A woman came out of her house and saw a 3 old men with long white beards setting in the front yard. She did not recognize them. She said, I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat."
"Is the man of the house home?, " They asked
"No, she replied, "He's out."
"Then we cannot come in," They replied
At the evening when he husband came home,she told him what had happened.
"Go tell them I am home and invite them in."
"The woman went out and invited the men in."
"We do not go into the house together, "They replied."
"Why is that? "asked the woman.
One of the old man explain His name is WEALTH, "they said, pointing to one of his friends,and said pointing to another one, "He is SUCCESS, and I am LOVE. "Then he added. "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in, in you home.
"The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How nice !! ", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite WEALTH. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!"
His wife disagreed. "Dear, why don't we invite SUCCESS..?"
Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion. "Would it not be better to invite LOVE? Our home will then be filled with love!"
Let us head to our daughter-in-laws advice, " said the husband to his wife!"
"Go out and invite LOVE to be our guest."
The woman went out and asked ther 3 old men, "Which one of you is LOVE? Please come in and be our guest."
LOVE got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised the lady asked WEALTH and SUCCESS: ' I only invited LOVE, why are you coming in?
The old men replied together: " If you had invited WEALTH or SUCCESS,the two of us would've stayed out. But since you invited LOVE, wherever he goes, we go with him. Whenever there is LOVE there is also WEALTH and SUCCESS.
If you were given chance to choose, whom you are going to choose? Often we missed out the VERY BEST that God prepared for us, coz we are not aware of His way. Always His ways is better than our ways.
Remember: LOVE is everything in our life. Even it covered the MUL TIT UDE of sins. When you are loved by someone, you feel like you have eveything that money can't buy, that world can't offer.. See
Girl: Tell me. Who do you love most in this world?
Boy: You, of course!
Girl: In your heart, what am I to you?
Boy: The boy thought for a moment and looked intently in her eyes and said, 'You are my rib. It was said that God saw that Adam was lonely, during his sleep, God took one of Adam's rib and created Eve. Every man has been searching for his missing rib, only when you find the woman of your life, you'll no longer feel the lingering ache in your heart.'
After their wedding, the couple had a sweet and happy life for a while.However, the youthful couple began to drift apart due to the busy schedule of life and the never-ending worries of daily problems, their life became mundane.All the challenges posed by the harsh realities of life began to gnaw away their dreams and love for each other. The couple began to have more quarrels and each quarrel became more heated.
One day, after the quarrel, the girl ran out of the house. At the opposite side of the road, she shouted, 'You don't love me!'The boy hated her childishness and out of impulse, retorted, 'Maybe, it was a mistake for us to be together! You were never my missing rib! 'Suddenly, she turned quiet and stood there for a long while. He regretted what he said but words spoken are like thrown away water, you can never take it back. With tears, she went home to pack her things and was determined in breaking-up. Before she left the house, 'If I'm really not your missing rib, please let me go.' She continued, 'It is less painful this way. Let us go on our separate ways and search for our own partners.'
Five years went by...
He never remarried but he had tried to find out about her life indirectly. She had left the country and back. She had married a foreigner and divorced. He felt anguished that she never waited for him.In the dark and lonely night, he lit his cigarette and felt the lingering ache in his heart. He couldn't bring himself to admit that he was missing her.
One day, they finally met. At the airport, a place where there were many reunions and good byes. He was going away on a business trip. She was standing there alone, with just the security door separating them. She smiled at him gently.
Boy: How are you?
Girl: I'm fine. How about you? Have you found your missing rib?
Boy: No.
Girl: I'll be flying to New York in the next flight.
Boy: I'll be back in 2 weeks time. Give me a call when you are back. You know my number. Nothing has changed.
With a smile, she turned around and waved good bye.
Good bye...
One week later, he heard of her death. She had perished in New York , in the event that shocked the world. Midnight, once again, he lit his cigarette. And like before, he fel t the lingering ache in his heart. He finally knew. She was the missing rib that he had carelessly broken.
Sometimes, people say things out of moments of fury. Most often than not, the outcome could be disastrous and detrimental. We vent our frustrations 99% at our loved ones. And even though we know that we ought to 'think twice and act wisely', it's often easier said than done.
Things happen each day, many of which are beyond our control. Let us treasure every moment and everyone in our lives.
Tomorrow may never come. Give and accept what you have today.
Two little teardrops were floating down the river of life. One drop said to the other, "I am the teardrop of a girl who loved a man and lost him." Who are you? "Well, I am the teardrop of the girl who won him."
Love is very strange. Love is unconditional commitment to an imperfect individual. You need it but when you love, it's like destining yourself for pain. You become addicted and dependent on the person. You become strong and at the same time, you open yourself up to being hurt.
Love can make you bear any kind of pain and any kind of sacrifice. It can also make you feel stupid and act stupidly. Sometimes when you love and end up giving so much of yourself, subconciously you only discover how much you've given when the person you love hurts you or has to say goodbye.
Then you realize, an important part of yourself is already with that person. It goes away when he leaves and you are left with a sickening, empty feeling inside. Tears are bound to shed from your eyes no matter how you force yourself to keep them in. Most teardrops ever shed on this earth have been for love or lack of it. When tears dry, a silent loss sticks to your heart for a long, long time.
Well, that's what you get for caring so much about someone. But how can you regret it? To give yourself freely and lovingly is the most beautiful thing you can do. Loving makes you real. Loving also makes you cry.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, LOVE is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not profound. It does not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. LOVE does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always hopes, always perseverses. LOVE never fails, But where there are phophecies, they will cease, where there are tongues, they will be stilled, where there is knowledge, it will past away.
" Everyone is looking for LOVE. But what is the LOVE we all want and need? What does REAL LOVE look like? How will we know when we've found it? Some think of "being in LOVE" as an unexpectable that we explainable that we need " fall in and out of" . But the Bible, in its timeless wisdom gives us a more meanibgful and enduring approach.
* If LOVE offered was always returned, there would be enough to go around. * LOVE is a many splendored thing. * Without LOVE our words are noise, our spiritual gifts amount to nothing, and our greatest sacrifices lose their meaning. * If LOVE could change lives in Corinth, LOVE can change lives anywhere. * God offers to liove this life of LOVE through us.
THE MARKS OF REAL LOVE
We look the LOVE, think we have found it, the find ourselves disillusioned when the feelings go away. What is the LOVE that seems so illusive? If we had lived in the days of the apostle Paul, the greek language would have helped us clarify the kind of of "LOVE" we were looking for.
The Greek Word Of LOVE: EPITHUMIA = Spoke of desire that found its fulfilment in SEXUALLY LOVE. EROS = Was a term used to describe ROMANTIC LOVE. STORGE = Was a word used by the greeks to describe a STRONG LOVE that protects and makes secure. PHILEO = Represented the BROTHERLY LOVE of family and friendship. AGAPE = ( Most often used to speak of GOD'S LOVE) theat described LOVE in its most profound and pure form.
Since Paul chose the word "AGAPE" for his description of LOVE in 1 Corinthians 13: it appears he wanted us to see that it is the highest kind of DEVINE LOVE that gives lasting meaning to all other expressions of LOVE using AGAPE to describe this LOVE from our CREATOR'S point of view, the apostle wrote:
When we consider the different elements of this LOFTY LOVE, it becomes clear why AGAPE LOVE is real LOVE the LOVE we all want and need.
1. REAL LOVE "SUFFERS LONG" It is patient, the greek word meant "LONG TEMPERED vines expository dictionary of New Testament words say that this word describe" that quality of self- restraint in the face of provocation that does not hastily retaliate or promptly punish." It is a quality of having a long fuse. One commentator defined it as "slow to become resentful" this means that REAL LOVE does not retaliate in kind, or bto seel even. It does not embrace bitterness, but petiently LOVES - even experiencing serious heartache. In our day of domestic violence,sexual unfaithfulness,and broken relationships this kind of LOVE is vital. It recognizes and deals with the heathaches it faces, but it never turn in vengeful response.
* Real Love can suffer of pain of betrayal,separation, and irreconcilable differences without ceasing to work foer the good of other person.
Sometimes this quality of LOVE enables a person to do what other say they could never do. Joans case, hwer husband had been involved in a lenghty affair, eventually abandoning the marriage and family they had stablished the marriage finally ended in devorce. Yet, in all the hurt and pain Joan had experience, she never forgot how, and why, to LOVE her husband. After a months of hurt, sorrow and rebuilding her life alone. she recieved a word the Charles, her ex-husband, had been injured at work and had been hospi- talized. God used the suffering of the accident to get attention of a man gone astray. One day Charles contacted Joan and asked if there was any hope for their broken marriage to be restored. What a huge question! And what an open door for further hurt and sorrow! but inspitwe of Joans obvious concerns, she and Charles entered months of Biblical counseling. Two years after Joan had been forced to deal wioth one of the most severe pains and losses a woman can know she was remarried to Charles. Another woman in a similar situation might have felt completed to lovingly decline remarriage. But Joans LOVE refuse o be resentful,and it had the grace to "SUPPER LONG". In spite of the pain and sense of abandonment she had experienced. Joan took a risk of remarriage to the one who had hurt her so terribly. Such willingness to resists becoming resentful does not mean that past sins are easily or painlessly forgotten. But REAL LOVE doesn't give way to bitter resentment. It truly "SUPPER LONG".
2. REAL LOVE "IS KIND" Kenny Rogers sang a LOVE song titled. "YOU DECORATED MY LIFE". His lyrics celebrated the way we our lives are exchanced when we are LOVED. But when Paul said that "REAL LOVE IS KIND, he was discribing a LOVE that is more than ornamental. According to greek scholar A.T. Robertson, the greek word transla- ted "KIND" can also mean " USEFUL OR GRECIOUS." Young analytical, useful and beneficial. If we keep in mind that the purpose of LOVE or REAL LOVE is to seek the welfare of the one LOVED, then we see why REAL LOVE must no only be patient but gracious,kindness not harshness is more apt to encourage good in another person. Just as Proverbs says that " A soft answer turns away wrath, 15:1 so LOVE is practical or that is practical and useful is skillful in bringing out the best rather than the worst in the one LOVED.
