CAUTIONwan ko lang kong di kayo maluluha sa kakatawa nito pagkabasa hehehe...
FOR ADULTS ONLY!!!
SIR: Inday, c Sir mo 2..bangga kotse ko and i nid cash! INDAY: Aru!!! dugo-dugo gang ka noh!
SIR: Gaga! c Sir mo talaga to! INDAY: Gago! c Sir ang tawag saken CUPCAKE!!!!
KUTO1: do u hear me over? KUTO2: copy!
KUTO1: location?
KUTO2: sa bulbol ni ma'am..ikaw?
KUTO1: tangina! magkatabi lng pala tayo. nand2 ko sa bigote ni sir!!!
Tatlong nagyayabngan na daga ...
Daga1: kakain ako ng keso na may rat-killer! Daga2: ha!!! kakain ako ng keso sa mouse trap!!! Daga3: tsk! tsk! tsk! manood kayo!!!! manrereyp ako ng pusa!!!
TEACHER: Anong mangyayari pag puputulin ang 1 mong tenga?
BOY: hihina po pandinig ko.
TEACHER: e kung dalawang tenga?
BOY: lalabo po paningin ko!
TEACHER: baket naman?
BOY: malalaglag po salamin ko.
Dalawang cra ulo....
CRA1: Magaling ka na ba?
CRA2: Oo namn!!!CRA1: Talaga?...kaya mo bng 2mawid sa ilaw ng flashlight ko?
CRA2: Ano ko cra? e pano kung patayin mo flashlyt mo?...e d nalaglag pa ko!!!
2 Patients are taking sperm count..... (d nurse masterbates P#1 but sucksP#2) While the nurse is doing the
blow.....
P#1: Ba't blowjob sa kanya e samantalang sakin handjob lang?
NURSE: CASH ito noh!.... sayo PHILHEALTH lang!!!
Dalawang magkaibigan nagtetext....
PEPE: Tol! pasa load namn! 2pesos lang, my katx lng me.
Tol: cge. w8 lng.
(message sent)
Pepe: Tnx tol! bait mo talaga!
Tol: Gago! wag ka na magtex! sayang ung pinasa ko sayo!!!
Pepe: k.
GIRL: mag-69 tayo dear!!
BOY: pano un?
GIRL: ganito lang...
(pumuwesto na cla at biglang nautot ang girl ng 4 times)
BOY: Ayoko na!!! D KO NA KAYA UNG NATITIRA PANG 65!!!!
ERAP: doc, i accidentally swallowed a chicken bone.
DOC: is it choking? ERAP: it's max's.
DOC: i didnt mean chowking...i said, r u choking?
ERAP: no.. im serious!
YEAR 2005....
Prosti 1: sa sobrang hirap ng panahon ngaun,kahit 200 payag na ko.
Prosti 2: ako kahit 100..payag na!
Prosti 3: ako nga blowjob for free! may makain lng!!!
isang gabi...
WIFE: di ako makatulog dahil sa lamok. mag-SEX muna tayo!
HUSBAND: putragis! anong akala mo sa TITI ko?....katol!!!! matulog
ka na!!!!
a man was cornered by a lion. he prayed..."Lord, pls make dis lion a
christian".
d lion suddenly knelt down and prayed....
LION: "bless this food that i'm about to receive thru Christ our LORD, amen."
a priest lost a bird & asked during mass...
Priest: anyone got a bird?
all men stood up.
Priest: i mean, any! 1 seen a bird? all women stood up.
Priest: i meant any1 seen my bird?
...all nuns stood up
ANAK: Dad! naka-experience na ko ng blowjob! yahoo!!!!
DAD: wow! anak!...binata ka na!!!anong feeling?
ANAK: ang sakit po sa panga!!!!
ATTY: Inday! pwede mo bng idiscribe d2 sa korte ang taong nangrape sayo?
INDAY: maitim, panot, tagyawatin, pango ilong at bungal...
SUSPEK: cge!!!!...mangasar ka pa!!!!
dalawang madre nirereyp ng goons....
