MONDAY
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Posted:Nov 16, 2006 8:29 pm
Last Updated:May 26, 2024 4:33 pm 7082 Views
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I was in the Philippines visiting my mother when I first heard him.(yes heard him) we went to some kind of resort( very near where my mother was staying) with this gorgeous natural spring water pools, trails to hike, beautiful falls and lots of nature's best keep secrets.
I was about to hit the water when suddenly I heard MY WAY floating in the air from some unseen speaker somewhere. I always admired people who can sing convincingly; so I decided to look for the origin of the sound.
My curiosity brought me on the top of a hill next to the pools. There stood a half-open picnic cottage and the sound was indeed coming from the inside. I was amazed to find out that the owner of the voice was a very small boy of about 12 years old. He glanced at me once and that's all. I can hardly believe it. The voice and the boy didn't go together. (And it will always be like that)
I saw him again the next year and the year after that. He was one of the boarders of my godmother, and it happened that our place was next to hers. There were lots of boarding houses in that area, since most of the were from the mountains and only comes home in the weekends.
When I look at the old holidays photographs, I am a bit surprised to find him almost in every each of the snapshots. I didn't notice him around that much. He just a my niece had a crush on. And I’m a grown up doing grown up things. Only much, much later that I spoke to him; and only by coincidence.
I'm a homebody type. When I am in the Philippines I stayed at home with my mother. Never been to a disco or things like that. I read mostly. That time it became a habit of me to spend an afternoon till late at night at the boarding house. Mainly because I became very fond of a new born baby(who will later became my godson) whom I baptized Ngit-pa( and ngit-pa he stayed till this very day. Only few people remember his real name. I’m not one of them)because he really is a ngit-pa in a very adorable way.
One time I was alone gazing outside the window at groups of students coming out of the local high school just across the street when he came in.
When I first heard his name I thought it was MANDY short for ARMANDO. Only when he said it to me personally and I grabbed his school ID for confirmation that I found out it was really MONDAY. MONDAY as in the first working day of the week. What an unusual name; especially for a boy...
I don't know anymore why and what we talked about; only I know that it lasted till 1:00 in the morning, ending up in him saying to me that he thought it was boring to talk to old people, now he knows he was wrong. I wonder if it was a compliment or the opposite.
Anyway, the talk became a habit. I often avoiding going to the boarding house early in the morning (because guarantee he will be late) or in the evening (because he will stay up and will be late the next morning)
He taught me to strum guitar, I wrote letters for him (even provided the stationery) to his one and only greatest love Tracy Ann.(the most prettiest girl in the neighbourhood!)We had a lot of fun together with other in the boarding house, Playing cards, singing in videoke, going picnics, climbing over the fence of the school just to sit on the roof watching the full moon.
MONDAY was a very handsome . I do not know any girl in town who didn't have a crush on him at some point in their academic year.
He's in a pilot class and always in top 5, a campus personality, a dancer, a singer and captain of CAT.
If look at him, talk to him; NO ONE WILL SUSPECT what really lies beneath. Nobody would ever guessed that his father drinks too much, his mother working out of town God knows where, that MONDAY had to stretch 100 pesos the whole week sometimes 2weeks. Depends on how fast his mother could send his allowance.
That he owes my godmother more than 3 months rent. That he eats his portion of rice in his room because he's ashamed for other boarders to see that he eats it with tsicharon or cornbits or what ever 1 peso could buy. That he's washing buses till late at night to earn pocket money. Or he was forced to play cards till 4:00a.m to pay for his projects.
I offered money to him several times and said i am going to talk to his mother but he refused both flat out. He never tells me the reason why. I was worried about him. He’s almost as old as my . If only my niece was as dedicated as he was regarding her studies. No, my niece thinks she was born an Onassis or a Trump.
The last time I saw MONDAY, I hardly recognize him. I knew right away that he jumped over the line. He crossed it. I first heard it from my hairdresser and Monday confirmed it. He said:
‘It’s hard not to have money in my pocket. Besides, they do IT to me, never ME DO IT to them.'
I told him if he thinks there is a difference. HE said:' believe me or not, I do not sink that low yet.'
My heart bleeds. I cannot understand his parents. MONDAY was an only . IF I have him as mine, I will do anything to be sure that he got the best. But then again, I do not know what is the real reasons behind; and probably, I will never know.
The last thing I heard about him was from my mother. She told me MONDAY didn't go to college and he's working somewhere in LAGUNA. I can't help it, but I find it a waste. A waste of a bright mind, and a wonderful .