*Real LOVE is strong and truthful without being harsh or rough.
Being gentle and full of grace is a Christlike quality { John 1:14, the Word become flesh and made His dwelling among us. we have seen His glory, the glory of the one and only, who come from Father, full of grace and truth.} Look at the way Jesus described Himself to those in need of His help. "Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls " Matthew 11:28-29" Here is a description of ythe strongest and most loving person the world has ever known-strong enough to create the universe and wise enough to stand against the hypocrasy and self-centeredness of the most powerful people of His day. Yet he did so while being full of both truth and grace. Jesus reminds us that while LOVES cals for truth, truth expressed without kindness is not loving. He reminds us that while LOVE calls for patience, petience without kindness is not LOVING either.
3. REAL LOVE " DOES NOT ENVY" Continuing His description of LOVE, Paul said that REAL LOVE does not re- sent the blessing,success or well being of others LOVE does not say, If i can'ty have what I want, I don't want you to have it either. Instead real LOVE says, I can be hap- py for you, even If I never achieve the acomplishments, recognition, or comforts that you have enjoying. While I might wish myself more, I could not wish you less. The "NO ENVY" nature of REAL LOVE hits us where we live. How many times have we been passed over for a promotion or seen our achievements fall through the cracks of life unnoticed? How many times have we seen other people prosper, while we stuggle to get by? Even JESUS own disciples repeatedly argued among themselves over who should have the most significant places of honor. No one said that LOVING others without envy and with patience and kind- ness in an unfair world would be easy. The Scriptures don't say thate should be able to lose a job without disapointment or a relationship without pain. Paul doesn't say that if we have LOVE we won't have feelings of personal loss or sadness. But he does say that if we have REAL LOVE we will not envy. If we have REAL LOVE, our own personal pain will not be an excuse to tell. I will for those who for the moment ap- pear to be getting a better break than we are.
* We can continue to LOVE,even when we experience loss, if we put our faith and hope and trust in our provider God*
How we LOVE with such grace? Only when the enablement of the Spirit of Christ. The secret opf good will in disappointment is ti have a deep confidence in a provider God who also our Shepherd and Father. Disappointment will come- unfair circumstances will test our FAITH as well as our LOVE. Yet, we can be dis- appointed for ourselves and still LOVE opthers - if we ahve learn to trust in God.
4. REAL LOVE "DOES NOT PARADE ITSELF." LOVE does not brag about its acomplishments. It is not given to self- display, not even to carefully worded statements of subtitle self-promotion. This concepts finds ancient roots in the Bible, King Solomon said it will when he wrote Proverbs 27:2 " Let another man praise you, and your own mouth" Simple put REAL LOVE doesn't push itself into the spotlight. This fourth description of LOVE is other side of the coin from a LOVE that is not envious or jealous. Jealousy wants what someone else has, but bragging tries to make others jealous of what we have. Jealousy puts others down, but bragging builds ourselves up. REAL LOVE not only applauds, the successes of another, but it knows how to handle its own wins when they come I've heard it said that for every 100 people who can handle adversity, there are only 10 who can handle prosperity. This mark of LOVE raises questions in a competitive environment. Self- improvement books tell us that if we want to get ahead in life we need to assume the look of success, blow our own horn, and play up our own talents.
* When we're down, LOVE does not "ENVY" and when were up LOVE does not "BOAST" *.
What, in this light, does the "NO BOEAST" principle of REAL LOVE mean for followers of Christ? It is wrong for a Christian job applicant to list His strengths in a resume, put on HIs best clothes, and assume the posture of someone who would make a good hire? When the Florida Marlins baseball team won their first trip to the world series,the press began to shower praise on manager Jim playland/ When congratula- lated on winning His first national league pennant, leyland responded. " make a play, or score a run. The players won this not me. " What a great attitude of humility! few things are more noticeable to a watching world than those who are gracious not only in defeat but also in victory.
5. REAL LOVE "IS NOT PUFFED UP" The greek word Paul asked here means, "to puff oneself out like belows." in describing this opposite characteristic of REAL LOVE, he chosen the team He had used earlier in the same letter when we encouraged the loveless Christians in Corinth not be puffed up on behalf of one against the other. 1 Corinthians 4:6 " Now Brother, I have applied these things to myself and Apollos for you benefits, so that you may learn from us the meaning of the saying, " Do not go beyond what is written." then you will not take pride in one man over against another. In this earlier section of His letter, Paul desribed the CORINTHIANS as as being so fullof themselves that they had no room to feel the pain of others. Here in chapeter 13 of 1 CORINTHIANS, he used the word picture to show that the arrogance that make us unwilling to recieve the help of others also make us unsensitive to those who need us. Williams Carey, who is often referred to as the father of modern missions, illustrated the kind of LOVE that is not puffed up. He was a brilliant linguist and was responsible for translating parts of the Bible into at least 34 different languages and dialects. Yes his accomplishment grew out of humble beginning that remains in his heart. He was raised in a simple home in England and work as a cobbler in his early years. When his efforts for the Gospel led him to India, he was often ridicule for his " low " birth and former occupation. At a dinner party one evening another guest, seeking to call attention to CAREY'S humble beginning, said " MR CAREY, I unders- tand that you once worked as a shoemaker. " oh no, your leadership." CAREY replied, " I was not a shoemaker, only a shoe repairman." By contrast, puffed-up people, full of themselves and having an exagge- rated opinion of their own importance, are likely to assume that their happiness, well being, opinions, and feelings are the only things that really count. Puffed-up people find it easy to dismiss the needs and feelings of others. The New Testaments view of REAL LOVE does not teach us to neglect our own needs. It just teaches us to remember that our interests are not more important than the interests of others. Even though we often have to give priority to the needs of our own families and homes we should also be concerned about the interest, families and homes of others.
* With an inflated sense of our own importance, we listen only for the echo of our own voice and look only for the reflection of our own interests. *
The first place we might look to see if we have a puffed-up sense of our own importance is in our prayers. Do we pray only for ourselves and our own inete- rests, or do we also pray for the children, spouses, and concerns of others? The simple truth is that REAL LOVE does not allow us to assume that our health, our prosperity, our home, our family is any more important important than our neighbors.
6. REAL LOVE " DOES NOT BEHAVE RUDELY." Various translation give the meaning of this phrase as "not behaving un- seemingly, unbecomingly, rudely, u7nmanner, or indecently. " The only other New Testament occurance of this expression is found in 1 Corinthians 7:36 " If anyone thinks he is acting improperly towards the virgin, he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years, and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants; He is not sinning; they should get married. Which describes the relationship between an unmarried couple. While emphasizing the highest priority of devotion to God, the apostle went on to say that if a man and a woman, the should marry rather than " behave improperly." How does " behaving improperly" relate to the principle of REAL LOVE referred to in 1 CORINTIANS 13 It reminds us that the honorable nature of REAL LOVE will never make inappropriate demands of others. REAL LOVE will never prompt an unmarried person to say. " if you LOVE me. you'll prove it by giving your- self to me" those who LOVE will never ask others to prove their loyalty by lying, or stealing for them.
* REAL LOVE will never ask other to prove their LOVE by doing something thais is wrong. *
By not behaving rudely, REAL LOVE DOES NOT use the "LOVE" of a friendship to pressure anyone to do something that is contrary to the principle of God. Heavemn only knows the demand that have been placed on children, wives,husbands,students and evn church members in the name of LOVE. The worst acts of sexual indulgence, the most hideous acts of cover-up, the most depraved secrets of family, mob, gang, group, or friendship have been held under the misused name of LOVE. REAL LOVE according to Paul, never pressures another person to do something that is wrong. REAL LOVE seeks the best for the one LOVE- not the person gain, pleasure, or control that manipulation is often designed to achieve.
7. REAL LOVE " DOES NOT SEEK HIS OWN " This is the favorite expression of Paul to discribe selflessness. It speaks of the person whose focus is outward not inward. It discribes the heart that is not so consumed with his own enterest that it cannot show concern for the need's and ente- rests of others. In Philippians 2:, Paul expressed the same principle of REAL LOVE thi way.:
If there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort odf LOVE.... let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conciet,but in lowliness of mind let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the enterests of other (vv> 1:3-4) This verses shows that Paul's great passion for those who have taken the name of Christ is that they be of one mind. Yet this oneness will never be a reality in a church, a mariage, or any other kind of relationship until we look out not only for our own intrests but also the interests of others. Paul even went so far as to say that REAL LOVE will put the needs of others ahead of our own. This self-sacrifice flies in the face of our human nature. It does, however, express the mind of Christ. Philipinas 2:5 Your atitud should be the same as that of Christ. He humble Himself to leave the throne of heaven, ti livde in limitations of a physical body, to walk the earth in poverty, to be a servant to people who would re- ject Him, to wash the feet of disciples who would abandon Hin, to die on the cross for the sins of people who did not deserve Him. Nowhere do we find a bette example of REAL LOVE than in JESUS CHRIST Himself. He showed the kind of REAL LOVE that is able to look beyond its own interests and embrace the concerns of others.