Madre1: diyos ko! patawarin mo po cla...d nila alam ang kanilang ginagawa. Madre2: ay yung sakin marunong!!!!
After having sex, panay pa rin ang hawak ng girl sa organ ng lalaki....
BF: Gusto mo pa ulit?
GIRL: hindi..namimiss ko lng.......meron kc ako nito dati e....
> MRS: bilis dad! nahulog cel ko sa panty ko!!!! ..nagba-vibrate!!!
MR: e anong gagawin ko? kukunin ko sa panty mo?
MRS: gago!!!! kunin mo ung charger at baka malowbat!!!!
dumating c ngongo sa bahay at tinakpan ang eyes ni misis....
Ngongo: "nges hu?"....
MRS: gago!!!! pa-nges hu nges hu ka pa jan....e ikaw lng ngongo d2!!!!
a wife and husband fighting....
Wife: inamo!!!
Husband: inamo rin!!!
Wife: tarantado!
Husband: tarantado ka rin!!!
Wife: gago!!!
Husband: gago ka rin!!!
Wife: SUPOT!!!!
Husband: ......un nga lng...
Dentist & Lover.... Dentist: we have 2 stop seeing each other... halata na tayo ng MR mo.
Lover: but we love each other!
Dentist: oo nga...but were running out of excuses....ISA NA LNG IPIN MO!
Anak: nay!!! my mens na ko!
Nay: ano kulay...aber?
Anak: dark brown nay!
Nay: lintik na bata to!!!! LBM yan!!!
hala..maghugas ka na ng pwet!
ambisyosong BAKLA to!!!
Sexy: Doc!! mainit pwet ko!
Doc: lagyan natin ng thermometer
Sexy: hiya ako e.
Doc: cge, off ko ilaw...
(in-off ilaw)
Sexy: ! Doc!!! hindi po pwet yan ha!!!
Doc: cge lang!!! di rin ito thermometer!!!!
Erap: lintek na ibon 2!! iniputan ako!
Bodyguard: sir, kukuha ako ng toilet paper...
Erap: wag na!! pano mo pa mapupunasan un e
nakalipad na?! tanga!!! bobo!!!
news advisory:
AT LAST!!!... a new generation napkin has been made 2
"satisfy women"!!!
introducing....NEW WHISPER WITH TONGUE!!!!
.....keeps u wet..even when ur dry..
Arab interview at US immigration:
Q: ur name pls..
A: abdul aziz
Q: sex?
A: twice a wik..
Q: i mean male or female?
A: doesn't matter.... sometimes even with camel...
Patient: dok. malungkot d2 sa mental kaya naisipan
kong sulatan ang sarili ko...
Doc: e ano namn laman ng sulat mo?
Patient: d ko pa po alam kc next wik ko pa ata matatangap...
Jingoy: Dad, 22o bang may side effect ang viagra?
Erap: tanga! sa harap effect nyan hindi sa side!!!!
Convict: father...4give me 4 i have sinned...
Pari: sabihin mo lahat ng kasalanan mo anak.
Convict: father, pinatay ko lahat ng naniniwala sa diyos. kau ba naniniwala sa kanya?
Pari: CNO UN?
GIRL: Hide and seek tayo. if u find me, papayag akong makipag-sex sayo...
BOY: e kung di kita makita?
GIRL: nasa likod lng ako ng piano...
GIRL: ang puti naman ng bird mo...
BOY: aba syempre ah!!! likas papaya ata gamit ko jan!!!
GIRL: ginagamitan mo rin ba ng downy?
BOY: baket? bango ba?
GIRL: lambot e!!!
BINATA: mis, pede bang manligaw sayo?
DALAGA: at bakit?! may CRV ka ba? BMW? PAJERO? EXPEDITION?
BINATA: tangina!!! bakit?! ano ba yang PEKPEK mo!!!? PARKING LOT?!!!!!
The love bursting from deep within me - Out every way it can; The chains fall free. The road to my heart is a passage that's clear.
