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I AM CONFUSED... PLS HELP ME I have a fiancée for more than a year now. The first and second time of his visit was so fine cos we have instant accommodation, we dnt bother so much for food cos we only go out to eat wen were hungry. I prepare his warm bath, towels, clothes ready, at night I massage his body or feet… cure his mosquito bites… I really take care of him like a baby- pampering so to speak. We live separately to my mum house so we have privacy. Time came, we bought house and lot somewhere in negros. But with so much reconstructions to do to make It comfortable for my fiancée. On his 3rd visit, the renovation of the house still on going… I get busy, less time with him, so much troubles I encounter in our property that we bought. I have a cousin which I trusted so much, 19 yrs old. she almost grew up in my hands, I do love her more than I love my own sister. I ask her to come to the house everyday so she can help me cos me and my fiancée promise to her to help her so she can study teacher or nursing this coming june. My fiancée was looking for my best time for him like I did in manila, I still have time for him but not like before cos I am very tired. I still wipe him with warm water with alcohol at night, make coffee or bfast or dinner or everything, we dance, we sing, we go out together, we try to make a baby, I make him bfast in bed. Wen he had a back or spine problem and scheduled for MRI in chunghua hostpital in cebu- I really got my worst migraine I ever had-but I still priorities him, I am so worried of him, I try to get up in bed just to sent him to the hospital ect. Ect. I showed to him that his life is more important than mine, this shows I do really love him- cos iif not, I let him go alone to the huge hospital in cebu and be cheated with some taxi drivers… Our problem started wen I ask him wen is my bday after he held a bday gift for my cousin. He was so excited to buy that bday gift for her, but he 4got my bday- come to think of it. I was so upset and my crazy jealousy started on that day. i was so very jealous- CRAZY JEALOUS...I had a feeling that he is inlove to my cousin cos he is happy wen shes around and he likes to sing wen she is around-that’s wat I noticed. He likes taking picture of her which he didn’t done it to me, i feel so upset but I still try to take care of him and love him. he cant show love to me or affections anymore , he become so moody also, bcos for me he is not inlove to me anymore. We always fight or argue for some pity things… he give my cousin a note while I was sleeping in living room that he is angry to me and he doesn’t love me anymore and that he cant help falling inlove to my cousin. My cousin hide his to me also and found out later wen my fiancée open to me. On the day he leave. We bougth smart sim card and I let him took my other mobile so I can text him cheaply. Wen he is still at the airport and I go back to the hotel, i was so sad cos I will be alone again and I do missed him inspite of our problems. I text him many times telling him I do miss him but he doesn’t say I miss u too wen he text me 2X, cos he was so busy texting my ungrateful cousin. Below are his txt to my cousin. 1. DET SI GEOFF. MIZ U SOOO MUCH. DNT SAVE MY NO. IN UR CP CHEL WILL KNW I MSG U. 2. CHEL DNT LIKE ME TO CONTACT U, SHE DELETE UR PIC WITH ME ALREADY. 3. OO DET. JEALOUS SYA. SHE KNO I LIKE TO BE WITH U SO DNT TELL HER I MSG U PLS. 4. IF SHE KNO I MSG U MAYBE SHE WILL BURN MY HOUSE SO SHHHH. DET I BOARD NA I MUST OFF MY CP. INGAT. 5. HOY GWAPA. I JUST FINISH 9HRS FLIGHT. I JUST THINK OF U ALL THE TIME. I REALY MIZZ LOOKIN IN URB EYES. 6. HOY CRAZY NO WAY IM EVER HAPPY WALA KA. COME HERE PLZ DET. IM IN QATAR. 7. I LOOK 4 A PIC OF U IN CP BU WALA, SO SAD NA, MAYBE I CANT MSG SO MANY TIMES IF MAHAL PUD. 8. I WISH I HAD UR PIC HRE, DNT 4GET TO ERASE MY SMS 2U AN MY NUMBER. JUST WRITE ON A PAPER AND KEP IT IN (BALAY) HOUSE. 9. HERE I DRAW? NO I CAN DRAW BEAUTIFUL LIKE U DET, UR PERFECT FOR ME U KNW ALREADY. I WILL MSG U AT NIGHT SO I KNW CHEL NOT WTH U. 10. OO I GIVE U SO U RMEMBER WHO I REALLY LUV. I HOPE U REMEMBER WAT I WRIE THERE. 11. DET IM SHY TO ASK BUT I HAVE TO KNW, IF I SPLIT WITH CHEL LATER WLL U LUV ME ENUFF TO MARRY ME?OR IM 2 OLD FOR U NA? 12. JUST TELL PAPA I WILL BE HOME 5:30 AM SABADO MAYBE NOT TEL HIM I MSG U OR CHEL FIND OUT. 13. NO DET. I SHUD SPLIT COZ WE NOT HAPI TOGETHER U SEE IT CIONI KNWS IT 2. SORI DET DNT WORRY I CANT HELP FALLING 4U. IF U CANT LUV ME ILL JUST STAY SAD FOREVER. 14. HEY THIS MY LAST MSG I WORI I USE ALL MY LOAD. JUST DNTT WORRY ABT ANYTHIING LETS C WAT HAPPENS. I 15. HEHE U MIZZ ME BUT U DNT WANT TO MARRY ME? HMMM THEN I WILL MARRY WRONG PERSON 4ME, NO PERFECT LIKE U. HAVE A NIZ DAY. MSG ME ANYTIME. 16. NO DET. DNT THIINK ILL BE THERE SOON, I DNT GO SO FAR JUST TO SEE RICHEL. SHE NOT THE ONE I WANT TO SHARE MY LIFE. NOT SWEET LKE U R. 17. DET I USED ALL MY LOAD SORI I CANT REPLY IN MY MOBILE BUT U CAN MSG ME THERE. 