* NO one is a better example of selfless LOVE than the one who left heaven to come to our rescue.*
8. REAL LOVE " IS NOT PROVOKED ". The next word Paul used in his difination of REAL LOVE discribes a heart that is not easily driven to irritation or "sharpnedd of the Spirit" (A.T. Robertson). In other words,REAL LOVE does not have a short rise. It is not touchy or irritable. This is the flip side of the first charactistic of LOVE _ a nigative way of saying that LOVE suffers for a long time. How easily we can forget this important quality of REAL LOVE. After a few year of mutul disappointment. Husband and wives become easily provoked with each other. Exasparated parents shout unkindly at their children in trustration. Worker show a quick temper when an employer or fellow worker fails to give the considera- tion that not only is deserved but has been agreed to. Citizens become incensed when public servants use their office to violate the public trust. Why do we get provoked? Sometimes we simmer and boil inside be- cause we want what we want, when we want it - and we won't take " later" for an answer. Sometimes our temper provides evidence of our own selfishness. There is, however, another side to the picture. While LOVE is not easi- ly provoked for selfish reasons. There is a time to be emotionally upset and agitated. For instance, in Act 17:16 While Paul was waiting for them in Athens He was greatly distressed to see that the city wass full of idols. In the instance, Pauls provotion was both called for and loving, As He waited, He did a slow a slow burn. The more He saw and thought about the idolat- ry of the city, the more concerned and upset He became in behalf of those who were being hurt and misled by such false religion.
* The example of Jesus LOVE is not that He didn't get angry, but that He was not easi- ly angered. *
Jesus also was deeply provoked when He turned over the tables of temple money changers. He was loving enough to be angered by the commercialism that was disrupting the court of the gentiles in His father's house of paryer. He cared for those who had lost a quiet place to play Matthew 21:12-13 " Jesus entered the temp- ple area and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tablets of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. It is written, He said to them, my house will be called a house of prayer, but you are making it a ' Den of Robbers. Jesus was not expressing the kind of touchiness and irritability that signals a lack of LOVE. When He was provoked,it was only because He was thought- fully and lovingly aroused to take action against practices that we're hurting the peo- ple He LOVE.? Paul's experiencse in Athens and Jesus' actions in the temple re- mind us that there is the time to be angry. This angry however need to be expressed in LOVE, and without sin. Ephesians 4:26 " In your anger do not be sin" Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry".
9. REAL LOVE " THINK'S NO EVIL" This mark of LOVE is not mean to cultivate ignorance. Paul is not writting in the spirit of the three mythical monkrys who " see no evil, and speak not evil the greek word translated " Think no evil" is an accounting term" to count up, to to think account of as in a ledger or noetbook." Thr evil referred to are the wrongs or hurt recieved at the hands of others.
* REAL LOVE HAS NO PLACE IN ITS HEART FOR EVI[. *
Saying that LOVE "think no evil" that it won't keep records of un- kindness with the intent or someday getting even in other words, REAL LOVE will not hold bitter grudges or allow longstanding resentments again others, even when the wrongs done against us are real. When we keep tracks of wrong with the inetent of making others pay more than we can afford. I know people who worship in the same church every sunday, But haven't spoken to each in more than 25 years. And they have asolutely of inetention of ever resolving the defferences. It has been sad that a person is never more like God than when he or she forgives those who have admitted their sins and asked for forgive- ness. If that is true then we are never futher from the character of the God who has saved us then when we hold bitter grudges against those who have admitted their wrongs and asked for mercy. " keeping score". With a opponent is great for sports, but it doesn't belong in the game a work of LOVE Real LOVE does not keep a record of wrongs, Because finds its security in the presence and provision of God. We don't need to keep a record to protect oursleves when we know that God himself is in control of the outcome, and when we know that He is looking after our need.
10. REAL LOVE " DOES NOT REJOICE IN INIQUITY": Here is a summary statement about what LOVE does not do. Paul already said that LOVE does not find satisfaction in being impatienly demanding of others. It does not enjoy treating others unkindly. It does not feed on envy. Proud self-promotion rudeness, selfish ambition, vindictiveness,or a quick temper. Now Paul say's in summary "LOVE does not find delight in any- thing God says its wrong". Neither does LOVE take secret satisfaction in the more fai- lures of others.LOVE does not hide evil by keeping secrets that need to be exposed. LOVE does not pass along a "juicy morsel" of someone else failure judt because it tasted good to do so. LOVE does not gossip to break the monotomy or to appear knowledgeable, or to feel better about itself by publishing the news of someone el- ses shame. Breaking the new of sin must be for the good of others rather than to pro- mote a "feeding frenzy" around someone else's embarrassment and pain. Irish writer Oscar Wide said, tongue in cheek " I like person bet- ter than principles better than anything else in the world." We smile at such a quote because we know that for the moment, sin is more entertaining than moral principle In the short run, the kind of LOVE that Paul is describing can sound as painful as it is noble. REAL LOVE, however, cares about the long-term damages of sin. It cannot rejoice in evil while anticipating the look in peoples eyes and the anguish in their faces when sin's harvest finally comes in.
* Real LOVE knows wthat evil planted in mindless moments of pleasures will be har- vested in a profound consciousness of regrets. *
Sins planted as seeds of careless folishness will be harvested in heavy leads of lost opportunity and missed benefits. LOVE knows that sins planted as something everyone is doing will one day produce the fruit of separation, isolation and loneliness, sin planted to pass the time will result not only in a harvest of lost time but in losses for eternity. REAL LOVE cannot rejoice in iniquity because it cares not only about today but also about tomorrow. REAL LOVE can't treat evil as an innocent option.
11. REAL LOVE "REJOICESINTHETRUTH" Paul just said that LOVE does not rejoice in iniquity. Now we read what LOVE does rejoice with. It rejoices with the truth. Why he say "TRUTH"? Why he didn't say "LOVE rejoices with righteousness? One reason for Paul's choice of words is probably the enherent relationship between righteousness and truth. In this second letter to the THESSALO- NIANS Paul spoke of those who will be the judge because they did not believe the truth but had pleasure in unrighteousness. 2 Thessalonians 2:12 " And so that all will be condemned who have not believe the truth but have delighted in wickedness. Paul's word to the THESSALONIANS give us a clue why he said "LOVE rejoices with the truth". He want us to think about the profound relationship betwwen what we belive and what we do on one hand, what we believe determines what we do. On the other hand, what we want to do determines what we are willing to believe.
* It is the person who does not believe the truth who takes pleasures in righteousness.
This is why the Bible puts such an emphasis on right beliefs. Good docrine is right thinking about God, ourselves, and others. Right thinking,in turn allows us to LOVE on another in truth rather than in a seting of self-deception. All unrighteousness denies the truuth. All wrong behavior is rooetd in a process of self-deception that says, " I know better than God how to further my own interests and the interests of others." It is byu lies rather that real LOVE that infatuated people attempt to rob their dates of sexual purity. It is by lies and misbeliefs about the truth the peo- ple rob banks. kill, cheat, envy and gossip. It is by the lies of self-deception that peo- ple assume that the sins of consenting adults hurt no one but themselves. Paul had good reason for saying that LOVE does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth."The opposite of iniquity (unrighteousness) is not only unrighteousness. The opposite of unrighteousness is truth. It is believing the truth abt God and others ourselves that can enable us to enjoy more than the discovery of faults in others. Putting away our self destructive misbeliefs can enable to rejoice when we find moral courage. Integrity, patience, and faithfulness even in those who are doing better than we are, that is the real LOVE. On the foundation of both righteousness and truth, Paul is ready now to move the heights of his portrait of LOVE
12. REAL LOVE " BEARS AL THINGHS " The word bears come from a greek word that means " roof" the point is great in its simplicity. LOVE covers and protects like a roof covers a house and protects it from storms. LOVE beats up and continues to work for the good of others regardless of what happenes. LOVE bears the storms of disappoiontment, the rains of failure and the winds of time and circumstances. LOVE provides a covering that shields from the extremes of cold winters and hot summer sun. LOVE provides a place of shelter that can withstand the worst circumstances imaginable. LOVE cannot protect others from the harsh realities of living in a broken world. Neither can it protects others from the conswquences of their own choices. But love does give broken,hurting people a place to find someone who cares for their good and well-being. Love gives even unrepentant peo- ple and advocate and intercessor who prays for thier ultimate well-being. LOVE offers even the worst sinners a place to bring their repentant hearts. We must keeep in mkind that "bearing all things" does not mean that love passively bears all sin in the way that a doormat passively takes the feet of its users. what it means is that love never stops caring and never stops offering a place of forgiveness. Love doesn't get to the place where it begins hating and despising and condenming another. Love cares enough to keep praying to take every oppotunity to patiently endure the sin of others,to confront when when necessary to forgive when there is repentance.
*Love provides a place of shelter that can withstand the worst circumstances imaginable*
13. REAL LOVE " BELIEVES ALL THINGS" At first glance,this next character of LOVE might leave the impression that those who care about others must learn to be gullible or naive. That always gives others the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes a loving teachers, coach,counselor,or friend must ne "unbelieving" in order to get the bottom of the matter. No, Paul was not saying the LOVE is blindly accepting of what others say. Rather it seems he was celebrating the foundational relationship between faith and LOVE. 1st Corinthians 13 reminds us that real love is fueled by our faith on God. REAL LOVE grows and is sustained by faith as we believe " all things " God tells us about himself, about ourslves, and about one another.
* Real LOVE is rooted and grounded in the right kind os faith *
If we doubt what God says about His LOVE for us, we will lose a strong incentive for loving one another. If we doubt God's assurance that He is pa- tient and kind to us, we will not be as apt to be patient ansd kind with one another. If we doubt that God is able to provide for our needs. We will not be as inclined to be generous with others. The truth that "LOVE believers all theings" is central to our understanding of Christlike LOVE is rooted and grounded in faith. Faith in turn is rooted and grounded in what God has said in His word. Without faith in God LOVE quits and dies, unless we continue to " believe all things" God has said, our LOVE will not survive the disappointments,rejec- tion, and insults of life. Unless we build our LOVE firmly on the word of GOD, LOVE will throw in the towel. Only by faith in God can LOVe remain strong.
