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day one Last night… last night I was half sitting in bed my head propped by two large pillow looking out the bay window watching the empty streets devoid of any celebration waiting for the exact hour I could swallow my cherry gumballs (6 hours in between) thinking: here comes another year. Yesterday the neighbour across the street turned off their Christmas lights deco, maybe they cannot wait for the year to end or perhaps they received already their electric bill; I don’t know. After a time I heard the sound of fireworks accompanied by shouting and some other noises I don’t care to decipher for my head aches like crazy. It went on for about five minutes. When I thought it was over, suddenly it started all over again. I saw the next door neighbour comes out and stood on the middle of the street hands on the hips trying to see where the commotion was coming from and I thought good luck for even from my elevated position, I can hear the noises but I cannot even glimpse one single spark of any fireworks. I wanted to knock on the window and waive but I saw that he’s not in the good mood. I can envision him already writing a letter to the mayor’s office complaining about the incident. He always writes to the mayor everything he’s not happy about concerning our neighbourhood. From inside the house I can hear Ricky the barking like his life is depends on it and I thought: that’s why; the probably woke him up. Watching him walking to and fro obviously irritated because Ricky’s cousin Jimmy who lives across the street joined the party I thought to myself: this guy needs to be transported to the Philippines around this time of the year so he can have a proper lesson about how to celebrate new year in style. But he would likely have a heart attack. If this noise which is not even close to practice when it comes to the real thing bothers him already… The merry making ceased as suddenly as it started, the street gone ghostly quiet again, the neighbour stepped inside and locked the door; there goes another year and everything that have happened within it’s realm, gone, never to be seen again. I don’t know if it’s because I’m sick and my head hurts or I’m becoming a sentimental fool but I found myself crying dry tears…  only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide |
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1/1/2011 10:06 am |
finally, eventually, after some time, at long last, after a while, ultimately, at last, at the end of the day… everything is still unclear. only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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1/1/2011 10:14 am |
I've been waiting such a long time, looking out for you But you're not here What's another year? I've been waking such a long time, reaching out for you But you're not near What's another year? What's another year For someone who's lost everything that he owns? What's another year For someone who's getting used to being alone? I've been praying such a long time It's the only way to hide the fear What's another year? What's another year For someone who's lost everything that he owns? What's another year For someone who's getting used to being alone? I've been crying such a long time With such a lot of pain in every tear What's another year? For someone who is getting used to being alone What's another year? song from Johnny Logan only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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1/1/2011 10:36 am |
Ahhh, Bebz, Bebz, You should have seen me last night....I was never as emotionless in my entire adult life as I did. I felt so numb and I just had to wait till it's 5 minutes past the hour and I comfortably laid down and sleep. No MORE TEARS! I used to cry each freaking New Year's Eve, because I didn't want to let go of the previous years, but now? I don't care anymore! Just call me ELZ 
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1/1/2011 12:31 pm |
bebz.. last new year 2009, i could hear a lot of fireworks from my neighbors and they went on until 1 am. it was unusually quiet this year and the fireworks i heard were the fireworks display for the public by the city government over at the hudson river. although there were over a million people at Times Square and the celebrations were still as noisy and as boisterous as last year, it was not the same in other neighborhoods. people are really hurting although for different reasons i guess. so don't worry, you are not alone. always look at the brighter side of things and you will be alright. ... only a REAL diamond has flaws.
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Good morning ladies!!! Happy New Years!!! Well i was happy!!! Toasting away the New Year and for friends everywhere to be happy. Acting like a child shaking my 4 piggy banks and bag and coins in my sock pinned to my shirt. Reliving my child hood. After that gave my folks a hug in their room. My daughter and son texting me and sending their love, also Janey's text. Those little things made me happy. And will cherish forever. Now, i may be alone but happy for once. Happy New Year and abundant blessings of joy and happiness!!!  Greatest feelings in the world when two souls profess a love for each other...