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TAHANANG WALANG ILAW
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Posted:Nov 10, 2006 6:51 am
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 7:56 am 10968 Views
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Mayro'ng isang dampang pawid na wala ni munting ilaw.Kahit ngayong naka- orasyon na't kalat na ang kadiliman. patao ka't walang tao, tumuloy ka't and daratnan; sasabunging nakatali sa paa ng paminggalan.
tumingin ka't 'di mo halos makilala ang kalanan, tapayan ay walang tubig, palayok ay naghambalang. Masdan mo't ang nagkalat sa sahig ng pamamahay, damit na marurumi't walang pundang mga unan.Dito'y papel ang nagkalat, mga dahong tuyo riyan,at ang hagdan oh, masdan mo't bali pa ang isang baytang!
Oh, tahanang sakdal dilim nasaan ang namamahay? nasaan ang amang bisig? nasaan ang inang tanglaw,nasaan ang mga bunsong pawang hisay ng tahanan? darating ang pagsusulit, darating ang huling araw; oh, tahanang kaawa-awa daratnan kang walang ilaw.
Ah, hayan na dumarating,dumarating ang dalawa. Bitbit ng lalaki'y sasabunging matigas na. Nasa hagdanan pa lamang nag-sikmatan na po sila. Tumatalak ang babae, ang lalaki'y nagmumura.
"Pinutukan ka ng kulog na-tare ang aking PULA, dangan kasi'y ang puhunan binawasan mo ng lima!"
(babae)"Ah, demonyo!ako nga'y 'di nakatikim ng pulitana.At ang peras na namumuo'y tumalon pa ang espada."
Ang kaunting natitipon isang linggo sa alkansya pinasama ng lalaki sa lipad ng kanyang PULA. Ang pista mo'y ni bagoong, ni tuyo ni't tinapa, ni bigas na malulugaw, ni gas po'y wala sila.
Dalawang anak ang naiwan.Isa'y tatatluhing taon, at ang malaki ay tinawag at pasigaw na tinanong:
"HOY lalake,(anang ama)ang manok ba'y napa-inom?"
(anak)"Hindi pa po't walang tubig."(PAK! hagupit ng sinturon)
"HOY lalake,(anang ina) kapatid mo'y sa'n naroon?"
(anak)"Ewan ko po."
(ina)"Anong ewan? hala, hanapin mo!sulong!"
At ang batang litong-lito, patakbo na'y dala'y kaong at pakapang sasalok sa malalim nilang balon.Ngunit Hintay..tila ba may lulutang-lutang doon at ang bata ay umuwi't kumuha ng munting tinghoy. At nang tanglawan...
"OH D'YOS KO PO! at ang bata'y humagulhol...KAPATID KO'Y NASA BALON!"
Ito'y isang kasaysayan nagtuturo't humahamon sa maraming ama't inang sa sugala'y nagugumon."Ang maglaro'y 'di masama (anang isang magsusugal)Ako'y 'di nagdaraya ako'y nagsasapalaran." Tama nga po ngunit ang masamang bunga niyan natatalo pati kuwartang ibibili ng hapunan!
Ipalagay ng nanalo ka ngunit 'di mo nalalaman, ang lalaking tinalo mo'y isang amang hinintay! Mga anak mo'y masasaya ngunit hayon iyong tingnan...Mga bunso ng natalo'y gutom at nag-iiyakan!
BISYO! Ikaw ay sawang lumilingkis ng katawan. Pumapatay ng karakter, gumigimbal ng tahanan!BISYO! Ikaw ay salarin!BISYO! Ikaw ay bulaan!BISYO! Ikaw ay lumilikha ng TAHANANG WALANG ILAW!
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SOME MOMENTS...
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Posted:Nov 4, 2006 8:37 am
Last Updated:May 26, 2024 10:07 pm 7038 Views
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At 10:00 o'clock this Saturday morning, I was watching the movie 'TRISTAN&ISOLDE'(because I had to watch it. it's few days overdue already and have to pay 5 Euro extra even if I return it today) My gaze fell on a tiny split between the bricks just under the stairs. And I think to myself, wouldn't it be nice if i could crawl in there between those small spaces, hide and the dark and simply disappear? Probably the right word is 'EVAPORATED.'I thought, if I stay in there long enough quietly without moving an inch, I could simply vanished. Or be like a piece of food or anything that could get rotten and turned into dust if left on it's own for a long time.
