25 MIDDLE AGE LESSONS Apr 2, 2008 3:39 am 304 Views 25 things you should have learned by the time you have reached middle age 1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often. 3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 4. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat. 5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. 7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. 8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. 9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. 10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. 11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good. 13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. 14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. 15. No one has ever been shot while doing the dishes. 16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. 17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. 18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. 19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. 20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. 21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. 22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. 23. When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste. 24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world. 25. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. A few more goodies... 1. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff. 2. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. 3. Don't sweat the petty things. Don't pet the sweaty things. 4. After all this is over, all that will really have mattered is how we treated each other. 5. Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.. 6. Don’t approve of political jokes; too many of them are already elected. 7. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. 8. To avoid hating yourself in the morning--sleep 'till noon. 0 Comments

LITTLE INSPIRATION Apr 2, 2008 3:32 am 329 Views "True happiness... is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose." ~ Helen Keller "The genius of life is to carry the spirit of childhood into old age." ~ Aldous Huxley "The block of granite which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak becomes a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong. That block of granite is often nothing more than a decision." ~ Thomas Carlyle "God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs nor kick ourselves too easily." "The capacity to rise above temptation is the essence of freedom. One is simply not free to serve, to do the right, when one gives in to the temptation to stay in power; that is, when it becomes a compulsion to do whatever is most popular." ~ M. Scott Peck "It is strange that in our praying we seldom ask for a change in character, but always a change in circumstances." "Good manners are made up of small sacrifices." "Little progress can be made by merely attempting to repress what is evil; our great hope lies in developing what is good." ~ Calvin Coolidge "Lord, when we are wrong, make us willing to change. And when we are right, make us easy to live with." "The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.” 0 Comments

5 Secrets to a Great Relationship Apr 2, 2008 3:23 am 337 Views 1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, occasionally cooks and cleans and who has a job. 2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh. 3. It is important to find a man who is dependable, respectful and doesn't lie. 4. It is important to find a man who's good in bed and who loves to have sex with you. 5. It is important that these four men never meet. 2 Comments

I AM GRATEFUL Mar 30, 2008 11:22 pm 291 Views The world is moving faster now; We're on a changing course. But you have helped me deal with life; You've been a stable force. When I have had to follow; New directions, you were there. When the world was hard on me; You always seemed to care. When nothing held together; Made the slightest bit of sense. You have always helped restore; My inner confidence. Everyone needs someone; Who's reliable and true. Through the moments I've endured; I'm grateful there was you. 1 comment

ANGELS IN MY HEART (Sapphire, Charmz, Bikiniwhite & Canorob) Mar 30, 2008 11:18 pm 349 Views When I have no one to turn to And I am feeling kind of low, When there is no one to talk to And nowhere I want to go, I search deep within myself It is the love inside my heart That lets me know my Angels are there Even though we are miles apart. A smile then appears upon my face And the sun begins to shine. I hear a voice, so soft and sweet Saying, 'Everything will be just fine' It may seem that I am alone But I am never by myself at all. Whenever I need my Angels near All I have to do is call. An Angel's love is always true On that you can depend. They will always stand behind you And will always be your friend. Through darkest hours and brightest days Our Angels see us through. You are one of my Angels. Perhaps I am one for you. You're such an Angel! I LOVE YOU..!!! 4 Comments

