FEELING DOWN IN THE DUMPS Jan 20, 2008 11:58 am Mood: mad, 817 Views When I was still single, I used to send monthly lumpsum to 12 relatives back home because my parents couldn't afford to help my brother, his common-law wife, their six children as well as my late grandmother. For several years, I was obliged to remit hundreds of dollars for these kins who never wrote back, who never asked if I were okay doing the job I never liked. The only consolation I expected was for my brother to look after my Border Collie/Bernese Mountain dog yet he never did. Aside from my monthly remittance, my mother asked for extra money and even told me to help my youngest sibling be back on track as she was depressed at that time. When my canine best friend got sick, nobody told me for fear that I might cease sending pennies for their convenience. My mom only informed me when my dog passed away. It was the most difficult chapter of my life because my dead pet companion was no ordinary dog. He was my best friend, my protector, my family, the one who consoled me when my mom and siblings were mocking me for being lesbian, who divulged I must rot in hell because I adore women instead of the opposite gender. Only in 1996 when we're already here in Toronto that they accepted me for who I am. Today, my mom showed me her true color again and I don't know if I can forgive her once more at this juncture. I was verbally abused, physically battered and was in extreme emotional agony when I was a kid and I don't remember my parents being there for me when I was confused, sad, scared or being bullied. When someone tried to sexually assault me and the other wanted to hit me, my mom and dad were nowhere to be found. When my son asked me if I experienced being hugged and kissed by my parents, my heart cried out in pain. My boy is being loved, pampered and well taken cared off and I am not afraid to give him my life if necessary. I won't be chicken-livered to face his detractors and I'll always be there for him whenever he needs me. Jotting it down, I'm sure, will ease out my anger. 5 Comments

MY THANK YOU IS NOT ENOUGH Jan 18, 2008 4:14 am Mood: grateful, 724 Views Until now, I really can't believe that we are texting and e-mailing on a regular basis. You are a true beauty and a feminine woman in every edge, so smart, with pure heart and humility. I feel so fortunate that you have time to communicate with me despite your hectic schedule. I'm really blessed that you accepted my real personification, Erika. I promise to be there for you when you need a shoulder to lean on because honestly, I don't wanna lose you. Ingat kayo palagi ni Fern. 2 Comments

Of course, I'll be lonely if you drift away Jan 9, 2008 8:45 pm 912 Views Ilang weeks pa lang tayong nagkakakilala but I know in my mind na totoong tao ka. Mabuti kang kaibigan, mapagpala at mapagmahal na ina sa iyong anak, higit sa lahat tunay ka kung makisama. I maybe away but rest assure you're always close in my heart. 3 Comments

To All Those Who Miss And Care For Erika Jan 9, 2008 8:11 pm 866 Views We exchanged text messages today and I found out that she's busy in Palawan doing some pictorials for a magazine. She said she miss us all and hopefully, sana daw makapag-post na uli siya sa group. To Erika, you are greatly missed, my dear friend. Take care always and hello to Fern... 2 Comments

GODSPEED ERIKA AND FERN Dec 31, 2007 3:38 pm Mood: okay, 1041 Views Erika is a print ad model and a single mom of a beautiful six-year old girl. Despite her successful career and strong appeal, I never felt discriminated kasi tanggap niya kung sino man ako. Kung tutuusin, she has the right to make me feel left out dahil maganda siya at matalino yet she never makes fun of me. 3 Comments

See...I am Strong And Handsome, LOL! Dec 12, 2007 2:48 am Mood: enthusiastic, 1340 Views Thank you, Ali Raza, you're the main reason why I coped easily and so quick. I love you, my boy. 1 comment

SON, I THANK YOU SO MUCH Dec 8, 2007 2:24 am Mood: content, 1234 Views As we counted the minutes before your eight birthday, you told me that I am the best and you're happy because no one is there to isolate me from you. I know there were times I couldn't give in to what you wanted for I was busy flirting with her or that she wanted most of my attention online. Yes, Ali Raza, sinaktan man niya ako at dinuwahagi, I don't care less, what matters is you and I are still together at di natin kailangang maghiwalay para mabuhay ka ng matino. You're the very best thing in life that ever happened to me, my son. I love you. 2 Comments

WITHOUT YOU KNOWING Dec 6, 2007 11:11 pm 1095 Views You adored my right and in passion with me, you even promised I'd be the only one for you. I knew everything about you as we hugged and kissed in cyberspace. Yes, babes...we cried, we made out and became friends as we broke up. On the other hand, you loathe my left and never gave me a chance to show what I've got. That I am better than my right in terms of loving you. I am humble, I am true and will always understand your flaws but you hid from me judging the way I am. Both of me loved and accepted your past, baby. But my left is much better because it has no pride and hypertension to wreck your soul, to shatter your mind, to hurt your feelings. If only you never judged me then all your financial crisis would be over. Yes, all is fair in love that's why I gambled but you were scared this lopsided society will laugh at you. Too bad, masyado kang nagmata sa isang kagaya ko. 8 Comments

HINDI MO SIYA TALAGA MINAHAL Dec 6, 2007 10:42 pm 932 Views You blogged, you showed off, you texted and chatted for months. Ipinahamak mo pa nga ako sa kaibigan mong may anak dahil akala mo ako ang nagpaalis ng group niya without knowing na mismong bf mo ang nagsumbong. Anyway, I don't believe you really loved him kaya tama lang na kalimutan na niya ang lahat about you. This is internet. You know he's attached pero pinasukan nyo pa rin saka ngayon, idadamay nyo ako. Get real and get a life!!! 0 Comments

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ALI RAZA Dec 5, 2007 11:09 am Mood: happy, 888 Views You're gonna be eight this coming Saturday, my son. Time flies swiftly. You're already a big boy. I am so proud to have you in my life because you are the very best thing that ever happened to me. I promise to look after you 24/7 kahit hindi na ako magkaroon pa ng girlfriend kung di ka rin lang niya tatanggapin. 1 comment

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