Blonde Takes a Bus Nov 23, 2008 3:42 am 63 Views A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, "Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?" The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. It'll take you right there." She thanked the officer and he drives off. Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and, sure enough, the blonde is still waiting at the same bus stop. The officer got out of his car and said, "Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here for the number 54 bus. That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?" The blonde replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now. The 45th bus just went by!" 0 Comments

A Few Days Off Work Nov 23, 2008 2:53 am 74 Views I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave . I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blond) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days." I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her ".And where do you think you're going?" (You're gonna love this...) She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark." 1 comment

Marriage or Prison Nov 23, 2008 2:49 am 67 Views A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement where she finally found her husband crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing. "What's wrong with you?" she asked him. "Remember when your father caught us having sex when you were sixteen?" he replied. "And remember he said I had two choices: I could either marry you, or spend the next twenty years in prison." Baffled, she said, "Yes, I remember, so what?" The husband sobbed, "I would have gotten out today." 0 Comments

Expensive Brothel Nov 23, 2008 2:43 am 75 Views The Madam opened the brothel door and saw a frail, elderly gentleman. Can I help you?? the madam asked. I want Natalie, the old man replied. Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else...? No, said the man, I must see Natalie.? Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per visit. Without blinking, the man reached into his pocket and handed her ten $100 bills. The two went up to a room for an hour, whereupon the man calmly left. The next night he appeared again demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row and that there were no discounts. It was still $1,000 a visit. Again the old man took out the money, the two went up to the room and an hour later, he left. When he showed up the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie the money and up to the room they went. At the end of the hour Natalie questioned the old man: ?No one has services three nights in a row. Where are you from?? The old man replied, I'm from Philadelphia. Really? replied Natalie. I have family who lives there. Yes, I know, said the old man. Your father died, and I'm your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you this $3,000. 1 comment

SAVING UP (JOKE) Nov 23, 2008 2:42 am 56 Views A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman. But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life. She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel. The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!" The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, "Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years, and I thought he meant his money!!" 0 Comments

STORY TO LIVE BY (PLS. READ) Nov 15, 2008 11:44 pm Mood: sad, 154 Views There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.' One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend. He asked her,'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him. Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.' This is how the human brain often works when our status changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations. Life Is a Gift Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak. Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat. Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion. Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who died too early on this earth. Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren. Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets. Before whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet. And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job. But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us is without sin. And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and think: you're alive and still around. ========================== I PRAY THIS MOVES AROUND THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE... Too beautiful not to share...... Catherine 4 Comments

Women's Language Translated Nov 15, 2008 11:34 pm 137 Views Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No I’m sorry. = You’ll be sorry. We need... = I want It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. Do what you want... = You’ll pay for this later. We need to talk... = I need to complain Sure...go ahead = I don’t want you to. I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron! You’re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot. You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs. This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house. I want new curtains = ...and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper..... Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there! I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep. Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive. How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not going to like. I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV. Am I fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful. You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me. Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you’re dead. Was that the baby? = Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep. I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important. In response to What’s wrong?: The same old thing = Nothing Nothing = Everything Nothing, really = It’s just that you’re such an idiot![/COLOR] 3 Comments

Magic Sandals (Joke Time) Nov 15, 2008 11:31 pm 110 Views This married couple were on holiday in India. They were touring around a busy Bombay marketplace looking at the goods when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with an Indian accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop." The married couple walked in. The Indian man said to them "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild and crazy at the sex, just like great desert camel." Well, the wife's eyes lit up as her husband wasn't exactly the sex god he thought...far from it in fact. The husband felt he really didn't need them though, "How on earth can a pair of sandals turn somebody into a sex freak???" The Indian man replied, "Please kind sir, just try dem on...." Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many a year! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Indian man, bent him over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Indian's thighs. The Indian then began screaming, "YOU HAVE DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!!!" 1 comment