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1/1/2011 1:49 pm |
Ahhh, Bebz, Bebz, You should have seen me last night....I was never as emotionless in my entire adult life as I did. I felt so numb and I just had to wait till it's 5 minutes past the hour and I comfortably laid down and sleep. No MORE TEARS! I used to cry each freaking New Year's Eve, because I didn't want to let go of the previous years, but now? I don't care anymore! the more i get older, the more i get more mellow and sentimental even a/n (in)significant small things such as smell is enough to make me either moody homesick or suicidal i don't know if it's hormones or what but i never notice similar thing happening to middle age women in the philippines my mother for example... compare to her, i look like almost in my grave! the woman bounces out of bed in the morning, never experience joints pain i never recall her having indigestion for christ's sakes she swallowed boxes of christmas chocolates and drowned herself in champagne and never have a headache. she can gobble everything on sight eat rice 3 times a day and remain as skinny as a pole only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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1/1/2011 1:52 pm |
brand new year!...i'm so bless to have my healthy family...don't worry about others bebz... stay healthy  love is the greatest gift of all 
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1/1/2011 1:58 pm |
bebz.. last new year 2009, i could hear a lot of fireworks from my neighbors and they went on until 1 am. it was unusually quiet this year and the fireworks i heard were the fireworks display for the public by the city government over at the hudson river. although there were over a million people at Times Square and the celebrations were still as noisy and as boisterous as last year, it was not the same in other neighborhoods. people are really hurting although for different reasons i guess. so don't worry, you are not alone. always look at the brighter side of things and you will be alright. wherever you look these days people still going through the motion but it's not the same anymore i wonder if in some remote areas in the philippines, they celebrating christmas the way it used to be i think the less people have, the more they can appreciate bounties the holiday brings no matter how little it is compare to those who can have anything their hearts desire any day of the year i know i'm not making sense but i just miss the old days when things are a lot simpler only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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1/1/2011 2:00 pm |
give me a beginning and an ending and i will fill the rest  only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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1/1/2011 2:09 pm |
Good morning ladies!!! Happy New Years!!! Well i was happy!!! Toasting away the New Year and for friends everywhere to be happy. Acting like a child shaking my 4 piggy banks and bag and coins in my sock pinned to my shirt. Reliving my child hood. After that gave my folks a hug in their room. My daughter and son texting me and sending their love, also Janey's text. Those little things made me happy. And will cherish forever. Now, i may be alone but happy for once. Happy New Year and abundant blessings of joy and happiness!!! it's approx. 23:00 finished swallowing my medicine and trying to fall asleep which probably because of trying it will not work i can't believe it's another year again time does really fly i can still remember moving in here and last year around this time, i was airborne spent my new year up there now i'm just here in bed typing hearing my mother complaining from the other room about how graveyard-like holiday season in belgium is i told her to get used to it because the ticket will be more expensive once more now that the price of fuel had gone up again only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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Bebs, I truly wished all the happiness for you. Life is a cycle and no one wants sadness. But, we face them. There were many times in my past thank God i forgot all the tortured physical abused that came with it. Then came an emotional one at that. Time absolutely heals. So, now hopeful even when i had none. God always saved me in the brink of time. Just to enjoy the little things that make ones happy. Now, the bubbly is making me sleepy. Have a wonderful sunday and get well.   Greatest feelings in the world when two souls profess a love for each other...
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1/1/2011 2:44 pm |
brand new year!...i'm so bless to have my healthy family...don't worry about others bebz... stay healthy only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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1/1/2011 3:14 pm |
waiting here for your first blog of the new year Just call me ELZ
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1/2/2011 1:49 am |
Bebs, I truly wished all the happiness for you. Life is a cycle and no one wants sadness. But, we face them. There were many times in my past thank God i forgot all the tortured physical abused that came with it. Then came an emotional one at that. Time absolutely heals. So, now hopeful even when i had none. God always saved me in the brink of time. Just to enjoy the little things that make ones happy. Now, the bubbly is making me sleepy. Have a wonderful sunday and get well. most people would say :"doesn't matter where and how, look what you become." i beg to disagree. things you didn't experience and never had, you will keep missing for the rest of your life. in my case it is: if i could reach for something brilliant, it would be the home which been denied to me and the presence of the peace i never known. only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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1/2/2011 1:51 am |
On the contrary, I didn't blog for the last day of 2010...I waited till New Year to write.. and i almost never made it the front page was stuck for a while then my post didn't show up twice at third attempt i got lucky i cannot blog it another day for the topic will not be appropriate anymore only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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1/2/2011 1:57 am |
for most people it takes some drastic happenings to appreciate the beauty of life i have a lot to be grateful about two wonderful children comfortable life i'm more or less healthy good job beautiful home sometimes i feel guilty for wishing i'm somewhere else doing other things only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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1/2/2011 2:01 am |
sometimes i wonder what keeps you going your motivation behind your action how you really are in real world for i know it's easy to type anything one wish to convey weather one meant it or not the image isn't showing only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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ahhh... the physical abuse and emotional torture... lucky are the ones who didn't experience those for i believe even one healed beautifully, there will be scars, both in and outside most people would say :"doesn't matter where and how, look what you become." i beg to disagree. things you didn't experience and never had, you will keep missing for the rest of your life. in my case it is: if i could reach for something brilliant, it would be the home which been denied to me and the presence of the peace i never known. If that's all you wish for you can make that come true. We are never given a wish to make it come true. It's there for a reason... Now in my case have to do it one baby step at a time til i get to my destination. We all do one way or another. Enjoy your day and relax and take good care!!! Greatest feelings in the world when two souls profess a love for each other...
