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...and counting I am less scared now Of the things that have been Before I lived in the past Of the future I can’t foreseen.  only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide |
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12/28/2010 7:31 am |
Since I’ve been married, there is nothing exciting to blog anymore. There are no new things happening. If I want to write something, I have to delve deeper into the past which is btw getting more and harder to do. Memories tend to get vague after a time. We tend to substitute things we forget to fill in the gaps in our memory till you yourself beginning to doubt what is real and what is not. True I’ve been very well behaved in this relationship, been doing things like a never done before (cooking, eating together, talking, sleeping (sometimes) in the same bed, even sucking the… no, no, no; not that) because I don’t want to commit the same mistake I did in the past. No more boyfriends (plural) within the marriage, no disappearing for months, no withdrawing half million to finance my so called freedom. Don’t hammer CD collection, no throwing computer in the pond, no putting sand in the tank of the mercs, no battering the cars (plural) either. Yes I have been very, very kind. But the outcome is the same. Is it me? Or it is me? I thought I got it all figured out: if he is going to die, he better do it during office hours preferably to/from his work, that way I will have 3 times widow pension.; but not for the next five years, because we don’t have kids. It means I will only have the privilege for a year instead of a lifetime. Then there is this insurance policy from every company he ever worked for, and the house will be automatically paid; he took insurance for that too. Plus this and plus that. This, we talked about openly with each other. Because you see, I want him to know what I’m up to. Don’t want to be blame afterwards. Better if he is aware where he stands. (and NO he didn’t wake up and run) How I wish he did that. But he’s so passive and there is God after all. In the end, I don’t need to give him cyanide or arsenic. (kidding!) It happened the way it supposed to be: me running away. Can I stop now? only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/28/2010 7:32 am |
someone says: I want a marriage that is quite beyond the rules. Not outside the main rule though. The main rule being: don’t be caught out. only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/28/2010 10:10 am |
bebz.. since you are legally married, you can still get spousal support even if you don't have kids as long as you don't get married in the prescriptive period unless you sign a pre-nup. so if you are really miserable then why don't you get out and maybe use the money you get to start over. it is never too late to be happy specially with your looks and brains. don't waste the time left in your life thinking the 'what if's' but the 'can do's'. as everybody says.. life is short. make the most of it while you can. Happy New Year! ... only a REAL diamond has flaws.
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12/28/2010 11:55 am |
honey... yes i signed a pre-nup for i will never get married without one. it stated there that half of what he owns including the ones he acquired before he even meet me and onwards i am entitled to half of them. in case something happened to me in the course of the marriage my kids will automatically get what is normally mine. on the other hand, everything i own before our marriage he has no legal rights or whatsoever including the contents of my vault, they are for my kids alone. and yes i am aware of the spousal support and part of his pension later even if he gets married again as long as i don't commit myself legally to someone else. so financial is never been the issue as for being miserable, i always been with or without somebody being unhappy no matter what is my nature can't help it, it's just me in my first marriage it took me 13 years to realize there is something wrong it took me another 5 to actually severed the ties i don't know what it is with me i'm a secret SM i guess this one will be over sooner than that of course i only have to get through the holiday for the mean time i'm wallowing in i don't know what why intelligent people sometimes do stupid things one might ask the answer is i don't know either everything you said is true though that i cannot contest only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/28/2010 2:08 pm |
okay...this is effective what will happen: if he signed the divorce papers it could be over in three months (used to be 6) if not like with my ex it could be 3 years or longer it depends the moment i file a divorce motion the bank will automatically freeze all our assets including our checking and savings accounts and lawyers cost looots of money that's why i'm trying to achieve divorce by mutual consent doesn't cost a thing faster and easier but he is refusing to cooperate doesn't even want to talk he absolutely wants to go on name my terms he will agree he said except divorce what kind of reasoning is that? all i want is to be free and he cannot even give that to me only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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Bebs, Ibang iba talagang happiness ng tao. If i was in your position i'd stay in that marriage. And wouldn't at all feel trap. Just wanting someone to love me and provide. But, it's your life and you can do whatever makes you happy. If he really loved you he would set you free...  Greatest feelings in the world when two souls profess a love for each other...
