Idealistic Love Is For Dreamers Only....
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 I remember a popular kiddie TV show a million years ago; the show was hosted by Bill Cosby and one episode showed him interviewing first graders "what they would like to be when they grow up?" and these are the common responses-- "When I grow up I wanna be a doctor"... "I want to be a fireman"... "I want world peace"..."I want to be a movie star". These are common ideals. Each and everyone of us have this ring of expressions and dreams called "ideals". The general purpose of an ideal is the motivating influence that reinforces why we do what we do. It is like a North Star that guides us in the dark of night-allowing us to focus upon the direction toward which we wish to be headed. However these ideals change as we grow older. These ideals become "goals" that are more realistic and attainable. It is the same way when it comes to love. Everybody has their own choice of person whom they want to be with for the rest of their lives. Here at FFF the most common responses under "Your Ideal Person" are -- trustworthy, honest, responsible, open-minded, loving, caring, thoughtful, generous... and the list could just go on and on. As if it isn't enough, some even have addendum -- "he/she should love movies, sports, gardening, 50's/60's'70's music... etc.. etc...'. Now I would be lying if I said I don't have an ideal partner in mind but c'mon do we really expect to find all these traits in one person?. It could only be true in the movie "The Stepford Wives". LOL The common error in relationship arises when we create fantasies in our heads and when our partner doesn't quite live up from our romantic expectation, we say "Nope this isn't going to work", and move on. I was guilty of this when I was much much younger. The moment I see a piece of the puzzle that won't fit in my Book of Ideals, I head for the nearest exit. By the way, my Book of Ideals are mainly my mom's ideals which I eventually chuck out the window as soon as I realized there is half the truth about the saying "Moms know best". ha ha.. I don't think it takes an expert in relationship to figure out that in reality there is no "ideal" partner. We are different in all aspects of life. We have different attitudes, opinions and feelings. So what if he doesn't dig my type of music or is a CSI buff like me. The fact that it could be a disappointment that he doesn't share my interests but then it is of very less significance. A hobby is a hobby not a value. We have to focus on bigger issues like a person's set of values, life goals and that kinda stuff. Life is about choices not ideals. We choose who we want to be with. We choose what we need. To sum it up, all we need is one person who is ideal for us and vice versa. There's a big difference between real and ideal love. Real love as opposed to ideal love is loving (and accepting) a person in "as-is-where-is basis"-- warts, wrinkles, cellulite, nose hair, and all with a no-return-no-exchange lifetime warranty. Easier said than done I know but who said life was easy? Let alone love? On the other hand, I understand why some people create "ideals". It could probably that some create these ideals as a result of a bad or past experience. I understand the feeling of not wanting to go through the same ordeal all over again and the need to have someone totally different from our previous partners. But then idealistic love limits our prospect of meeting that "one person". I have seen idealistic people who end up jumping from one relationship to another and another and another and still find no contentment. Really bites -->no one is going to be ideal. Perhaps instead of trying to change your partner into your "ideal partner in mind", couples should focus all that energy on working to have an "ideal relationship". Just an idea. So if you think there is an ideal partner for you out there, I hate to break it to you hun but he/she'd probably be in Saturn! Just my opinion. What`s yours?
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11/2/2009 1:58 pm |
LOVE is a natural feeling that we can't teach our heart who to love...some people try to love a person for financially needs...each one of us are different...but for me i go what my heart says...
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11/2/2009 12:55 pm |
hi there Telyn... well, i have been there, done that too... especially when I was younger... I think thats how we start, which isnt bad actually, but sometimes, IDEALS in searching for a partner in life, doesnt really happen that much.. Good that it happens to some people though. My take on this is - - When meeting someone, try to get to know a lot about the person and what his character is...and focus on the good qualities that person has. If for you, his good side outweighs his quirks, then lucky for you..  Its all about meeting halfway, even in how and what we try to look for, in someone to be with...that's being real, at least to me it is.     
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 11/2/2009 12:03 pm |
no i am not on idealism. i am on pragmatism. i call my conveyance of love as practical love. practical means that the relationship is always workable and constantly a work in progress. but the foundation is solid because we both know pretty much our own expectations and we both can deliver. i can never love anyone unless its a practical love.
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11/2/2009 11:33 am |
Many of us start as idealistic dreamers until our bubbles are bursts by reality. Experience will teach us hopefully in the long run what true love really means. Even experience itself and love aren't enough to make a relationship last. Some will never really grasp the meaning of true love and some will not learn from mistakes either.   
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11/2/2009 7:57 am |
there's really nothing wrong with being a dreamer..dreams are there to inspire us to be the best we can be humanly possible...same thing in love..ideal love(your dreamboat) inspires you to be the best person(emotionally, physically, intellectually, financially) you can be within reason so you can measure up with your ideal mate and in so-doing you actually set yourself up to meet the person of your dream(at least close enough...hehehe..heyyy..at least better than thye one you found under the rock ) JUZ LET IT RIP...
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11/2/2009 7:01 am |
who never likes...REAL love??? ...everybody does when love is real...u accept all the flaws that goes with it, no matter what ...while if u opt for an ideal one, u might as well buy a robot  u can't change a person  ..and u cannot command him/her to change for u  ...u have to change for them and for the relationship to really work out...REAL love is sacrificing...but of kors, not to the extent that ur gonna be abused and be a doormat ...it's give and take...and must be fair and square alrighty?  i'm like a bird!
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11/2/2009 5:57 am |
Good morning sis venus!!! Well, in my marriage settled for reality. Accepted his looks(???), and fell in love with how hard he works and all his creativity out of nothing. What i couldn't accept was his torment and brutality. So, fell in love with a gentleman totally different except he loved all the women in the world. After making all this kind of mistake i'm thru choosing. Leaving it all up to God... Have a great week!!!
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