14 REAL LOVE " HELPS ALL THINGS " This flows out of the previous statement. If we are living with a confident trust in the words and sovereign plan of God, we will also have reason to "HOPE ALLTHINGS". Our faith in God's grace means we can believe the ] human failures aren't final. Real LOVE can hope, because of what God can do in a person's life. It wounldn't make sense to think that Paul was asking us to hope indiscriminately any more than He could be asking us to believe without dis- cernment. But, all people, only those who trust in the God of the BIBLE, have a sound basts to be loving and hopeful in this present world. The Psalmist said of God, " my hope is in YOU" Psalm 39 " But now, Lord what do I look for? my hope is in YOU . Paul wrote " hope does not disappoint Romans 5:5 " And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His LOVE into our hearts by the Holy Spirit who He has given us. And Peter added, "Blesed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. who... has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from dead" 1 Peter 1:3 " Praise be the God and God of our Lord Jesus Christ! in His great mercy He has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. This is the power of LOVE. It is fueled and sustained not by an ever- changing emotional or physical state, but by deep beliefs and hopes that are given by God to those who trust Him. Real LOVE has a capasity to view life- and live it - with optimism that is refreshing because of " Christ in you, the hope of glory" Colossians 1:27 "To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.
15. REAL LOVE " ENDURES ALL THINGS: " Paul conclude his description of love where it began in verse :4, " Love suffers long." Te difference between that first description and this final one is found in the words Paul chose to describe this wonderful element of real LOVE is in right beliefs, and hopes. paul has given us a basts for saying LOVE " endures all things" In verse :4 the greek word focusd on suffering long" in the face of mistreat- ment at the hands of other people without becoming resentful. Here the em- phasis is on how respond to life in general. LOVE doesn't give up. It doesn't quit. It doesn't walk away. It perseveres to the point where it " endures all things"
*Love doesn't give up, quit or walk away, it perseveres to the point of enduring all things *
Firmly etched in my mind is the image of the swiss runner in the woman's marathon (over 26 miles) at the 1984 olympic games. Long after the rest of the runners had finished the race, she came staggering into the Los Angeles Colisuem. She could nor barely stand, much less walk or run to finish the race she had to complete one lap around the track. I remember watching as she staggered, often nearly falling, beyond the point of exhaustion. I also remem- ber how the crowd stood and cheered for her - desperately wanting her to finish the race. As she came down the final straight - away, her coached walked at her side, careful not to touch her lest she be disqualified the, as she crossed the finish line, she collapsed into his arms, nearly unconscious. What a picture of endurance! this is the kind of endurance that according to 1 Corinthians 13: is also a mark of LOVE REAL LOVE ENDURES. IT DOES NOT GIVE UP In THE FACe OF PAIN, but endures, knowing that the goal is worth it. Real LOVE is survivor. Because it finds its source and life in God, real LOVE can endure anything. Paul made clear that other things (prophecy, tongues, knowledge are temporary, incomplete, and unrealible. But not LOVE, by the strength and grace of God, it can survive even betrayal and distrust. It can survive disap- pointment and moral failure. It can rise above the insults and envy of people who consideres us, as their enemy, it can survive criminal trial and imprison- ment Even when the nature of our relationships due to unfortunate human choice, the LOVE of God can cause us to pray and where possible to act in behalf of other person. It is the LOVE that reflects the heart of Christ and reveals the wonderful change that only He can make in a life it is REAL LOVE.
* Where Can I Find Love?
If the question of your heart is " where can I find real LOVE? Let me share with you some good news. Ypur already LOVED, in the most familiar verse in the BIBLE we are told. For God so LOVED the world the He gaves His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life " John 3:16 To those who believe, Jesus described the scope pf Gods LOVE. To His disciples Jesus said,' " Do not worry saying, "what shall we eat? " or what shall we drink?" or what shall we wear? For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you " Matthew 6:31-33. It is only when we believe we are LOVED in this way that we have security we need to take the risk of loving others. Have you taken the first step of finding LOVE in person and action of Christ? Have you entrusted yourself to Him? Have you believe the Bible when it says Christ died for yous sins? This is the starting point. Acknowledge your sin and you need of Christ, who come " to seek and save that which was lost" Luke 19:10. It is Christ or in Christ that we find the LOVE of God, and it is in Him that we see what is means to LIVE in this kind of LOVE Paul described. He is the one who calls us not merely to a higher standard but to let Him LIVE His life through US...
Did you know that the deepest need of the humans heart is for intimacy? Thats just another way of saying friendship. Now I'm not talking about casual acquaintances of false friendships, but true friends,let me give you three marks of a true friend.
HOW TO KNOW A TRUE FRIEND
1) A TRUE FRIEND SHARPENS. He will make you a sharper person, a better person. Proverbs 27:17 " Iron sharpeneth iron;so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. " A true friendship will put and edge on your life. False friends dull your life, blunt your influence, and drag you down. Anybody who makes it easier for you to do wrong is not a true friend. One of the true rest of many friendship is asking yourself, " Am I A Better Person For Having This Person?".
2) A TRUE FRIEND STICKS. A true friend is steadfast,... Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. " If you want to see who your real friends are, just make a mistake and see whether or not they leave you. Life is like a ship.some poeple get on and off board very easily. Some will stay on board as long as everything is sailing smoothly; but let rough weather come, and they will abandon the ship. A true friend is the one who will stick with you.
3) A TRUE FRIEND STABS. You say i don't want to be stabbed. well listen to Proverbs 27:6 " Faithful are the wounds of a friend,but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. " A friend who really loves you will would you if its necessary, that is, he will tell you the truth and wont give you hypocritical kisses when he needs to do a little spiritual surgery on you. Flaterry is not true friendship a true friend cares enough to confront. Im so grateful that throughout my life I've had those who would put thier arms around my shoulders and help me when i've done wrong.
HOW TO BE A TRUE FRIEND?
1) TRUE FRIENDS ARE BUILT. You don't make them overnight, friendships are not toadstools; they are oak tress, Jesus said,.... Love one another, as I have love you (John 15:12). Now, thats the principle, but let ,me give you five secrets that come from it. If you will practice those, you make a great friend.
2) ACCEPT. The BIBLE says in Ephesian 1:6, That God made us accept in the beloved." We all want people to accept us. Jesus accepted the disciples. He said, You have not chosen me, but i have chosen you, and ordained you...! (John 15:16) Jesus did not accept but beacuse they needed Him,so as we do.
3) ACKNOWLEDGE. Recognise people give them your full heart and attention. When you talk to people listen to them also. look from the eyes. Understand that people are important. They're a soul fro whom Christ died. When we acknowledge others, were saying presence and your importance.
4) APPRECIATE. I got an email from my sister recently. It brought tears to my eyes because she said, " Sis, im just so grateful to the Lord for all your sacrifices for us, your one of a kind we will always proud and LOVE you so much. It was just a short message,but it meant so much to me. Folks,you're laying if you say you don't want to be appre- ciated. Tell you husband,your wife,your children or your friend that they are appreciated.
5) AFFIRM: Appreciation is for what people do; AFFIRMATION is for who people are. The Lord Jesus Christ affrned to His disciple over and over again. It doesn't mean you approve of everything a person does when your affirm them. The BIBLE si full of affirmations, and yet it acknowledges the fact that we're sinners and that we fail but affirmation is important. ASSURE: assure them that you understand. We all want emphathy. The Apostle Paul said in Romans 12:15 " Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with them that weep." And a way to let people know that you're sensitive to what they're up against, what they feel, what they're going through; assure them that your there, and that, to your limited ability,you will undersatnd or trying to understand what they are going through. True friendship is COSTLY. Its not easy to maintain a FRIENSHIP. John 15:13 "Greater LOVE hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. " and Proverbs 17:17 " A friend loveth at all times,and a brother is born for adversity. You must be willing to pay the price. But finding a true friend and being on in return the best INVESTMENT you can ever make.
THE SAD FACT... . There's so much unhappiness!Homes that ought to be a little bit of pure heaven are a large bit of pure misery. Marriage are breaking up,couples are separating,declaring to the world their inability ot obtain the happiness they seek. Saddest are the little children left stunned and whimpering by the forces of unhappy circumstances. Life appears sad,disillusioning, purposeless,not worth living. . And happiness is so desirable.Theres so much in this big wide to make the folks glad.Life was never intended to swim in tears.God's plan was for joy,pure and unadulterate.We've been given the capacity for fun,pleasure,delight. . Somewhere we've missed the boat.We have failed to make the proper connection with the source of enjoyment.We're following the wrong trail.Our emphasis has been on the other side.We've overlooked the prime source of happiness. . Don't misunderstand me. I don't think for a minute that life is to be one glorified picnic.God has never intended for us to be human butterflies,flitting blissfully and thoughtlessly from cradle to grave.Life is far more than just a bowl of cherries. . There are to be serious moments. There's rain as well as sunshine. Not everyone will always be in the pink of health.Many are not born equal. Storm will certainly come in due season. . But over and above all this there's the possibility of happiness.There's available a deep abi- ding sense of warmth,satisfaction,inner peace,companionship,and attainment,even when it rains. There's a deepining appreciation for others that comes the best in the storms. There's realization of love and appreciation of blessings which grows far faster in sickness than in health. . What am I saying? Let me whisper it to you. In the pages that follow, I will show you more in detail. But the main responsility is on you, Mr. Husband. Yes sir,...YOU! . And the theater of operation is your home. The main person to produce results is your wife. And the main benefactors.....will be evryone.