18. ON THE TRAIN WOW I REALLY MIZ U, ITS OK IM HOME NOW SAFE. HOPE UR OK THERE, PLS MSGS ME ANYTIME UR FREE. 19. NO KAPE FOR ME THANX DET, I JUST NEED U HEHE, I REMEMBER ON THE TRAIN’ WHY I LIKE SING KAHIT ISANG SAGLIT CS UR NAME IS DER AND I ALWAYS THINK OF U WEN 20. I SING UR NAME. HEY U MAKE ME CRAZY NA, I THINK OF U ALL DAY NA SINCE I LEAVE U BUT I HAVE UR PIC TO SEE HERE. I split with him, but his begging for one more chance… we have to properties already. Now he is going back here in Philippines for me to make up those chances b4 that we lost. But im not sure if we cud be happy then cos I still remember of what he did ---the cheating… I focuse my life already for him. Never look a any guy with desire like he did cos for me he is my husband already we live together we dream of having a which we tried so hard to have --- but we cant. But for him I am simply his GF. My foreign friends says, he do it this now, he can still do it this again to me which scared me to try again this chances he is asking for, so please … help me guys what shud I do? Im so tired looking for someone who cud love me faithfully but I always failed!!! My life is already set and focused to him. But I am so scared that he will cheat me again. Please help me what shud u do. ????????? 
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3/8/2008 2:13 am |
Very sorry to hear this sis, sorry I've never been in this situation and I wouldn't know exactly what to do. My gut instinct would tell me to do something else and focus on my time but I wouldn't advice this for someone else because it's not easy and you've so much feelings so much for him still lingering.  Start with asking key questions and answering them such as: How much do you trust him and your cousin? Can you forgive them? Would you still love, accept and try hard to understand someone who has lied to you? Hayzzz buhay. Good luck and both wishes. I can only offer a shoulder to cry on, hugs and someone to talk with. Take Good Care,     within each one of us, and let it begin with me (and each one of us)..one breath at a time.
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3/8/2008 3:53 am |
Would you prefer to be in an unhappy relationship with him or walk away ? Because, to be totally realistic, those are your choices. It really depends upon what you are willing to settle for in life.
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are those properties in both your names? what are your real intentions in accepting him back (if you do)even after he made you a fool? if it is only the security of finances you want from him now then let me be blunt -- take what you can & get out.. let him have your cousin( its obvious she seduced him )they deserve each other & one day they will both get what they deserve.. btw, what is the opinion of your parents or family?
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DUMP HIM!
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Its your decision in the end. Just be realistic. If your properties are in your name then take it. You had paid it with your time, self and love. You have the choice. Choose the best option.
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get rid of him real quick and move on to your life!!!
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Give another chance...it might work this time...perhaps he now realised kung sino mahal nya at importante sa buhay nya...But, kung still nakita mong ginagamit ka lang nya uli dahil sa mga property na nabili nyo together.... ha ha ha... leave him... yun lang habol nun..
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3/10/2008 12:04 am |
Very sorry to hear this sis, sorry I've never been in this situation and I wouldn't know exactly what to do. My gut instinct would tell me to do something else and focus on my time but I wouldn't advice this for someone else because it's not easy and you've so much feelings so much for him still lingering. Start with asking key questions and answering them such as: How much do you trust him and your cousin? Can you forgive them? Would you still love, accept and try hard to understand someone who has lied to you? Hayzzz buhay. Good luck and both wishes. I can only offer a shoulder to cry on, hugs and someone to talk with. Take Good Care, I TRUST MY FIANCEE ALSO BUT HE GIVE ME A REASON NOT TO GIVE ALL MY TRUST TO HIM COS AS I OBSERVE TO HIM... HE FELL IN LOVE SO QUICKLY TO A WOMAN... BUT HE DOESNT FLIRT DIRECTALY TO THAT WOMAN... AND ITS REALLY.. REALLY... PAINFUL ... I LOVE HIM.. SO IM GOING TO GIVE MY LOVE FOR HIM ANOTHER ONE MORE CHANCE...
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3/10/2008 12:09 am |
Hmmmmm... MAYBE HE IS NOT USING ME COS I HAVE NOTHING TO GIVE TO HIM TO USE ME ... WHAT I HAVE IS MY SINCERE LOVE AND FAITHFULNESS TO HIM... MAYBE HE IS NOT JUST READY FOR LIFETIME COMITMENTS... AND I REALLY WANT TO MOVE ON... BUT I HAVE TO GIVE MY LOVE FOR HIM ANOTHER CHANCE.. IF HE CHANGE.. THEN GOOD... IF NOT... THEN.. HMMM THERES ALOT OF HANDSOME GUYS OUTHERE TOO... LOL...
