Marriage Jokes
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Posted:Aug 3, 2005 1:07 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 1826 Views
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Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now. ....I think you bring me bad luck!"
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Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!
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How do you know if you're in love, lust, or marriage?
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Posted:Aug 3, 2005 1:06 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 2013 Views
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LOVE when your eyes meet across a crowded room
LUST when your tongues meet across a crowded room
MARRIAGE when your belt won't meet around your waist, and you don't care
LOVE when intercourse is called making love
LUST all other times
MARRIAGE what's intercourse?
LOVE when you argue over how many to have
LUST When you argue over who gets the wet spot
MARRIAGE when you argue over money
LOVE when you share everything you own
LUST when you think twice about giving your partner bus money
MARRIAGE when the bank owns everything
LOVE when it doesn't matter if you don't climax
LUST when the relationship is over if you don't climax
MARRIAGE what's a climax?
LOVE when you phone each other just to say "Hi"
LUST when you phone each other just to organize sex
MARRIAGE when you phone each other to find out what time your 's game starts
LOVE when you write poems about your partner
LUST when all you write is your phone number
MARRIAGE when all you write are check's
LOVE when you show concern for your partners' feelings
LUST when you couldn't give a rip
MARRIAGE when your only concern is what's on TV
LOVE when your farewell is "I love you darling"
LUST when your farewell is "So, same time next week?"
MARRIAGE when your farewell is silent
LOVE when you are proud to be seen in public with your partner
LUST when you only ever see each other in the bedroom
MARRIAGE when you never see each other awake
LOVE when your heart flutters every time you see them
LUST when your groin twitches every time you see them
MARRIAGE when your wallet empties every time you see them
LOVE when nobody else matters
LUST when nobody else knows
MARRIAGE when everybody else matters and you don't care who knows
LOVE when all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel
LUST when it's just the same mushy old crap
MARRIAGE when you never listen to music
LOVE when breaking up is something you try not to think about
LUST when staying together is something you try not to think about
MARRIAGE when just getting through today is your only thought
LOVE when you're interested in everything your partner does
LUST when you're only interested in one thing
MARRIAGE when you're not interested in what your partner does and the one thing you're interested in is your golf score
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Pain is pleasure?
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Posted:Aug 3, 2005 12:36 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 1528 Views
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Um...why is it that the thing that hurts you most can also give you the great pleasure... You know that the pain is wrong not right... But being gone for just a minute seems like forever... You convince yourself day by day that this is what love is suppose to feel like...
When all the while you’re drowning and a tear at night... he hit’s you with words...that can scar your soul… you lost your self steam... Cause he has mind control. He reminds you day after day… that no one cares for you but him.. And so you stay, mistaking his midnight lust. For trust and passion…while he trusted disrespectfully...hard and crashing. .. By morning you’re nothing more to him the last nights easy trash. So he finds another shortly to disturb and pleasurably bash.
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The Note
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Posted:Aug 3, 2005 12:29 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 1523 Views
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Weena the blonde once heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman Drunken to leave 15 gallons of milk. When Drunken read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the order.
Weena came to the door, and Drunken said, I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons? Weena said, I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath. Drunken asked, Oh, alright, would you like it pasteurized? Weena replied,"No, just up to my waist
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Hurting someone
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Posted:Aug 3, 2005 12:22 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 1539 Views
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Knowing you've hurt someone is one of the hardest things in life to go through...not being forgiven by someone you really care about is the hardest...
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Are You Ever Gonna Love Me?
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Posted:Aug 3, 2005 12:18 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 1582 Views
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Tell me what else can I do
Tell me what else can I say
The closer I get to you
The further you push me away
Till I don't know where to go
And I don't know why I stay
Do you even care
Or am I some little game you play?
Are you ever gonna need me baby
Like I need you?
Are you ever gonna want me baby
The way I want you to?
I know that you love me
Oh I know down deep you do
But are you ever gonna love me
The way I love you?
