It is an attempt to explore, pour my soul, free my spirit and squeeze my heart, to highlight brotherhood of man, and to purify true love, the common human language for all! [/I]
It is true that I don't love you!! But it is true too, that I don't hate you!! Love is a feeling. Hate is also a feeling!! But you don't deserve any of my feelings... Even the feeling of hate!
I never were ashamed of my feelings! specially when they show love to others, and they never showed anything but love! It is true I am a very shy person! very sensitive! very loving with such a fragile heart...these are my dis-qualities! but still I am admitting them! to like or dislike them up to you, but that is my reality! And I admit too that I passed some days or even weeks that made me much of instability! therefore, I were worried to be misunderstood by someone or another! In brief, I felt I needed to be a way from work, regular life, meetings, phone calls, internet (including chatting and blogging)! I felt I needed to date my self after so long of absence! I needed that self-self debate and argue! I needed to touch my points of weakness and powerful "if" any powerful points exist anymore! so, I just ran away with my dated self from my boring self! This time i have choosen a river instead of a sea or an ocean to roam around! at that time when i made my chice at a river, i did not know the reason why, until I discovered later, that I no more trust the still water!! I don't want to gamble my life again when I don't really know how deep that still water was!! All I had, a candle! All I needed, was a candle!! All that my eyes were staring at, that candle flame... coming from the past.. lightening the darkness my my caves! inspiring my frozen imagination!! Analyzing my silence!! reading my meaningless words!! colouring my most awaited dawn!! Bridging my soul to my soul! putting my remaining again together! Recharging my lost energy, showering my spirit!! purifying my mind!! eventually , I am back to the world! but this time it must be a new world, 'cause her candle gave my not only the way light, but most of what I needed, my inner light! happily, I can say, I am back "with her candle"
Revolving within her "self" cycle.. waveless speechless hopeless helpless blooming at one of those moment of the dawn. when dawn's cold water dripping out of no rain to wet the bloom and leave the root thirsty! some filthy rags coving what they could cover leaving naked spaces of her blooming body and you wonder! beauty in the mud! fated in the shed! since ages waiting for the wind.. to drive her to another trend.. whether open or even dead end.. can't stand, can't sit, can't bend!
what are you staring at?! the beauty hardly rising from the mud? or the filthy rags?!! you still wonder why?! you still feeling torn into pieces saying sigh! what a humanity.. what a big lie!! like walking at the sharp edge of the sword if you continue, you bleeding! if you step back, you still bleeding! yet the distance between you and you, the same distance between her beauty,, and her filthy rags! It is obvious! the self conflict already started! the withing fight, is at its highest! and you still praying... the chivalrous would kill your satan! the human in you, can't be such an insane! praise the glory of her mud! burn the filthy rags within you, and paint her shed her sun will rise some day, her dawn is approaching... how beautiful to be.. just her noble friend![/I]
I am not writing here with the sense of cui bono! but trying to touch with feelings what i can't touch with organs or even thoughts! Neither I am being a celtic nor drinking my favorite chianti! but attempting to figure out the causation between being a celestial and a libido! when just being a simple, very simple human being in style, and at the same time a very chivalrous, and have read your deontology lesson so well, what makes you deteriorate the most high and holly feelings that can be created or found in humanity history? That is how haggard you look when every thing around appears to be inexpedient!! is it just a lapse?! or could be a stupid move that gives only a fire back?!! like saying noli me tangere when you are burning for the opposite!! Revise and revise again! dealing with a human soul is the most complicated and hardest task! you got to figure out things that never were said, and analyse voices never were heard for a creature that you never seen! so, have a mercy on your exhausted soul and pray in your forgotten cave! you really need a miracle! otherwise, it is just the destiny derisible!
In the black side of my mind, comes and goes! Her lugubrious picture, jumping when least expected, breathing when thought dead for decades, gazing blindly, whispering deafly, attempting to show her existence leaving her hibernaculum where she been since a forgotten ages! how can you neglect a maddish guttersnipe that is occupying some space in this macrocosm?! In some views, your deadly sin, you are a magnanimous, and that has a price to pay! Her dead pan utterly makes you a dawdler trying to see the glamourous goddess in her! What a gauch moment of thinking...recalling attempting to beautify what the almighty meant to be ugly! That is thoroughly unaccepted, even in Mahayana!
