Chicken Wire Nov 8, 2008 6:20 am 155 Views An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" "Roll of chicken wire." "What you gonna do with that?" "Gonna catch some chickens." "You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it. The next morning, the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" "Roll of duct tape." "What you gonna do with that?" "Gonna catch me some ducks." "You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct tape!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking.That night around sunset the boy walks by, trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duct tape with about 35 ducks caught in it. The next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. ''Hey boy, whatcha got there?" "It's a pussy willow." "Wait up...I'll get my hat!" 0 Comments

Interview of Rick Warren (Author of Purpose Driven Life) Nov 8, 2008 6:13 am 168 Views ..... sharing with you this beautiful message forwarded by a friend: Very Interesting to read and it is good to be reminded of what is most important in our LIFE! Rick Warren (REMEMBER HE WROTE 'PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE') You will enjoy the new insights that Rick Warren has, with his wife now having cancer and him having 'wealth' from the book sales. This is an absolutely incredible short interview with Rick Warren, 'Purpose Driven Life ' author and pastor of Saddleback Church in California In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said: People ask me, What is the purpose of life? And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity. We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense. Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort. God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness. This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer. I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for. You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems.. If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centerdness,'which is my problem, my issues, my pain.' But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others. We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her. It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people. You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life. Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy. It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease. So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72 First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases. Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church. Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation. Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free. We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity? Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)? When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings. Happy moments, PRAISE GOD. Difficult moments, SEEK GOD. Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD. Painful moments, TRUST GOD. Every moment, THANK GOD. God's Blessings on you today. NOW. PLEASE SHARE THIS WITH YOUR FRIENDS. 3 Comments

Blonde Horseback Riding Nov 8, 2008 6:02 am 148 Views A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune... ...the Wal-Mart manager runs out and unplugs the horse. 0 Comments

Wally's Wedding Night (joke) Nov 8, 2008 5:57 am Mood: amused, 164 Views At 85 years of age, Wally married Anne, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected 'knock' on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Wally. Again he is ready for more 'action.' Somewhat surprised, Anne consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves. She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it..... Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action.' And, once again they enjoy each other. But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Wally.' Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Anne and says: ....... 'You mean I've been here already?' Don't be afraid of getting old, senior's moments have their advantages. 1 comment

