Whenever your enjoying chatting in the room, time seems to be so short. Its too frustrating to know that you have to leave the room, and do your need to do things.
Just want to say thank you to all who were present today in the room and shared their own points of view about love. Mebel
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I wanted to paint another one.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for me and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I heard you say a prayer, and I knew there is a God I could always talk to and I learned to trust Him.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give your time and money to help people who had nothing, and I learned that those who have something should give to those who don't.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I felt you kiss me goodnight and I felt safe and loved.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have to take care of what we were given.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw how you handle your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good, and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw tears come from your eyes and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw that you cared and I wanted to be everything that I could be.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I looked at you and wanted to say, "Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking."
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Each of us, whether a parent, grandparent, relative or friend, influence a child somewhere. How will you touch the life of someone today?
With the divorce rate over 50%, too many are apparently making a serious mistake in deciding whom to spend the rest of their life with. To avoid becoming a "statistic," try to internalize 10 insights.
1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married. The classic mistake! NEVER MARRY POTENTIAL!! The Golden Rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "You actually can expect people to change after their married...for the worst!" So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now.
2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than their character. Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the "I'm in love" syndrome. "I'm in love" often means, "I'm in lust." Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person's character? Here are four characteristics to definitely check for: * Humility: -Does this person believe that "doing the right thing" is more important than personal comfort? * Kindness: - Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? * How does s/he treat people s/he doesn't have to be nice to? * Does s/he do volunteer work? Give to charity? * Responsibility: -Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says s/he is going to do? * Happiness: -Does this person like himself? Does s/he enjoy life? - Is s/he emotionally stable? Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?
3. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life goal and priorities. There are three basic ways we connect with another person: a) Chemistry and compatibility b) Share common interests c) Share common life goal. Make sure you share a deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide. After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart. To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you're living for while you are single-and then find someone who has come to the same conclusion as you. This is the true definition of a soul mate. A soul mate is a goal mate... two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life's purpose and therefore share the same priorities, values and goals.
4. You pick the wrong person because you do not have deeper emotional connection. To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask: "Do I respect and admire this person?" This does not mean, "Am I impressed by this person?" We are impressed by a Mercedes. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. Yes, you should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc., but do you actually respect and admire this person who possesses these qualities? Also ask: "Do I trust this person?" This also means, "Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her?
5. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don't feel emotionally safe. Ask yourself the following questions: - Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? - Can I fully be myself and express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? - Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way! Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you're afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there's a problem with the relationship. Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don't feel the other person is trying to control you. Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. There is a big difference between "controlling" and "making suggestions. " A suggestion is made for your benefit; a control statement is made for their benefit.
6. You pick the wrong person because you don't put everything on the table. Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise. You need to know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve your differences and find compromises that work for both of you? Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can't be vulnerable, you can't be intimate. The two go hand in hand.
7. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness. If you are unhappy and single, you'll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You'll feel better and your future spouse will thank you.
8. You choose the wrong person because you get involved sexually too quickly. This can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Sexual involvement tends to cloud one's mind and a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions. It is not necessary to "test d rive" in order to find out if a couple are sexually compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you don't have to worry about sexual compatibility. Of all the studies on divorce, sexual incompatibility is never cited as a main reason why people divorce.
9. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a woman needs most. Men and women have unique emotional needs and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn't get it. The unique need of a woman is to be loved. -To feel that she is the most important person in her husband's life. The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention. Sexual intimacy is always on the woman's terms. Men are goal oriented especially when it comes to this area. As a wise woman once pointed out, "Men have two speeds: on and off." Women are experience oriented. When a man is able to switch gears and become more experience-oriented , he will discover what makes his wife very happy. When the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife pleasure, amazing things will happen.
10. You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle. To be "triangulated" means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who hasn't separated from his or her parents is a classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money. Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. The person caught in triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You'll not be their number one priority. And that's not basis for a marriage.
Ability is what you're capable of doing...... ...... Motivation determines what you do.......... ......... Attitude determines how well you do it!
There are two very good reasons to rush to love. The first is that real love releases my hidden possibilities!
Although love can hurt, although love can bring disappointments,pain, and rejection- real lovealso brings with it possibilities! As Amanda McBroom says beautifully in her song, "The Rose"
We should rush to get on the Love Train because we all long to bloom like the rose. We must be willing to take the chance that, in spite of the challenges and the risks, we will discover the real love that can move mountains and the slumbering possibilities swelling within us.