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12/28/2010 7:32 pm |
bebz.. if you are well secured in the pre-nup and he refuses to sign a divorce, you can well afford a divorce lawyer. but of course this is presuming you have made up your mind to leave. i see nothing to bar you from leaving. ... only a REAL diamond has flaws.
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12/28/2010 9:08 pm |
your the only one can make you happy  ... what ever you want i'm sure you will get it you have beauty and brain to deal it... happy new year bebz  love is the greatest gift of all 
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12/29/2010 2:32 am |
Bebs, Ibang iba talagang happiness ng tao. If i was in your position i'd stay in that marriage. And wouldn't at all feel trap. Just wanting someone to love me and provide. But, it's your life and you can do whatever makes you happy. If he really loved you he would set you free... that's why maybe it taking me so long to reach the final decision i'm having doubts about the sanity of my choice sometimes maybe i think i'm just going through some phase in my life and it will blow over or perhaps i'm just being too demanding or probably i'm used to fast/adventurous pace of life that normal one i find boring or i'm just outright mal content and crazy i don't know what i want i think all that and more and at the end of the day i still know nothing when i was younger i will maybe go headlong to disaster without a second thought but now i can't made up my mind all i know is i'm not happy here it doesn't feel right i believe that there is more to life than this but what exactly only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/29/2010 2:44 am |
bebz.. if you are well secured in the pre-nup and he refuses to sign a divorce, you can well afford a divorce lawyer. but of course this is presuming you have made up your mind to leave. i see nothing to bar you from leaving. i will lie if i say i am not having doubts for he really never done something despicable like my ex i'm only relying on what i feel and what i thought of him even when consulting a lawyer in the back of my mind i was wondering: cherrilyn, are u doing the right thing? or are you chasing phantom elusive ideal that doesn't exists? would you leave security to uncertainty based only on your hunch? are you not tired of running away? you once asked for this someone to love you for what you are a comfortable settled life... why on earth your not happy? is fleeting passion worth all these? stop being a gypsy and settled for once! honey... the truth is i don't know what is right anymore for now my mind is so muddled i can see through things i'm scared that what i'm doing now might not be the right decision after all and will regret it for the rest of my life but for right now i have no options but to go through with what i started only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/29/2010 2:48 am |
your the only one can make you happy ... what ever you want i'm sure you will get it you have beauty and brain to deal it... happy new year bebz we alone can make it happen we are the one who are making the final decision when it really comes to it and that is outright scary for at this moment i don't really trust my judgment only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/29/2010 6:17 am |
bebz.. i think you need someone to talk to whom you trust and sort things out. you might also try talking to your mate again and explain what you feel, asking him suggestions on how to save your relationship if he wants you to stay. i hope you will both come to an understanding to make the new year a truly wonderful one. ... only a REAL diamond has flaws.
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Bebs, I think if he is very understanding to let you have some freedom just to jolt that conumdrum you're going through. He will let you be happy. It's a give and take relationship. If one doesn't bend to the other and vice versa. Walang manyayari. So, selfishness and over protective on his part is not right. Happy New Year and happiness. Greatest feelings in the world when two souls profess a love for each other...
