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| Blogs > bebong2005 > MY OWN PRIVATE IDAHO |
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Like a drone walking down the street Your mind under pressure, you begin to crack The crack grows, and consumes your track Don’t hold back Fall through, land on your a$$ Take note of the darkness around you Pick yourself up, continue walking forward The dark turns to light soon ~ Jolielaide 
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'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'. #  Rock Bottom I feel like I'm walking a tight rope, without a circus net I'm popping percocets, I'm a nervous wreck I deserve respect; but I work a sweat for this worthless check Bout to burst this tech, at somebody to reverse this debt Minimum wage got my adrenaline caged Full of venom and rage.... I pray that God answers, maybe I'll ask nicer Watching ballers while they flossing in their pathfinders These overnight stars becoming autograph signers We all long to blow up and leave the past behind us Along with the small fry's and average half pinters While player haters turn b*tch like they have vagin*s Cause we see them dollar signs and let the cash blind us Money will brainwash you and leave your a>s mindless Snakes slither in the grass spineless That's Rock Bottom When this life makes you mad enough to k*ll That's Rock Bottom When you want something bad enough to steal That's Rock Bottom When you feel you have had it up to here Cause you mad enough to scream but you sad enough to tear My life is full of empty promises And broken dreams I'm hoping things will look up But there ain't no job openings I feel discouraged hungry and malnourished Living in this house with no furnace, unfurnished And I'm sick of working dead end jobs with lame pay And I'm tired of being hired and fired the same day But f*ck it, if you know the rules to the game play Cause when we die we know were all going the same way It's cool to be player, but it s>cks to be the fan When all you need is bucks to be the man Plus a luxury sedan Too comfortable and roomy in a six They threw me in the mix With all these gloomy lunatics Walk around depressed And smoke a pound of ses a day And yesterday went by so quick it seems like it was just today My daughter wants to throw the ball but I'm too stressed to play Live half my life and throw the rest away There's people that love me and people that hate me But it's the evil that made me this backstabbing, deceitful, and shady I want the Money, the women, the fortune, and the fame That Means I'll end up burning in hell scorching in flames That means I'm stealing your checkbook and forging your name Lifetime bliss for eternal torture and pain Right now I feel like just hit the rock bottom I got problems now everybody on my blocks got 'em I'm screaming like those two cops when 2pac shot 'em Holding two glocks, I hope your doors got new locks on 'em My daughter's feet ain't got no shoes or sock's on 'em And them rings you wearing look like they got a few rocks on 'em And while you flaunting them I could be taking them to shops to pawn them I got a couple of rings and a brand new watch you want 'em? Cause I never went gold of one song I'm running up on someone's lawns with guns drawn  by Em.When the promise of life sprung forward. When I was left without a chance to speak. Just stuck in the wonder of this all. Everything hit Rock bottom. Invisible to the sense that this was why I was here. Determined not to show the pain melting inside. Fighting for the strength to show, I will always be strong. Yet there is just one step I've forgotten to show myself. The step that always, hits the bottom. Trembling with the efforts. Efforts to force myself through. Peeling myself from the floor, s l o w l y. Conquered by the lesson of guilt. Which could never be mine. Struggling always to the point of breaking. Knowing, that within time.... I'll see myself there. ~ Jolielaide
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And what is this life? Why for some, so easy...but for others, for me, a strife? I wish only for i don't know. But I feel no help from anywhere. Is it customary for everything to go wrong? Or lose your identity so you don't belong? What a lonely, lonely life I say. I used to love life, but now life's making me pay. We musn't forget the golde rule: Do not for once be happy, because it won't last. But oh how I just want to forget my past. ~ Jolielaide
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hey, nice of you to join people here who is trying to cheer me up ~ Jolielaide
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Don't rely on anyone but yourself, or be drowned in the fog ~ Jolielaide
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I used to feel like I was falling Like it'd never stop Deeper and deeper into the pits Then, suddenly, I found myself hitting the ground I had reached the bottom The only way to go... up... I had hit rock bottom All of the death, despair, fighting It'd kept me falling Till I couldn't fall anymore Now I'm climbing up Building up brick walls Stopping things from bothering me Nothing will bother me again I won't hit rock bottom again I can't allow that to happen to myself No more I'm done I've hit rock bottom Now I'm getting myself out The top is so high But it's slowly getting closer More and more, day by day Soon I'll be out I'll be free... trying to be optimistic have to make it my new mantra ~ Jolielaide
