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| Blogs > Bebong2010 > MY OWN PRIVATE IDAHO |
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Too exhilarating Too exciting Too tempting... At 18:15 I stepped out of the car and went inside, the weed is nowhere to be seen (so far so good) normally whenever I arrived home I will find her sitting on the foot of the stairs in the hallway waiting. Okay, I can understand that she’s lonely (so do i) that she’s alone (so do i) if I’m working, that we live a practically isolated life, but that’s me and she knows it. I thrive in solitude (she is very social and always looking for contact; in the supermarket, in the sauna, in the street, everywhere!) For god’s sake, I want to be on my own after a day’s work; to unwind, to rest, to think, to be myself. If I find her there waiting for me, I feel guilty. I feel responsible. I feel trapped! I went directly upstairs and that was a mistake. I saw the computer and before I know I was answering comments. And when I looked up… it was 20:00! And I was planning to take a long walk! What now? After weighing and deliberating and looking at the position of the sun from my bedroom window I decided to give it a shot anyway, telling to myself while studying the map, well… it’s 11km to where I have to start I can be there in 15 minutes? And if its really starting to get dark, I can cut the walk by the river by about 2 miles, that will give me another 10-20 minutes allowance, and if I have to, I can always follow the highway/big road for the remaining stretch of the walk. I grabbed my rucksack stuffed the pancakes leftover from this morning in, add a small bottle of water and off I go. Some people listen to music while walking/jogging, I don’t. I need all my senses especially if I’m alone. I have to be alert. I don’t need any distraction. Instead, I keep an eye on the sun. I find it’s sinking very rapidly on the horizon. I know that the weather around late august-early September is treacherous. One time the sun is high on the sky but before you know it its gone; goes dark faster, almost in a blink of an eye. I look at the map and realized that most of the paths I have to tread have no lights, no houses nearby and woods either on one or either sides. Fck! I did it again! How many times I promised to myself never to hike in the night. But every time I made it home in one piece, I know I will do it again. Too exhilarating. Too exciting. Too tempting. It went so fast. From seeing 100 meters before to I cannot even make out my shoe laces, dmn it! Can’t use my flash light. Afraid to attract attention to myself, I used my cell phone to make out the sign I was following. The moon was no help either. So pale, so egg shaped, and so shy hiding behind nimbus clouds. As long as it’s not going to rain… I can see (if I try) in the map that I have to pass a castle if at least I’m going on the right direction. But where is the castle in all this darkness? After scrutinizing the landscape, I can barely make out a silhouette of a turret somewhere. Okay walk to that direction. After a time I found myself on a very small muddy path between a river (to my right) and a wasteland? (maybe it only looks that way because of the dark) there is some kind of fencing on the left which I was afraid to touch (for guidance) thinking it was loaded with electric current. Suddenly there was movement not far away! Very heavy! Very fast! I draw my diving knife from its sheath and waited. Nothing! I walk backwards facing the direction of the sound, relying on my reflex and instinct. Still nothing. I can see that the castle is very near if I can make a dash for it… then what? I did anyway. Approaching the castle via an avenue of giant corns, I saw that there were lights scattered here and there around the perimeter of the place; for the rest darkness. Reminds me of Disneyland. A spooky Disneyland. I can now clearly see that I was walking straight to the gate. What if that gate suddenly opens the moment I’m there? What about of the corn? Remember that? I told my brain to shut up. The place is magnificent even in the darkness. And the more you walk the winding path, the more it comes to focus. Slowly I walked backwards and as if in slow motion, the castle unfolded its magnificent beauty. Tall, dark, and solitaire. No tress or plants to obscure the view. Just the building sitting on an island of soft rolling baby hills covered in green luscious grasses. Simply breathtaking. Simply magical. After the castle, I was plunged in total darkness once more. From a very far distance I can see the lighted tower of the church where I had parked my car. Okay. But how to get there? I don’t see any path anywhere? Then I realized I have to go through the woods first, then I will probably emerge in the village where the church is. Probably. I thought to myself okay, how about cutting through this surrounding wasteland to reach the big road. Good idea. But highway is dangerous. There are people there with cars. One could drag your petite old beauty in the vehicle and the rest it’s up for you to imagine. Besides, how could you know that that big road will lead to the church where your safety is? Okay the woods it is. Walking alone in the dark with your knife drawn, scared that someone maybe is there waiting for you (even how could he knows you would pass by at that precise moment?) and in the back of your twisted mind wishing, hoping that it will be true, so you can practice what you learn, wanting to know how it is to have the taste of your first killing if necessary, how it is to sink the sharp blade into the flesh wounding intently… the feeling is almost orgasmic. I reached my car without any accident.(Pity!)Driving home, I was thinking; in all that I have experienced a moment ago, still I can’t resist to take pictures of the moon. Now let’s wait and see if it works because my flash is broken.  only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide |
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8/28/2010 4:23 pm |
this is a pretty long blog lets see who is going to REALLY read it only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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8/28/2010 8:04 pm |
it was a long blog  love is the greatest gift of all 
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8/28/2010 8:09 pm |
some people like to jog at night for its cooler and no sun... but for me i like day time... like today i bring the kids for hiking and just enjoy the nice weather we have for today... love is the greatest gift of all
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8/29/2010 1:00 am |
Like you i was waiting for some action in the dark. lol not that i would wish something terrible on you or the poor creature who made a mistake of making you a target  i was looking at the moon last night, it was really pretty. i dont really read long blogs but this is Too exhilarating Too exciting Too tempting... it does what it sez on the tin. 
