Addiction
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Posted:Oct 25, 2014 5:00 am
Last Updated:Oct 27, 2014 9:13 am 131067 Views
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The word addiction is defined and used in many different ways, sometimes jokingly, like I say I am addicted to chat. True addiction is actually a disease, it is a state where there is a strong and harmful need to regularly have something or do something. Strong refers to something that a person can not stop from doing or resist the urge to do it. Harmful pertains to physical, mental or social harm to the person or harm to the people around them. People who have addiction sometimes fail to recognize the harm it causes them because it is masked by the pleasure they get.
Habit is not necessarily an addiction but if it becomes harmful and uncontrollable then it is an addiction. If what you say or do harms people around you or push people away then it is probably an addiction. If it destroys relationship then you definitely have a problem. It has been said that some people have addictive personalities or tendencies and they have certain identifiable characteristics.
These traits are:
> Compulsive behaviour
>Lack of self control
> Refusal to take responsibility
>Tendency towards multiple vices
>Insecurity
>Inability to make a commitment
If you see these traits then beware. If you are this person with addictive personality and if you admit to it then you are likely to succeed in controlling it. If it is uncontrollable then you should seek help, NOW.
Basing on the above I do not have an addictive personality. Thank goodness but I wouldn't mind trying to be addicted to someone. 
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Trust
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Posted:Oct 23, 2014 12:41 pm
Last Updated:Oct 25, 2014 3:51 am 131385 Views
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There are so many quotes said about trust and there are so many definitions of it too. In relation to relationship I like the definition: "complete confidence in a person or plan" and "allow without a fear". I have written somewhere that the heart or the feelings of the people we love should be cared for like a very delicate, precious glass crystal that you hate it to get even a very tiny scratch and if this heart is scratched or broken our hears will be broken too. This delicate crystal is where we put our trust in, they go together, the love and the trust.
Lies are the biggest threat to this love and trust, like stones or rocks to the delicate crystal vase and water. There are little lies and there are big lies, like there are tiny pebbles and big rocks. Little lies may do no harm but big lies will surely damage a relationship. Little pebbles may not cause any scratch but big rocks thrown into it will cause the glass to shatter into pieces. Trust like a glass once broken even if glued meticulously together it will never be the same.
Like lies there may be little trust or full trust and little trust build over time will develop into full trust. Little lies may seem harmless but constant little lies will sure cause big damage and break in trust. My belief is that if you can't trust someone with little things why will you trust them with big things.
To quote: "Trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair."
What is your definition and fave quotation on trust?
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Distal or Proximal? Virtual or Real?
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Posted:Oct 16, 2014 12:28 pm
Last Updated:Mar 4, 2015 3:58 pm 131046 Views
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There is this saying that I heard from my mom before; "mas mainam na ang piso sa bulsa kaysa sa sampung nasa alapaap pa." ( better to have a peso in your pocket than 10 pesos in the clouds) My mother is obviously not a gambler and neither do I but life specially relationship is a gamble, isn't it? If you don't take risk in this relationship gambling how will you win? Specially in this virtual world, the cyber era.
Lets take a hypothetical example, let us say you are in a long distance relationship, this is your ideal person and the relationship is going well albeit virtually. There is no certainty that this relationship will become proximal. This is your "10 peso relationship" that you hang on and gamble to. You gamble to it everyday like you will bet on lotto every week hoping that one day you will be together and live happily ever after. How long can one wait for this dream to come true?
Then you meet another person, he is not the perfect match but he is there within your reach, you can touch, you can smell, you can feel. He is present in flesh, in your room not in your computer or phone or camera. This is your "1 peso" relationship. Will you gamble on this one and make it happy, together forever ?
Of course, majority will like a 10, proximal and real relationship but if we have to choose between the two only, which one will you go for? The real one peso or the virtual 10?
Oh, maybe I should just bet on lotto I probably have a better chance of winning?
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My Break up song.
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Posted:Oct 16, 2014 7:50 am
Last Updated:Oct 18, 2014 12:11 pm 131363 Views
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Have you ever had your heart broken? I have, but funny though looking back I can't help but smile or even laugh thinking how silly I was then. I was 18 and it felt like it was the end of the world then.He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss nothing else. Oh what a joy to hear his voice on the phone, I slept with his picture under my pillow. I couldn't wait to go to my training the following day because I know I will be seeing him. The relationship did not last long, we broke up less than 3 months later, the reason I vaguely remember but the feeling I will never forget.