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12/29/2010 2:24 pm |
bebz.. i think you need someone to talk to whom you trust and sort things out. you might also try talking to your mate again and explain what you feel, asking him suggestions on how to save your relationship if he wants you to stay. i hope you will both come to an understanding to make the new year a truly wonderful one. there were times that i painstakingly tried to let him understand what bothers me point by point till 4:00 in the morning yes he listens yes he agrees yes he promise to do better next time but that's all there is to it he's a theory guy but those theories stay for what they are... mere words castle in the air empty promises he's a sort of person that you will teach him to wake up today tomorrow to go out of the bed one foot at a time then to go to the door and open it and if your lucky he remembers some of them but in most cases he doesn't then you can start all over again his idea of talking is saying he wants to talk then if you don't say a thing he will sit and stare at you for hours till you get bored or hysterical and start a conversation (by then fighting already because he agitated you with his moronic silence) but if you start the talk he will not contribute anything or whatsoever other than few nods and grunts you might as well talking to yourself or the wall unless it's about himself then he can be animated for hours then if you ask for his input how to save the relationship he would say: "i don't know. tell me." btw his favourite answer to everything or "we look good on the picture, we seems in love other people say so."or other mind blowing nonsensical speech from him like "i want this/us to go on forever  he said he has no problem and happy but what about me??? only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/29/2010 2:29 pm |
today he banged his head few times against the side of my desk and sporting two purplish bumps on his forehead he worked at home because he cannot show himself to his colleagues looking ridiculous he always do that if we are having discussions only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/29/2010 2:39 pm |
Bebs, I think if he is very understanding to let you have some freedom just to jolt that conumdrum you're going through. He will let you be happy. It's a give and take relationship. If one doesn't bend to the other and vice versa. Walang manyayari. So, selfishness and over protective on his part is not right. Happy New Year and happiness. if he only understands where i'm coming from being an only child of over protective parents made him what he is: egocentric self centered who thinks he can do no wrong a proper golden boy (in the eyes of his mother that is)he thinks being with him is a privilege of the highest order and he doesn't have to lift a finger to make the relationship works all he have to do is come and go give you scratches on the head provide shelter food and water and that's it! only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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Bebs, Both party have to really work on the relationship. If i was him i'd better lift a finger pronto. Ask how and what can he do to make it better. My sis gave me some talking this morning. I go my friend didn't like living with this lady. And when i visited them she was nice to me. Sissy goes it's because you didn't have to live with her. Maybe she was driving her mad or something. Just really strange because we fall for someone on the first initial interactions and think they will become even better. Then get married and they just take every thing for granted. As much as i miss being married feeling trap and no tomorrow if i was going to live or die. Unbearable. He is much happier with his gf right now. Then my mom's friend just recently widowed and i went to their house last monday. She showed me her wedding ring and inscribed was the date 2-20-55. They had 10 kids but, the rest were miscariages. Eight survived. See when i see how they can survived with all they had is amazing...   Greatest feelings in the world when two souls profess a love for each other...
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12/30/2010 3:51 am |
Bebs, Both party have to really work on the relationship. If i was him i'd better lift a finger pronto. Ask how and what can he do to make it better. My sis gave me some talking this morning. I go my friend didn't like living with this lady. And when i visited them she was nice to me. Sissy goes it's because you didn't have to live with her. Maybe she was driving her mad or something. Just really strange because we fall for someone on the first initial interactions and think they will become even better. Then get married and they just take every thing for granted. As much as i miss being married feeling trap and no tomorrow if i was going to live or die. Unbearable. He is much happier with his gf right now. Then my mom's friend just recently widowed and i went to their house last monday. She showed me her wedding ring and inscribed was the date 2-20-55. They had 10 kids but, the rest were miscariages. Eight survived. See when i see how they can survived with all they had is amazing... his life had been a sort of a fairy tale he is not equipped to deal with the real world with real people. his father accused him of being straight out naive during christmas dinner and i thought: " well, whose fault is that?" but there is some truth in what the old man said he's been cocooned by his family too much never had a single misfortune in life (till he meet me of course) i snatched him right from under his mother's skirt when he was already in his mid-twenties too old to change his ways and values. he has this pink coloured views about this world, like bad things happened to others but not to him. all his life he is surrounded with people who love and adore him so he grew up thinking he's wonderful. and because he never meet no one who bears him grudge or ill thinking... he doesn't know how to deal with frustrations, anger, maliciousness, mal