With the warmth of the real love, confidence is born within us. We feel loved, and we protect the love to others. In the process this love becomes a magnet. It attracts happy and creative people who bring with them inspiring ideas, and in their presence we find inspiration, enlightenment, insight! We are left with an expanded imagination! Latent possibilities emerge in our thinking!
We rush to love because it draws us to new people who stimulate our settled minds with new ideas. Suddenly our minds are opened to fresh possibilities. We discover new doors opening to new relationships! Eye-opening insights! Even faith in God! In ourselves! And in others! So,in the presence of love, the creative process proceeds. "Impossible" situations become challenges that beckon as great possibilities! (To follow)
Some say love, it is a river that drowns the tender reed. Some say love, it is a razor that leaves your heart to bleed. Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless, aching need; I say love it is a flower, and you its only seed. It's the heart afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance. It's the dream afraid of waking, that never takes the chance. It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give; And the soul afraid of dying, that never learns to live.
When the night has been too lonely, And the road has been too long, And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong, Just remember, in the winter, far beneath the bitter snows, Lies the seed that with the sun's love, In the spring, becomes the rose*
Copyright 1977, Warner- Tamerlane Publishing Corp. All rights reserved. Used with permission.
o make progress or grow in any area, people have to have a challenge, something to strive for, a goal. They need to be stretched beyond what they've done before-and you can help with this.
Many people become so discouraged by their mistakes and failures that they lower their sights or stop trying altogether. When they do that, it's almost certain they won't go as far as they could. But when someone comes along and expresses faith in them and tells them they shouldn't be bound by yesterday's failures, it can inspire them to try again.
It's like helping a baby take his first steps. You know he will fall many times as he learns to walk, but you know he will walk sooner or later and you want to see him succeed, so you encourage him. You make positive comments to boost his confidence so he will keep trying. When it seems too difficult to him, you help him, and you're there to catch him when he falls.
Once more, it comes down to love. If you love others you'll want to give them all the help and encouragement they need to succeed.
Life is a series of judgment calls, big and small. "Is my colleague telling me the truth?" "Can I believe this advertiser's claims?" Nearly every day you have to pass judgment on some situation, and your opinions and decisions often have consequences for the other people involved. The stakes may not be as high or the judgment as final, but like a magistrate in the judicial system, your judgment matters.
God once said to his critics, "Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment" (John 7:24). What is righteous judgment? It is judging fairly and honestly, applying the right rule to that particular situation and sometimes looking beyond the "facts" to see the hearts and true intentions of those involved.
Before passing judgment it's important to remain impartial and get all sides of the story. The better informed you are, the better chance you will have of judging correctly.
And of course it's always wise, even in seemingly small matters, to talk it over before passing on judgment. Remember, that God is the great all -seeing, all-knowing judge who will judge the world at the end of days.
This is REAL love! This is the love that releases the hidden possibilities. This love wipes out fear-FOREVER!
Why does real love cast out fear? For one simple reason: Real love is a self-less love. Self-fish love always produces fear. If I love you only because I need you, or if I love only because I want you, I'm going to be afraid that i might not win you or hold you. So I'll live in the fearful anxiety of losing you.
But! if I love because I want to give something to you, I'll never be fearful or worried or tense, for a giving love can never lose!
Give love, and if it's accepted, you have succeeded! If love is rejected, you still have your love to give to someone else who is waiting to accept and appreciate it!!!
Men constantly say that women confuse love and S-and this causes big problems for both genders. It goes back to the equation in which we saw for the majority of men: Sex equals X plus sometimes love. And for the majority of women: XD equals love.
Another way of saying this is that many men describe themselves as enjoying X a purely physical experience, and at other times they are intensely emotionally as well as physically involved. Very few women will characterized a sexual experience without alluding to warmth, affection, romance, or more emotional connection.
I think most men can experience two kinds of X-with attachment and without. Women that i know seem to have only one kind of X- there is inevitably some kind of expectations or attachment to their partners.
If a woman doesn't really comprehend that men can blow their brains out without a moment's thought to the relationship' that's going to come out of it, then she really is making a mistake and shortchanging herself.
In sum, men are claiming that women make the 'mistake' of not enjoying X for its own sake but always conceive of it in love terms. This is not a mistake women are making, its simply the logical fallout of the differences in male and female ego needs.
But is there anyway to reconcile the age-old love/X schism between men and women?? The answer lies in both sexes understanding each other's psycho sexual needs- and satisfying them. A woman can indulge a man with simple, sweaty, hot workout X, as long her mate replenishes her ego needs with romantic, warm, affectionate lovemaking. Everyone can get what they want out of X-if they're willing to give.