The water turns warm - The clouds part... I smile. It's been a long time since I have done that - Tears of happiness almost drown me in elation.
I look up towards the sky - You are still at a distance; But I can feel your soul again. I direct a wave of love so great up into the air, Up your way... Though the wind now picks up... It is always in your power to grasp it.
Regret - Unavoidable! They say it helps to evolve. Indeed, I have watched you grow - Strong and healthy, invincible, even. Your roots are fearless and uncontainable - Spreading like wildfire in a desert wasteland, But they have been detached.
No longer are you there - My lifeline - vanished Memories, the secrets held close in the night, come to life, Sprung on me with undying force. I want to escape from this grip but I can't... Immobilized and locked by their each and every entanglement.
I call out to you - Only to suffocate in disappointment, The bombardment of that echo. The hollow, empty sound of a voice, A voice that remains unanswered... A heart left to bleed.
Crippled with grief, I crawl - Into the shadows. The only sound... The beating of my heart. It's deafening! Make it stop - Please, make it stop!
The sunlight - Now permanently masked by the impending malice of the cloud Of your mere memory. This is not how it should have been.
I see your silhouette soaring through the skies - You cast a glance downward Momentarily, our eyes lock. And then it happens... This grieving chamber skips a beat. Could this be real? Could this be true? You, this amazing creature... Uninhibited, beautiful, up in the canvas of blue. I cry out, with arms stretched wide. I cannot let you forget - There's too much in the balance!
As you approach, dizziness overwhelms - I try to look up but am blinded. The rays you secrete are that of pure enlightenment. You are so close, I can almost reach you. No matter how I try, I can't get to you.
Sadness and frustration - Drowning me with a fierce undertow; Pulling me down beneath the lonely waters.
I'm alone again - Fighting for the chance to survive; Fighting for the chance to love again. Again, this once content being's heart- Beats alone...
I thrash around - Trying to avoid the inevitable. I'm going under... The mystical hands are beckoning me from within. Defeat is near. Exhaustion is bearing the embrace.
All the while I think of you... I call out the eternal promises we made. I will not give up; I just can't.
Daybreak, Once again I watch as the sun creeps over the horizon Slowly, with a menacing fashion. Overcome with that familiar feeling, I sigh. It showers me with its antagonizing rays, Portraying nothing but false pretenses.
Yet another realization... Another eternity I prevail. I feel the hands of despair grip tightly How will I ever break free? Would you deny me the air in my lungs? In a humane sense, no. Yet without you I have no existence You are the air I breathe, The blood that circulates throughout me.
Hard and fast I fall, Back into reality's cold and barren embrace. It welcomes with me a distanced illusion. You've taken flight - Off on a journey To seek answers to the questions you behold. Every day I witness as you soar higher and higher. I smile - How beautiful it is to watch you transcend. With my head held high, a tear in my eye, I know you will be all right.
The tear is hot and with one quick swoop It falls... Searing the skin beneath that only guided its way. I wonder why.
It was meant to be this way, they say; But they don't know - A brush of the hand - A stolen glance - Overrated? Never - Merely taken for granted. Isn't love supposed to hurt?
Two souls connected... The unspoken words, mutual understanding - Why does it come and go? The piercing of the arrow to the heart. Appreciation is they key - the rest A mere memory.
And so, this thing we call life, continues on... An endless, uphill battle - Just what are we fighting for? Reciprocation? It's a fallacy.
Two lives merged, heart and soul - Torn apart by sounds and syllables. Does the mind conceive emotion? That oh so powerful force, ruling over, always.