HOW DO I KNOW? . Quite naturally there are skeptics in our midst. There will always be those who say it can't be done. You see, "they've tried it once,"or even times without numbers,always with failure and thats proves it. . But it doesn't. And I'll tell you why. The homes is God's institution. Marriage is God's method Husband and wives are God invention. The whole purpose of life is God's planning. And no- thing less than pure joy can result in all of this.... If.... . This is a big " IF " I know. But lets go back a moment. The Bible soberly teaches that when God decide to populate the world, He started with single pair, one man and woman. . The environment was a most lovely one. A truely exquisite garden replete with all the floral glories which an omnipotent God could cause to grow. Into this idyllic spot God placed Adam and Eve. But not without implanting in their innermost hearts all the characteristics of beau- tiful love and devotion. . So, here the first sweethearts are attracted to each other. Here the first marriage ceremony is performed,and the first family unit is made. Here also a demonstration is shownm of the joy and delight which ought to be inherent in every instance of true love. . All of this on basis of loving adherance to God's wise laws. Nor can there be any other basis Just as men and woman are creatures of God's wise omnipotence,so their happiness is al- ways on the basis of faithfully following the principles which God has wisely set forth. . All this point I must tell you something perhaps you already know. Into Eden's prostine in- nocence there came a cruel Deceiver. Satan entered to tempt and to seduce our parents to commit terrible sin, and a thrice holy God. By this transgression the human race acquired a sinful nature or inborn tendency to do evil. As a consequence came also the fruits of evil in- cluding unhappiness. . All of this story is true,terribly true. Here is the fountainhead of all the world's woes. Here is the seed plot of misery, hatred and broken hearts the world has been reaping ever since.Here is the adequate reason explaining the deluge of sin and suffering which the world has been experiencing from that day to this. . But the story doesn't stop there,or else there should be no hope.If this were alll we had to say we might just as well as pack up our bags and depart. There's a brighter chapter to come. . One day God did somthing about the sin and unhappiness in the world. What He supposed was not in any way a temporary remedy or a stopgap for the time being. God proposal was a complete answer to sin in all its blighting effects. God's plan was to deal completely with sin at the root. . God sent His Son,His well-beloved Son. Coming into this world by a virgin birth, Christ lived a beautiful,exemplary life is only to be slain by wicked hands prompted by sinful hearts. But this too was all part of God's plan. Through the death of His Son,opportunity is given to trans- form sinful lives, and to impart into human hearts the transcendent lif of God. . Hows does one obtain such a transformation?Ah,thats the best news to all. God offers to do the transforming of the basis of pure grace. On our part, there's nothing to pay,nothing to do,. but receive. The entrance into this immesurable blessing is merely by accepting the offer of God as a gift, pure and simple. Seems almost too good to be true, doesn't it? . But its true,none the less,as multiplied millions of poor and needy souls have found. The gospel works,and its blessing are superabundant. For not only we do find our sinful hearts made new, but everything else is changed too. We have new aims,new desires, new power,new unselfishness,new friends,new occupations,and thank God... new happiness! . By this miracle of regenaration man is brought to far greater heights of blessing and honor than that which Adam and Eve knew. Our sins are forever gone. Our relationship to the almighty heavenly Father is eternally secure. Our present needs are cared for by God's treasury. Our future is bright with a thousand promises of God. . All of this adds up to twenty-four-carat happiness, or the season why we may hope to enjoy such bliss. God is intimately interested in our being filled with joy,and,as a matter opf actual record,joy is one of the sure fruits on the Christian life (GALATIANS 5:22-23). . So, this being God's plan,and God having provided all that is necessary for us,what reason can there be why we should not enjoy such happiness. The answer is-- no reason at all.
CHOOSING HAPPINESS . Without any doubt,this line will fall into the hands or those who are rightfuly concern about home happiness,but have not as yet secured the wife whom they purpose to make happy. With these there is still time to suggest some counsel worth its weight in pure gold. . The choise of a wife is a very important decision,actually far too great for mere human choice But then, such a momentous decision need not be left to early wisdom. As with all the Christian life, God stands ready to offer His matchless, unerring guidance. . How shall one find God's Miss Right? There's no mystery here. Its not by any supper secret formula. The method is a simple as prayer,and the pattern as simple as waiting for God to fulfill. You can see that home harmony is almost guaranteed in advance when you have begun your married life with God's appointed one for you. I deal with " How to find" in another book. . When you have found God's "one and only" for you,a question will immediately appear. How long should the engagement be? Fortunately, there are some helpful statistics available. In quite an exhaustive survey it was found that of the unhappily married couples,married pairs.the engagements were of much longer duration. Stangely enough, the group with the highest marital happiness " SCORE " were this engaged for five years or more. . What's the ideal duaration for engagements? No one can categorically answer this,for it must of necessity depend the individuals and circumstances. But every engagement period should be long enough to include the following: (1) Its should be long enough to learn to know one another. First love is idealized time. Thus each partner forms an "idealized" image of other.But there should be time spent in care- ful,practical discussion of vital topics such as money,chuch,friends,parents,recreation,wife working,how soon the children,kind of home,is divorce ever jsutified,wedding arangements. Wise couples use the engagement period as a rehearsal for the years ahead,going shopping together,house hunting,visiting maried couples,perhaps baby sitting for friends.This they build up a solid foundation of experience on which the coming mariage will rest. (2) Engagements should also belong enough to learn as much as you can about the probnlems you will be facing together. Surely no one is to stary-eyed as to think that a wedding ring brings an end to all problems. These should be faced,thought (and prayed) through. (3) Then,the engagement should be long enough so that you can learn others attitude on sex mattewrss. This is a day of frankness in more intimate matters. However,one must be careful not to let frankness sink into rude boldness,filthiness,or unclean thinking. (4) The matter of both husband'd and wife's relationship to their own parents should be considered soberly. Each should seek to stablish satisfactory good relations with the other parents,and time must be allowed to inable the parents to make any changes in their mode of lofe which might be thought necesarry by the forthcoming marriage. (5) Engagement should be long enough to allow time for either one to change his mind and terminate the engagement if this is found to be best. There is no dishonor in breaking engagemants. Rather,it is most honorable thing to do if it is clearly seen the mariage will not work. . Engagement periods present some problems too. Quite naturally there is a degree of free- dom of association which has not been present before. Care must be exercised so that the expressions of pure love do not ever go beyond the point of honor and purity. Failure on this point could cast a blight on the entire married life. . Not all the uncommon is the disspproval of parents to a project marriage. Sometimes the parents are unreasonable,but more often the need is for suffecient time to demonstrate the responsibility of the proposed new family,or sensibility of the couples' plan. When this is done the parents are quite willing to assent and assist.The engagement period should provide this time. . Maraige sensibly begun offer far more possibility to be harmonious than hasty hitches. The axiom "haste make waste" is never more than in this realm. Prospective husbands will do well to consider carefully and prayerfully all the issues involved. a leisurely period of engagement still remains the best prelude yet devised to a durable,happy and satisfying marriage. By ma- king the most of the engagement period you are noticeably enriching the years that are to follow. . Now having gotten the matter of the "right start" for the marriage of our chest.let us move on to the consideration of some of the down-to-earth principles of happiness is homes,with special atention given to how important it is to give time and energy to keep your dear wife pleased.
WHAT CAUSES UNHAPPINESS? . What is the biggest source of trouble in the home?Over what issues do most husbands and wives disagree? well, if opinion polls can be trusted, (and this is a newspaper poll)here is a list of ten stumbling blocks for happiness: (1) money... Wife wants to know"where all the pay check went?"money not wisely spent." Scarcity of money and whether or not the wife should work or stay at home. (2) RAISING CHILDREN... What the children do and do not do.Wether or not to "take the kids"with them as they go places.Social matters affecting the children's training. (3) DRINKING... When a husband goes out and drinks,then comes home drunk and noisy! Too much money spent in liquor.Inability to buy things or do things on account of liquor spending. (4) OTHER WOMEN,OTHER MEN... Jealousy with each other,stepping out on each other. Too much gadding about. Not enough attention paid to home obligations. Homes suffer. (5) IN-LAWS and RELATIVES... Arguments about each other's families,mother-in-laws prob- lem. Relationship to one another's families. Time spent with in-laws. (6) STAYING OUT LATE... Husbands going out and not taking their wives. Husband taking to much time to many nights away from home and family. Husband and wife coming home too late,too often. (7) TRIVIAL THINGS... Some little things the one wants to do and to which the other objects Some childish things of no real importance. Failing to give in to the other. 8. LEISURE TIME... Some tasks needed to be done around the house which the husband steadfastly overlooks.The time which the husband ought to give the wife socially. taking the wife out for dinner and the evening. (9) SELFISHNESS... Not enough "give and take" with both members of the home. the wife's claim to have the right to do "some thinking" foe herself. Endeavor on part of wife to "boss" with the husband objecting. (10) RELIGION... Different beliefs,different churches. The raising of the children with the prob- lem in mind. The endeavor on part of one to bring the other to same belief. . There you have it. Now obviously,if these are the causes of unhappiness in the home,the glib answer is to solve these problems,happiness will result. Unfortunately,it is not so easy as that. But don't despair. . Or let's approache the problem from another angle. Here is a sampling of wives'opinion are regards the chief faults of husbands,presumedly,their husbands. (fault are in other) (1) DRINKING FAR OUTRAN ALL OTHER MALE FAULTS WHICH WIVES MENTION... In this connection,comparison could be noted in a survey take n ten years previously, where drinking was not such a problem. (2) THOUGHTLESSNESS,LACK OF CONSIDERATION. "As they get older,they become less gallant to their wives." Often it's thoughtlessness about little things. (3) SELFISHNESS. "When they are healthy they want to be kings,when they're sick, they want to be a babies." Some husbands " always do what they want to do,and never think of the rest of us. (4) TOO DOMINEERING. "They always want to be boss and never think that anyone else knows anything except themselves." This "he-man, bg-boss stuff gets pretty boring." (5) WAYWARDNESS OF HUSBANDS. "The problem of "other women." While this fault has been the subject of books and plays for centuries it ranks but fifth in coplaint here. (6) STINGINESS. Many wives says that "husbands have no idea what it costs to run a house- hold these days."Men continue to spend money on themselves but argue over every dime the wife requests. (7) LACK OF INTEREST IN THE HOME. Wives agree that the home should be a mutual job. They want husbands to share the responsibility. Too mnay husbands leave all the task of child raising to the wife. ( 8 ) "AS SOON AS THEYU GET A RING ON YOUR FINGER,THEY TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED." They become" so wrapped up in business they hardly notice their wives." A woman doesn't mind household tasks if her man will "surprise" her once in a while,flatter her,flirt with her. Man stop courting their wives too soon. (9) MEN COMPLAIN TOO MUC. Nothing is right. Very rarely do they compliment their wives. even when wives go all out to please them. (10) TOO MUCH GAMBLING,TOO MUCH SMOKING. Dirty, smelly pipes around the house, cigarette ashes on the rugs. "My husband loses all his money playong poker. . So, there it is. Straight from the wives 'mouths. These are the thieves of happiness. This is the seed of of discontent,the source of discord, the harginger of separation. . But there's an answer. And not the mere answer of psychiatry or worldly wisdom. God has an answer and we do well to listen carefully.
