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| Blogs > Bebong2010 > MY OWN PRIVATE IDAHO |
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b & w Well, I finally able to pluck up courage to seek advice from a lawyer regarding my ongoing marital difficulties. I made an appointment to go back just after the holidays to further discuss the matter at hand. It is not easy for me to face yet another failed relationship. I guess I am just not a marrying type, I cannot take craps. Why he cannot simply admit that he’s gay so we can finally define what sort of union we have. If he faces the fact, then everything will be clear. The pieces of the puzzles will finally fall into places. Then I would understand everything as to whys and everyone can move on. I’m even willing to negotiate. Unlike now that we (meaning I ) don’t have a clue where we are and what we are. Some people would probably say: why not embrace the benefits and enjoy the side capers? Well… been there done that. For years I have enjoyed the privilege(s) and mourned the disadvantages of having a kitchen away from home. But if every time I need a fix I have to look for it somewhere, I rather be a I will even earn good money. Or why marry if you can be a mistress with all the advantages of being one (meaning: no washing dirty clothes, or picking up socks no cooking and domestic discussions plus you will only see him in good moods and at his best and most of the times he’s away so he cannot crowd your style) But the eagle has landed and wants to build a nest. Sadly, people even intelligent ones sometimes make poor judgements. I learned from the past that lack of communications and riddles highly contributed to the failing of a marriage. So, from day one I make a habit of voicing out my thoughts feelings needs dissatisfactions and so on. But with some people I found out that it doesn’t work at all. For they are not only have selective functioning of the senses they can shut them off simultaneously at will. To top it all, there are individuals who are so passive (or lazy) that they think if they inflicted wounds and leave it open, it will heal by itself. Things work out when they are left alone sang Don McLean. For god’s sakes NO!!! They turn into cancers! Not once he lifts a finger to make this union works. Never had he tried to bridge the widening gap or pacify my anger or make any effort to give me a reason to stay. He never shows he cares or I’m important whatever. The best thing he could come up is treat me like a dog (scratching top of my head) chaste kiss on my fontanels (walk me around the park) call of duty accompanying me anywhere I wish to go (give water and food) providing materials necessity when it’s done he’s off to his corner under the pretence of everything he could conjure up. The guy doesn’t have to marry! All he needs is a pet and his mother! And still he refuses to sign the divorce papers saying I can have everything and I thought: wait till we are effectively in court you will sing another tune. I heard it all before. I cannot understand why he doesn’t want to separate, nor allow me to have “friends” he even say he will kill anybody I will be with. He cannot provide what I need but he does not want me to get it elsewhere either. It is to me the summum of egoism. I know smart women cook their own food quietly or order take outs and let it be delivered by a hunk of a pizza guy but I’m not that smart and where is the fun of it if you do it in secret. I know I’m razmataz-ing again and it’s almost Christmas so I’m going to shut up but remember what Shania Twain said: But that won’t keep me warm in the middle of the night.  only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide |
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12/20/2010 3:45 am |
On the other hand: an invitation for the annual corporate dinner/party came yesterday (see enclosed photograph) As you can see/read, it’s in a chateau which in this case have an ironic name “Les Chalet” on a private island somewhere and the dress code is black and white. A ferry will meet and bring us to the place. Another advantage of living a fancy lie. only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/20/2010 5:40 am |
Bebz, dahling, I hear and read you well, and believe me, I empathize with you with all my heart..I wish I were there near you to give you a BIG HUG...a shoulder to cry on and someone JUST TO LISTEN...that's all you need..Too many advices will only cause chaotic confusion..You cannot have it all...Which is why, most of the time, it's best to live a very simple life, void of luxuries, but enough to have a decent, comfortable means...Good to see you here again, and thanks for sharing...You are not alone...always remember that.. Just call me ELZ 
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12/20/2010 6:14 am |
 Ate B. I wish you could find someone more suited to you. On a side note, what's on the menu for Les Chalets? I read one dish- scampi with mushrooms.    within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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12/20/2010 8:27 am |
in case something should happen to me (like writing some last will and testament yuk yuk) between christmas and new year i would like to extend now my warmest regards to all of you here in FFF may your holiday season be hot hot hot! your resolutions be as strong as your will ha ha your wishes be granted and may the new year bring us all what we truly deserve. if by some ill fate i'm still alive i will answer all your comments as always: with honesty sincerity and a lot of personal insights with my usual dark dry and cynical humor MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/20/2010 9:04 am |
you have a fairytale without a real prince. you can settle or get out. as i see it, you need a more robust adventure to make you happy. just do it! ... only a REAL diamond has flaws.
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Bebs, That is really scary and creepy of him to say those things. I just don't understand why he got married in the first place if he was gay??? It's like living the glamorous life, but not having any satisfaction. That will totally drain and kill anyone. Having friends is the most healthiest one can be. Lesser friends you have kills one sooner. Not right to prevent you from having friends. Controlling too much. My friend got away from that kind of treatment. Enjoy the elegant event. Party!!!   Greatest feelings in the world when two souls profess a love for each other...
