HE WAS HERE... Sep 17, 2005 8:13 am 1690 Views It was 12:36 midnight..i was chatting with my retro sisters..LANIE, LOU, DEI AND SUE...when i heard somebody called my name...a voice i can't easily forget while he was still alive and strong...IT WAS MY FATHER!!! He was here and he called my name....maybe he wants to visit me and say his last farewell call of my name....!!! I will see he him....i've chosen him rather than my work, because he's that IMPORTANT to me..and this will be the last time that i will surley see him and will kiss him... I LOVE YOU PADEAR!!!! ***** 13 Comments

>>>I WILL MISS YOU<<< Sep 17, 2005 7:19 am 1520 Views I know that we have our misunderstanding before.. We do fight...we exchange views and ideas I know that you love me I know that i am the favorite child, the favorite daughter.. Now that you're gone I know, for sure that I'M GOING TO MISS YOU You're kakulitan, your eyes, your looks You're voice, your jokes.. Many things to remember you!!! For being strong, for being a fighter Things that i get from you.. Things that i will surely bring until the end I love you PADEAR... *****I WILL SURELY MISS YOU!!!!***** ****** 4 Comments

>>SA AKING PAGLISAN<< Sep 17, 2005 5:14 am 1500 Views Bumubuhos ngayon ang malakas na ulan Kasabay nito ang pagtulo ng luhang pumapatak sa aking mga mata Ayaw maawat, ayaw maubos…ang sakit Ano ba ang dapat gawin upang humupa ang sakit na ito? Lilisanin ko ang lugar na limang taon kong pinaglagian Habang pamilya ko ay naghihintay sa aking pagdating Pagbalik ko sa aking bayang sinilangan Daratnan ko ang akin ama na nakahimlay sa kanyang kinalalagyan Samut sari ang nasa aking isipan Sa paglisan ko sa lugar na ito na hindi na mababalikan Luha ko ay patuloy na umaagos Sakit sa paglisan at sakit sa dadatnan ko sa aking pagbalik Kailangan kong mag-isip at magsimula muli Problemang iiwanan..di na dapat bang balikan Problemang daratnan ay dapat na harapin Anuman ang mangyari, tatag ay kailangan Sa aking paglisan, Lahat ng magandang nangyari ay babalikan at aalalahanin Lahat ng masasamang nangyari ay gagawin na pangpalakas ng loob Limang taon…dito sa Saipan Kailangan bumangon, ngunit saan ba ako magsisimula?? Kay daling sabihin na MOVE ON..pero papano? Ako?? Na inaasahan ng aking pamilya Saan ba ako pwedeng pumunta??? ****** 6 Comments

The text messages..... Sep 16, 2005 5:29 am 1058 Views I was still sleeping when my room mate who got a cellphone wake me up and told me that she just received text message from the Philippines and it's from my sister...It was around 9 in the morning..my room mate received three text messages.. 1. " UMUWI KA NA " (GO HOME} 2. "PAKISABI KAY EILEEN, WLA NA ANG PAPA" (PLEASE TELL EILEEN, PAPA'S GONE NOW" 3. "EILEEN, WLA NA ANG PAPA, UUWI KB? INANTAY KA LANG NYA NA MAKAUSAP" (EILEEN, ARE YOU GOING HOME? hE ONLY WAITED TO TALKED TO YOU" I was in shock and can't believe it, because i just talked with my father last night...i can't stop crying until now..balming myself, why i didn't come back early, why did i called him up...he should have waited for me...But still i have to move on and accept things...Maybe it is really God's will..He doesn't want my father to suffer for long... But still.....tears keeps on falling down my eyes... I LOVE YOU ITAY, PAPA, PADEAR, MY DEAR FATHER...we will see you later...and i know we will be together again.....REST IN PEACE!!!! 35 Comments

The last conversation with MY FATHER..... Sep 16, 2005 4:43 am 935 Views I would like to share this to each and everyone around here, what transpired last night…. I did asked a friend to buy me a telephone card because I really want to call back home and had a nice talk with my father…I really want to hear from his own lips that he wants me back.. Around 12 midnight, Saipan time and 10 in the evening Philippine time, I gave them a ring…At first I did talked to my sister, Ate Baby, to clarify things out, then to my brother, Efhoy..My father was past asleep…they woke him up and asked him if he wants to speak with me??? Right there and then, I asked him how is he? Is he okey? Then…with tears rolling down my eyes, I did asked him, do you really want me to go home for you?? And he repeatedly called my name….” EILEEN, EILEEN, EILEEN….” Even though it was very hard for him to speak and I can feel it even on the phone that he was really fighting and struggling from the pain….He told me “If you can come home please do…” Then I told him , okey I will go back for you and wait for me…. Again, it was my brother Efhoy on the phone, asking me, if I’m willing and really wants to go back..and I said YES, I will do my best..whatever happens because it is the wish of my father.. I did told them that I’ve got an interview and examination..still don’t know if I will be hired but somebody told me that I am already hired and will start to work tomorrow..But if that’s what my father asked and wished me to do…I will do it and will see him, will obey his wish…within this week…My brother doesn’t want me to go back..the reason?? Because he got a hint that it was me that my father was waiting..for I am the FAVORITE DAUGHTER, eversince… Then my father did overheard what we are talking about…my work here, he then asked for the telephone and talked to me…he told me not to go back if I already find a job here….our talked goes like this: (translated already in english) Father : Eileenm I heard you already found a job there? Eileen : Yup, I did, I will start tomorrow Father : Well, then , don’t go back..just stay there Eileen : Are you sure, you don’t me to go back? Father : Yes Eileen, Okey, I won’t go back, but promise me, you’ll take care of yourself, you will eat, you will drink your medicines, and you will fine and strong again.. Father : Yes, I will… ( I can’t speak because tears are flowing down my eyes already…} Father : Eileen…Eileen.. Eileen, Yes! I still here…I love you and take care of yourself Father ; I love you ..i love you… That how we’ve converse with each other…The last chance that iwould speak and hear my father’s voice…. ***** I will pause…for a while…I really can’t write now…. 17 Comments