contentment and so on. he thinks we're barbie and ken, made for each other. he never had girlfriends before because he idiotically believes that there is only one person for someone hence his refusal to divorce. he doesn't know how to deal with failures never having to encounter or experience one in his life time. he could or would not understand how a perfect concept can go wrong. his stubborn refusal to acknowledge that there are things in life which he cannot control, manipulate, alter, or have to work and make effort for is really amazing. all his life, all that he wanted were been served to him on a silver platter complete with trimmings so he cannot understand why suddenly there is trouble in paradise. he is not a bad person. just been brought up with wrong values if i am not the person i am... we could exist together i supposed he got no notion of how a romantic relationship supposed to be because he didn't have practice. his reference of a marriage is based on a platonic friendship between his mother and father not realizing the marriage he's so looking up to ended down the drain after 26 years all he can say is:" they look good together." or "they have a tight bond." only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/30/2010 3:57 am |
i don't really know jo there was a time that i thought i want this kind of life now i'm hungry for passion romance adventure real $ex  someone to talk to an alpha guy someone who could teach me things go camping and trampling in the bushes without heading for disaster someone who could take care of me somebody i could listen to make me feel like a woman i don't know... only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/30/2010 4:01 am |
I will fall in love one day. Find the one who can make my body sing my heart melt and my spirit soar. I will feel like a woman once more like I used to I shall smile run shout sing and dance in the rain with so much abandon. There will be sunshine long glorious days passionate nights and tender evenings. There will be endless caresses tight lingering hugs sweet murmured and hot kisses. I will dream the lovers dreams wake up contented go through my chores with springs on my feet knowing someone is there for me loving knowing understanding sharing the same feelings. Together we will explore what life got to offer discovering testing proving tempting the fate supporting each other all the way learning experiencing enjoying the roller coaster ride. He will be my rock my anchor my friend my saviour someone I could trust learn depend and lean on. He will be my lover my teacher my mentor. He will be my home. only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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you know what is really sad tess... knowing with certainty that he has no clue as to what have gone wrong or how he can make it right his life had been a sort of a fairy tale he is not equipped to deal with the real world with real people. his father accused him of being straight out naive during christmas dinner and i thought: " well, whose fault is that?" but there is some truth in what the old man said he's been cocooned by his family too much never had a single misfortune in life (till he meet me of course) i snatched him right from under his mother's skirt when he was already in his mid-twenties too old to change his ways and values. he has this pink coloured views about this world, like bad things happened to others but not to him. all his life he is surrounded with people who love and adore him so he grew up thinking he's wonderful. and because he never meet no one who bears him grudge or ill thinking... he doesn't know how to deal with frustrations, anger, maliciousness, mal contentment and so on. he thinks we're barbie and ken, made for each other. he never had girlfriends before because he idiotically believes that there is only one person for someone hence his refusal to divorce. he doesn't know how to deal with failures never having to encounter or experience one in his life time. he could or would not understand how a perfect concept can go wrong. his stubborn refusal to acknowledge that there are things in life which he cannot control, manipulate, alter, or have to work and make effort for is really amazing. all his life, all that he wanted were been served to him on a silver platter complete with trimmings so he cannot understand why suddenly there is trouble in paradise. he is not a bad person. just been brought up with wrong values if i am not the person i am... we could exist together i supposed he got no notion of how a romantic relationship supposed to be because he didn't have practice. his reference of a marriage is based on a platonic friendship between his mother and father not realizing the marriage he's so looking up to ended down the drain after 26 years all he can say is:" they look good together." or "they have a tight bond." I once read this book about soul mates coming down to earth. Up there in heaven supposedly an angel well say ok "what is the hard lesson are you two going to teach each other on earth"? And it could be anything. Once the agreement are made they go back down here on earth. Horrendous lessons to bear for life. If he had been the little prince w/ the silver spoon in his mouth all this time. You are giving him the hard facts of life to learn. No we are not Barbie and Ken per say. The real world works hard for their living and not manipulate people or organizations. Not handed to them in a silver platter. There are many poor folks barely getting by w/o food and a good roof over their heads. Mainly put his lesson of the fairy tale life will have to be burst. Ok, your lesson is how much your freedom and the passionate man you want to be your rock. Your hubby is trying to give that lesson as a stable marriage. That's where it's not working. Because even with destiny at the core of everyone, we are given the free will to choose. The lesson is there all the time to remind us... Happy New Year and happiness Greatest feelings in the world when two souls profess a love for each other...