Goodbye my Everdearest Friend Sapphire07 Nov 15, 2008 7:43 pm 217 Views Sometime last year, i welcomed you here in fff, hoping and praying you will have fun here and happy just like me. We both gained friends, both real and unreal..lol. I didn't know by then that being here will give more heartaches to your tender heart, for that i am really sorry. We both met different types of people; friendly and wonderful, others were just hi and bye, flirty, rude and BASTOS. Three days ago, something happened that made me decide to leave elr. Unlike before, this time, it's not so hard for me anymore. Yes, i admit, i missed chatting with our friends but i am able to keep myself out of elr. I don't know though for how long Then, 2 days after, you told me u are also going to leave, not elr but fff for good and you did. You deleted everything about Sapphire07 including your yahoo messenger, email add and phone number. This time i did not hold you back as i also think it is the best. Most especially in moving on with your life without the hassles of those people that only take advantage of your goodness. And i can't see any posts of kabastusan from a person that thinks he is God and superior in elr anymore. My dearest friend, as you venture again another pace of your life, may the Good Lord guide and protect you always and give you strength to tackle all the trials that will come your way. Always, if u need a friend, i will just be one buzz, one text or one call and i will be there with u in spirit and prayers. 14 Comments

It's Time To Bid Goodbye To ELR Nov 13, 2008 8:00 pm 329 Views It's time, it's time for me to say goodbye to elr.. is it????. No words can describe the feelings i have and the opportunity of meeting all these wonderful people : EVERDEAREST FRIEND SAPPHIRE, GODFATHER CANOROB, BESTFRIEND BIKINIWHITE, NAUGHTY CHARMZ, FRIENDSHIP ABEE, MY MAHAL PACKCUTE, LOVELY PAMELA,BEAUTIFUL BLUEHEARTLADY, ARROZ SLEEPLESSSIGH, MORNING SUN TYLER, SKINNYJEANS SKINOUT, BURNING HOT COOLNHOTDUDE, WORTHY SEA, PARENG ADO AT MARENG TRIS, FATHERLY DAN, GOOD FRIEND EMERSONT, THE TIGER1103,SEXY SMILEY, ALOHERS ALOHA, LOVELY MAGNET, SPONTANEOUS MEBELLA,SEX GURU JAYSIX (HEHEHE), ONE AND ONLY DENIALAD, CHARMING DEYZ, DAUGHTERS JUNLAINE,LYNMAZE, PRINCESSPAB & GHERLENE, SON BARTENDER, SPICY GINGER SHYE, ANGEL VENUS, FAITHFUL VIDA, THE STONEY MARK, SHOWER HOT HOOSEY, THE GAZING STAR, LOVER FRIEND PINOY, GENTLEMAN JAXKI, LUV A FAIR, SEKWET BOK, THE HEIRESSMEDUSA, IMYOURLADY, SANJAY, MY DANCING PARTNER NEWINHERE,THE LOVER HIGHANDLOW, HOTMOM SUGARONLY, FLOWER GUMAMELA, UNLIMITED SKY, UNCATCHABLE CATCHME, COUPLE MATT AND EVE, SEXY LADIES BEBEKOW, KWMARIAN, THE JUICY JOCY, SISTERS ZOE AND MONCHIES, PRIEST RODMAK, THE BREAKFAST IN BED FLECHA (HAHAHAHA), THE SHADOW OF THE MOON,DEEPDIVER,AUSTRALIAN JUSTSOMEFUN,CARING NURSE, MALAMBING NA MARIE45, THE PINK LADIES THIGHS AND SHOES,SINGING NIGHTINGALE, CRAZY KRAZZY,THE YUMMY TSOKO, PRETTY EMS, JCR, RISCHIK,SYNK, I8YOU, JUVY, BEARLY, STOMAN,MAGANDANGDILAG, TALES, PURPLE, DRIZZ,HALOHALO BOYET, .... AND MANY MORE. To those i forgot to mention, my apology, and bear with me pls.... age is catching up on me.. hehehe. 18 Comments

 lavender3704

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