SHE'S WORTH IT . It's worth going all out to have a happy home. a contented wife and healthy children are life's most valuable commodities. Nothing pays off so greatly as time and energy spent in establishing and maintaining a home where love reigns and where harmony dwells. And I'm not trying to be poetical either. This is practical. . Consider fro a moment the monetary value of a good wife. Here is a carefully worked out chart as to what it would cost the average husband if he had to hire an expert to do the work which his wife accomplishes in a month. Hours spent Expert's Total value per month rate per hour per month Laundry woman ........................... 96 8.65* 830.40 Cook .......................................... 84 24.00 2,016.00 Children's nurse,family governess... 84 9.60* 806.40 Housekeeper ............................... 56 9.60* 537.60 Dishwasher ................................. 30 6.25* 187.50 Food buyer/ Dietician ................... 26 12.00* 312.00 Gardener .................................... 22 10.56* 232.76 Seamstress ................................ 16 14.40 230.40 Maintenance man ................. ...... 12 14.40 172.80 Budget Officer ............................. 8 24.00 192.00 Social Secretary/Party Hostess ..... 8 16.83 134.64 Practical Nurse .............................. 8 12.00 96.00 ---------- (Includes live-in expenses ( Estimates supplied by L.P. Halili ) 5,748.50 . Or,if you are incline to question the figures or issues involved,sit down and work out a chart for yourself. You'll find in any way you view it that a wife is the biggest economical bargain in the world.Year after year with no loss of effeciency or tendency to wear out if the husband will only realize his prize and act accordngly. . Here some other unbiased statistics. In the course of an average married life, a wife spends her time as follow: Hours spent Food preparation .............................. 26,208 Caring for faamily ............................. 24,024 Washing,ironing,etc. ........................ 22,932 Care of house and facilities ............... 21,840 Dishwasshing,etc. ............................ 14,196
. In addition to this, Mrs. Wife walks 300 miles around the house,washes 25,200 dishes a year and still has time to look her lovely and dainty best when you come home. . Truly as Solomon said, "he that findeth a wife,findeth a good thing" (PROVERBS 18:22) Even by minimum standards a good wife is well worth her full weight in a 24-carat gold. . Let me be perfectly honest with you.Happiness in the home is a big job. One of the biggest you will evr taclke. But it's that will pay off handsomely.You'll be healthier.more mentally alert, more able to meet business problems,more effecient in the performance of your duties as you go and come a house that's happiness personified. . And the key to home happiness is a loving and contented wife.This is God's plan. She is God's invention. There is no subtitute. No one can take her place in your life. . You might remember too, that on your wedding day you made some pretty solemn vows. Or, have you forgotten? No doubt your wedding ceremony included your promises..."to have and to hold from this day forward;for btter for worse or for better or best,for richer for poorer;in sickness and in health,to love and to cherish,till death do us part." You did mean this? . Frequently,there's tendency to get all wrapped up n business- "big" business. There are skyscrapers gto be built and bridges to be erected. You have to keep up th Joneses and bring home the bacon. Life seems like a huge proposition. . But I know I'm right here. All this super-duper things are in fact.secondary to living a life that's pleasing to God. Your home,your Dear wife,your children,your church,all should come before business. In fact,when you put God first you'll find He'll put you first,and when He put you first,you're really first. . Be assure too,that home happiness is impossible without Mr Husband's cooperation. The wife may do her part,the children maybe little "angels,"but without the Daddy the pictures is always incomplete. . This mostly beacuse God planned it so. The Daddy is the head of the home. He's the leader of all things.In matters of intruction,he leads the way.In the question of dicipline,he's the voice of authority . In the mater of church, he heads the procesion. As to family devotions and fellowship he's in charge. Nothing is complete without him. He's a big key to home harmony. . This all takes time,energy,planning,patience,counseling. But don't hesitate. the results are successful beyond measurement. You'll be the head of a truly hapy home on earth,and you will be laying up rich treasure in heaven. That's something indeed!
GOD'S PLAN INCLUDES... . I mean the plan includes provision for happiness. The plan is God's plan,and the happiness is our happiness. . Let's go way back. the time is the time of creation. God is bringing into being the first mem- bers of human race. His ideal provides that there shall be one man and one woman in the family unit. The man will be strongly masculine,and the woman beautifully feminine. These two are to be joined together with ties of deep love. Each will need the other. Neither will be complete without the other. The health,the growth,the happiness of each will,rest upon the harmonious relationship of man and wife. . Men and women are to be different,very different. The man will em,body energy,adventure, challenge,achievement. The woman show forth patience,tenderness,loyalty.homemaking. The man will find his highest joy in providing for his oved lone,the woamn wil find her greatest satisfaction in receiving the things provided. . You do see,don't you,how complete and suffecient is the plan of God. Nothing can get out of order when God's wise provisions are carefully followed. It is only when husbands have failed in their God-given leadership,or when wives refused their God-appointed sphere,that happiness has gone out the door. . And the remedy? It's jsut as plain as possible. Get back to God's wise plan and all will be well. Study the principles by which God inaugurated the entire race,follow them honestly,and hapiness sure to come. . Bear in mind constantly that happiness is a spiritual matter. It is noth something that you can add to or subtract from life. Joy is the quality of the heart. Harmony is the compatibility of the soul. Satisfaction is the result of obedience to God's law, don't look for it elsewhere. . God's original plan yielded hapinness. It was in the beautiful garden. It was so even after the great sin. So it is today in spite of sin's presence and sin's fruitage, the Christian family living according to God's principles can achieve a quintessence of earthly delight. . So it's matter of the plan. Will you acknowledge God's superior wisdome and order your life accordingly? Will you? . All right,where is the plan? . Actualy the plans is found in the whole BIBLE. All Scripture has a bearing on life and love. But let me outline a few salient points: . For Christian, God Himself wants to selct the life-partner. It may be true that all mariiages are not made in heaven, it is equallt true that some marriages may be made there. God wants to be comsulted in the choice of a sweetheart. . Then, God wants it clearly understood that mariage is for life. It's a once-for-all proposition. Those whom God joins together are not to be put asunder. They are to be lovers all the ways always. . In the marriage relationship,men is the leader or head. He is the one who take the decisions. Please note that God does not call the husband the dictator,despot,slave driver,boss. Man is the head,not through the superiority he possesses but through God's appointment. There must be one head,and man is God deputy. . Therefore, man is to lead out for God. He is to see that his family is adequately provided for. He is to undertake a program of godly disciplione. He is to bring up his children (with his wife's assistance) in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. He is to take the position of leadership in spiritual service,prayer and intercession. He is to be the high priest of the home. . And the wife?She is to gladly and lovingly assent to the leadership of the husband. She is to stand with him in all matters. She is to be his rigth hand as he leads out for God. She will recognize her God-given and deserved place of greatly beloved Queen of the home. She will be thing of spiritual beauty and a joy forever to her husband and all to her children . Yes, and children. These are natural fruitage in the home. No home is complete without them They are truly bundles of joy, as they fill the home with fun and delight from babyhood to maturity. They are God's own brand of never-ending entertainment. They bring more happpi- ness than a picnic and are more fun than a barrel of monkeys. . That's the plan. It isn't to diffecult. It's juts living naturally,or living in God's sunshine. But for all its simplicity,its sure to produce results. As a matter of fact,God has granted the results.
WHAT YOU MAY EXPECT . Of your wife, I mean. We're concerned with happiness in the home and particularly what husbands can do to bring about that desired end. Perhaps this is a good place of state that wives have responsibilities to. Their willing cooperation is vital or else much of the husband's effort,however sincere, will go for naught. . Some four hundre years ago,and English author,living under the benign reign of good Queen Elizabeth laid down some rules for a successful marriag. There were eight for the wife: (1) St. Peter speaketh unto wives on this wiose: " Let wives be subject to their husband's" -- which is as much as to say they must not contradict them at any point, but rather en- deavor to please them by all means. (2) The wife must not forsake her husband in adversity or deride him. (3) She must steem the manner of her husband to be the legal rule of her life. (4) She must not be too sumptuous and superfluous in her attire, as decked with frizzled hair emkbroidery,precious stones,gaudy raiment and gold put about,for these are the forerunners of adultery. (5) She must not bew jealous or mistrust her husband's absence. (6) The sixth duty of a wife is carefully to oversee her household,and to bring up her children and servants in the fear of God. (7) She must not discover her husband's imperfections and faults to any. ( 8 )The eigth dury of a wife is that she gibe not, nor flout her husband, but bear with him as long as she may. . As you smile at this.remember that i was written in days when knights were bold. you'' also have to honestly admit that the author had a point or to over the frustration and confusion of the present moment. Actually now, what is the wife's responsibility to attain home harmony? . Deep down I can't help feeling that much of the disagreement sorrounding home circles today stems from an ignorance of just what the Bible teaches on home order and home management. Shall we say that it is a primary need for the wife to study the principles of the Scriptures on these points,and having understoood, then humbly and earnestly seek to follow them in God's strenght? It is evr right to fail to enthrone the wisdom of God? . Now no wife is supposed to be a superwoman. It would be foolish to expect her to be ultra- expert on all lines. We must remember that as well as being part human. Thus she is prone occasionally to miss the mark. . But there are some pratical things the husband can rightly expect. The home for instance, ought to be clean. It may not be filllled with the latest conveniences;it may not boast the most expensive fixtures;it may not be expensive or luxurious,but it ought to be clean. This is the wife particular realm. . And the children. these are very important. They ought to have first priority on the wife's time. They should be feed and clothed well. They should be taught good habits and principles of discipline. They should be carefully fitted into the order of the home. ( Husband has a distinct part in allk this too.) Nothing should be allowed to seriously interfere with the exalted task of rearing the children. . Meals too are important. Meals for the husband,meals for the children. Food should be wisely purchased,,,and tastily prepared. Books on dietetics should be carefully perused. Mealtime should be rigidly enforced with the mealtime conversation calculated to aid the digestion. . Some old-fashioned vitues like sewing,mending,canning,baking,,should be warmly en- couraged. Don't misunderstand me. I'm not suggesting the impposible. I'm aware that days are built with only twenty-four hours. But if it could be...if it could be. . These things are extraneous things. And each of them,or all of them together,while greatly desirable,are not able as some spiritual things. What does the husband rightly expect? Well, encouragement for instance. You see the wife is helpo...meet. Her understanding,her loyalty her encou\ragement are worth millions. She can inpire her husband when he's almost defeated. She can give new courage and hope when no one else can. She can believe in him when others disbeleive. Here is a place which no one else can fill. . And companionship is the most intimate in life. And affection,,coupled with respect. For all of this is honorable. He is her husband, for all of life. She is his wife,wholly and completely. . Rich indeed is the husband who expects and receives these treasures.