pleasee...FOR MY FATHER.. Sep 15, 2005 5:46 am 940 Views I really don't want to come over here on this site..BLOGS...just because i just want to keep quiet for the meantime. But i do received some text messages back home from my daugther and sister and please read on: ate baby new 2 (9/15/2005 10:11:37 PM) mama ayw nga kmain n itay Kng anu2 cnsv An0 s plagay m0 umuwi k kya muna Mbuti kng nd2 k kht anu man mngyri transalation: "mama, grandpa doesn't want to eat, he's saying a lot of things, what do you think, you'd better come home, It's better that you're here whatever happens" ate baby new 2 (9/15/2005 10:21:20 PM) Nag usap km ni efrain kz nga d namin alam kun ano ang nangyy ri s kny kz nga d n raw nya kya ate baby new 2 (9/15/2005 10:22:58 PM) At bka d n raw sya abutin ng pag chek up nya sa sat at nag aala2 n kmi d2 translation: "I did talked to efrain (my younger brother) because we really don't know what's going on with our father, he can't make it. And maybe come saturday for his check up he won't make it, here, we are very worried" Actually, i did asked some friends around for financial and prayer support...in this regards i would like to thank all of my friends who got a very generous heart to help me out financially...ELLYN, LORA, ROGER, CATH AND ELEK..I still need financial help but i know we will get through with it... I also would like to thank GABRIEL_MIGUEL for his kind heart, for visiting my father and sending me pictures and video of my father while he was in the hospital.. To those who prayed for my father...i still need prayers for him..please.....FOR MY FATHER 17 Comments

for the MEANTIME... Sep 12, 2005 2:51 am 1050 Views For the meatime , this might be my last blog...I have to do something, think of something, I know that Blogging is an outlet for me.., but i've got this big problem right now and i don't want to disturb or bother all of you..Di ko kayang iwasan to write in here what's going on with me and my family.. so, i think i'd better stop writing here in my blogs, for the meantime.. Friends thank you so much for all your time and prayers for my father..I don't want to tell you everything now..It's hard and it's big..When everything is okey, i'll make sure i'll be back..i just can't cover up ..no more... This time allow me to be myself and not the clown or entertainer you have known... Friends, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! 25 Comments

I've got NOTHING..... Sep 11, 2005 11:30 am 925 Views I'm thinking of what to write here My mind is not working Got nothing to say either But, I don't know what brings me here I've got nothing to share.. Even though i 've got a nice chat today Some of my friends are online Who shared precious moments with me I think i have to end this one I was thinking of my family Of things i've learned and found out today But still my mind is not working properly 12 Comments

BAKIT BA? ? ? Sep 10, 2005 2:09 am 897 Views Sa buhay natin, daming dumadating.. Bakit ba ang bilis bilis tumakbo ng panahon MInsan ang saya saya natin Minsan naman ang lungkot lungkot Ngayon, di ko alam ang nararamdaman ko Iyak ako ng iyak, lungkot na lungkot Ang hirap nitong nag-iisa ka lang Walang makausap kundi ang computer lang Dito sa loob ng apat na sulok ng room ko Di ko na alam kung ano ang aking gagawin Manood ng TV, mag log in sa internet Nakatunganga, Umiiyak.. Ang lungkot lungkot ko Bakit ba??? hindi ko alam... Bakit kailangan ito ang maramdaman ko Sana mawala na ito... Pakiramdam ko hindi na ako importante Pakiramdam ko wala na akong silbi Parang wala na akong ginagawang tama Bakit ba???? Sana naman ay maramdaman ko Kahit konting saya sa oras na ito Dahil parang di ko ito kaya Ang sobrang lungkot sa maghapon. ******* 16 Comments

To ALL my FRIENDS..... Sep 10, 2005 1:43 am 882 Views This is a message to all those who wish me well the same time with my father. I would like to ask you to go and read Ellyn's blog for she has all the updated reports regarding my father.. Thank you ELLYN for giving time in visiting my father in the hospital..at PGH..even though i know how busy you are... No money can really pay what you have done to me and my family Ellyn...i'm really grateful to found a friend like you here in cyberspace.. ****** 6 Comments

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