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8/29/2010 1:06 am |
did you say you took a photo of the moon? i cant see it. just a errrr flower faced bebz wearing a floaty flowery dress and brown boots leaning on a merc. darn!! why didnt i took a photo of the moon last night as well. it looked so big and bright and beautiful! i was so concern about locking the gate which i forgot to do before it got dark.next neighbor is about a mile away. we live in the middle of no where and with just me and 2 little brats i feel a bit nervous leaving doors and gates open at night.
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8/29/2010 1:16 am |
it was a long blog only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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8/29/2010 1:17 am |
some people like to jog at night for its cooler and no sun... but for me i like day time... like today i bring the kids for hiking and just enjoy the nice weather we have for today... are they still kids? teenagers? or like mine, young adults only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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8/29/2010 1:21 am |
i can't always carry an extra luggage/bag(g)age about the shovel...if i can figure out how to fit it in my backpack... only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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8/29/2010 2:25 am |
Like you i was waiting for some action in the dark. lol not that i would wish something terrible on you or the poor creature who made a mistake of making you a target i was looking at the moon last night, it was really pretty. i dont really read long blogs but this is Too exhilarating Too exciting Too tempting... it does what it sez on the tin. nimbus clouds were all over the place last night i can barely glimpse the shadow of the moon behind the clouds once and a while it peeped shyly then disappear again thanks for reading my long blog all my blogs tend to be lengthy only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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8/29/2010 2:27 am |
did you say you took a photo of the moon? i cant see it. just a errrr flower faced bebz wearing a floaty flowery dress and brown boots leaning on a merc. darn!! why didnt i took a photo of the moon last night as well. it looked so big and bright and beautiful! i was so concern about locking the gate which i forgot to do before it got dark.next neighbor is about a mile away. we live in the middle of no where and with just me and 2 little brats i feel a bit nervous leaving doors and gates open at night. it didn't blurry dark more blurry dark dark dark only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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8/29/2010 2:31 am |
you are btw absolutely right to take precaution always we never wish for bad things especially when there is little ones concerned but you never know so by all means lock/bolt/secure the place particularly when R isn't home i envy you the moon last night i wish i were that lucky only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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8/29/2010 2:58 am |
btw when is your bday? and did you see the movie The strangers with Liv Tyler? if you didn't i highly recommend it not because it's a real gem of a film just you might...google it you will know what i mean only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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8/29/2010 5:16 am |
btw when is your bday? and did you see the movie The strangers with Liv Tyler? if you didn't i highly recommend it not because it's a real gem of a film just you might...google it you will know what i mean  i think it was on valentine's day where i tried to 'kidnap' some guy who i mistook to be R on my way out of the toilet- oh the humiliation!  why do they make the hallways leading to the toilets so dimly lit! anyhoo, i will try and check that movie out. i have always been a big fan of liv tyler AND his dad steven of aerosmith. and plus, i think she is one of the sexiest in hollywood. did you see those lips?? okay okay, nuff said.
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I envy you for having kept all those feelings and thoughts u had during the event, so that u can blog them describing each little incedence as a live show in front of our eyes! I know u r gifted in so many ways, but u have a strong memory too!
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then why would u want to do such an adventure in the first place if u so scary during the darkness or that place is isolated and not safe?
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it is new to me that u carry a knife! i never done that in my life!
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what bothered me here! u desribed the moon as an egg! (in shape) usually people compare things to the moon, not the moon to other things, unless "she" is someone that I would love her in an extra ordinary way! 
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it is almost 20:30 now! am going out to hit real life for some hours, and will be back to this blog when only you, me and the moon are awake!
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8/29/2010 11:52 am |
my birthday is not till the middle of the month. sheesh, cant remember when is the last time i been to the cinema. i think it was on valentine's day where i tried to 'kidnap' some guy who i mistook to be R on my way out of the toilet- oh the humiliation! why do they make the hallways leading to the toilets so dimly lit! anyhoo, i will try and check that movie out. i have always been a big fan of liv tyler AND his dad steven of aerosmith. and plus, i think she is one of the sexiest in hollywood. did you see those lips?? okay okay, nuff said. i first saw Liv in Lord of the rings envy her a bit for viggo( Aragorn) mortensen an actor, poet, musician, photographer and painter haaayyyzzzz  only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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8/29/2010 11:53 am |
that's another thing i love about you you don't shy away from creepy only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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8/29/2010 11:55 am |
i never could imagine that you are a one track minded guy but then again, you are man(?) what could i expect only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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8/29/2010 11:59 am |
I envy you for having kept all those feelings and thoughts u had during the event, so that u can blog them describing each little incedence as a live show in front of our eyes! I know u r gifted in so many ways, but u have a strong memory too! trying to hold unto those key words i needed to put them on writing then reciting them as a mantra all the way kept me from freaking out and losing my nerves i do that all the time only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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8/29/2010 12:03 pm |
then why would u want to do such an adventure in the first place if u so scary during the darkness or that place is isolated and not safe? keeps the adrenalin flowing going over the limit to confront my ego to see how far i could jump to see if i have what it takes only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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8/29/2010 12:06 pm |
it is new to me that u carry a knife! i never done that in my life! only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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8/29/2010 12:09 pm |
what bothered me here! u desribed the moon as an egg! (in shape) usually people compare things to the moon, not the moon to other things, unless "she" is someone that I would love her in an extra ordinary way!  only dead fish go with the flow ~ JolieLaide
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