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So this is what it’s like to hit rock bottom I must admit, it’s not what I expected to find What happened to the days when smiles were endless? And when I could live a life based on ridiculous lies. Aren’t you charmed by my forged emotions? Inside my soul is empty and cold It’s easier to be no one then someone who is miserable I lurk in the shadows where the nameless belong. The memories are painful, the ones where I thought life was good It’s sick how manipulation and cruelty played me like a fool And how I hurt others, and all the people I tore down With that in mind why do I wonder why I’m not wanted around? I’m hidden from the world; you’ll never know what’s deep inside You’ll never see all the isolation and angst I always feel I keep it all locked within me; I’m running once again only to hide My future is like one big past that I could never conceal. All the scars and bitter remarks they slowly mask the ache The remains of what it was like to bleed brings warped smiles to my face Each time you thought I was serious when saying I was okay Well that was your biggest mistake. What am I supposed to do when my dreams and memories become confused? I’m weird, disturbed and out of touch and I think it’s all my fault Where and who should I reach to when I’m falling into the abyss? This life is just an endless board game I was born to lose. another heart warming poetry from the bottom of my rock i mean heart ~ Jolielaide
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Its funny how life works out. How feelings are sometimes riddled with our lies And i know without a doubt That i will never find out with what i truely hide These notitions are something i cling to Letters that i distort and fling through The burn marks that are etched into my soul With tattered visions from no self control Depsite my intellegance, i suck at life I dont know what else to say Crying in my bed tonight I'm just constantly sinking lower and lower And what ever way i look, i'm turning gdamn emo ~ Jolielaide
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you have to earned every each one of them  ~ Jolielaide
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noted  capice!  you will be the one ~ Jolielaide
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well, baby im sinking like a rock through the bottom, and i wish i could stop and oh, how i like to tell you how, but theres nothing we can do about it now  ~ Jolielaide
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what is the third? ~ Jolielaide
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oh, i know hang myself ha ha ~ Jolielaide
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if you're a guy and you say this to me i will be suspicious but since you're a girl and a dmn one sexy also then i can safely say ... too ~ Jolielaide
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as deep as the bottom of a bottomless pit threatening as a wrath of zeus from mouth olympus (in short don't know what i'm saying like always) ~ Jolielaide
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been meaning to ask or you're not planning to save but to watch ~ Jolielaide
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You must learn to fall gracefully down the bleached staircase . So I had. So had I also learned to ice my first face, to preserve my second face with a strap and measure. A vodka tonic toned my innermost muscle. A sinew belt lisped lithe lithe in the most wee hour. I left that world, trailing the rope-worn melody. Home is where you hang, where you hang, where you hang your hat. ~ Jolielaide
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you can always try to smile or tickles me tsoko but i must say i have no tickles anywhere but at the ends of my hair ~ Jolielaide
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i was born a pessimist a melancholic choleric can't find any joy in anything i never known happiness i take momentarily pleasure from ___ but happiness___ the little i known of it is always threaded with pain ~ Jolielaide
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i'm haunted in my waking hours i find wrong in about almost everything i am perfectionist of the highest order coupled with being bipolar and obsessive compulsive character ~ Jolielaide
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when i started writing blogs i never expect anybody would read my senseless ramblings never meant to get so much responses i thought i could disappear and remain anonymously unknown i under estimated the power of written words sometimes i want to take a break from myself too be someone else for a day see how it feels ~ Jolielaide
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been doing that for years all i get is sore muscles and funny stares ~ Jolielaide
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got to go back to my renovation projects i feel guilty if i wasted even a day ~ Jolielaide
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Who said this paint won’t last forever? ~ Jolielaide
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finding joy in small things is what i live for and i'm good at it in fact i'm only finding joy in small things like laying on the grass peeping in between how's life in there walking barefooted feeling peebles under my feet the softness of the grass and the tickles of water climbing on top of a waterfalls just to look at things in another prospective diving from there to have a feeling closest to flying and to practice in case ~ Jolielaide
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