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The Top 10 Seks Myths
1. Men want seks more than women do. FALSE. Women's hormones make them feel like having a lot of seks during certain times of the month, rather than all of the time. And, because they tend to attach more emotions to seks than men do, they aren't going to beg him for action if he's been giving them attitude.
2. If you're a truly great lover, you should know how to please anyone. FALSE. It's extremely likely that someone who knows a lot about seks and has had lots of practice is going to be better in bed than an inexperienced virgin. Technically, that is. However, if you're crazy about said inexperienced lover (physically or emotionally)–oh, and if he has a double-jointed tongue–it might be the best seks you've ever had. “Good seks” has as much do to with perception and the brain as technique and the seks organs.
3. African-American men have bigger organs. TRUE. Okay, this one's a bit out of left field, but fascinating nonetheless because, guess what: It's true! African-American guys are bigger, and their organs are thicker, too. One study of Asian, Caucasian and African-American men came up with the following stats: Asian men were smallest, averaging 4-5.5 inches, Caucasians came next with 6 inches, and the organs of African-American men are reportedly 6.5-8 inches long.
4. Happy couples have good seks most of the time. FALSE. Right, and my neighbor's buying me a private jet for my birthday. Show me a couple that's having out-of-control, raging, lusty seks every night after years of sharing the same bed, and I'll show you a pig that can fly. Toss this one out of the window immediately! Life and all its pressures get in the way for all of us. Does it mean your friend is lying if she claims to have fabulous seks after five years of marriage and two kids? Maybe. Or maybe she thinks you have a great seks life and doesn't want to admit she doesn't. Or maybe her definition of great seks is different than yours. Or maybe she really does have terrific seks… once a month. It's all subjective.
5. If you have to plan seks, and it isn't spontaneous, something's wrong. FALSE. Heaven help your partner if you believe this one. Desire might well tap you on the shoulder in the early stages of a relationship, but the hormones that fuel the tapping disappear after about 18 months. Well, if you're lucky actually; plenty of couples find desire lowers dramatically after about nine months. But don't panic. It doesn't mean you'll never fancy each other again; it just means that you need to keep reminding your body and brain how much you enjoy seks. Spontaneous seks is usually good seks. But planning a seks session–anticipating it, looking forward to it–this makes for pretty good seks as well.
6. Men are more promiscuous than women. The real truth is, this one is probably TRUE, but by much less than you think. When polled about their seks lives, men overestimate while women underestimate, due to societal pressures. It's also totally dependent on how attractive the people in question are. An attractive, seksually liberated woman is likely to have had more partners than a not-so-fab-looking guy around the same age, for instance. It's called opportunity.
7. If they had an affair, they don't love me. FALSE. If your partner cheats, it doesn't necessarily mean s/he doesn't love you. It does, however, mean s/he doesn't respect you if you'd agreed to be monogamous.
8. Women don't like p*rn or dirty seks. FALSE. Take a look at all the emails I get from women asking where to buy good female erotica, and you'll see how silly this myth is. And the reverse applies as well: Not all women want rose petals scattered across the bed and romantic massages, rather than raunchy, lusty, wicked romps. Every woman is different, but bottom line? Anyone who thinks men are the only ones conjuring up lurid, graphic fantasies about other passengers on the subway is deluded.
9. Most women org*sm through intercourse. FALSE. I'm not going to harp on about this one because anyone who's ever read any of my other articles practically has it written on their forehead in felt tip marker pen that only 30% of women org*sm from penetration alone. But it is worth repeating. Most women need stimulation of the clit*ris by a hand or a vibrator during intercourse in order to climax. It's not anyone's fault that the male organ isn't enough; it's a design fault in the female body. The clit*ris is outside the vag*na, rather than inside it (not terribly helpful of whoever has the female body patent, I agree). True, some women claim to have fabulous org*sms through front vag*nal wall stimulation. But the good old-fashioned clit*ral org*sm is far more common and reliable.
10. Men are always ready for and want seks. FALSE. If you're talking a 17-year-old who's just landed his first girlfriend, you're probably right. It's likely he will walk, talk, daydream and want to have seks every waking second (and when he's asleep as well). But once a man hits his mid-20s (and often before that), other parts of his life start to become equally as important as seks, and all that energy and focus is needed elsewhere. Real life dampens a lot of men's seks drives more efficiently than a bucket of water poured over a solitary lit match. Work, stress, pressure, bills, arguments… they all stop him (and you!) from feeling like seks all day, every day. He's not like your vibrator; you can't just plug him in and expect him to perform on cue. (Actually, that's why we own vibrators.) There is a man attached to that organ.
Don't miss out on any fun! Who are you having a fantasy about?
by Tracey Cox