Blog : She doesn

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3/13/2008 3:26 am

She doesn

She doesn’t want me.

Since she’s been with me her life has stopped. She doesn’t talk to me anymore. I feel down, my heart buried under tons of rocks. I dig it up finding the courage to try again and better. So she might just like it. But I guess I’m only fooling myself. She proves me wrong time after time. How could I consider her truly when I do not give her what she likes? I don’t know.

Why I’m writing this and reading a book on relationships? “Desperate measures.” She says she has changed her life completely for me and gave up her for me. I didn’t give up anything. I’m what I was before I knew her and she feels I only do things because she tells me to (even then I don’t do them right.

Now I just want to have a good nice easy life with her enjoying the small and big things. Not too many worries. The problem is that I’m the source of most of her troubles and worrying. When we go out I lose the way. I cannot keep a decent conversation. I’m making a mess out of the kitchen when using it. I cannot cook. And a whole bunch of other things… I can’t understand her, cannot teach her any new things.

Enough about me.

Smart, witty, and intelligent. Intelligent, because of her broad knowledge of mostly everything. Smart because she’s clever taking most efficient approach to life. Sexy, so much it’s overflowing. Emotionally intelligent. easily understanding people and looking through their soul evaluating their personality in seconds. Very caring and understanding, helping anyone in great ways. Honest and incredibly open. Perfectionist. An artist with a sixth sense for anything. Creative, lively… Almost anything one could think of. Simply perfect.

I Love her. I’m not man enough for her. Usually whatever I do ends up in terrible mistakes hurting her. I feel so stressed being around her. Often I become defensive to her comments though they really apply and I don’t seem to learn how to improve.

Usually talking to myself I sit here again having no clue what to do. Like expecting this writing would secretly provide me with suggestions how to improve.

I should have known better… Than to hurt you over and over again. Yet I don’t know.

If I could only reach you, if I could make you smile…

Time is not important, Life is.

Life is what’s out there happening while writing this.

I’m just a boy;

I’m terrified by any form of human emotions.

Cannot take initiative.

I’m selfish and self-centred. I run here because I don’t know what to say to her.

What to do to break down this emotional wall I built around me?

How to satisfy her emotionally, psychologically, physically?

What could we do this weekend?

~ I will always be a Maverick

smiley1957 66F

3/13/2008 8:25 am

play hide and seek

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