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12/30/2010 2:04 pm |
Bebs, I once read this book about soul mates coming down to earth. Up there in heaven supposedly an angel well say ok "what is the hard lesson are you two going to teach each other on earth"? And it could be anything. Once the agreement are made they go back down here on earth. Horrendous lessons to bear for life. If he had been the little prince w/ the silver spoon in his mouth all this time. You are giving him the hard facts of life to learn. No we are not Barbie and Ken per say. The real world works hard for their living and not manipulate people or organizations. Not handed to them in a silver platter. There are many poor folks barely getting by w/o food and a good roof over their heads. Mainly put his lesson of the fairy tale life will have to be burst. Ok, your lesson is how much your freedom and the passionate man you want to be your rock. Your hubby is trying to give that lesson as a stable marriage. That's where it's not working. Because even with destiny at the core of everyone, we are given the free will to choose. The lesson is there all the time to remind us... Happy New Year and happiness about lessons... i think everyone of us has to learn to cope with everything life is dealing us sooner or later. experience they say is the best teacher and every person we meet can teach us one thing or another. some people (like me) never learn and keep doing the same mistakes over and over again (like marrying the wrong guy) but i cannot imagine a serious relationship without marriage. so that's my curse i guess. i believe in destiny if only we know beforehand where we gonna end then we can take proper pre caution and avoid catastrophe only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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i read somewhere that the moment we are born, somewhere in this planet someone is being born too. and it supposed to be our soulmates. the trick is to find her/him and be united. they say that you will recognize that special person upon seeing his/her face. they say if you meet the one you really love, the world will stop from turning and everything will go slow motion and fading. the only thing you will see clearly is your true love shining like the sun. and there will be music and flowers everywhere. never happened to me (yet) about lessons... i think everyone of us has to learn to cope with everything life is dealing us sooner or later. experience they say is the best teacher and every person we meet can teach us one thing or another. some people (like me) never learn and keep doing the same mistakes over and over again (like marrying the wrong guy) but i cannot imagine a serious relationship without marriage. so that's my curse i guess. i believe in destiny if only we know beforehand where we gonna end then we can take proper pre caution and avoid catastrophe I believe in my case falling for the wrong man. Curse of my life too. Yes, we learn from them. Repeats had too many. That's why i want to be married if God willing. To the man i know who is truly my soul mate. If for a fraction of a minute time stood still when we finally are face to face, that too me would definitely be a wish that God has finally bestowed upon me. Wishing you lots of happiness this coming year, sis!!! Greatest feelings in the world when two souls profess a love for each other...
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12/30/2010 7:32 pm |
I am just reading the exchanges here, and it is already emotionally charging me. I'd say, all of you have spoken about your different point of views. I'd say, if there is such thing as "trial marriage", why don't you and D have a "trial separation" by living separately for a period of time? Just call me ELZ 
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12/30/2010 7:37 pm |
In love and relationships, there is no such thing as "Ideal"...but more than likely, we ask and seek for something that we don't have, but when we do have them, we lose interest... Isn't it a shame that a lot of women would trade places with you, while you are trying to run away? Ahhhh! the simplicity in life is what really makes us happy...Material things can easily devour us, but in the end, it's the small things that matter after all...Take care Bebz! Just call me ELZ
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