WHAT WIVES MAY EXPECT . Just for fun,lets look at what English author of 1600 prescribed as duties of the husband: (1) That he give honor to his wife as the weaker vessel, for she is parteker of the grace of life. (2) He must petiently brok the hastiness of his wife,for there is nothing in the world more spiteful than a woman if she be hardly dealt withal,or egged to indignation. (3) The husband in any case must not have affairs with any other but his own wife. A woman is jealous and naturally suspicious,and if her husband breaketh with her,she will not stick to break with him.a,and privily borrow a night's lodging with her neighbor. (4) The husband must not injure his wife by word od deeds,for a woman is a feeble creature, and not endued with such noble courage as the man;she is sooner pricked to the heart, or moved to passions than man. (5) The husband, in dsputations with his wife,must sometimes confess himself vanquished by her. (6) The husband must provide for his wife and her housekeeping according to his ability. (7) The husband must suffer his wife to be merrily disposed before him,otherwise ( a woman's nature is such) she will by stealth find out some secret place or other to tattle and to disport herself. . Some of the above words are archaic,the phrases are quaint,but really, the writter and something. The essential truth could easily fit into present-day life. . Our goal is happiness in the home. Out method is to keep our wives contented. Our section is... what are husband responsibilities? . You've already learned that we can lean pretty heavily on the teachings of Scripture. Because the whole idea of husbands,wives,merriage, is God's invention, we beleive that it will work quitely,efficiently and successfully only in so far as we follow God's instruction. . So,the teaching of the Bible is that husbands have the lion's share of the accpuntability.God holds men largely answerable for home harmony. Husband are to boldly lead out in the principles of honestly,righteousness,discipline,order in the home. The wife may wisely look to her husband to provide strong leadership here. . Now it is really necessary to mention that the husband is the breadwinner. This is God-given respinsiblity and cannot be evaded. Surely in the heart of every man is the urge to provide for his own. Usually husbands strive to provide better and beter. But here's a secret. Wives are both proud and happy when their men do their best. They know that the breadwinner cannot always provide cake. Other things being equal wives don't expect too,too luxurious living. . There are pther points of very grave difference, For instance, wives rightfully expect their men to take an active interest in the home. And they are right here. The homes is the man's Kingdom. To be sure he is not able to spend all his time there. But the responsibility is there, nevertheless. Remember that God evaluates the proper conduct of the home and the careful rearing of children as life most important task. . But the husband's interest in the home is not on a mere coldly,professional basis. Rather, is to be a warm,kind,vitallly eterested partner. This is his home. These are his children. This is the woman to whom he professed lasting love and devotion. This is his primary God-ap pointed job in life. . Nor can husbands plead other interest,or prior commitments. The sober truth is that if the husband's business is so demanding that he cannot rightly perform his home duties, the business duities must be curtailed. And God will bless the husband who does. I mean finan- cially. . There are other "expectations" too. Your wife is your dearest companion. She is not some housekeeper you have hired. She is not a perpetual workhorse. She's join to you by bonds of love which God Himself has woven. She expects love, lots of it. She expects consideration, understanding,patience,kindness,gentleness. These in reality,are of infinitely greater worth than wealth or professions. . Are you saying you're too busy making ends meet for these more genteel qualities? The true answer is that it is better not to make ends meet than to fail to show loving consideration, for the wife of your heart. Love is the enduring quality even transcending death. . Your wife may rightly expect many other qulities from you. But, in reality, there'll all compre- hended under the heading of unselfish interest in her and the things of the home. You work and your business is important. No one doubts that. But your wife,your children and your home are most important.
CHILDREN ARE HERE TO STAY . Next to money matters,one pollster listed children and the problem connecting with the rea- ring of children,as the next most prolific cause of disharmony. this is rather strange,because families have been having for a long time. Moreover, the birth,rearing and development of children is an insperable part of the over-all plan of life. How does it happen that children pre- sent such a problem? . Could it be that some faamilies are not following God's instructions? It is possible that in our desire to adopt the most modern philosophy or child-training and education we have inadver- tently tossed into the dis card those valuable Bible principles which are indispensable to the proper development of the child? . Wherein does the difffeculty lie here? How does the privledge of rearing chldren become such a source of dissension? Where are the sore spots in this picture? If we locate these,perhaps we shall be able to suggest remedies and preserve happiness. . There general areas present themselves: First,is the father to be responsible at all for the rea- ring of the child? Secondly, who is to undertake the guidance and direction of the child's trai- ning? Third,who is to have the final words in matter of dicipline and punishment? Who decides if punishment is neccessary aand why? . It is a source of great satisfaction to know that the Bible speaks definitely and without hesi- tation on this subject. This si both anticipated and authoritative. Anticipated because we know of God's vital interest in children. Authoritative because God si the great Creator of children. What does the Bible teach? . Contrary to much modern thinking, the Bible categorically teaches the father occupies the primary place of responsibility in the development of children. God holds husbands respon- sible first, the wives. The husband is God deputy in the home. . Now the wife and the mother has a large place too. No amount of the father can take the place of the mother. But that isn't a question. We're discussing if the husband and father should assume any responsibility? The answer is most definitely yes. The father and the mother cooperate, but definitely the father. In no wise is he to be excused frm this privilege. . All right then,who is active in the child training? Of necessity the father must be away a good part of the time. Does this mean that he can do nothing to participate in the education of his chldren? . Certainly not. The planning,supervision,and as much as possible of the actual teaching itself should be the primary responsible of the father. Don't misunderstood me here. The other will assume her rightful part which is a large one. But there can be no dodging on the part of the husband. They're hs children too,and he cannot escape the duty and privilege of ther educa- toin. . But it's fun too. Lets have done with thought that rearing children is always dutiful drudgery. Children are fun. There's something new every minute. Each day unfolds some new facet of their developing personalities. Some of life most interesting and delightful moment are to be found in watching children grow up. . What about discipline? Who administer corporal punishment when it is needed? Who deci- des the need? What if there is difference of opinion? But really,there's no problem here. . In the first place if the proper program of development is inaugurated and maintained in the home there will be precious little cause for discipline. But when there is,then either parents may administer it. Certainly not always one parent alone. And as judgment is meted out,there should be demonstrable unity of conviction on the part of both parents. Never should one favor and the other disagree. If there is internal uncertainty,it should be talked ove privately. But never shown publicly. . This is a big task, the rearing of children. If you will beleive it, God calls it life greatest. And it should not be alllowed to jsut happen. Parents should pray much and counsel much over the problems that will of necessity arise as children grow up. Be assured too that God's in- comparable aid may be asked for and receive here. . What have we said? Well, our problem was, that many wives are unhappy because their hus- band's responsiblity too. The answer: It is his responsibility too. The answer: It is his respons- ibility too. God has given it too both,but primary to him. No task as is important. But it is fun too. Specially when you have twins or triplets.
