrimp. Ed walks out to the end of the pier, where it seems he almost has the world to himself. The glow of the sun is a golden bronze now.
Everybody's gone, except for a few joggers on the beach. Standing out on the end of the pier, Ed is alone with his thoughts...and his bucket of shrimp.
Before long, however, he is no longer alone. Up in the sky a thousand white dots come screeching and squawking, winging their way toward that lanky frame standing there on the end of the pier.
Before long, dozens of seagulls have enveloped him, their wings fluttering and flapping wildly. Ed stands there tossing shrimp to the hungry birds. As he does, if you listen closely, you can hear him say with a smile, 'Thank you. Thank you. In a few short minutes the bucket is empty. But Ed doesn't leave.
He stands there lost in thought, as though transported to another time and place.
When he finally turns around and begins to walk back toward the beach, a few of the birds hop along the pier with him until he gets to the stairs, and then they, too, fly away. And old Ed quietly makes his way down to the end of the beach and on home.
If you were sitting there on the pier with your fishing line in the water, Ed might seem like 'a funny old duck,' as my dad used to say. Or, to onlookers, he's just another old codger, lost in his own weird world, feeding the seagulls with a bucket full of shrimp. To the onlooker, rituals can look either very strange or very empty. They can seem altogether unimportant .... maybe even a lot of nonsense.
Old folks often do strange things, at least in the eyes of Boomers and Busters.
Most of them would probably write Old Ed off, down there in Florida... That's too bad. They'd do well to know him better.
His full name:
Eddie Rickenbacker. He was a famous hero in World War I, and then he was in WWII. On one of his flying missions across the Pacific, he and his seven-member crew went down. Miraculously, all of the men survived, crawled out of their plane, and climbed into a life raft. Captain Rickenbacker and his crew floated for days on the rough waters of the Pacific. They fought the sun. They fought sharks. Most of all, they fought hunger and thirst. By the eighth day their rations ran out. No food. No water. They were hundreds of miles from land and no one knew where they were or even if they were alive.
Every day across America millions wondered and prayed that Eddie Rickenbacker might somehow be found alive.
The men adrift needed a miracle. That afternoon they had a simple devotional service and prayed for a miracle.
They tried to nap. Eddie leaned back and pulled his military cap over his nose. Time dragged on. All he could hear was the slap of the waves against the raft...
Suddenly, Eddie felt something land on the top of his cap. It was a seagull!
Old Ed would later describe how he sat perfectly still, planning his next move. With a flash of his hand and a squawk from the gull, he managed to grab it and wring its neck. He tore the feathers off, and he and his starving crew made a meal of it - a very slight meal for eight men. Then they used the intestines for bait. With it, they caught fish, which gave them food and
more bait . . . and the cycle continued. With that simple survival technique, they were able to endure the rigors of the sea until they were found and rescued after 24 days at sea.
Eddie Rickenbacker lived many years beyond that ordeal, but he never forgot the sacrifice of that first life-saving seagull... And he never stopped saying, 'Thank you.' That's why almost every Friday night he would walk to the end of the pier with a bucket full of shrimp and a heart full of gratitude.
Reference: (Max Lucado, "In The Eye of the Storm", pp...221, 225-226)
PS: Eddie Rickenbacker was the founder of Eastern Airlines. Before WWI he was race car driver. In WWI he was a pilot and became America's first ace. In WWII he was an instructor and military adviser, and he flew missions with the combat pilots. Eddie Rickenbacker is a true American hero. And now you know another story about the trials and sacrifices that brave men have endured for your freedom.
As you can see, I chose to pass it on. It is a great story that many don't know...You've got to be careful with old guys, You just never know what they have done during their lifetime...
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too wordy
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Posted:Apr 18, 2014 5:47 am
Last Updated:Jun 8, 2014 4:23 am 27378 Views
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If there was a shred of doubt the world is totally insane, this will remove it.
This says it all.......
Pythagoras' Theorem: .................................24 words.
Lord's Prayer: .................................................... 66 words.
Archimedes' Principle: ..................................67 words.
Ten Commandments: ...............................................179 words.
Gettysburg Address: ........................................................286 words.
US Declaration of Independence : ..................................1,300 words.
US Constitution with all 27 Amendments: ................................7,818 words.
EU Regulations on the Sale of CABBAGES: ...................26,911 words
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Brothers sculpt Religious images
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Posted:Apr 16, 2014 11:41 am
Last Updated:Apr 22, 2014 12:49 pm 27303 Views
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Sculptor Val Suarez (left) with his brother Oca apply varnish on religious images, depicting Jesus Christ wearing a crown of thorns , carved onto a hillside in Maragundon, Cavite on Saturday. The Suarez brothers started sculpting different religious images on the hillside last month, attracting numerous visitors
Photo by Romeo Ranoco, Reuters,04/13/2014 11:38 AM
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Blonde in an Alabama Church
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Posted:Apr 16, 2014 10:33 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 10:52 am 26936 Views
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BLONDE IN AN ALABAMA CHURCH ...
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumour that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie, and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."
No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood?"
Nothing.
"Remember, you will be forgiven, and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression!"
Again, all was quiet.
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew.
Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan . I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared!
Life is Short. Smile while you still have Teeth.
Give me an Amen Brother!
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crow facts.. interesting
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Posted:Apr 16, 2014 10:31 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 10:52 am 27058 Views
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CROW FACTS......Interesting
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.
A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.
MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.
He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck."
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Undisturbed fisherman
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Posted:Apr 16, 2014 10:25 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2024 10:52 am 27018 Views
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A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the exits, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly fisherman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, "do you know who I am?"
The old fisherman replied, "yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't." said the old man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute", returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep", was the calm reply.
"And you are still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope", said the old fisherman.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "why aren't you afraid of me?"
The old fisherman calmly replied, "been married to your sister for 48 years".
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