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How Do You Know If You're In Love, In Lust, Or Married?
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Nov 4, 2009 3:31 pm
63 Views
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Love: When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
Lust: When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
Marriage: When you lose your child in a crowded room.
Love: When intercourse is called "making love".
Lust: When intercourse is called "screwing."
Marriage: What the hell are you talking about.
Love: When you argue over how many children to have.
Lust: When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
Marriage: When you argue over money.
Love: When you share everything you own.
Lust: When you steal everything they own.
Marriage: When the bank owns everything.
Love: When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
Lust: When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
Marriage: What's a climax?
Love: When you phone each other just to say "hi!"
Lust: When you phone each other to pick a hotel room.
Marriage: When you phone each other to bitch.
Love: When you write poems about your partner.
Lust: When all you write is your phone number.
Marriage: When all you write is checks.
Love: When you show concern for your partner's feelings.
Lust: When you couldn't give a shit.
Marriage: When your only concern is what's on TV.
Love: When your farewell is, "I love you, darling..."
Lust: When your farewell is, "So, same time next week..."
Marriage: When your farewell is a relief.
Love: When you are proud to be seen in public with
your partner.
Lust: When you only see each other naked.
Marriage: When you never see each other awake.
Love: When your heart flutters everytime you see them.
Lust: When your groin twitches everytime you see them.
Marriage: When your wallet empties everytime you see them.
Love: When nobody else matters.
Lust: When nobody else knows.
Marriage: When everybody else matters and you don't
care who knows.
Love: When all the songs on the radio describe
exactly how you feel.
Lust: When the song on the radio determines
how you do it.
Marriage: When you listen to talk radio.
Love: When breaking up is something you try not
to think about.
Lust: When staying together is something you try not
to think about.
Marriage: When just getting through today is your only thought.
Love: When you're only interested in doing things
with your partner.
Lust: When you're only interested in doing things
TO your partner.
Marriage: When you're only interested in your golf score.
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The Little Old Lady........
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Nov 4, 2009 3:14 pm
40 Views
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(___)
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A little old lady went to the grocery store and
put the most expensive cat food in her basket.
She then went to the check out counter
where she told the check out girl: "Nothing but
the best for my little kitten."
The girl at the cash register said: "I'm sorry, but
we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you
have a cat. A lot of old people buy cat food to eat,
and the management wants proof that
you are buying the cat food for your cat."
The little old lady went home, picked up her cat
and brought it back to the store.
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They sold her the cat food.
The next day, the old lady went to the store and bought
of the most expensive dog cookies, one for each day
of Christmas. The cashier this time demanded proof
that she now had a dog, claiming that old people sometimes
eat dog food. Frustrated she went home, came back
and brought in her dog.
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She was then given the dog cookies. The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid. The little old lady asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole. The cashier said: "No, you might have a snake in there."
The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in
the box that would bite her. So the cashier put her finger
into the box and pulled it out and told the little old lady: "That smells like crap."
The little old lady grinned from ear to ear:
"Now, my dear, can I please buy three rolls of
toilet paper?"
Never fool around with a Little old lady:
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