Hotel Bill Feb 26, 2009 8:11 am 148 Views A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager. The manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. "But we didn't use them." the man complains. "Well, they are here, and you could have." explains the manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here." the manager says. "But we didn't go to any of those shows." complains the man again. "Well, we have them, and you could have." the manager replies. No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!" The manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the manager. The mnager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100." "That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife." "But I didn't!" exclaims the manager. "Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have." 4 Comments

Five Secrets To A Good Relationship Feb 23, 2009 12:33 am 117 Views 1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, occasionally cooks and cleans and who has a job. 2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh. 3. It is important to find a man who is dependable, respectful and doesn't lie. 4. It is important to find a man who's good in bed and who loves to have sex with you. 5. It is important that these four men never meet. 2 Comments

Husband Down! Feb 23, 2009 12:31 am 100 Views A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies. 'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping. A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband. 'It's my face cream. It makes me look sexy and beautiful for you when we're making love,' replies the wife. Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser ... at half the price.' On the PA system: 'Cleanup needed on aisle 25, we have a husband down. 2 Comments

Dating vs. Married Jan 1, 2009 6:32 am 296 Views When you are dating..... Farting is never an issue When you are married ....You make sure there's nothing flammable near your husband...... at all times When you are dating..... He takes you out to have a good time When you are married ....He brings home a 6 pack, and says "What are you going to drink?" When you are dating..... He holds your hand in public When you are married ....He flicks your ear in public When you are dating..... A Single bed for 2 isn't THAT bad When you are married ....A King size bed feels like an army cot When you are dating..... You are turned on at the sight of him naked When you are married ....You think to yourself...."Was he ALWAYS this hairy????" When you are dating..... You enjoyed foreplay When you are married ....You tell him "If we have sex, will you leave me alone???" When you are dating..... He hugs you, when he walks by you ...for no reason When you are married ....He grabs your boob any chance he gets When you are dating..... You picture the two of you together, growing old together When you are married ....You wonder who will die first When you are dating..... Just looking at him makes you feel all "mushy" When you are married ....When you look at him, you want to claw his eyes out. When you are dating..... He knows what the "hamper" is When you are married ....The floor will suffice as a dirty clothes storage area When you are dating..... He understands if you "aren't in the mood" When you are married ....He says "It's your job." When you are dating..... He understands that you have "male" friends When you are married ....He thinks they are all out to steal you away When you are dating..... He likes to "discuss" things When you are married ....He develops a "blank" stare When you are dating..... He calls you by name When you are married ....He calls you "Hey" and refers to you when speaking to others as "She. 7 Comments

The Meaning of Friendship Jan 1, 2009 6:02 am 246 Views Dedicated to all my friends with love and respect If I am feeling cross, and you cross my mind, I know I can grin and bear it When a happy day comes, you're always the one, That I want to be with to share it You're a friend for all seasons, one of a kind, And I want you to know it is true That my life has been richer, because I have found, The meaning of Friendship in you. Friends Always 1 comment

The Pope and His Chauffeur Jan 1, 2009 5:42 am 249 Views The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while. Well, the chauffeur didn't have much of a choice, so he climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel. The Pope proceeds onto HWY 95, and starts accelerating to see what the limo could do. He gets to about 90 mph, and suddenly he sees the blue lights of the State Police in his mirror. He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window. The trooper, seeing who it was, says, "Just a moment please, I need to call in. " The trooper calls in and asks for the chief. He tells the chief that he's got a REALLY important person pulled over, and asks how he should handle it. "It's not Ted Kennedy again is it?" replies the chief. "No Sir!" replied the trooper, "This guy's more important." "Is it the Governor?" replied the chief. "No! Even more important!" replies the trooper. "Is it the PRESIDENT??? replied the chief. "No! Even more important!" replies the trooper. "Well WHO is it?" screams the chief. "I don't know Sir." replies the trooper, "but he's got the Pope as his chauffeur!" 1 comment

I Need To Poison My Husband Jan 1, 2009 5:36 am 260 Views A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?” The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.” The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!” The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now. That’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription. 6 Comments

Merry Christmas My Friends Dec 22, 2008 9:07 pm 289 Views What shall I wish you for Christmas? This season of joy and delight The sound of carol songsters On a starlit Christmas night? What can I wish you for Christmas? What is the thing you desire? Is it health, wealth, or happiness Or the warmth of a Christmas fire? What can I wish you for Christmas? To give all the joy I am able A merry time with good, true friends Around the fare of a Christmas table? So much I would wish you for Christmas Yet only my greeting I send For all that I have to offer Is the sincere heart of a friend. Merry Christmas My Friends. 3 Comments

What Kind and Color Is Your Underwear? Nov 24, 2008 4:45 am 522 Views Underwear comes in different kinds and color... not to mention sizes...hehehe.... What is your favorite color and what kind of underwear you have? 26 Comments

Redneck Slang Nov 23, 2008 4:55 am 355 Views "Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!" "Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit." "I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outta style." "This'll jar your preserves." "Cute as a sack full of puppies." "If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it." "Gooder than grits." "It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs." "It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch." "Wintery roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot." "A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off." "When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count." "If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats." "A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than a cat covering doo-doo on a marble floor." "She's uglier than homemade soap." "Your momma's so fat, when she got on the scales to be weighed, it said 'To be continued'." "He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down." "Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits." "The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead" "I'm just about as welcome at my inlaws as a hair in a biscuit." 3 Comments

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