ARE YOU A FRIEND OR AN ACQUAINTANCE? Mar 30, 2008 11:06 pm 302 Views There is a difference between being an acquaintance and being a friend. An acquaintance is someone whose name you know, who you see every now and then, who you probably have something in common with and who you feel comfortable around. It's a person that you can invite to your home and share things with. But they are people who you don't share your life with, whose actions sometimes you don't understand because you don't know enough about them. On the other hand, a friend is someone you love. Not that you are "in love" with them, but you care about them and you think about them when they are not there. The people you are reminded of when you see something they might like, and you know this because you know them so well. They are the people whose pictures you have and whose faces are in your head regardless. Friends are the people you feel safe around because you know they care about you. They call just to see how you are doing, because a friend doesn't need an excuse. They tell you the truth, the first time, and you do the same. You know that if you have a problem, they are there to listen. Friends are the people who won't laugh at you or hurt you, and if they do hurt you they try hard to make it up to you. They are the people you love, regardless of whether you realize it. Friends are the people you cried with when you got rejected from colleges and during the last song at the prom and at graduation. They are the people that when you hug them, you don't think about how long to hug and who's going to be the first one to let go. Maybe they are the people that hold the rings at your wedding, or maybe they are the people who give you away at your wedding, or maybe they are the people you marry. Maybe they are the people who cry at your wedding because they are happy or because they are proud. They are the people who stop you from making mistakes and help you when you do. They are are the people whose hand you can hold, or you can hug or give them a kiss and not have it be awkward because they understand the things you do and they love you for them. They stick with you and stand by you. They hold your hand. They watch you live and you watch them live and you learn from them. Your life is not the same without them. These are your friends. 2 Comments

NEW STUD ROOSTER (STORY) Mar 30, 2008 10:55 pm 261 Views A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says, "Ok, old fellow, time to retire." The old rooster says, "You can't handle all these chickens . . . look at what it did to me!" The young rooster replies, "Now, don't give me a hassle about this. Time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a hike." The old rooster says, "Aw, c'mon . . . just let me have the two old hens over in the corner. I won't bother you." The young rooster says, "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!" the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster, "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race around the farmhouse with you. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken coop." The young rooster says, "You know I'm going to beat you, old man, so just to be fair, I'm even going to give you a head start." They line up in back of the farm house, get a chicken to cluck "Go!" and the old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farm house and the young rooster is only about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what's going on, grabs his shotgun and BOOM!, he blows the young rooster to bits. He sadly shakes his head and says, "Dammit, third gay rooster I bought this week!" 0 Comments

THE 10 MOST IMPORTANT THINGS Mar 30, 2008 8:42 am 300 Views The 10 Most Important Things Are... LOVE The Special Feeling That Makes You Feel All Warm And Wonderful. RESPECT Treating Others As Well As You Would Like To Be Treated. APPRECIATION To Be Grateful For All The Good Things Life Has To Offer. HAPPINESS The Full Enjoyment Of Each Moment. A Smiling Face. FORGIVENESS The Ability To Let Things Be Without Anger. SHARING The Joy Of Giving Without Thought Of Receiving. HONESTY The Quality Of Always Telling The Truth. INTEGRITY The Purity Of Doing What's Right, No Matter What. COMPASSION The Essence Of Feeling Another's Pain, While Easing Their Hurt. PEACE The Reward For Living The 10 Most Important Things. 2 Comments

THE MOST AND THE GREATEST Mar 30, 2008 8:37 am 293 Views The most destructive habit..............................Worry The greatest Joy.................................................Giving The greatest loss........................Loss of self-respect The most satisfying work....................Helping others The ugliest personality trait....................Selfishness The most endangered species........Dedicated leaders Our greatest natural resource....................Our youth The greatest "shot in the arm"...........Encouragement The greatest problem to overcome........................Fear The most effective sleeping pill.............Peace of mind The most crippling failure disease....................Excuses The most powerful force in life..............................Love The most dangerous pariah.............................A gossiper The world's most incredible computer..........The brain The worst thing to be without................................ Hope The deadliest weapon.......................................The tongue The two most power-filled words......................."I Can" The greatest asset......................................................Faith The most worthless emotion................................Self-pity The most beautiful attire.....................................SMILE! The most prized possession.............................. Integrity The most powerful channel of communication.....Prayer The most contagious spirit..............................Enthusiasm 2 Comments

IT'S TOUGH BEING A GUY Mar 30, 2008 8:31 am 263 Views If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it's exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her, it's favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference. If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're insensitive. If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a favor. If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob. If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful. If you're proud of your achievements, you're an egotist. If you're not, you're not ambitious. If she has a headache, she's tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore. 2 Comments

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