I never know how you feel
I can't read your mind
I just keep waiting
Am I just wasting time?
Are you ever gonna need me baby
Like I need you?
Are you ever gonna want me baby
The way I want you to?
I know that you love me
Oh I know down deep you do
But are you ever gonna love me
The way I love you?
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(Wanna Get To Know You)
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Posted:Aug 3, 2005 12:15 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 1526 Views
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I'll be there when you're sleeping
And every hour you're awake
I wanna hear your secrets
Wanna go the deepest
I don't wanna hurry
I wanna take a lifetime to memorize your face
Wanna hold you closer ~ kiss you longer
Wanna hear your heartbeat ~ stronger and stronger
Wanna know you all over
Till I know you by heart
Gotta know you with all that I got
I wanna know you that good!
Like no one knows you
Gonna reach way down deep in your mind
I wanna get to know you ~ wanna get to know
Wanna get to know you that good
Gonna know you right through
You know I want to
So badly it hurts all the time
I wanna get to know you ~ wanna get to know
Wanna get to know you that good
Yeah, I wanna know you that good
Every feel of your fingers
Every curl in your hair
Don't wanna miss a minute
Wanna be right in it
Do everything you're doing
Go everywhere you're going
Wanna know you all over
Till I know you by heart
Gotta know you with all that I got
I wanna know you that good!
Like no one knows you
Gonna reach way down deep in your mind
I wanna get to know you ~ wanna get to know
Wanna get to know you that good
I wanna know you that good
Wanna know your emotions
Wanna taste every tear
Wanna hear you breathing
Feel what your feeling
I wanna get to know
Know you that good!
Like no one knows you
Gonna reach way down deep in your mind
I wanna get to know you
Wanna get to know you
I wanna know you by heart
I wanna know you that good
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Someone's always saying goodbye
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Posted:Aug 3, 2005 12:12 am
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 1296 Views
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Why do people fall in love
and they end up crying
Why do lovers walk away from themselves
When their hearts are breaking
Why does loving sometimes never stay long
Why does kissing this time
mean you'll be gone
Why does gladness become sadness
Things that I don't get
CHORUS
Someone's always saying goodbye
I believe it hurts when we cry
Don't we know partings never so easy
and with all the achings inside
I believe some hearts won't survive
Trying hard to pretend
that we're gonna be fine
I could never really love
someone else but you
I have never wanted anything else
but a love so true
But just like a dream
that comes in the night
In the morning you were out of my sight
Turned away from me
Sadly as I see
Away from where I stand
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S-x Code
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Posted:Aug 2, 2005 11:59 pm
Last Updated:Mar 5, 2006 9:28 pm 1234 Views
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There was a couple who did not want their to know when they were going to have s-x, so they decided on a code of ''writing a letter.'' One day, Daddy said to his , ''Tell your mommy that Daddy wants to write a letter.''
The girl went and told her mommy and the mom said, ''The red ribbon is coming out, not now. ''The girl went back to the daddy and told him. One day, Mommy told her to tell her daddy that she wanted to write a letter. Daddy replied, ''Not now. Daddy already wrote the letter by hand.''
<<<<hehehheheh ssssshhhhhhhhsssssss
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Love Me
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Posted:Aug 2, 2005 11:50 pm
Last Updated:Feb 5, 2007 4:14 pm 1827 Views
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Love me in the Springtime, when all is green and new,
Love me in the Summer, when the sky is oh so blue,
Love me in the Autumn, when the leaves are turning brown,
Love me in the Winter, when the snow is falling down.
Love me when I'm happy, and even when I'm sad,
Love me when I'm good, or when I'm oh so bad,
Love me when I'm pretty, or if my face is plain,
Love me when I'm feeling good, or when I'm feeling pain.
Love me always hanipie', in the rain or shining sun,
Love me always hanipie', after all is said and done,
Love me always d', until all our life is through,
Love me always hanipie', for I'll be lovin' you!
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