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1/2/2011 9:29 am |
Bebs, If that's all you wish for you can make that come true. We are never given a wish to make it come true. It's there for a reason... Now in my case have to do it one baby step at a time til i get to my destination. We all do one way or another. Enjoy your day and relax and take good care!!! with me is something to do with feelings i never truly feel that i belong as if everything i'm doing wherever i am, it's just a passing time that i am destined to be in other places which is tough because i don't know where i never had the feeling of "this is it" instead most of the time i think: "is this all there is to it?" certainly there is more in life than this? it's very difficult to explain especially to people who never experience being restless at all times it's like an itch that never go away and scratching will only make it worse only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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as the case with so many things in life, it is easier said than done with me is something to do with feelings i never truly feel that i belong as if everything i'm doing wherever i am, it's just a passing time that i am destined to be in other places which is tough because i don't know where i never had the feeling of "this is it" instead most of the time i think: "is this all there is to it?" certainly there is more in life than this? it's very difficult to explain especially to people who never experience being restless at all times it's like an itch that never go away and scratching will only make it worse Now i get what you mean the home that was denied to you! The spanish villa, i would be pissed off too. Those are so beautiful!!! The restless feeling of not belonging get those too once in a while. The big questions like am i really in the right place and time? We might not be content. The only important things that come into me right now is have i been useful in making others around me happy??? First always to be honest with yourself... Ok, all these are easier said than done. I know you can do it!!! Great big hugs to you. Greatest feelings in the world when two souls profess a love for each other...
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1/2/2011 1:19 pm |
Bebs, Now i get what you mean the home that was denied to you! The spanish villa, i would be pissed off too. Those are so beautiful!!! The restless feeling of not belonging get those too once in a while. The big questions like am i really in the right place and time? We might not be content. The only important things that come into me right now is have i been useful in making others around me happy??? First always to be honest with yourself... Ok, all these are easier said than done. I know you can do it!!! Great big hugs to you.  you made me laugh (which is good)when i say "home" i'm not referring to that spanish villa or anything resemble to it. those are merely houses... buildings...but never been a home to me. what i mean is family, a place you feel safe and belong where your roots lay. in my earlier blogs i used to talk about being a gypsy which is true. when i was young we moved a lot due to the nature of my father's work and his uncompromising pride. we never own anything but few plastic cups and dishes and things to sleep. he used to beat up the living daylight out of my mother weekly and we dread the coming of sundays when he would stay in town after church and come home drunk. i remember shivering from under the blanket the moment he stepped out of the house till the time that he's back. terrible times to spend your childhood. home and peace that's what i missed and will keep missing. a house is not the same as home and peace of mind is so elusive. too much bad memories i wish i have an amnesia the history repeated with my ex. imagine marrying another nationality just to experience again what you're running from only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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1/2/2011 1:31 pm |
when i hear south i imagine people talking like dolly parton or louisiana charleston south carolina things like that what i mean is your core, the real you without the social mask i heard already your voice when u were singing and indeed it sounds different than i thought your writing sounds universal to me but then again i never meet an american in person yet only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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1/2/2011 3:54 pm |
Steven, you know that standard members cannot view your attached pics, unless you use it as an image attached to your blog...But ICU here.. Nice one!  Just call me ELZ
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Happy New Year Ms. M 
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1/3/2011 9:16 am |
Steven, you know that standard members cannot view your attached pics, unless you use it as an image attached to your blog...But ICU here.. Nice one! only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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