PANAKIP BUTAS...A LAB ISTORI IN EPEPEP (Bato2x sa langit ang tamaan wag sanang magalit! Nov 3, 2008 9:48 pm 482 Views Once upon a time, a soldier named Caliguy joined FFF. He's Filam. He went to ELR and chatted with the people. He seemed nice, became friends with some including me and Gemstone. Gemstone and I chatted with him, even seen him on cam. He got a friendly and honest look (LOOKS ARE DECEIVING..). To make the story short, Gemstone and Caliguy had a relationship. They have this normal kind of a relationship between a guy and a lady. Both were happy until one day, a woman named "FC" (parang short sa ano...hehehe) talked to her in ELR, asking questions about Gemstone's guy. As the interrogation went on, it became clearer that FC had or has (?) a relationship with Caliguy. FC told Gemstone that she had/has (?) relationship with Caliguy for 2 years already. She asked if gemstone met the guy's family. Seemed that time FC was thinking "lamang" siya. But was it or not? For she didn't even know the real name of the guy and his bday... and she was the last one to know who he really is..his fiancee for almost two years!she didn't even know his real name...all those years he was using a different name to her..poor lady..(might be ashamed of his "RAT" name... sagwa kasishe thought he was only in his 30's... yaiksssss.... almost 5 decades na pala When Gemstone learned about FC and Caliguy, she was very hurt. She was able to say things (truth anyway) about the guy which FC copy pasted(maybe for emergency use hehehe)Gemstone called Caliguy and admitted that he had a relationship with FC but told Gemstone he loved her and not FC. FC was frantic as she was calling Caliguy but he won't answer her calls. FC told Gemstone that she's separated with 2 kids and Caliguy sent money to her to process her annulment which suddenly stopped when he met her. Sad... tsk tsk tsk...But waiiiiiiiiiitttttttt.....!!! Caliguy is still married. Two failed marriages and still stuck to it (alam mo ba rin yon?). Gemstone asked Caliguy to answer FC's calls and talk to her but COWARD as he is till now, said no... well, what do u expect from a LIAR, USER AND LOSER anyway? Gemstone went to Caliguy's kingdom to talk to him and end everything between them. Caliguy cried and begged Gemstone not to leave him...hmmmppppttttt. Said he wanted to start a new life with her... to move on with her and her only...tseeeeee....Gemstone went back to her place and since then, Caliguy called her, day and night, begging her to take him back, not to leave him, to forgive him coz he loved her very much... missed her so much (sinabi ba nya yan sa yo FC?)and he asked Gemstone not to tell u he called her? (Bakit kaya???) And did u know that he also asked Gemstone to marry him? Meantime FC tried to befriend Gemstone, trying to peg information, suspicious that Gemstone and Caliguy still had a relationship.. .poor lady! One day, Caliguy texted FC not to bother Gemstone and him anymore and he loved Gemstone. HE CHOSE GEMSTONE OVER HER! Wowwwwwww..!! Romantic? "(Note: he also sent same message to gemstone to "prove" to her that he already told FC tapos na sa kanila ang lahat) But what FC didnt know, many times Gemstone told Caliguy she just wanted them to be friends, no more no less... but Caliguy wont hear about it. He wanted them to be more than friends. Said again and again, he wanted to move on with her. But boy ohhhhhhh boyyyyyyyy.....FC was scorned by her supposedly fiance for 2 years . What could possibly a scorned woman do ? Play dirty just to get even? In what way?POSTING THE CONVERSATION she copy pasted for emergency use... para hiyain si Gemstone? BULLLLLL...didnt she know that stooping that low only showed what she really is? A WOMAN WITHOUT BRRRR- - - -G..!!! and she sent the posts to Caliguy. Any reason she did it? Of courseeeeeee.... wanted Caliguy to know what Gemstone said about him. Now, Caliguy was angry and insulted, called Gemstone. Who will not be angry if the woman he said he loved but he lied and used will say that he's a loser and he got nothing for her to go after him (IT'S TRUE ANYWAY), not to mention he got lots of issues (legal, personal, financial and emotional(ka damo gid))in his life. Who will not be insulted if he's told he's a LIAR, USER AND A LOSER! Grabehhhhhhhhhhhhhh...!!! Now,with no Gemstone in his life, went back to FC, after texting her not to text or call him anymore and loved Gemstone. Yaiksssssss.... ano ba yan...PANAKIP BUTAS ??? TSK TSK TSK AND A BIGGGGGGG TSKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!! It's hard to stop laughing after reading his email to Gemstone .... my myyyy myyyyyy... After telling many times he loved Gemstone, he sent an email telling her to leave them alone...that "I ONLY BELIEVE MY FIANCE' FC AND I LOVE HER WITH ALL MY HEART SOUL AND MIND.............just move on with your f_ _ _ _ing life and stop bothering us !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... Nakkkkkssssss.... totoo na ba talaga ito? Tanong kaya natin ni San Pedro? Ayyy... before i forget, Caliguy was very angry (pumutok ang butche) when Gemstone did not give the gift for his birthday (buti na lang at binawi)but can't do anything about it(kawawa naman). Gemstone thought... crazy to let a liar and a loser to fool her again??? NEVER!!! Question is, meron pa ba maniniwala sa kanya??? HITTING TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE.... NO INTEGRITY AT ALL...A REAL LOSER!!! Well, all i can say is... the people involved in this.. they knew the real story...Don't twist the truth just to make Gemstone look badKAPAL NAMAN NG MUKHA MO... MAGPAKALALAKI KA ... remember...WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND...in short "KARMA" GOOD RIDDANCE...!!!!..Gemstone will definitely have a miserable life with him, that we all are sure of it. Why exchange a comfortable life with a miserable one? O sige, GOOD LUCK NA LANG SA INYONG DALAWA!!! 16 Comments

He Said, She Said Oct 27, 2008 6:32 am 204 Views He said...Want a quickie? She said...As opposed to what? He said...I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She said...You wear briefs, don't you? He said...Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune? She said...Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money. He said...This coffee isn't fit for a pig! She said...No problem, I'll get you some that is. She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk? He said...It's not my fault. I ran out of money. He said...Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way. She said...Well, you succeeded. He said...If you only could learn to make me a proper meal, then we could manage without the cook. And if you cleaned the house, we could fire the maid as well. She said...Darling, if you only could learn to satisfy me properly we could do without the gardener as well. He said...You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man? She said...No, have you? He said...Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains? She said...Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind. He said...What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror. He said...Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm? She said...I would, but you're never there. 3 Comments

We May Not Always Realize Oct 21, 2008 10:44 pm 210 Views We may not always realize That every thing we do, Affects not only our lives But touches others, too! For a little bit of thoughtfulness That shows someone you care, Creates a ray of sunshine For both of you to share. Yes, every time you offer Someone a helping hand ... Every time you show a friend You care and understand ... Every time you have A kind and gentle word to give ... You help someone find beauty In this precious life we live. For happiness brings happiness And loving ways bring love; And Giving is the treasure That contentment is made of. Thank you for all the love you have shown me... 0 Comments

What You Give a Woman Oct 21, 2008 10:37 pm 224 Views Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So - if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of sh*t. 4 Comments

Smart Blonde Oct 21, 2008 1:41 am 168 Views A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa." Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay, " says the lawyer, "your turn". She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you, " and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep. 0 Comments

Sunday School Sally Oct 21, 2008 1:06 am 168 Views Little Sally was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Sally, who created the universe?" When Sally didn't stir, little Jason, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Sally and the teacher said, "Very good" and Sally fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Sally, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Sally didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Jason came to the rescue and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Sally and the teacher said, "Very good," and Sally promptly fell back asleep. Once again the teacher called upon Sally and asked a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Jason jabbed her with the pin. This time Sally jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!" The teacher fainted. 0 Comments

 lavender3704

42 F