When i was younger and met a boy who eventually became my first boyfriend at an age too young to be falling in love i supposed,people thought it was just my puppy love i will soon grow up and get over it...Well it took me all the way after college and few years more on after we broke up.We were young so full of dreams,and ambitions...He follow a different road while i had my own path knowing along the way we will meet in a cross road and will head toward together to the end of our journey.Along the busy highway we lost our direction when he stop along the side of the road mesmerised by a beautiful landscape while i continued my slow steady journey towards the end.When i look back and noticed not a sign of him there and then i realized i lost him... All this years,i stop once in a while to ponder on the roads i have travelled,not all were a an easy drive,there are humps i needed to slow down and times when i needed to refill my much needed strenght for stamina to continue in search of my destiny. Now,i know i am not anymore that 13 year old girl who have first known what love is and how it felt to love and being loved by someone special...I am now 31,and age is not what matter because i have learned from my experienced along the way, i feel my heart skipping in joy everytime i think of that special someone loving me the same way i am loving him. As i look back sometimes,trying to figure all those time back i have wasted on things that were not what matters, i realized that they were just as important in molding the person that i am now today...i know all those wasted time was worth it all when i reached this so dream come true. It matters not when you first Love at a tender age or have only known Love at a later stage because what matters most is How long that LOVE can stand by you as you journey towards the end of the road.
CAUTIONlease Drive with care and Be HOME Safely...
One thing can always cheer me, When I'm feeling sad and low; When I tire of daily trials, That I have to undergo;
When those who should seem closest, Seem like people I don't even know, One thing can always cheer me, I know that God is near me. One thing can always cheer me When I don't understand;
How pain and sadness in our lives, Can get so out of hand; When the best of human efforts, Doesn't meet the days demands, One thing can always cheer me, I know that God is near me.
One thing can always cheer me, More than anything I've known; And show me I will never Have to struggle on my own. For no matter what might ever happen, I know I will never be alone, The thing that always cheers me Is just knowing God is near me.
"We know that we have left death and come over into life; we know it because we love others. Those who do not love are still under the power of death."-- 1Jo_3:14.
IT IS a great comfort to find that Love is not regarded by the Apostle as though it were merely an emotional or sentimental matter, for every reference points to action! The love of God was manifested in the laying down of His life, and we are to be willing to follow in His steps (1Jo_3:16 - This is how we know what love is: Christ gave his life for us. We too, then, ought to give our lives for others!). The injunction is that we should love in our deeds. We are not to shut up our hearts in compassion, but to help our brother in need. If we begin with doing kind and loving actions, we shall end by feeling the same. Often when people come to me, saying that love has completely died out of their life towards some other person, I have bidden them go back again, and act with love, making the other one the centre and object of helpful ministry; the invariable result is the refreshing and rekindling of the hot geyser-springs of affection.
Do not wait to feel love, but begin at once to show it, because it is right, and your duty, and as you step out in simple faith you will find that God will make this to abound towards that also abound in grace you may this good work. Love of such kind is self-giving and it is the gift of the Spirit of God. This exotic bloom cannot flourish on our wintry soil; the heart of man cannot furnish it. There may be a few wild growths, but they bear small comparison to its beautiful flower and fruit. Love is of God. It proceeds from His Nature, and is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit which is given unto us. "The fruit of the Spirit is love," and as we are united with Christ by faith, the love of God will be shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit, and we shall be able to love with God's love.
We know that we have been born from above as soon as we find ourselves willing to put the interests of another before our own, not because we have a natural affection or affinity for him, but because he and we belong to God. If there is hatred or dislike in our hearts towards any, let us beware! We must uproot it by generous action, or it will bring darkness into our own lives (1Jo_2:9- If we say that we are in the light, yet hate others, we are in the darkness to this very hour. 1Jo 2:10 - If we love others, we live in the light, and so there is nothing in us that will cause someone else to sin. 1Jo 2:11 - But if we hate others, we are in the darkness; we walk in it and do not know where we are going, because the darkness has made us blind).
PRAYER
Enable us, O God of patience, to bear one another's burdens, and to forbear one another in love. Oh, teach and help us all to live in peace and to love in truth. Subdue all bitter resentments in our minds, and let the law of kindness be in our tongues. AMEN.
wan ko lang kong di kayo maluluha sa kakatawa nito pagkabasa hehehe...
lease Drive with care and Be HOME Safely...