Oh the joys of being young and in love and the joys of having to look back and smile and ask yourself did I do that? Perhaps ask, was I really that silly? How lucky we are that we are able to look back with no regrets. We got in touch again about 30 years later and we were able to catch up about few things in our lives. He apologized to me, when he did I just laughed again and was thankful. Maybe because I found out that he was divorced 3 times and is on to his 4th marriage.
Many of us whether we can sing or play instruments or not do like songs. There are many songs that touched our lives, remind us of the past, inspire us , make us happy or make us sad.There is one song that made me cry or sad when I hear it at that time. I cried and sobbed. Hey, don't laugh at me, I was broken hearted, my world just ended. Thank goodness for the song that cried with me. Hu hu hu then ha ha ha now.
That song is stuck in my mind, made me cry when I hear it then but makes me smile when I hear it now. That song is Air Supply's , All Out of Love.I just heard it today hence this blog. 
Do you know that song? Do you have a song that tell a story about your life or a break up? What song is that?
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Grieving?
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Posted:Oct 13, 2014 6:58 am
Last Updated:Oct 14, 2014 5:30 am 130523 Views
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Have you experienced a loss and therefore are grieving or mourning? Is there difference between grieving and mourning? “Grief” and “mourning” are words that have been used interchangeably to mean the same thing. But, the fact is, there really is a very important difference between them. This blog was inspired by a very dear friend whose mom was recently diagnosed with breast cancer.
Grief is an emotional reaction or response to loss. Loss is not just about losing someone we love, to death. We may experience intense loss from losing a relationship, our sense of self, our job, our home, our freedom, our health, our dreams or a limb, among many other things that we hold precious and important.The grief process is the brain’s way of dealing with a matter it can’t completely comprehend in the moment; so it takes time to sort through it all. Remember if you have a very sick love one they grieve before you do. They lost health and about to leave love ones and life.
Psychologists identified 5 different stages of mourning and grieving process.
These sages are: 1, Denial and Isolation 2. Anger 3, Bargaining 4, Depression and 5. Acceptance. All self explanatory and not necessarily in that order.The stages of mourning and grief are universal and are experienced by people from all walks of life.
Although we may never completely stop feeling our loss, with time, the frequency and intensity of our pain, and our grief response to it, will diminish considerably. In fact, going through a healthy grieving process, however painful, allows us the excellent chance to heal, as grief is itself a medicine.
My main point here is that grief does not start from death, grieving is not just about you, your sick love one is grieving before you do. Sad as it may seem don't feel sorry if they are grieving, allow them to grieve because grieving is a healing process. Grief is a medicine that heals the pain from loss. We all show grief in different ways, it is a personal process that has no time limit nor a right way to do it. Respect, understand and support their own grief process that will help them go through it with much lesser pain.
More to share in my upcoming blogs.
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Scammer Spotted ( Repost) in relation to Tinker_viel's blog too. Originally posted Dec. 2013
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Posted:Oct 6, 2014 12:57 am
Last Updated:Oct 13, 2014 5:04 pm 130466 Views
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Someone: “My name is Paul _________, I’m from Norway and I’m a marine Engineer....”
Me: “ Yeah right.” Click the delete button and off you go to the bin. Watch this guy he is a gold member.
Scammers, have you encountered any of these scammers? In my experience all of them reveal a lot about themselves the first time, like their full name and their occupation. They are always marine engineer in my experience or they travel a lot. Observe the cut and paste on the emails. Observe the subtle discrepancies. In his profile he said he has black, long hair but in the photo he has brown short hair. Could he really be a scammer? But he is a gold member. Hmm I will do some homework and will let you know.
There was this high profile case in NZ where a former Maori official was lured by a scammer; they have been on line lovers if you may call it. When it was time to meet in person the supposedly European guy paid for her fare and everything but he requested to pick up some documents for him from another country on her way to London which she did. Poor woman so in love she was arrested at the airport because the supposed documents she picked up were drugs. Sharon Armstrong is the name of the Maori woman and was arrested in Buenos Aires because of the cocaine found in the suitcase that she came to pick up on her way to London.
We have a saying “walang manloloko kung walang magpapaloko”. I don’t agree on this one because the one who is “naloko” was the product of the “manloloko”, a victim. So it should say “walang maloloko kung walang manloloko” No one will say hey “halika nandito ako lokohin mo ako”. Translators wanted please, any volunteer?