money money . This is the area of most misery of marriage. Here is the category (statistic tell us) for the lion's share of the disagreements. But this need not be so. There's no real reason why money or the lack of it. should be the thief of the happiness. . We're talking to Christian people. Oh, don't misunderstand me. Others may listen too,and will find God's wisdom here. But basically,our premise is for born-again believers. . Now as Christians,we jsut don't belong to ourselves We've een bought with aprecious price, even the life of the dear Son of God. We're His and He is ours, Thats glorious? . If then, we are His, then all we have is His too.Our life, our ambitions.our service, our money, our everything. The wealth which He has placed in our hands isn't really ours. Its just loaned to us. He wants us to use it for His glory,to advance His cause. . I do not mean that He wants us to take every cent of our earning,and give it to church or Christian work. It's quite all right to use His money to care for our temporal needs. He neans for us to feed and clothe ourselves and our families. Only we must use it thoughtfully, remem- bering that we shall give an account of our spending someday. . However,the principle is, that the money is His, and we are to handle it as belonging to Him. Even though we have labored to attan it,even though it comes to us in the form of a weekly salary check. Even though it may look outwardly as if we earned it by our strength or our wis- dom. The truth is, that God has given it to us Himself. . Therefore, it isn't the husband's money. Nor is it the wife's even though she may have contributed to the monthly income by working. It's yours together... God's,husband's,wife's. And it's to becaused with the advice and consent of all concerned. . Oh, I don't mean to make a legal transaction of this. This is a family matter. God is a loving, gracious and exceedingly generous Father. He loves His children. He wants our best. Nor,is there any lack of wealth with Him. In fact, the silver and the gold of all the world is Hs...and yours. In reality,you're fabulously rich. There isn't a thing you'll ever need which God cannot supply, overwhelmingly. . But lets' be practical too. Why is it that so many married folks disagree over money? Well simply,it's due to the husband keeping too tight a hold over the purse strings. He feels that he has earned the money, and therefore ought to personally direct the speding. . But look,marriage is a partnership. True,the husband brings home the pay check,but how in the world could he do that without the loving cooperation of the wife? She keeps the home with all the multitudious duties connected therewith. Without her faithful and loyal support at home there'd be no ability for friend husband to work,, or peace of mind while he was doing so . Some husbands feel they must supervise the disbursement of the funds themselve of the funds themselves. Others wisely utilize their wives' ability and deputize them for this task. But in any case, there ought to be complete discussion and complete agreement over the way in which the funds are to be spent. . Nor should the wife have ti request spending money for her own odds and ends and doo- dads. He should have access to afund which is wholly her own. If she is not permitted to write checks on the joints account at the bank, then by all means she should have an account of her own where such feminine fancies can be bought and paid for. . Some wives work,and then take the wages earned and build a fence around them for strickly personal use. This too is dangerous. Married couples are not two but one. Their lives are in- tertwined. Their interests are together. Nothing should ever be countenanced that might tend to divide. . Both must be wise. In this day and age when there is such a overwhelming pressure to spend beyond one's ability,great care should be exercised not to purchased too many gad- gets. Allow a good share of the income for emergency use. Use the budget system. Be wary of too many time payments. . Take all money matters to your heavenly Father. If you will faithfully and sincerety lay all fi- nancial transactions before Him,and earnestly seek His peerless guidance in all things,you will never get into trouble. . And what is more,you'll find that this dreaded wrecker of homes and thief of happiness will not come near your door. Be assured that the place of a source of potential disaster,money and the acquisition and distribution of it, can be a source of profound happiness.
CHECK YOURSELF... . Would you know what brings wives most happiness? Well,here is an idea composite hus- band. I don't mean an angel husband. There's nothing silly or impractical here. This si just an aggregate of what many wives have hoped for. You'll notice there are no super human quali- ties listed here. In fact,there is nothing but what could be exhibited by every thoughtful,ear- nest husband. . Wives want their men to fulfill the man's part. This may surprise you. But there is on over- whelming approval for the men of the home to be everything God wants them to be. He is to be the head,the leader,the high priest,the counselor, the deputy of God, the administrator,the officer for discipline... in short, God's man. . Coincident with this, there is universal approval that husbands should take a real interest in home things. What wives want to happen is,for their husbands to regards to their home as far more than a place to sleep at night. They feel that the task of maintaining the home is too great a one for themselves alone. They want aid and comfort for this all-important task. Not mesely money top provide the necessary items. Husband is to talk over things, offer his wis- dom,take a part. Show willingness to assume home responsibility. . Rightin line with the home privileges, is the thid item in wives' ideal... be a real father to the children. After all wives rightly point out, the child is related to the father. He is obligated to fulfill the father's part. Rearing children is far too great a task for mother alone. Every child needs the impression of a godly father in his life. To be sure the mother will have more time to spend on the matter of rearing. But the father ought to embrace every opportunity to influence for good and for God. The child and his future should be the serious concern of many and many a series and prayerful confeerence by parents. . Here is number four...exercise care about personal habits. After all,the wife's is certainly not the slave of the home. It is her duty to wait on the husband as if he were a king. Marrriage is a compartnership. Husband should do all he can do make home duties easy. He should watch personal cleanliness,hanging up clothes,putting away his doo-dads. Being thoughtfully consi- derate of hs dear one. . We've already talked about money. What wives want is not the leadership here,but just for hubby to be fair. . This is number six. It might be epitomized... be patient, in sexual matters. WE shall take a page or two to talk about this. But wives do not overmphasize this. But wives do not overem- phasize this. They seem willing to do their part. The key seems to be just loving and tender consideration. . You'd be surprised aat how many wives mention this next item. They want their husbands to remember the little things. They're perfectly willing to work from morning to night,day after day if the husband will only show his appreciation by one means or another. Perhaps it could be just a big hug and a few well-chosen words in the wife's ear. Or,it could be a little gift,or a night out,or a date for dinner. After all,the intrinsic value of the husband's rememberance is not the important thing. It's just the fact that you haven't forgotten. . Some wives have suggestion that what they would apprecaite most is a program of adventure They know the family financial limitations, and that a new car isn't possible now, or it isn't fea- sible to paper the whole house at present. But could we do one room now? Would it be possi- ble to paint the garage this month,or repair the front fence before spring? Could they sit down and plan this out together? Just to know the there is a program of improvement each month willk greatly lift the morale. . Now this following item didn't rank too high on the list,but almost every wife included it. They want husband to take things over. There alwaysbe occasions for difficulties. There will always be problems present. But- if hubby took time,if he calmly and patiently give his consideration to the pros and cons of the matter,without dictating what he thought ought to be done,but as- king for wife's opinion and thoughtfully talking the whole matter over-some wives thought this would just be heaven. . We've come to number ten now. And not every wife mentioned this in so many words. But every wife wanted this,and wrote it between the lines. She just wants to be appreciated. She think she has a big job, It's important,and it's difficult. She's putting her best into doing the job well. Very often it's monotonous,and always it's taxing. Does anyone know about this? Does hubby realize the bigness of her job? Well, if he does, then why doesn't he say so? . You see, there's nothing superhuman about these qualities. Every man cold measure up here,if he only would. Perhaps you just haven't realized this. But you do now,and..so will you?
INTIMATE LOVE . It's a tragic to tell,but only about wife in ten has real satisfaction in real happiness in the sexual relationship.Why? Well, if statistics mean anything,the fault lies mostly at the hus- band's door. He's too demanding,too hurried, too thoughtless, too slefish, too rude. . And you can't separate sex from life. Sex is not an isolated compartment. Its effect of good and evil permeates our entire lives. When we enjoy sexual love we deepen our capacity for every form of affection. This in return leads to an inner poise,and to better relationships with family,friends,and business association. . The greatest enemies of sexual adjustment are ignorance and wrong attitudes. Ignorance in so far as understanding that physical sex is only the part of the whole pattern. That, in the reality,sex is mostly a spiritual and emotional experience. Wrong attitude are enemies in that too many (mostly husbands) think that sexual experience is their right and privilege at the expense of running roughshod over their mates' desires. . The truth is,that the idea sex life does not just happen. It s the product first of the true unself- ish love, the of intelligent approach and of careful planning. The wise husband will realize that with his wife sexual love is not a purely physical experience,but inseparably inked with ex- pressions of tenderness,of consideration,of carsses,of thoughtfulness. . Too many husbands begin to take sex fir granted too soo. They become slipshod and per- functory,and treat love-making as a matter of habit and a biological necessity. They fail to understand that sex can continually be a thing of joy and delight to both. . Far too frequently husbands suggest and demand the sexual act with brutal abruptness. There is no preparation,no lead-up,no love-making. And afterwards,there is no diminuendo, no pleasant glow of deep satisfaction,no gratitude for the other's consideration. . Actually,the most rewarding of sexual happiness is planned. It should be agreed in advance concerning the times together. In this way there willll be on misunderstanding and no resent- ment. In this way also there is added delight of pleasant anticipation. Both lovers can look forward to the hour. Nor is this any small part of the pleasure. Included in this may be the planning for the helpful outward sorroundings of intimate dress and proper grooming. . Now I realize that wives have their part in all of this, and that there are also faults and weak- nesses with them. This will be dealt with in due time. It is the shortcoming of the husbands we consider now. . It is very important for the husband to be well groomed. A shower,a shave and some pleasant lotion will better enable the wfe to respond with warmth and enthusiasm. You can really see and imagine the wife's problem when these things are absent. . With some,and agrred time is helpful. This permits thorough preparation and the pleasure of anticipation. The antithesis of this is the husband who demands satisfaction at whatever time and whatever place it strikes him. It isn't easy to see that such a philosophy could strangle any degree of real happiness. . The example of most honeymoon is illuminating. It is the exceedingly rare honeymoon where satisfaction is experience in sexual matters. The cause of this simple... mutual adaptation takes time. Success comes slowly. Sometimes it takes years. There must be patience and loving consideration. The moral of all of this simply is, This husband can do much achieve a degree of maximum achievement and rich response if they will parctice love-making,patiently and tenderly until the desired end is reached. Surely,the result will be worth it. . Now as to the physical techique there is no true blueprint applicable to all. The common de- nominator of physical relationship between husband and wife is candor. Each should be ho- nest with other. There should be a large factor of adaptation in the sexual relationaship. Too many couples tend to be shy about their preference. The best way is for each to express frank requests concerning what is desired for maximum response. Just remeber that when a loving husband and wife are together in their own bedroom and the door is shut, what is done there is no one's concern but their. Their goal shold be unalloyed bliss with each other. . Some wise man has said: Next to hunger,the most powerful of all human instincts is that of sex. You cannot escape from it,for you are made that way. It pulses in your blood,sings in your throat,shines in your eyes. Sex will be either the nicest thing in your life or it will be the the nastiest... depending on whether you use it or abuse it. . For the husband who sincerely desire the hights of happiness in this mater... the key words are tenderness and unselfishness and petience.
SOME BIG " LITTLE THINGS" . Husbands and wives are pressumed to be adults. Consequently it seems almost unbelieve- able the havoc that can be caused in the home by insignificant and almost trivial things. But it's true,none the less,and being true,ought to have careful mention,and more careful avoi- dance. . We could easily include the entire category of habits to be shunned and practices to be en- couraged if we mentioned that husbands were to remain lovers all the days of their married life. You that in courting days of the young man is meticulously carfeul to be always at his spotless best. His hair is perfect, his face is newly shaved,his clothing is well pressed,his shoes are shining. But let the marriage occur,and then what transformation occurs? The let- down is terrific. You just would not recognize Mr. Husband as the same dashing young man