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12/21/2010 12:55 am |
your one of the story of unhappy rich people... poor rich people... hope you can get out in this sad life in a good way...happy x mas... love is the greatest gift of all 
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12/21/2010 4:46 am |
he brought flowers yesterday his fourth in 7 years he expected that i would be euphoric why should i when i just mentioned to him the other day during our discussion (note: discussion for he never fights his voice never ever raise never say bad words always so godda$n polite)that he almost never do it he always gave me orange flowers orange is his favourite colour mind you he didn't really gave it to me i found them in his room sitting in one of my design blue vase when i asked him why he uses that particular container while there are lots of others under the kitchen sink he told me because blue is complementary colour of orange he didn't remember also that i am allergic to any strong smell in closed spaces the flowers trigger my asthma so i didn't have proper sleep the bouquet is now in his office only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/21/2010 4:48 am |
Bebz, dahling, I hear and read you well, and believe me, I empathize with you with all my heart..I wish I were there near you to give you a BIG HUG...a shoulder to cry on and someone JUST TO LISTEN...that's all you need..Too many advices will only cause chaotic confusion..You cannot have it all...Which is why, most of the time, it's best to live a very simple life, void of luxuries, but enough to have a decent, comfortable means...Good to see you here again, and thanks for sharing...You are not alone...always remember that..  thanks for the thoughts anyway and happy holiday only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/21/2010 4:49 am |
Ate B. I wish you could find someone more suited to you. On a side note, what's on the menu for Les Chalets? I read one dish- scampi with mushrooms. the menu is depends on the whim of the chef only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/21/2010 4:50 am |
you have a fairytale without a real prince. you can settle or get out. as i see it, you need a more robust adventure to make you happy. just do it! he was just fourteen that time and already so mature only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/21/2010 4:51 am |
merry christmas to you too antonio only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/21/2010 5:00 am |
it's not about permission but more like wanting to have a proper closure which for me is very essential for ending a relationship and truly moving on. i want that every loose ends are properly tied up together every piece of debris are cleared and not left lying around i don't want them to haunt me in the future i want a clean slate to begin with no ghost no skeleton in the closet no doubt no regrets i don't own LBD funny only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/21/2010 5:06 am |
like i said he must have swallowed a psychology book when he was a baby and successfully digested every contents except those illness/ailments name any psychological desease he has it but the thing is with those psychotic people they seem so normal you need years and trained mind to analyze every layer of their personality and by god there are many! if i am another sort of person i doubt if i ever spotted the problem only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/21/2010 5:21 am |
Bebs, That is really scary and creepy of him to say those things. I just don't understand why he got married in the first place if he was gay??? It's like living the glamorous life, but not having any satisfaction. That will totally drain and kill anyone. Having friends is the most healthiest one can be. Lesser friends you have kills one sooner. Not right to prevent you from having friends. Controlling too much. My friend got away from that kind of treatment. Enjoy the elegant event. Party!!! according to him he's not gay but a lesbian before he even meet me his mother and father had a serious talk with him (they told me) about his gender preference they say if in case he's gay they will accept and love him just the same when i met him i asked him the same thing he said he's not and i thought okay maybe he just a refined version of a gentleman which was a refreshing experience after the episode with my ex way into our first year we discovered few $exual inadequacies he went to counseling and for a while it works not really the way it supposed to be but again compare to the very high libido of my ex it is again a welcome change. if that is the only problem i could live with it i am that young anymore and i thought so be it but the longer i stay with him the more vital flaws i discover and keep unearthing till the problems hit fundamental grounds and become un-live-able there i start voicing out my feelings and thoughts which are treated repeatedly with could shoulder and outright indifference then the real troubles begun i cannot shut up anymore i want explanations so before i leave i am sure i have real reasons not imagined i want to end this union with a clear conscience. only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/21/2010 5:25 am |
your one of the story of unhappy rich people... poor rich people... hope you can get out in this sad life in a good way...happy x mas... if we could remain friends afterwards then it would be better for all concerned but the rate this event is going i doubt if we still can he simply refuses to cooperate enjoy your holiday with your love ones only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/21/2010 7:13 am |
Bwahahahahaa!  okay na sana, dinagdagan mo pa ng favorite lines ni, YL..)) Just call me ELZ
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12/21/2010 7:14 am |
Ohhhh! that's my fave color... Just call me ELZ
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12/21/2010 7:17 am |
hope your shoulder is very strong elz for this bawler has a lot of issues thanks for the thoughts anyway and happy holiday Just call me ELZ
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12/21/2010 8:27 am |
how i wish there is an express way/fast lane to ending a marriage but sadly it seldom if never happened btw can a goldie quote smiley if she left a message at least so i can see her? only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/21/2010 10:20 am |
hummm...well...aaahhh...eeerrrr... do what yah gotta do bebs dahling its nice to be single so hurry up then i'll organize a single ladies party will meet there elz will come and jo and jane and whoever else? isn't that interesting? hmmmm i guess i am not smart and daring as you guys okay hahabol ako 2011 i will overhaul my life completely no one will recognize it promise(s)  are made to be brokenonly dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/21/2010 10:21 am |
Bwahahahahaa! okay na sana, dinagdagan mo pa ng favorite lines ni, YL..)) she's back to being invisible seems she cannot get rid of her super power only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/21/2010 10:24 am |
Ohhhh! that's my fave color... the code is b & w i am thinking where to put the white is undies counted or what? or wearing one is paseé  only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/21/2010 10:24 am |
My left shoulder is the one that had surgery (had the rotator cuff fixed) but the right one is strong and sturdy...Will do! only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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12/21/2010 12:44 pm |
darling i long have given up happy ending i know it's not for me if i could see this through decently then it's good enough for me you on the other hand are pretty smart for staying single only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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