Wiser? Me: Not everyone who reveals everything about themselves the first time are real and those who keep some anonymity are not always fake. You will get to know each other as time passes by. Keep you radars sharp. So what if he is a paying gold member, it is business just like the supposed European who spent thousands. There are many scammers out there so beware. They will either scam you of money or something else. They can gather information from you and blackmail you. Read, knowledge is power.
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My Destiny?
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Posted:Oct 1, 2014 4:41 pm
Last Updated:Oct 26, 2014 5:34 am 130757 Views
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William Shakespeare said: "It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves."
To me creating one's destiny is like creating a dish, like cooking. We have to know what dish we want to cook and have all the correct ingredients. There are times that we may lack some of the ingredients so we either substitute or go ahead and proceed even with missing ingredients. If some ingredients are lacking the dish may not be as perfect as we want it to be but sometimes we can discover something much better. What we created may not be what we have planned because of the missing ingredients but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy what we have cooked. Another important element of our dish or cooking to me, is its timing and relevance. What good is the food if there's no one to eat it. We create destiny by making timely and relevant decisions with or without all the ingredients. Whatever destiny we created it should be something we should enjoy, be grateful for and be proud of, after all it's our own creation.
I have planned for my destiny, I do not wan't to be living solitary for the remainder of my life so I plan. I look for ingredients, I look for timing and relevance. Now finding the right ingredient is the hard part and may be up to fate.
The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.
What's for dinner?
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Relationship status: Complicated
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Posted:Oct 1, 2014 8:00 am
Last Updated:Nov 24, 2014 8:10 am 130256 Views
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Complicated relationship that wasn't mine, it was a man that I met. I thought he may be the one but then I found something was not right. At the beginning he said this, I quote: " My wife had a cerebral aneurysm and haemorrhage, she was in a coma for two weeks, and in hospital and rehabilitation for 14 months. Because I had to look after my young daughters and was worried about my wife, I did not take the time to grieve the loss of the woman I knew until 10 years later when it hit me hard"
He was the kind of man I was looking for except there is a catch. From the words I copied and pasted above I have concluded that he was a widower. Can you see the same thing as I see? But he is not. His wife is disabled because of the illness but is still alive. He looks after her although they obviously do not live now as normal couple. He doesn't want to divorce her nor will I suggest that. He wants a relationship but he is not free. He has 2 adult daughters who are very dedicated to his wife and he loves them very much. He's been devoted but has been missing a female companionship for the past 10 years. I admire him for his dedication and I understand his longing. He wanted to have a relationship with me.
If this happen to you, will you go for it?
I don't want complications, I don't want to be the villain in his 's eyes and I don't want to lose my 's respect of me either. So even if I like him, sorry sir not my dream. 
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The 90/ 10 Principle.
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Posted:Sep 29, 2014 8:10 pm
Last Updated:Oct 14, 2014 1:17 pm 130393 Views
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Have you heard of the 90/10 principle by Stephen Covey? I was talking about it with a friend so I decided to share it here too. It is a principle that I try to live or at least serve as a reminder if I am about to react to something. Like many things in our lives it is easier said than done. You can find details about it online.
Basically the 90/10 principle is about controlling our emotions, having higher emotional quotient (EQ). The principle says 10% of life is made of what happen to you, 90% is decided by how you react. It means we have no control of the 10% of what happen to us but the remainder 90% is determined by our reactions. There is nothing we can do with the 10% that happened to us so why worry about it. The 90% though which is in our total control will determine what follows of that 10%.
Allow me to share my own experience. Sometime ago we throw a surprised birthday party for my late husband and some friends helped me. After the party, to show our gratitude we decided to go some place and have a drink. The waitress was not very nice, she literally threw the menu on the table in front of me. I gave her a stern look, then she look down and walked away. That was it for me and I am ready to enjoy the rest of the night.
My friend had a different reaction. She was annoyed, irritated, upset and frustrated. She will not let that action pass her. She wanted to confront the waitress but we stop her and the waitress went to another table. My friend kept going on about it and she told the manager. That should have stopped her but that didn't, She was even more frustrated because I did not react same way when it was me who was more involved. Imagine all those emotions she have inside her and she won't let go. She was angry. What happened next? The night has to be cut short because she is so upset , she can't enjoy and she rubbed it on to others.
Well not everyone was unhappy. Someone was happy to go home early and spend the rest of the night alone with his loving wife, which was me.
Get it? Now if you can only apply it or at least read it or try it. It helped me it might help you too. t
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