I was chatting in the ELR, and thinking of a fever that a friend of mine from Saudi Arabia asked me to do! It was about investment in Germany, and that investment transaction is buying a hotel in Dusseldorf city! MY Saudi friend, has some contacts in Essen City who told him to just to transfer his money under their names, and they will do the rest! My Saudi friend has some doubts, that is why he asked me to inquire for him! right after that, one of my chat mates entered the room (packcute2). Since this lady has been living in Germany for a long time,(became a German citizen as she told me later) I seeked her help! while we were talking about that, My good chat mate (Ravein3_) interfered by asking whether that hotel is going to be for whores and their customers to rent rooms per hour!! not only that stupid question, but he added to that his thoughts, that I am even not a man! so he thought I am a woman! The drama did not stop at this end, but was surprised to see another lady chatter interfering (imzadi_) saying something that i can't recall now, but emphasizing what Ravein has assumed! This is the end of the story!! now,, I remember some chatters asking me whether any other chatters met me in person! and i know that i wanted to visit the Philippines over this and last year but i couldn't make it until this very moment! My question remains, DO I NEED TO PROVE MY GENDER AND PERSONALITY TO EVERY FFF MEMBER? AND IF SO, WHY? to all those doubting my gender, i say, yes i am a male! to all those doubting my existence or personality, i say, yes i do exist, but i am not obliged to give my all personal info to every body in FFF! some of those who have my ym id, (including ravein3_) himself know that my full name appear on my YM, and it is Suleiman ABU-GHALYOUN! The reason why i used Sulei as my handle name at FFF is because it is my first half of my real name! and it is pronounced like soleil in French which means the sun! And I was a government official for my country (a diplomat) and was representing my country in our embassy in Qatar for 4 years as a consul (1985-1989) and I also represented my country in many international and regional meetings at the UNCC (united nations compensation commission) and at ILO (international labour organization, both organizations are located in Geneva! and both Ravein and imzadi can google my name as mentioned above and they will find more info if they still doubt me! Not only this, but I can assure them that i were in Manila 4 times, lat time was from Feb 09, 2006 to Feb 11, 2006 and yes, Mr. Ravein I arrived on a private jet with another 3 people and stayed at The Filipin Plaza hotel (used to be called the Philippine westin plaza hotel). Just check who booked the Royal suit and 3 single rooms at the period of time! In addition to that, I admit now, that i have met with some good friends from FFF (regular chatters until this moment) but according to their request, I never mentioned that, and I am sure they will remember the dinner we had when they read this blog! (to ease your mind of too much thinking, we had no sex intercourse!!) was just pure clean talk over a dinner! In addition, some members know my real name, because (sorry to find myself obliged to say this) I helped them financially! some others know that very well, because I brought them to the country here and they are working happily! now ... after such a confession, I hope my good friend Ravein, can differentiate between me and other chatters that he keeps fighting with, or complaining of their ass smell, when I interrupted him by my question to packcute! My advice to you, mate, and to your friend imzadi, whom i have been considering a friend too, that u better not judge people they way you like, because people are not obliged to prove themselves to you! and not obliged to give all the details about themselves!! and u better realize that u both don't own the elr!! it belongs to FFF and only FFF, so, please keep people in peace and find something useful to do or at least say! God bless you all, my friends!
It is Sunday! can a Muslim pray in a catholic church?! I pray to all those who lack some self confidence to stand on their feet again...! I pray to all those having poor hearts, to enjoy the rainbow colours of love again...! I pray to all those full of doubts, to have their brains showered by God's mercy, so that they can see others with different sights....! reluctant ones can never have faith on themselves or on others....! small thoughts never lead their thinker to sea reality as it is! Almighty God, shower us all with you mercy, fill our hearts with your pure love, and give us your sight in order to see only beautiful things on others and give us the courage to praise people when they worth our praising, because that is just part of praising you!
Her name is Julie. I met her 15 years ago, a Filipina that was working as a domestic helper at one of the royal family here in Jordan. She told me that her employer insulted her for no good reason and that she decided to leave work for that royal family! She was newly coming to Jordan with a great responsibility let behind her in Manila, spending for 2 kids that were looked after by her mother, and a useless and careless husband who was an alcoholic and drugs addict! Therefore, she needed a job! at the same time, she hated living in and being kept like in prison even when she is totally done with her work! Her preference was to live out and work on a daily base, so that she can go home and breath her freedom away of any stress! I helped her in sponsoring her and getting her papers done legally, so that she can move in the city without being scared of anything! Eventually, the 2 kids of Julie have finished their University with very good records and the boy got a job overseas, whereas the girl has got a job in Manila! Years after, I became a member of FFF and heard thousands of similar stories, and Julie became to me as a state of filipino single mothers who scarifies with every thing to raise their kids and probably see them achieving what the parents themselves failed to achieve, for a reason or another! What was astonishing to me, that fathers of those kids belonging to the single mothers, are just careless! hopeless! useless! as if they were not existing at all! there is no moral support and no financial support at all from their sides! Single mothers can be those who were not lucky in their marriages, or those who gave themselves to what so called their lovers, under the umbrella of love! eventually found themselves pregnant and they have to take the responsibility all alone! some raped girls even are the worst example! they are left with an emotional wound, physical abuse, hurting memories, and a kid that they have to support all alone! the worst thing when these girls are being abused and/or used at an early age, when they are not even ready to start a real life! what future is a waiting these women?!!! Single mothers were eaten as fresh meat and thrown as useless bones by these jerks and bastards!! In spite of this bitter fact, they raise up again... they learn their lesson so well... they start the long road of sacrifices.... they travel abroad if they are a bit lucky, or remain in the country, neglecting their personal need, personal happiness, personal priorities, and make their kids as their top priority in life! They struggle, and they might sleep starving...or work while they are tires, exhausted or sick, in order to bring a piece of bread and a glass of milk for their kids! they become the mother and the father and they do their role better, much better than the careless fathers!! How I wish that there is a national or even international day for single mothers!! I do salute every single mother fighting in her life, in order to provide their kids with a future that is better than their past!!much respect and admiration for every single mother! hope people can realize what sacrifices they are going through, and I dream of the day when a guy wake up for his moral and financial support and positive role in raising a kid!
[/I]
My Saudi friend has some doubts, that is why he asked me to inquire for him! right after that, one of my chat mates entered the room (packcute2). Since this lady has been living in Germany for a long time,(became a German citizen as she told me later) I seeked her help! while we were talking about that, My good chat mate (Ravein3_) interfered by asking whether that hotel is going to be for whores and their customers to rent rooms per hour!!
not only that stupid question, but he added to that his thoughts, that I am even not a man! 
so he thought I am a woman!
The drama did not stop at this end, but was surprised to see another lady chatter interfering (imzadi_) saying something that i can't recall now, but emphasizing what Ravein has assumed!
This is the end of the story!! now,, I remember some chatters asking me whether any other chatters met me in person! and i know that i wanted to visit the Philippines over this and last year but i couldn't make it until this very moment! My question remains, DO I NEED TO PROVE MY GENDER AND PERSONALITY TO EVERY FFF MEMBER? AND IF SO, WHY?