But of course it doesn't have to be that particular split between the bricks; it could be those tiny spaces also between the couch. Or simply orb like star-trek people do. But I don't want to be beam-up to somewhere else; I simply want to vanish as if I never exist. Or sleep a thousands years and wake up into a better world or do not wake-up at all.
I do not want to go to heaven or hell. Or have a place in paradise; (if I have, I will gladly give it to anybody) I simply want to...be gone. I keep saying to myself: 'c'mon, pull yourself together, you can do it! You done that the last 30 years and more, you can do it now. Look at the sun. Look around you...reasons enough to live. There are people who are in worse situation than you are. Consider yourself lucky. And think about your ...is that not reason enough? But I can't. I cannot make myself believe that this life is worth living for.
Sure I’m luckier than some people. Yes, I pulled myself together all these years. And I’m definitely thinking about the . (Am I not always thinking of them?) But I’m afraid things are finally catching up on me. I am living from borrowed times for a long period already, and my credit is long overdue. I passed my limit a long time ago; and yet I keep on going...ignoring all the signs, thinking maybe if I could stretch it some more I could reach there.(where ever 'there' maybe) Now I’m tired. And I cannot ignore the signs no more. It's time to rest. It’s time to crawl between those dark spaces; hide and finally DISSOLVE into nothingness. To FOREVER PEACE at last....
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I CAN HARDLY WAIT !!!
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Posted:Nov 2, 2006 4:26 am
Last Updated:May 23, 2024 10:36 pm 7145 Views
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This Christmas I go to have a TREE! It was 3 years ago since I did some Christmas decorations and I cannot wait to start. Nothing fancy, just a medium tree, few lights and those cute Christmas balls in yellow, red and green. Lately, Christmas decos are available in all style and colours, but I like the old fashioned sort. It gives me some warm, familiar feelings.
I do not know yet where I’m going to put the tree (since my place is limited) but I will find a way to squeeze it somewhere between the TV and the stairs.
And I’m going to let the sofa finally delivered. I’m putting it off for so long; but I definitely going to have it before Christmas. I do not have space for it also but...it will be here somewhere. I thought I could live like Japanese; nice comfy mat and lots of lots of cushions in different style, colours and sizes; but it's difficult!
No, I can hardly wait. This year it would be different.
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WORK
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Posted:Oct 31, 2006 1:51 pm
Last Updated:May 27, 2024 3:01 pm 6483 Views
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I love to work. But I love to work in order to live not vice-versa. But lately, my schedule doesn't allow me to have a life. I work in the week and also weekends and holidays; from 7a.m. (it means getting as early as 4:00) till 11:00 and again at 16:00 till 21:30. BY the time I reach home in between hours, I have to drive back again to work. Ok, I have recoup days sometimes if I’m lucky; but I spend it either doing household chores or SLEEPING  because believe you me, I NEED IT!
No time to do some hobbies. No wonder I’m getting depress. I envy people who live a simple life. a nipa hut (which I find wonderfully beautiful!) few chickens and a couple of pigs, a river at the back of the house, a husband who always there everyday, coming home from the mountain carrying bananas, coconuts, some vegetables unknown to me,(a man who never think of wandering around and beyond with GOD-knows-who) a fat-smelling-good baby boy, and life is complete.
But I know I cannot have those lives, let alone live it. Not in the beginning (be-careful-what-you-wish-for-maybe-you will-get-it) and not now. Especially now, that I used to live this kind of life already. But ever so often (and it keeps getting more often I cannot think of nothing else) I am wondering if this life is really worth it. And I am beginning to get scared; really scared that one of these days soon; I will put all the brooding and dreaming into action. Then what?
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fall
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Posted:Oct 24, 2006 1:21 pm
Last Updated:May 26, 2024 2:02 pm 6502 Views
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Today I have 40 degrees fever, but I decided to go out anyway because I am tired of lying in bed. I drove to this park which I never been before. It’s quite nearby, and I heard they won an award for one of the most beautiful park in the neighbourhood. It was small compare to other parks I know but there is a lot to it. They have different levels (which is fun, instead of the usual flat) simple but beautifully done, and being there gave me an enormous sense of well-being and momentarily surge of happiness and tranquillity. I love nature. Especially autumn. The different hues you could find around are simply breath-taking.
I didn't regret my little escapades, though I suffer whole night with violent chills and major headache. It was worth it!
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