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3/10/2008 12:11 am |
Would you prefer to be in an unhappy relationship with him or walk away ? Because, to be totally realistic, those are your choices. It really depends upon what you are willing to settle for in life.
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3/10/2008 12:22 am |
HE IS NOT A PIG.. HE IS HUMAN, LOL. I ALREADY KICK MY COUSIN OUT OF MY RESPECTIVE HOUSE AND I GIVE HER THE BEST SLAP IN THIS WORLD...
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3/10/2008 12:29 am |
are those properties in both your names? what are your real intentions in accepting him back (if you do)even after he made you a fool? if it is only the security of finances you want from him now then let me be blunt -- take what you can & get out.. let him have your cousin( its obvious she seduced him )they deserve each other & one day they will both get what they deserve.. btw, what is the opinion of your parents or family?BUT IF HE WILL MAKE ME FOOL AGAIN... IM NOT GOING TO ACCEPT HIM ANYMORE... I HOPE HE WILL NOT..!!!
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3/10/2008 12:39 am |
YA.. UR RIGHT.. AND THOSE PROPERTIES ARE IN MY GODAMN NAME, LOL.. HEHEE YES IT IS IN MY NAME... I REALLY LOVE HIM...THATS WHY I ACCEPT HIM AGAIN.. BUT THIS IS THE FIRST AND LAST CHANCE FOR BOTH OF US... IF WE CANT FIX THIS... WE HAVE TO MOVE ON WITH OUR LIVES... AND FIND HAPPINESS.... COS WE BOTH DESERVE IT... WHICH EVERYONE DESERVES....
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3/10/2008 12:43 am |
DUMP HIM!
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3/10/2008 1:59 am |
Give another chance...it might work this time...perhaps he now realised kung sino mahal nya at importante sa buhay nya...But, kung still nakita mong ginagamit ka lang nya uli dahil sa mga property na nabili nyo together.... ha ha ha... leave him... yun lang habol nun.. HINDI NYA AKO PWEDING GAMITIN JUST BCOS HE HAS PROPERTIES TO ME COS I ALREADY TOLD HIM IF HE WANT TO LEAVE ME AND FIND ANOTHER WOMAN THEN HE CAN NOT TAKE HIS PROPERTIES....
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3/13/2008 10:39 am |
I admire you for your dedication, your faithfulness, your love. While real love is forgiving, it should also be fair, and consistent to both parties - that's to your partner and to yourself. How we serve the people we love, what we do is actually a choice of the individual. Why we always want to serve them, make sure it's something that we can consistently do. Otherwise, when situation changes and we are unable to keep doing it, it adds to the emotional stress by virtue of guilt or sense of obligation. This stress affects the relationship as well. While it is such a selfless act to sacrifice yourself to serve your partner, the act of sacrifial aggression is never required in a relationship. Forgiving is divine. No one else can make that decision for you but yourself. However, since he already violated your trust, stricter "rules" or "norms" must be dicsussed, implemented, and followed. He cannot impose on you that you trust him again. Don't let him do that. While you trusted him before just because you love him, this time, he needs to earn it. The property is not even an issue. Since you are not married, the property is not conjugal and it belongs to whose name appears on the title. It is irrelevant who ever is really paying for it. So go ahead, take him back, forgive him. But be more vigilant. Respect yourself some more. Remember that while you have to serve him, he MUST serve you, too.
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3/18/2008 9:34 pm |
I admire you for your dedication, your faithfulness, your love. While real love is forgiving, it should also be fair, and consistent to both parties - that's to your partner and to yourself. How we serve the people we love, what we do is actually a choice of the individual. Why we always want to serve them, make sure it's something that we can consistently do. Otherwise, when situation changes and we are unable to keep doing it, it adds to the emotional stress by virtue of guilt or sense of obligation. This stress affects the relationship as well. While it is such a selfless act to sacrifice yourself to serve your partner, the act of sacrifial aggression is never required in a relationship. Forgiving is divine. No one else can make that decision for you but yourself. However, since he already violated your trust, stricter "rules" or "norms" must be dicsussed, implemented, and followed. He cannot impose on you that you trust him again. Don't let him do that. While you trusted him before just because you love him, this time, he needs to earn it. The property is not even an issue. Since you are not married, the property is not conjugal and it belongs to whose name appears on the title. It is irrelevant who ever is really paying for it. So go ahead, take him back, forgive him. But be more vigilant. Respect yourself some more. Remember that while you have to serve him, he MUST serve you, too. GOD BLESS YOU!!!
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3/18/2008 9:37 pm |
OHHH.... WELL IF I DO THAT... HE WILL KEEP ON DOING THIS TO OTHER WOMAN... HE MUST LEARN FROM HIS MISTAKES.... COS I HAVE LEARNED FROM IT TOO... THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR COMMENT....
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